More stories

  • in

    No-fault divorce has arrived

    As we welcome the arrival of no-fault divorce in England and Wales, Stowe Senior Partner Julian Hawkhead reflects on what this family law reform means for divorcing couples and how it impacts the role of family lawyers.
    “It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine” sang the US band R.E.M back in the late ‘80s, capturing a sentiment felt by many family lawyers this week as no-fault divorce is introduced.
    The advent of no-fault divorce is the biggest change to impact marital or civil partnership breakdown in decades. The Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act 2020, after years of campaigning by various stakeholders in and around the world of family law, brings about the removal of blame or the requirement to live separately for at least two years as reasons for divorce.
    The new changes take effect from 6th April 2022 and it is hoped will bring about a paradigm shift in the way separating couples approach the process of divorce.
    Does taking the blame out of divorce mean the end of family lawyers?
    Not at all. For many years family lawyers have recognised that the reasons given for a couple separating have had little, if any, material impact on the future plans and arrangements that need to be made following on from their divorce. That one spouse or civil partner behaved in such a way that the other party could no longer be reasonably expected to live with them would not itself be a factor in separating financial resources or making arrangements for the children. A barrister I worked with for many years would often tell me that the family court is not a court of morals.
    Turning the focus to the future
    As a family lawyer for over 20 years, I have seen many clients who have focused so much on their past that it created a distraction and shifted focus away from resolving the important issues that needed to be addressed. When anchored to the past, separating couples can often find themselves unable to move forwards, either emotionally or practically, and yet the court’s have expressed a lack of interest either through irrelevancy or simply a lack of time to do so.
    Mr Justice Coleridge in a judgement published back in 2002, sought to discourage parties from undertaking a general “rummage through the attic of their marriage to discover relics from the past” in order to assert a greater level of contribution to the marriage than the other party. The same could be said for any individual who has had to harvest a list of reasons why they believed the marriage broke down as if to satisfy a judge’s morbid curiosity when reviewing the divorce petition. Save that the judge had no such curiosity, but was instead simply performing an out of date statutory duty to check that sufficient boxes had been ticked to enable a divorce to proceed.
    However, from 6th April the requirement to rely on behaviour or a period of separation to justify divorce ends and is replaced with a single assertion that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. It is not an assertion that can be contested by the other person and the reasons for disputing a divorce are limited to questions relating to the validity of the marriage or jurisdiction.
    A simpler divorce process
    The divorce process has also been simplified, removing rather archaic language such as “decree nisi” and replacing it with a simpler more functional description of “conditional order”.
    It needs to be said that this simplification of the legal process is not making it easier to get a divorce. There is and never has been such a thing as a “quickie divorce”, a phrase often used by the media and much maligned by people working in family law. The new process will take at least 6 months to conclude with a waiting period of 20 weeks from the date of issuing the divorce application before the applicant, or with the new law, both parties as joint applicants, can apply for the conditional order.
    This 20 week period is designed to give the couple time to pause and reflect on their marriage and to also focus on addressing the practical arrangements that need to be made such as agreeing arrangements for the children and making progress towards a financial settlement. Parties will be actively encouraged to reach agreement wherever possible, using mediation and other forms of out of court dispute options where possible.
    The role of family lawyers
    Interestingly, when Stowe Family Law conducted a survey a couple of months ago it showed that the majority of people when asked about no-fault divorce were unaware of the imminent changes. A significant number still believed that bad behaviour during the marriage was and should be a factor that would influence the outcome of other issues in the divorce. A divorce process which removes any element of blame or causation to the act of ending your marriage may be difficult for some people, but it is a responsibility that rests on the shoulders of family lawyers and all those who attend to the needs of people going through relationship breakdowns to keep their attention and focus fixed firmly on looking forwards rather than looking backwards.
    Whilst no-fault divorce will not remove the pain that people feel when their marriages or civil partnerships end, it will hopefully help them get through the legal process of separation with less emotional impact and help prepare them for the next chapter of their lives.
    Get in touch
    For more information on no-fault divorce please do get in touch with our Client Care Team using the details below or make an online enquiry More

  • in

    Why am I so angry?

    Luisa Williams, CEO & Founder of My Family Psychologist, joins us to share insights on anger responses and how to recognise when recurring anger may be caused by more persistent underlying problems.
    Why am I so angry?
    Life is full of twists and turns. Its challenges sometimes force us to change direction or adjust to a new reality which includes dealing with difficult emotions. If we don’t get the job we want, we might feel disappointed. If our relationship ends, we might experience pain and sadness.
    Anger is an emotion some of us experience frequently. It can be triggered by being disrespected or treated unfairly. It might be triggered by unexpected situations that interrupt our goals. Or, it can be a response to stress. Imagine you’re late for work and stuck in traffic. This would make anyone at least slightly annoyed at a given moment. When anger is a response to an unpleasant situation, it likely comes and goes quite quickly without causing further issues.
    While anger might seem like a straightforward emotion that’s an interpretation of whatever is going on in your life, it often implies there’s something else hidden underneath the surface. If you find yourself dealing with anger on a daily basis, your anger is likely a part of a bigger problem.
    Unhealthy responses to anger
    While anger is often a natural response, it can easily escalate and turn into an emotional outburst or even aggression. When our anger is triggered by the words or actions of other people, we might struggle to feel understood and take out our frustration on others to avoid being hurt more. Unhealthy anger can take on many forms:
    Passive aggression
    Have you ever given someone a silent treatment because they made you angry instead of trying to talk things through? Have you ever pretended everything was fine when you were upset about something your loved one did? Passive aggression is a strategy that helps us avoid confrontation but only adds to the problem. While we might choose not to fully engage with anger to avoid being vulnerable, suppressed anger doesn’t go away and can turn abusive. When you act in a passive-aggressive way, you place your needs and pride above other people’s feelings. Your refusal to communicate increases frustration on both sides and makes you feel even more hostile.
    Open aggression
    Just like passive aggression, open aggression is a harmful way of expressing anger but it’s directly aimed at other people. It’s a way of confronting someone while disregarding their feelings. Examples include shouting, throwing things, sarcasm or violence. Releasing anger might feel powerful. It might make you feel in control while serving as protection that shields you from further getting hurt. But in reality, it puts a barrier between you and your loved one and hurts both of you.
    Turning anger inwards
    Anger is often intense and might be triggered by the way we feel towards ourselves. When someone lets us down, we might blame ourselves for trusting them and having high expectations or believing we were good enough. If anger is mixed with the feeling of guilt and shame it might be used as a form of punishment. For example, you might self-inflict an injury to deal with overwhelming emotions.
    If you tend to deal with anger using the strategies above, you may struggle with self-control and expressing emotions in a healthy way. Anger aimed at yourself decreases your self-esteem. Anger aimed at other people shows disregard for their feelings and needs. It might make communication difficult. It might escalate and lead to undesired behaviours. It doesn’t only strain relationships with other people but can cause a range of health issues such as headaches, hypertension, insomnia, anxiety and digestion problems. Additionally, when we feel angry our body releases cortisol (the stress hormone) that increases our heart rate and blood pressure, triggering a ‘fight or flight’ response. This causes inflammation and stress.
    Anger and mental disorders
    Anger can be connected to many other emotions like guilt, shame, anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed and irritability. It might be also related to underlying mental health issues some of which are described below.
    Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)
    IED is marked by explosive outbursts that occur suddenly and often not in proportion to the situation. These might include verbal aggression, shouting, getting into fights, threatening, or assaulting others or property damage. The episodes are often marked by increased energy, racing thoughts, tingling, tremors, palpitations, or chest tightness. The cause of IED is unknown but the risk factors can be a history of abuse or having another mental disorder that is characterized by disruptive behaviours.
    ADHD
    Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition which symptoms include inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsive behaviour. People with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation which makes it difficult for them to manage emotions and keep their intensity appropriate to the situation. The main risk factors for developing ADHD can be genetics, low level of activity in the brain parts responsible for attention and activity or prenatal exposure to alcohol or nicotine.
    Personality disorders such as BPD
    Borderline Personality Disorder is another disorder associated with emotional dysregulation. Individuals with BPD struggle to manage intense emotions which often seem an inappropriate response to a situation. Explosive anger experienced by someone with BPD is one of the diagnostic criteria and might be accompanied by shouting, aggression and even self-harm. The main cause of the disorder is a history of trauma or exposure to distress as a child.
    Conduct disorder
    Conduct Disorder is a pattern of antisocial behaviours in children that might involve property destruction, theft, deceptiveness, animal cruelty and aggression towards people. Children and teenagers with conduct disorder misbehave frequently and find it difficult to manage emotions. The possible causes include defects or injuries to certain brain areas linked to regulating emotions and behaviours, genetics, and a dysfunctional family environment.
    If you feel like your anger is impossible to manage and takes over your life, we recommend seeking professional help.
    Contact My Family Psychologist for a confidential chat. More

  • in

    Domestic abuse survivors to protest this weekend

    Westminster has been a hive of protest recently. Whether another protest, due this Saturday, will be noticed amongst all the others, I don’t know. Still, that isn’t deterring a group of domestic abuse survivors, who are campaigning to change the way domestic abuse is treated in the family court. The Court Said Specifically, the protest, […] More