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  • By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
    Every parent of teens knows how difficult it can be to get through to them, but it doesn’t have to be this way. There are many things parents can do – and a couple of things they shouldn’t do – to get their teens to listen. Here’s what the experts suggest:
    Give Good Reasons
    Teens like to know that their parents are taking them seriously, so if you want them to listen, don’t just state your opinions or tell them what to do. “Tell them why those are the right opinions,” says Rachel Ehmke of the Child Mind Institute. Give good reasons for what you say, and for what you say they should do.
    Allow Time For Processing
    It can take days, even weeks, for teens to process the substance of a conversation, especially an important one. If your teens don’t understand what you say at first give them some time and space to reflect on the conversation before you bring it up again. “You might be surprised how your conversation evolves over time,” clinical psychologist Dr. Gregory Jantz says.  
    Rephrase Statements as Questions
    Teens will reflect more and better on what you’re telling them when you rephrase statements as questions instead of commands. “By asking questions,” says Josh Shipp, the author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, “you as a parent are getting your children to think critically on their own.” Try to ask questions that make your teens reflect on the causes and consequences of their actions.

    “Stop talking before your teen tunes out.”

    Keep It Short and Simple
    Keep it short and simple, says therapist Mendi Baron: “If you’re going on and on, your teen is thinking, ‘I got the point already, please STOP.’ So, stop talking before your teen tunes out.” This is difficult advice to follow. As parents, we like to unload whatever is on our minds but doing that can easily backfire.  
    Don’t Lose Your Temper
    Don’t lose your cool, even if your teens are rude or aren’t paying attention to what you’re saying. If you lose your temper, the conversation can escalate into a shouting match. Remember that you’re the adult and should be better able to control your emotions than your teens. Instead of losing your cool, Ms. Ehmke says, “count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding.”
    Don’t Lecture
    “If you lecture,” Mr. Shipp says, “your teen tunes you out. And when that happens, you become the boy who cried wolf. You could have the most pertinent information, but your teen won’t hear a thing you say.” Also, a lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.   

    A lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.

    Don’t Use Judgmental Language
    “No one likes to feel judged,” says professional counselor Trudy Griffin. “If you come off as critical or judgmental, your teen may shut down.” Try to say what you want to say in as neutral a way as possible. When you “remove judgmental phrases from dialogue with your teen,” Ms. Griffin adds, you’ll be surprised by how much more they’re willing to listen to you.”  
    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
    Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College. More

  • Applying for a mortgage is an exciting and stressful time. There’s the anticipation of buying a home or property, and the nerves about the application and approval processes. To make the mortgage application process smoother, here are 8 things to do before applying. 1. Check Your Credit ScoreYour credit score is one of, if not […] More

  • By Family Features | ContributorFor teenagers, retirement may seem like a lifetime away, but it’s never too early to start saving for the future. Because financial habits can be created at a young age, the sooner kids begin to save and learn about investing, the less likely they’ll face worries about money when they eventually stop working.Teens are already thinking about retirement, according to the Achievement Teens & Retirement Survey conducted by Wakefield Research on behalf of Junior Achievement and MissionSquare Retirement’s Foundation. Among young adults ages 13-18 surveyed, 83% have thought about their retirement and 78% believe they’ll be able to retire comfortably when the time comes. However, only 60% view retirement as living on investments and savings after leaving work, believing instead retirement could mean taking extended time off for travel, study, illness or taking care of family matters.“This research shows retirement is more top-of-mind for teens than one might think,” said Tim Greinert, president of Junior Achievement USA. “While young people have given retirement planning some thought, it’s apparent they still need information on the best way to go about it.”Because nearly half of U.S. households (46%) report having nothing saved for retirement, according to the Survey of Consumer Finances, taking steps early to save and invest can help teens get a head start on achieving a successful retirement.Start now. The sooner you start, the longer you have to save and for investments to grow. Even though contributions may be small during your teens and 20s, it can make a dramatic difference in the long run.Pay yourself first. Whether through a dedicated savings account or an employer’s retirement plan, set aside a set percentage of each paycheck. Then prioritize spending on what you truly need and want.Invest what you save. Unless you save a lot, you’ll need to make the most of your savings by investing them to help them increase in value. According to the survey, teens believed investing in stocks and bonds with the help of a financial advisor (45%) or researched online (38%), buying real estate or property (30%) and buying cryptocurrency or non-fungible tokens (15%) are among the best ways to save for retirement.Find the right balance between investment risk and potential return. The ideal mix is one most likely to help meet investment goals with a level of risk you can handle. The longer you have to invest, the more risk you can likely take.Spread savings across different types of investments. This helps you manage risk. As some investments go through rough stretches, others are likely to hold steady or grow.Stick with your investing plan. Avoid making decisions based on emotions or in an attempt to time the ups and downs of the market. Focus instead on meeting goals over time.“The fact that so many young adults in the early stages of their careers are aware of a variety of investment strategies is encouraging news,” said Deanna Santana, president, MissionSquare Foundation. “Over the course of our lifetimes, investment approaches, the economy and our priorities will change, so planning for life after work is an ongoing necessity – for teens and adults alike.”Find more advice to plan for the future and achieve economic success at ja.org and missionsq.org.Photo courtesy of Shutterstock More

  • By Jeff Anderson | Contributor Sometimes, people start a divorce by going to a lawyer, paying a retainer, and signing a contract to start with the divorce proceedings. Others may speak to an attorney and then go home to gather all the necessary documents to plan for the divorce. If you suspect that your spouse might be doing some planning, here are some signs to look for. […] More

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