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  • Few can argue the importance of perseverance in our lives. Determination to succeed, unwavering focus on a goal, and a steadfast commitment to forge on despite difficulties, failure, or opposition are worthy character traits. Yet there is a point where the needle goes too far, and you may find that sticking to the plan is […] More

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  • By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
    Every parent of teens knows how difficult it can be to get through to them, but it doesn’t have to be this way. There are many things parents can do – and a couple of things they shouldn’t do – to get their teens to listen. Here’s what the experts suggest:
    Give Good Reasons
    Teens like to know that their parents are taking them seriously, so if you want them to listen, don’t just state your opinions or tell them what to do. “Tell them why those are the right opinions,” says Rachel Ehmke of the Child Mind Institute. Give good reasons for what you say, and for what you say they should do.
    Allow Time For Processing
    It can take days, even weeks, for teens to process the substance of a conversation, especially an important one. If your teens don’t understand what you say at first give them some time and space to reflect on the conversation before you bring it up again. “You might be surprised how your conversation evolves over time,” clinical psychologist Dr. Gregory Jantz says.  
    Rephrase Statements as Questions
    Teens will reflect more and better on what you’re telling them when you rephrase statements as questions instead of commands. “By asking questions,” says Josh Shipp, the author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, “you as a parent are getting your children to think critically on their own.” Try to ask questions that make your teens reflect on the causes and consequences of their actions.

    “Stop talking before your teen tunes out.”

    Keep It Short and Simple
    Keep it short and simple, says therapist Mendi Baron: “If you’re going on and on, your teen is thinking, ‘I got the point already, please STOP.’ So, stop talking before your teen tunes out.” This is difficult advice to follow. As parents, we like to unload whatever is on our minds but doing that can easily backfire.  
    Don’t Lose Your Temper
    Don’t lose your cool, even if your teens are rude or aren’t paying attention to what you’re saying. If you lose your temper, the conversation can escalate into a shouting match. Remember that you’re the adult and should be better able to control your emotions than your teens. Instead of losing your cool, Ms. Ehmke says, “count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding.”
    Don’t Lecture
    “If you lecture,” Mr. Shipp says, “your teen tunes you out. And when that happens, you become the boy who cried wolf. You could have the most pertinent information, but your teen won’t hear a thing you say.” Also, a lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.   

    A lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.

    Don’t Use Judgmental Language
    “No one likes to feel judged,” says professional counselor Trudy Griffin. “If you come off as critical or judgmental, your teen may shut down.” Try to say what you want to say in as neutral a way as possible. When you “remove judgmental phrases from dialogue with your teen,” Ms. Griffin adds, you’ll be surprised by how much more they’re willing to listen to you.”  
    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
    Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College. More

  • As the 2019 State Fair of Texas comes to a close, it’s clear that this year was one to remember. For the 133rd year, the annual event brought people from all walks of life together – from iconic State Fair traditions to new innovative additions, fairgoers alike enjoyed their visit to the State Fair. As an annual […] More

Recipes

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  • It Pays to Give: 5 Ideas for Investing in the World Around You

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  • Getting Your Kids to Eat Their Veggies – And Why They’re Important

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  • A Surprise Brunch for Mom

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Children

  • in Children

    UK surrogacy law FAQs

    21 April 2022, 20:07

  • in Children

    A complete guide to no-fault divorce

    23 March 2022, 15:02

  • in Children

    Routes to single parenthood explained

    7 March 2022, 13:48

  • in Children

    The best books to help children understand divorce

    11 February 2022, 11:01

  • in Children

    Making arrangements for children during Christmas

    22 November 2021, 13:00

  • in Children

    5 Tips for Parallel Parenting

    18 November 2021, 11:29

  • in Children

    The adoption process

    18 October 2021, 08:00

  • in Children

    Surrogacy and second thoughts

    3 August 2021, 11:49

  • in Children

    Travelling abroad when your kids have a different surname

    21 July 2021, 15:50

Family Law

  • in Family Law

    No-fault divorce has arrived

    6 April 2022, 07:00

  • in Family Law

    No-fault divorce and financial settlements

    4 April 2022, 12:13

  • in Family Law

    Child Arrangements Orders – what you need to know

    31 March 2022, 08:31

  • in Family Law

    Five misconceptions of no-fault divorce 

    14 December 2021, 13:02

  • in Family Law

    Four misconceptions of no-fault divorce 

    14 December 2021, 13:02

  • in Family Law

    Keith Nelson Talks Courtroom Frustrations in Divorce Cases with D Magazine

    1 December 2021, 14:11

  • in Family Law

    Who can adopt?

    22 October 2021, 14:01

  • in Family Law

    Step-parent adoption: Insight from a family lawyer

    20 October 2021, 15:12

  • in Family Law

    How to prepare for meeting your divorce lawyer

    28 September 2021, 09:54

Relationships

  • The impact of the menopause on relationships

  • 4 Types Of Toxic Relationship & Their Warning Signs

  • How to better connect with other people

  • Why am I so angry?

  • 5 tips for Father’s Day without the kids

  • Attachment trauma: Why can’t I have real love?

  • Time to talk: Communicating with your partner

Parenting

  • How To Be An Autism Advocate

  • List Of Essential Baby Clothes For Hospital

  • Scared of The Dark [How To Solve This Common Problem]

  • How To Encourage Imaginative Play

  • How To Increase Breast Milk Naturally At Home

  • Breaking Barriers In Honor of International Women’s Day

  • Parent Chat Videos: Online Parenting Classes For Elevated Results

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