Evelyn Reynolds

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    in Parenting

    Sight Word Practice Ideas For Beginning Readers

    If you are unfamiliar with the concept of sight words, they are words that beginning readers learn to memorize to help them build reading confidence.  In Tennessee, where I live, there are 40 kindergarten sight words that kindergarteners need to master.  A sight word is a word whose spelling is not always straightforward and memorizing sight words helps beginning readers get past that reading hump. Here are some entertaining sight word practice ideas to get your little ones confident with the sight words so that they will foster a love of reading.
    5 Fun Sight Word Practice Ideas:
    My son and I played a fun sight word game the other night that I thought I would share with you.  He wanted to play Tic-Tac-Toe which I find kind of boring so I substituted his sight words and it was more fun for both of us.  I hope you enjoy these kindergarten sight word learning ideas!
    (This post was orginally published in November 2012, but I thought I would republish it to share it with more beginning readers.)
    You can get printable sight words list from This Reading Mama. They will be great to work through and check off the words your child learns through the sight word practice ideas below. Then you can both see how much progress you child is making!
    Sight Word Tic-Tac-Toe Game

    I drew the Tic-Tac-Toe board and filled it in with random sight words.  Then I got to pick the square and he had to read the word.  If he got the word correct, we put a big “O” around it and if he got the word wrong, we put a big “X” over it.  He had to get three “O”s in a row to win and I guess I could have won if I had managed to get three “X”s in a row but I never did.  Trust me, you won’t mind losing when you are so proud of your child’s reading!  He wanted to play this over and over and each time you can use different sight words!
    Other Sight Word Practice Ideas:
    Flyswatter Sight Word Game-
    Place index cards that have the sight words written on them on the floor.  Call out a word and have your child slap that word with the flyswatter.  Kids love an excuse to swat!
    Hopscotch Sight Word Game-
    Draw a hopscotch layout outdoors in sidewalk chalk.  Then have your child fill it in with sight words and say them as he or she hops through the hopscotch!
    Silly Story Sight Word Game-
    Take turns creating silly sentences that include sight words and telling a story at the same time.  Good for laughs as well as using the words!  Have you child write or read the sight words you both use in each sentence.

    Sight Words Memory Game-
    Have your child write 10 sight words that they are struggling with onto index cards. Then have them do it a second time for the same words. Now comes the fun part- they will have 20 cards to play a memory game with. They will have learned a lot while preparing the game and playing it with you will make it fun and I bet they learn those sight words in time with this fun game.
    Sight Word Learning Tips
    Sight words can be intimidating to your child at first so make sure you showing them a lot of love and encouragement. If your child feels you are cheering them on, they will want to practice more and get more right. If your child feels like you are disappointed and frustrated, they will likely not want to learn at all because they will fear failure.
    Try feedback like, “You missed that one but I bet you get it right next time. You just need a little practice.” Or as my grandmother always said with an encouraging smile, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.”
    My kids love having a book read to them. If yours do to, ask them to point out sight words as you read! This should be all about having fun reading and being read to. “Patience is a virtue”, my grandmother always said. Don’t worry, have faith and have fun and the skills will come to them when the time is right. What are some of your favorite sight word practice ideas?
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    in Parenting

    Creative Reward Ideas For Kids

    Just as adults like to be rewarded for a job well done, children should be rewarded as well. Despite the fact that many children take an active interest in learning and getting high marks on their own, positive reinforcement is essential to maintain this interest over long periods of time. One aspect of parenting is providing this leadership and motivation through an effective reward system. Still, many parents feel concerned about just giving their children money as a reward for good behavior or grades. Fortunately, there are several creative ways of rewarding children for good grades without handing over cash. Here are 10 creative reward ideas for kids that are small, cheap, and fun!
    10 Fun Rewards For Kids

    1. Verbal Acknowledgement
    Never discount the strength of saying a few kind words. Saying, “Great job on your hard work,” giving a hug, or throwing up a hand for a high five are all great ways to encourage your child’s strengths. Your child should never doubt how capable he or she is, especially when it comes to how you feel about his or her capabilities. In addition, you can hang up the report card or project on the refrigerator for others to see and comment on and so they know you are proud. These are small rewards for kids but ones that really count big time. We all like to feel appreciated.

    2. Create A Savings Account
    You might not want to hand money over to younger children, but you might consider putting it in a savings account that your child can watch grow. This practice will ensure your child has a good chunk of change saved by the time they graduate to buy a car, pay for college, or rent an apartment for a couple months. Ten dollars here and there really adds up over time!
    3. Special Time
    If you have several children, consider taking a day to spend a fun day with just the child you want to reward. Take a day trip just an hour away and do something fun. Go to the zoo or spend time at the beach. Quality time is one of the best reward ideas for kids because it deepens your bond and shows them you care.
    4. Later Bedtime or Extra Screen Time
    As children grow more responsible, many parents choose to increase the privileges they receive. You might increase the time your child gets to spend on the computer, playing video games or watching television by 15 or 30 minutes. You may want to grant an extra 30 minutes to older children before bedtime or a short curfew expansion. This is a great way to acknowledge that your child has been living up to responsibilities and expectations. On the flip side, your child should realize that privileges can be lost if they stop applying themselves to their studies or act irresponsibly.
    5. Books
    Books make a great reward for children who love to read. Rewarding good grades with a book encourages further education and they can take pride in owning the book. We normally go to the library for books. However, when they are doing well in school, we take a trip to the bookstore as a reward. The second hand book stores are incredibly reasonable so books make great small rewards for kids.

    6. Family Night
    If you have a planned family night, allow your child to choose the activity and menu for the night. Some fun ideas include a family game night, movie night, or miniature golf along with a pizza party and ice cream sundaes or s’mores. Celebrating with a family night allows the whole family to be involved in rewarding your child for their hard work. This is one of the fun rewards for kids that they will cherish.
    7. Dinner of Their Choice
    Whatever they decide to have for dinner, they get, no exceptions. If they only want to eat cake and ice cream, that’s fine. Kids find it enjoyable to break out of the ordinary, every day rules and do the unexpected. Let them have fun with it for one meal. Having cake for dinner one night won’t ruin them and will remind them how special they are. It is a cheap reward for kids that they are sure to love.
    8. Give Them a Special Hobby Gift
    This has the opportunity to be one of the most meaningful reward ideas for kids. Is there something your child has been wanting or wish they had more of? Acknowledge their hard work with a special gift. Art supplies or other hobby/craft supplies they enjoy will not only reward them but also inspire their creativity. Furthermore, knowing that they’ll get something they really want if they continue to do good, will keep them working hard.
    9. Give Them a Week Off
    What kid enjoys doing chores? None that I know of! Reward your child for their hard work by giving them a week off from doing any chores. Tell your child that they don’t have to make their bed, pick up their clothes, or any of the other chores they’re usually assigned. Let them off the hook and give them a week off from any extra work around the house. This just may be one of their favorite rewards for kids!
    10. Plan a Scavenger Hunt
    Reward your child with a special surprise or gift for their hard work, but make them work for it. Create a scavenger hunt where they have to solve puzzles and riddles to find their surprise. They’ll enjoy the search almost as much as the surprise itself.
    In addition, make sure you reward your child for even the small achievements like consistently doing their homework without you having to ask them to do so. You may find a reward chart with stickers motivates your child to continue working hard on a day-to-day basis. Kids naturally yearn for parental approval. Show them that you value hard work and education through your words and your actions. Which of these reward ideas for kids do you think your child will enjoy the most?
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    in Children

    What is a child arrangements order?

    A child arrangements order is a court order that sets out who has responsibility for the care of a child, including who they live with and how often they will see/ have contact with both parents. 
    Most commonly used in cases where the parents cannot reach an agreement on how to share the care of their children, the purpose of the order is to ensure that the child’s welfare is the first and foremost consideration. 
    Things to consider before applying for a child arrangements order
    Before you make an application for a child arrangements order, you should try to agree on the arrangements with the other party.
    You can consider preparing a parenting plan; a written statement that both parents sign up to establish the ground rules of shared parenting. 
    Mediation can also assist parents in reaching an agreement about arrangements for their children.
    If an agreement cannot be reached, then it will be necessary to issue an application for a child arrangements order. 
    What is a child arrangements order? What does it mean?
    A child arrangements order is a court order that sets out who is responsible for the care of a child. 
    It is usually used in cases when the parents cannot agree on how to split care of their children. 
    What conditions can a child arrangements order specify?
    A child arrangements order can state: 

    Who the children live with

    Where they live

    When and how the children will see both parents

    For example, they may spend weeknights in the family home and weekends with their mother/father.
    It can also set out other types of contact such as through phone calls, video calls, cards and letters etc.
    Who can apply for a child arrangements order?
    The following people can apply for an order without prior permission from the court. 

    A parent, guardian or special guardian of the child

    A spouse or civil partner if the child is part of that family

    Someone with parental responsibility 

    Someone who already has a residence order for that child

    Someone who the child has lived with for more than three years

    Grandparents, who do not meet any of the criteria above, have to apply to the court for permission before applying for the order. 
    How do I apply for a child arrangements order?
    You will need to obtain a signed MIAM* form before you can make an application for a child arrangements order. * MIAM is the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.  This is a required step for anyone having a dispute regarding children unless certain exceptions apply such as domestic abuse.
    An application for a child arrangements order is made on a C100 form.  This sets out the details of the children and the parties involved.  You will be asked to state which orders you are seeking and why.
    You will also need to complete a C1A form if you are alleging harm and domestic violence.
    Once you have completed the C100 form, you will need to send it to the court in triplicate along with the court fee which is currently £215, unless you are eligible for a fee exemption.
    The application should be sent to the nearest court to where the children concerned in the application live.
    Once the court receives your application, it will set a date for everyone involved in the application to have a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA).
    The court will send a copy of the application to the other party, and they must complete an acknowledgement form and return it to the court to confirm that they have seen the papers.
    Understanding the court process to obtain a child arrangements order 
    How long does a child arrangements order last?
    Generally, a child arrangements order will expire when the child turns 18 years old unless otherwise stated. 
    How much does it cost?
    You will need to pay the current court fee of £215 unless you are eligible for a fee exemption and your solicitor’s fees. While you do not need a solicitor to apply for the order, it’s advisable to have professional legal advice from an experienced family lawyer as this area of law can be complicated. 
    What do the courts consider when granting a child arrangements order?
    First and foremost, the courts will consider what is in the best interests of the child using the welfare checklist, which considers the following:

    The wishes and feelings of the child concerned dependent on their age and level of understanding

    The child’s physical, emotional and educational needs

    The likely effect on the child if circumstances changed as a result of the court’s decision

    The child’s age, sex, background and any other characteristics which will be relevant to the court’s decision

    Any harm the child has suffered or may be at risk of suffering

    The capability of the child’s parents (or any other person the courts find relevant) at meeting the child’s needs

    The powers available to the court in the given proceedings

    Is a child arrangements order legally binding?
    Yes, this order is legally binding, and if a parent breaches it, they will be in contempt of court which could mean fines, enforcement orders, unpaid work in the community and even imprisonment (although this is extremely rare).
    How are child arrangements orders enforced?
    Unfortunately, these orders are not always complied with.
    If you are experiencing difficulties with a child arrangements order, try to discuss the breach (s) with the other parent in the hope that you can reach an agreement without having to return to court. Meditation can also help here. 
    If you have to return to court, an application for enforcement is made on a Form C79. 
    Enforcement proceedings must be dealt with without delay and if possible, listed before the judge that dealt with matters previously. A hearing will be listed within 20 working days of the application being issued.
    Read more about what happens when a parent breaks a court order. 
    Can I stop a child arrangements order?
    Circumstances change, and it is not uncommon that a child arrangements order no longer works for the child or the parents, particularly as children get older. 
    You can ask the court to vary an order; however, before making an application, it is advisable to look at other methods of negotiation. This could be negotiation via solicitors or mediation. In some cases, where there are older children involved, they too can attend mediation to tell the mediator what it is that they want. 
    If this not possible, you will need to complete a C100 application form and explain why you are asking the court to vary the current child arrangements order. 
    The court will only vary the order if they consider it to be in the best interests of the child to do so.
    However, where possible,  try and stay out of court as it is expensive, time-consuming and upsetting for the whole family.
    How can a lawyer help with a child arrangements order?
    Taking professional advice from a specialist family lawyer will ensure that you have someone on your side who knows the law and understands how the courts work. 
    A family lawyer will help you to understand the likely outcome of the order and help you to change or improve the outcome. 
    This is a complex area of the law and going to court is expensive. A family lawyer can help you to negotiate with your ex-partner and hopefully settle the case amicably. 
    Get in touch
    If you would like any advice on child law, you can find further articles here or please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist children lawyers here. 
    This article was originally published on an earlier date and has since been updated.  More

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    in Parenting

    Budgeting For Kids: Teaching Your Children To Budget

    As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children financial awareness. This includes showing them how to budget their money from an early age. Including them as a part of the family budgeting plans is a great thing, but it does not relate directly to them on their level. Therefore, helping your kids set up a budget of their own will teach them on a smaller scale what it is that you do every month with your finances.  If you child is old enough to have an allowance, they are old enough to learn budgeting for kids.
    Budgeting For Kids Provides A Firm Foundation 

    “Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold; for wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with it. I have good advice and sound wisdom; I have insight, I have strength.” ~ Proverbs 8:10, 11, 14

    Being money wise is very important to your child being able to get started on their own and make it in the world. Knowledge about money and how it works should be shared with them naturally as they grow and opportunities for discussion arise. Whether you are teaching them how to look at the price per ounce part of the stickers at the grocery store, or teaching them to save a portion of their earnings, learning these basic principles will help them immensely when they have to manage money on their own. A great place to start is by introducing a budget worksheet for kids.
    Teach Them To Use A Budget Worksheet For Kids
    There are many budget worksheet options out there that you can find to help you with the basics. Or just use a spreadsheet program on your computer. The left hand column can be for the days of the week and the columns that span the page across will be the categories like games, food, clothes, gifts, and savings. A budget worksheet for kids can be made to suit your child’s age and earnings.

    A budget worksheet for kids should include a place for what they earn, expenses, savings, and charity. Explain to them that they need to fill out their chart or do it together the first few times. Help your kids see how to disperse the money into the categories. If you incorporate a rule that 20% goes into savings and 10% to charity, those should come out first as well as any expenses. The rest can be divided into the fun areas and once they spend it, the money is gone. They will learn that they need to earn more.
    You can find 13 different budget worksheets for kids and pick what best matches your child’s age and monetary experience level at moneyprodigy.com
    Set Goals And Provide A Budget Project For Kids
    When you were younger, before the time of children and marriage, you dreamed of having a family and a home. These dreams became goals for you, things to accomplish and make your life richer in a more spiritual way. To be a realist though, money truly does make the world go ‘round. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable in your situation or provide your family with a home. In fact, it sets a great example for your children.
    Sit down with your kids and help them learn to set a short term goal (realistic) and a long term goal (big dream). It is great for kids to learn to work towards achieving their goals.  Have them draw a picture of the goal and hang it by the budget chart so they see it every day and remember why they are saving their money. The short term goal can be something as simple as buying a Matchbox car or saving for new clothes. The long term goal can be putting their money towards a car and/or college. Have them pick an actual dollar amount to work towards. Once they reach it, they can set the same goal again or another goal.
    Now that your child has some budgeting goals, give them a project! You should only use this budget project for kids if they are old enough. Also wait until they have become familiar with using the budget sheet. See if they can use their budget sheets to calculate how long it will take them on their current allowance or supplementing with additional earned income of blank dollars each month to reach their small goal and their large goal.

    Reward Your Child For Learning To Budget
    You can expect some hesitation, a little bit of resistance even. As your children begin to take initiative in budgeting, be sure to encourage them with a shopping trip to buy that item they had been saving for. Every new program needs to be tackled with a loving and supportive attitude. When the family steps up and applies the learnings, let them know how much you love and appreciate them back. Your reward comes much later in life when they are financially stable people!
    Being a parent is a true blessing, but one that does not come without its responsibilities. It will feel really good to know that by teaching budgeting for kids, you are helping to prepare them for a successful future.
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    20 Inspirational Parenting Quotes

    Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs you’ll ever have. It’s also the most rewarding. Watching your children grow, learn new skills, enjoy new discoveries, and develop their own personality is nothing short of a blessing. But sometimes, we all need a reminder of just how blessed we are! Here are some of my favorite inspirational parenting quotes to help you get back on the horse and try again!

    Inspirational Parenting Quotes To Help You Stay Positive
    As much as you love your child, there are those days. You know the ones. The days when your temper is short and your patience is low. When you feel like you’re failing and absolutely anyone else in the world is a better parent than you.
    When those days strike, take a deep breath and relax. All is not lost and it’s never as bad as you imagine. Every parent you’ve ever know, every parent through the history of the world, has had those days. You are not alone.
    If you’re having one of those off days today, don’t worry. I’ve got you covered with some inspirational parenting quotes. And if today is a good day, you may want to bookmark this page or print it and hang it where you can see it for some inspiration when a bad day does strike.
    As long as you love your child and show them that love in everything you do, you will be a successful parent. Even on the bad days. I hope these quotes help inspire you.

    Positive Quotes About Parenting
    “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” –Dr. Benjamin Spock
    “When you look at your life, the greatest happiness is family happiness.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
    “Don’t try to be perfect. Life isn’t; no one is. Use mistakes and mishaps as opportunities to grow tolerance and to teach. There is such a thing as happy accidents. And love, love, love, and listen, listen, listen.” – Teri Hatcher
    “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” – Ann Landers
    “In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.” – Author Unknown
    “There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.” – Sue Atkins
    “Our most important responsibility as parents is regulating our own emotions, which is essential for our children to learn to manage themselves.” – Dr. Laura Markham
    “Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.” – Bill Ayers
    “Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one.” – Glennon Melton
    “I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.” – C. JoyBell C.

    Parent Child Relationship Quotes
    “You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better.” – Pam Lee
    “My parents taught me I could be anything in the world I wanted to be.” – Joan Jett
    “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. DuBois
    “So often, children are punished for being human. Children are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes, yet we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect, and we must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.” – Rebecca Eanes
    “Never fear spoiling children by making them too happy. Happiness is the atmosphere in which all good affections grow.” – Thomas Bray

    Funny Parenting Quotes
    “I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.” – Jim Gaffigan
    “Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.” – A.A. Milne“You will never look back on life and think, ‘I spent too much time with my kids.’” – Author Unknown
    “Adolescence is perhaps nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.” – Karen Savage and Patricia Adams“In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul.” – Author Unknown
    Being a parent is the most important job we have. Afterall, we are shaping lives! But the beautiful part is that if we are trying our best, they will know and give us credit. Parenting is a job where we get to reap the love we sow. I hope you enjoy these inspirational parenting quotes. Feel free to pass the positivity on and share them on social media. Tag us with #familyfocusblog!
    Do you have a favorite quote that offers inspiration to parents?
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    Why Positive Discipline Techniques Are So Effective

    These days many parents are tuned in to the fact that some forms of discipline are heavy handed. Harsh discipline can actually thwart the development of the child by undermining their confidence and weakening the parent-child connection. However, parents also know that all children can – and do – misbehave from time-to-time and discipline is an important part of establishing consequences and boundaries. Choosing to use positive discipline technique for your child is so effective because it helps to establish cooperation without shaming.

    What is Positive Discipline?
    Dr. Jane Nelsen is the founder of the positive discipline techniques and published the book Positive Discipline in 1981. While these ideas were not entirely new, they were synthesized into a clear picture of how to raise a child through positive discipline that helped children to become more responsible, cooperative, and self-disciplined. Positive discipline works through clear communication and keeping the parent-child connection (rather than severing it through chastisement and isolation).
    The Positive Discipline Book:
    The Positive Discipline book goes into much greater detail and gives you many positive discipline techniques and examples to help you navigate parenthood from toddlers to teens. It teaches you how to:
    bridge communication gaps
    defuse power struggles
    avoid the dangers of praise
    enforce your message of love
    build on strengths, not weaknesses
    hold children accountable with their self-respect intact
    teach children not what to think but how to think
    win cooperation at home and at school
    meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior
    Why Positive Discipline Is Better
    Positive discipline is a form of training, as opposed to chastisement – which is more like a punishment. Effective discipline involves clear communication where appropriate behaviors and inappropriate behaviors are made clear as are consequences.
    Positive discipline techniques are better because they focus on encouragement and problem solving rather than on threats, fear of punishment, and/or shame. To me, positive discipline and harsh discipline may both of the same effect of the child behaving in your presence but one is much better. Positive discipline is the best because it is more effective in your absence and because it encourages self growth. Because the child is learning what is expected and learning to problem solve in order to avoid negative outcomes, they are naturally more able to do so without you. If they are learning the consequences of their actions without being shamed and feeling disconnected from the parent, they can learn their lesson without the compounded problem of feeling cut off from their parent.
    Generally, more traditional discipline comes after the horse has bolted and is corrective in nature. It can be confusing to the child if clear communication has not occurred to let them know what was expected or unacceptable. This means that it has the potential to damage self-esteem or undermine a child’s confidence.
    For example, when a child does something wrong and the standard response is go to your room, or a swat on the bottom, the child has been “disciplined” in a traditional sense. But has that child learned anything? They have probably learned that a certain behavior will merit this negative response but they probably haven’t learned why or what they could have done differently.
    Given that children tend to mimic adults, teaching kids this type of punitive reaction to things we don’t like can lead to problems. For example, if I were to smack and shout at my child when they did something wrong, I should not be surprised to find that my child may smack and shout at his friend when he perceives something he doesn’t like. All my child would be doing is repeating what I taught him.
    Using positive discipline techniques helps your child learn to use his or her reasoning and better judgement to avoid misbehavior rather than fear of punishment to avoid misbehavior.
    Positive Discipline Techniques

    Dr. Nelsen offers five criteria for positive discipline- kind and firm, belonging and significance, effective long term, teaches life skills, reinforcement of capability.
    Positive discipline techniques do not allow for permissiveness and still involve consequences. They are kind and firm. It is important to be respectful and encouraging even when you are firm in respecting yourself and delivering consequences teach teach the lesson.
    Children need to feel a sense of belonging and significance. Connection is a very important part of our motivation and children want to belong and feel important. Positive parenting techniques keep this in mind as well as teach valuable life skills such as respect and concern for others. They encourage cooperation and contribution.
    Ultimately, positive discipline techniques are empowering for a child because they invite the children to discover how capable they really are and to use their personal choices in positive ways. 
    Positive discipline techniques take into account that children will often reflect what we do and sometimes show us our own short-comings. We too can practice self improvement in being clear communicators and in looking ahead to avoid poor behavior.
    Another positive discipline technique is to look at the belief behind the behavior. Taking a look at why a poor behavior is happening can sometimes be as simple as the circumstances but for repetitive problems, there may be an underlying belief or misunderstanding that needs to addressed. Talking with children about why they are making their choices and helping them brainstorm and problem solve solutions can go along way towards preventing future problems.
    Real Life Positive Discipline Examples
    This portion of the post is contributed by Neil Fellowes whose mission is to help parents with their parenting techniques using everyday situations. He uses the authoritative parenting style to create less pressure and frustration. He finds that positive discipline is more effective making busy parents more peaceful and efficient. 
    You see, there many things we can do as a parent to pre-empt a child’s behaviour. One positive discipline technique is to put something in place that can stop the unnecessary or unwanted behaviour beforehand.
    For example, if a toddler is left alone in front of the DVD for a time with a drink and they, quite by chance, stand up by the TV and accidentally drip all their juice out of their toddler cup onto the DVD player and it fuses, it will likely infuriate you, but is it really their fault?
    The authoritative parenting style requires the parent to think ahead and work things out for a child. For example, I knew that my children would get on brilliantly for about 30 minutes when they are aged around 12 and 6 years old respectively. If I left them much longer than that they would get disruptive and fall out.
    I noticed a pattern, so I began to interrupt it. After about 20 or 25 minutes I’d go and check in on them, spend 5 to 10 minutes with them and then leave again. This way they spent longer together without annoying each other and falling out. Over time I began to increase the time by a few minutes here and there.  The outcome was a brilliantly creative time where they made animated movies together out of Lego with voice overs.  Because of this they made some memories and developed a closer bond than they would have if I had not predicted their behaviour and interrupted it.
    Yes, positive discipline may require a little more work up front to think things through, but compare that to not thinking things through and the energy it then takes to correct bad behaviour and the bad feeling that goes with that.
    Take a moment now and consider what do you chastise or discipline your child for the most. Think about what is happening just before you have to tell them off… think about what you can do to interrupt the behaviour before it starts.
    An example might be you are going on a trip to grandma’s house. The trip is an hour and usually the children are fine for the first 10 minutes, but then they start to act up, and you have to pull over or threaten them.
    Now use the positive discipline approach. What can you do at 10 minutes into the journey that interrupts the kids? Play a game of eye-spy? Sing a song together? What can you do 10 minutes later? Tell them 10 things you love about them? Have them tell each other what they love about each other?
    You might notice all my positive discipline examples above get the children interacting with each other and collaborating or cooperating.  And you might argue that you can’t do this in all situations.
    For example, what do you do when you are on the phone and you sense they are about to get troublesome? You could give them a rub on the head and pause from the call long enough to reassure them that although you are busy you are watching them. You could end the call if it’s unimportant! Alternatively, you could distract them with a treat of some sort.
    None of this is hard to do. It takes a little thought on your part, but that thought will save you a lot of trouble and frustration and negative energy. On the positive side, what are the long-term benefits you will enjoy as a family because you have stopped negative behaviour and encouraged collaboration and co-operation.
    Conclusion
    For me personally, I have always used positive discipline techniques. They came very naturally to me as my Grandmother always used logic and reason with me to help me chose the best course of action and regulate my own behavior. When more traditional disciplines methods were used on me, I felt very angry and resentful of those lording their power over me. I found in raising my own two children that positive discipline is so effective and it results in happier children and parents.
    There are so many different parenting styles.  What do you feel works when it comes to disciplining your child? Do you think you will try some of these positive discipline techniques?
    Related Posts:
    Understanding Children’s Behavior Problems And The Best Discipline Response
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    in Children

    How does conflict during separation and divorce affect children?

    The effect of conflict during separation and divorce on children 
    Luisa Williams, CEO & Founder from My Family Psychologist joins us on the blog with her advice on how does conflict during separation and divorce affect children? 
    Imagine that you are about to go on the world’s scariest rollercoaster ride. 
    You didn’t want to go on it at first, but you have been told by others that not going on this rollercoaster would be the wrong decision. 
    You have been arguing with your partner for the past six months about it and having a constant push and pull. 
    You have to decide whether this is a rollercoaster you want to experience, whether you can afford to go on this ride and what you want to achieve. 
    Then, if you decide that you have to ride it, so does everybody you care about, even if they don’t want to.  
    Now, imagine that your child or children have witnessed all of your arguments about the rollercoaster and feel that they have no choice but to ride that rollercoaster with you. 
    This level of conflict has impacted that child so much that they are now involved in this situation against their own will. 
    How do you think that this has impacted them?  
    Separation and divorce
    Separation and divorce are by no stretch of the imagination, a conflicting and challenging situation to be in, not to mention the added hardship of having children as part of that equation.  
    So what is a high-conflict separation or divorce?  
    Previous research has shown that high-conflict separation or divorce often refers to verbal or physical altercations between parents as witnessed by the child. 
    It can feel like a tug of war for children who are in the centre and have parents pulling on opposite ropes, which can be extremely overwhelming for a child.  
    What does the research say about how a high-conflict separation and divorce can affect children?  
    Previous findings from research date back to the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s and suggest that children are not necessarily negatively affected by living in a single-parent family but more so by the conflict witnessed. 
    Much of the research has shown that family conflict, especially parental conflict, can harm children in the following ways.  
    Mental health  
    Children who find themselves caught in the middle are more likely to experience depression and anxiety. 
    Jekielek (1998) used data from a longitudinal study which concluded that parental conflict had a consistently significant negative impact on child anxiety and depression four years later, suggesting that parental conflict has enduring effects on child well-being. 
    Furthermore, studies have concluded that children experience less anxiety and depression when their high-conflict, married parents’ divorce.  
    Their future relationships with others  
    Long term exposure to high conflict can have an adverse effect, especially as children may observe parents engaging in this behaviour and replicate in their relationships (Gager, Yabiku & Linver, 2016). 
    These children also tend to have impaired relationships with peers. Furthermore, the poor role modelling demonstrated by their parents leads these kids to have no idea what it means to have real friendships, and their expectations of friends can become quite distorted. 
    Their self-esteem, self-concept and identity  
    A study by Raschke and Raschke (1979) found that family conflict can be detrimental to their self-concept. 
    This has since been supported by other research which has found that high conflict post-divorce may lead to parents being alienated from their children (Dunne & Hendrick, 1994). 
    This can negatively impact children’s self-esteem and self-sufficiency in adulthood (Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012).   
    Their behaviour including risk-taking  
    Evidence suggests that children experiencing their parents’ divorce or separation is associated with lower levels of wellbeing (Amato, 2010) and more behavioural problems (Hetherington & Kelly 2002; Weaver & Schofield, 2015).  
    In particular, it can affect interpersonal skills (Kim, 2011) and externalising behaviours such as conduct problems (Kelly & Emery, 2003; Kim, 2011; Weaver & Schofield, 2015)  
    Their success or performance in school and daily life 
    Children may also underperform academically as a result of their parent’s break-up by getting poor grades, using drugs, becoming defiant, withdrawing from the world, acting out in class and stop doing activities that generally please them. 
    What can parents do to support their children who have witnessed high-conflict situations? 
    Parents may see the conflict as necessary when going through divorce proceedings, but you need to remember to think about the impact that this may be having on the child or children. 
    So the fact of the matter is simple; it is the conflict, and not necessarily the divorce, that puts your children at risk. 
    Supportive parenting strategies
    A few supportive parenting strategies can go a long way to helping kids adjust to the changes brought about by divorce, reduce the psychological effects and maintain healthy and supportive relationships with your children.

    Don’t put children in the middle. Children didn’t ask to be in this situation and don’t need a constant push and pull from parents.  
    Teach pro-social coping strategies and skills to help them adjust to what is happening. Offer reassurance at any opportunity. Children need reassurance that it isn’t their fault about what is happening.  
    Use consistent discipline when needed. Maintaining age-appropriate rules from both parents will offer stability and manage unwanted behaviour.  
    Monitor adolescence. As children enter adolescence, their hormones will kick in, and there may be further excuses for why they choose to act out including substance misuse and self-harm—Check-in with them and offer support where possible.  
    Empower your child to express themselves. Children need to be able to have a safe space to talk to their parents and express how they are feeling. They need warmth and comfort from both parents.  

    Get in touch
    If you are going through a high conflict separation or divorce proceedings and need some support for yourself or your children, then please don’t hesitate to get in touch with My Family Psychologist. 
    We offer specialised counselling services for adults, couples and children as well as mediation services. Get in touch and see how we can support you when you are going through a difficult time. 
    Visit the My Family Psychologist website here.
    Family law advice 
    If you would like any family law advice please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers here
    References:  
    Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of marriage and family, 72(3), 650-666.  
    Anon, (n.d.). How Children Cope with High Conflict Divorce: How Are They Harmed and What Can Parents Do to Help Them – Divorce – Support Resources for Coping and Moving on After Divorce. [online] Available at: https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/how-children-cope-with-high-conflict-divorce-how-are-they-harmed-and-what-can-parents-do-to-help-them/ [Accessed 13 Aug. 2020]. 
    Ben-Ami, N., & Baker, A. J. (2012). The long-term correlates of childhood exposure to parental alienation on adult self-sufficiency and well-being. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 40(2), 169-183.  
    Dunne, J. E., & Hedrick, M. (1994). The parental alienation syndrome: An analysis of sixteen selected cases. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 21(3-4), 21-38.  
    Gager, C. T., Yabiku, S. T., & Linver, M. R. (2016). Conflict or divorce? Does parental conflict and/or divorce increase the likelihood of adult children’s cohabiting and marital dissolution? Marriage & Family Review, 52(3), 243–261.   
    ‌Government of Canada, Department of Justice, Electronic Communications (2015). Studies of High Conflict and its Effect on Children – High-Conflict Separation and Divorce: Options for Consideration (2004-FCY-1E). [online] Justice.gc.ca. Available at: https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/fl-lf/divorce/2004_1/p3.html [Accessed 24 Sep. 2019]. 
    Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. WW Norton & Company.  
    Kelly, J. B., & Emery, R. E. (2003). Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives. Family relations, 52(4), 352-362.  
    Kim, H. S. (2011). Consequences of parental divorce for child development. American Sociological Review, 76(3), 487-511.  
    Jekielek, S.M. (1998). Parental Conflict, Marital Disruption and Children’s Emotional Well-Being. Social Forces, 76(3), p.905. 
    Psychology Today. (n.d). Understanding the Effects of High-Conflict Divorce on Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/better-divorce/201912/understanding-the-effects-high-confict-divorce-kids [Accessed 13 Aug. 2020]  
    Morin, A. (2017). The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children. [online] Verywell Family. Available at: https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170. [Accessed 13 Aug. 2020] 
    Raschke, H.J. and Raschke, V.J. (1979). Family Conflict and Children’s Self-Concepts: A Comparison of Intact and Single-Parent Families. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 41(2), p.367. 
    Weaver, J. M., & Schofield, T. J. (2015). Mediation and moderation of divorce effects on children’s behaviour  problems. Journal of family psychology, 29(1), 39. More

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    in Parenting

    How To Stop Teens From Texting While Driving

    It is so important for safety that teens don’t text and drive. Of course, actions speak louder than words, so we must begin to educate our teens by through our own example.  That is probably not enough alone.  We also need to talk to our teens about texting and driving, sharing texting while driving statistics to help understand the dangers. Teens need to understand that we are serious and their actions have consequences. Additionally, here are 7 tools you can use that will stop your teenagers from texting while driving and that may, in the end, safe their lives.

    Share The Dangers Of Texting While Driving With Your Teen
    I suggest educating your teens to the dangers of texting and driving as a starting point. Defensive driving is important and they can’t do it if they aren’t aware of their surroundings. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that in 2010, more than 3,000 people were killed and an additional 416,000 were injured due to distracted driving, which includes texting while driving. That is why texting why driving is illegal in 49 states.
    According to a new, national survey conducted by the Ad Council, thirty-four percent teen of respondents said that they never text while driving. What about the other 66% of teens?  That means 66% of teens surveyed are engaging in at least occasional texting while driving.  So if you think your child doesn’t text while driving, it is worth a talk to make sure that they don’t!

    Texting and driving is an epidemic on America’s roadways, but these crashes are preventable. Distracted driving does not just happen, it’s a choice,” said U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood.

    Once your teen understands the dangers of texting and driving make sure they understand the consequences too.  A few seconds of carelessness could have a devastating impact on their life and the lives of others. Texting while driving not only jeopardizes the safety of themselves and others, but it can also violate state motor vehicle laws  and result in hefty fines or loss of driving privileges.
    [embedded content]
    Want to take it a step beyond talking? Well, there is a new public service advertisement on YouTube featuring scenes from season three of Fox’s award-winning television series “Glee” to educate young adult drivers on the dangers of texting while driving. It may be the visual aid you are looking for to demonstrate to overconfident young adult drivers that it is not safe to text while driving.
    Have that talk and make sure your teen gets where he or she is going!
    7 Tools to Stop Your Teens from Texting And Driving

    How do you stop teenagers from texting while driving? Sure, you can and should talk to them about the risks, but when you’re 16 or 17, you feel like you’re immortal. Simply knowing that there are risks isn’t enough deterrent for many kids. It is always good to have the talk and then have the follow up safety measures too. Try these tools!
    Prevention apps.There are apps that prevent teens from texting while driving! They use the phone’s GPS signal to detect when the car is in motion, and they cut off access to the cellular network during those times. These apps aren’t available on all phones, of course. There are apps for iPhone, Android, and Blackberry, but you’ll be harder pressed to find a solution for a standard cell phone. They also don’t prevent the person from texting while at a stoplight, which can be just as dangerous and distracting.
    Reward apps.There are also apps that track whether or not a phone is being used when the car is in motion, and send you a report. These apps can be used to reward your children for following the rules of safe driving. You might set up a system whereby a certain number of text-free trips results in extra time or use of the car, or even a boost in their allowance.
    Parental controls from your cell phone service provider.Most of the major cell phone providers offer you a variety of parental control options.  Usually this is in the form of allowing or denying text or calls during certain times of day or to certain people. At the very least, you could set up a rule that prevents them from texting during the time of day when they’re usually driving to school, work, or wherever there regular schedule takes them.Stick shift.Another way to keep kids’ fingers off their phones and focused on driving is to let them drive a car with a manual transmission. When you’re driving a stick shift, you have to keep both hands busy, especially when driving through town. They won’t pick up the phone, because they know if they do they can’t stop at the stoplight ahead.
    Vehicle based cell phone blockers.There are a number of devices that connect with your car’s on-board systems to detect when the vehicle is in motion. Some of these product then send off a cell phone blocking signal, preventing your child’s phone from connecting to the cellular network. They might try to send a text, but it just won’t work.
    Text to speech apps.This may not be the ideal solution, but it can work for some teens. Text to speech apps allow the user to create and read text messages audibly. The Siri app on the iPhone 4s is one iteration of this kind of technology, but there are similar apps on the market for other devices, as well. It still offers a certain level of distraction, just not as much distraction as texting itself offers.
    Lead by example.One of the best ways to encourage safe driving habits of any sort is to set a good example for your teen drivers. Just because you’re an adult who’s been driving for 25 years and haven’t had an accident since college doesn’t mean it’s safe for you to text. If she sees you texting, her teenage mind is going to convince itself that it’s OK for her to text, too. This is perhaps your most powerful tool.

    Texting While Driving Statistics
    Teens need to understand the dangers of texting while driving are serious. Personal stories can be helpful and so can facts. You may want to share these texting while driving statistics with your child to make sure they really get how dangerous it is.
    According to thezebra.com, 14% of fatal crashes involved the use of cell phones.
    Texting while driving increases by 400% a driver’s time spent with their eyes off the road.
    The use of a cell phone while driving caused an estimated 1.5 million car crashes in the U.S. in 2017.
    According to policyadvice.net, “A texting and driving violation can lead to a $290 annual increase in insurance premiums.”
    Conclusion
    Texting and driving is proving to be extremely dangerous. As time goes on, we’re seeing more and more texting while driving statistics that prove this fact.  Encourage your kids to drive safely through conversation and follow up. Consider some of these solutions to help monitor and control their texting activity when you’re not in the car with them. Which tools do you think you will try?
    Related Posts:
    5 Tips For Monitoring Your Kids’ Smartphone Activity
    Teen Driver Safety And Ways to Prevent Teenage Driving Accidents
    Tips For Saving Money On Insurance More