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    How parents can support children’s learning at home

    With no advance notice, children and teachers were thrust into using online learning during the COVID-19 pandemic, a crisis that is far from over. Those who are self-isolating face the prospect of distance learning for the foreseeable future; for others, positive COVID-19 test results or COVID-19 symptoms combined with the absence of testing will mean significant periods of time away from school. And as we face a second wave of the disease, many schools could close for long periods yet again.
    What do child development scientists have to say to parents who are tackling the issue of learning at home? We asked members of the Scientists’ Alliance for Communicating Child Development Knowledge, who provided a wealth of insights.
    Parents are the main influence on learning, but the pressures are great
    Parents are the main influence on learning, writes Jennifer Lansford on the Child & Family Blog. “Demonstrate to your children the value of education – that’s one of the most important ways a parent can encourage their learning.” But, as Suniya Luthar writes on our blog, the pressures on children at home are great. “In our research, by far the most important factor predicting anxiety and depression in children was low quality of relationship with parents. Following this was lack of structure to the day (separating time for leisure or fun), and high levels of distraction or inability to focus on schoolwork.”
    Photo: ADR. Creative Commons.

    Children learn through play and curiosity: an opportunity for parents
    During the COVID-19 pandemic, parents may feel pressure to teach children in traditional school-based ways. Yet there is nothing wrong with learning in playful ways that keep children’s interest and invite them to have fun at the same time. Numerous studies suggest that learning is a fundamental part of what occurs during play: Playing and learning are inextricably linked. For children, playing with adults is likely to be even more enriching.
    Play helps children explore a wide variety of emotions, and not just pleasant ones like excitement and joy. These experiences help children grow emotionally and cognitively. What’s more, children are aware that they are learning through play, and a study of 400 children showed that many of them thought the worlds of play and learning overlap in many ways.
    Lockdown learning through play can help build on children’s natural ways of learning by building on their curiosity and self-direction. Play with family members could also be essential for mitigating the loss of learning related to the pandemic, particularly for disadvantaged children.
    At the same time, playing with children is important for reducing stress and improving mental health among parents and caregivers.
    Photo: Unsplash.

    Top tips for parents on home learning
    The Internet features great material advising parents what to do. Below is a guide to it all. Another good place to start is asking children what was good and bad about the lockdown from March to June because, as Roberta Golinkoff and Marcia Halperin explain, children have insights on the benefits and challenges of remote learning: Just ask them.
    One of our favorite resources is Jelena Obradović’s tip sheet for parents supporting online learning at home. The sheet covers the themes of learning spaces, daily schedules, routines, goals and progress, as well as managing frustrations and ensuring closeness and connection. We have reproduced this sheet here:

    Learning Space
    Find a space in your home that can be used every day for distance learning.
    If the space is shared, create a cardboard or cloth separation to minimize noise and distractions.
    Offer your child the chance to decorate this space to feel welcoming (draw a sign, bring a favorite pillow, etc.).
    Make sure the space includes essential learning materials. Ask teachers for help.
    Daily Schedule
    Understand what teachers expect from your child. Email, call, or text to clarify.
    Write a simple list of activities that your child needs to complete each day.
    Include breaks for snacks, physical activity, wiggles or stretches, and free choice time. Younger children will need more breaks.
    Encourage your child to decorate the schedule and post it in their space.
    Revise to fit your family’s needs. Be flexible.
    Predictable Routine
    Start early when your child is rested.
    Review the daily schedule and make sure your child understands it (e.g., first you will…, then you can…).
    Help your child build independence (e.g., learn to prepare their own snack, troubleshoot computer problems).
    Let your child know when and how they can ask for help.
    Keep regular sleep times.
    Goals & Progress
    Together with your child, set behavioral expectations and review them daily.
    Set goals and timelines that your child can complete. It’s about progress, not perfection.
    Teach your child to use a timer to stay focused for a period of time. Start small!
    Mark daily progress (even on not-so-good days) with stickers, pennies, pebbles, etc.
    Use your child’s favorite activities as rewards for showing effort and progress.
    Managing Frustrations
    Use simple calming strategies: counting to 10, taking deep breaths, a short break.
    Help your child describe the problem and express their feelings (I feel…, when…).
    Together, come up with a potential solution and connect it to previously set expectations.
    Explain how the child’s behavior is linked to consequences. Set gentle and firm limits.
    Assume that everyone is trying their best. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with others.
    Ask teachers and others for help.
    Closeness & Connection
    Start each day with a brief joyful experience: a fun greeting, song, dance.
    Create opportunities for your child to be helpful (e.g., household chores, cooking prep, reading to siblings).
    Each day, try to connect with your child without any distractions. Highlight positive experiences. If you have time, do a fun activity together that the child selects.
    Create opportunities for your child to share their worries, and provide reassurance.

    You can download the tip sheet in English, Arabic, Cantonese, Filipino, Mandarin, Portuguese, Spanish, Urdu, and Vietnamese here.
    Photo: David Brookes. Creative Commons.

     
    We found more tips from other researchers.
    Learning space 
    If possible, dedicate a specific device to learning. (NPR, How to turn your home into a school without losing your sanity)
    Schedule and routine
    Plan the day together, including when to do activities. Engaging children in creating a schedule helps build their self-awareness and motivation. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Have a good shake at the end of the day! (NPR, How To Turn Your Home Into A School Without Losing Your Sanity)
    Be a good role model: Parents should stick to their own routine, too! (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Managing frustrations 
    When children aren’t motivated to learn, parents and caregivers can make it more fun by incorporating documentaries, or changing the topic and giving children the choice to return to the work later. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    It is important for parents to manage their own emotions because children can’t learn in high-stress environments. In doing this, adults provide the conditions necessary to learn. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Working with teachers
    Schedule time with teachers, both to clarify what is expected of your child and to make use of available teaching resources. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Consider if your child can join meetings with the teacher. This can help children feel more motivated and closer to the teacher. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Be specific with questions when meeting with teachers. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Doing things with your child
    Break down tasks into bite-sized pieces. (APA, Recommendations on starting school during the COVID-19 pandemic)
    Friends and family can help with teaching, especially if parents don’t feel comfortable with certain topics. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    When parents aren’t sure about something, they can model problem solving with their children. By working out something together, they help improve children’s practical problem-solving skills, which shapes the way they approach future challenges. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Make learning meaningful. If children don’t understand why they’re learning something or why it’s important or useful, they can easily disengage from the material. Other ways to make information applicable to students’ lives are to include material relevant to students’ race, culture, and ethnicity. (APA, Recommendations on Starting School during the COVID-19 pandemic)
    Learning style
    Allow children to use a variety of approaches for completing tasks and solving problems. The strategies they have been taught may not be the only or best ways to answer a specific question or solve a particular problem. (APA, Recommendations on starting school during the COVID-19 pandemic)
    By asking your child to teach you the content he or she has just learned, it will be easier to identify gaps. Parents can then work with teachers on these gaps. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
    Photo: Unsplash.

    Header photo: Nenad Stojkovic. Creative Commons.  More

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    Pandemic shows children’s well-being depends on parents staying in good mental shape

    The mental health of stressed young people was transformed at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic: Many felt better. Anxiety and symptoms of depression dropped among older, high-achieving children in the United States. That was particularly true for students about to graduate from high school, our research in U.S. schools has found.
    Why? Children relaxed … for a bit. COVID-19 provided a full stop to the busyness of some teenage lives. The treadmill of pressure, activities, and commitments halted. Out went crisscrossing among band practice, sports clubs, social activities, and hours of homework into the small hours. Lockdowns brought that high-octane life to a sudden standstill.
    Children got more sleep – they weren’t leaving home at 7 am. Many schools had staggered hours and reduced the pressure, shifting from grading assignments to awarding a pass or fail. Social anxiety was reduced – a teenager didn’t need to worry about being left out of the lunch table or not being invited to parties that no longer happened. Missing out on a romantic relationship didn’t matter as much – kids were not seeing seemingly happy couples at school or at social gatherings.
    But this break didn’t last. As we worked with schools through the arrival of summer, we found that anxiety and depression had risen again among older high school students. Their initial relief morphed into feeling that life was unsettling, scary, and lonely — young people experienced grief about incomplete endings and fears about what might lie ahead.

    “Anxiety and depression dropped initially for older, high-achieving children in the United States.”

    Middle school children less relieved
    Children in middle school did not have even the initial relief – in our survey, anxiety and depression stayed at previous levels for them. That’s probably because virtual communication is more challenging for children of this age. Their peer groups are less well formed and less stable than those of 16- to 18-year-olds. If you are an awkward, insecure 12-year-old with few social connections, it can be easier to casually share confidences with friends at soccer practice or while walking around than to do so from home via Zoom. Self-consciousness kicks in: “Will they like my room?” “Will they see my family?”
    We’ve learned a lot about what helps children of all ages feel good in a period characterized by prolonged uncertainty, with no end in sight. Two predictors of their well-being stand out: the well-being of parents and the supportiveness of teachers.
    Photo: kris krüg. Creative Commons.

    Parents and teachers vital for resilience
    First, we found strong, unique links between adolescents’ depression and anxiety and whether they felt their parents were coping well. When children felt their parents maintained a calm, stable home and were in good enough shape to provide emotional support, they were likely to be doing well. This was true across ages, genders, and races. Our finding is in sync with a major report published last year on children’s well-being by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Its take-home message: If you want children to do well, the single most important step is to ensure that the parents are doing well themselves.

    “When children felt their parents maintained a calm, stable home and were in good enough shape to provide emotional support, they were likely to be doing well.”

    Second, our research found that the support of key adults – and teachers in particular – was vital to children in maintaining their well-being. In open-ended questions on what was going well in their schools, children and youth responded most often with answers such as, “My teacher cares about me and reaches out to me,” and ‘I really like that my teachers check in on how I’m feeling and not just my school work.”
    Parents need proper care 
    These two observations should inform practice and policy. The first highlights that we need to expand the focus of policy and practice beyond just styles of parenting. Children’s well-being depends not simply on quality of care but is linked directly to parents’ own well-being. During the pandemic, adults – just like children – also require love, gentleness, comfort, and stability. This helps the adults ensure that their children feel well looked after.
    “Burned out” teachers need help, too
    Teachers’ welfare is also important, not just for its own sake, but also because these adults provide valuable care and support for students. During the pandemic, we surveyed U.S. teachers’ well-being. Stress rates stayed steady, but clinically significant burnout has risen sharply among educators since March 2020. The risk factors seem to be lack of clarity about what they are required to do and blurry boundaries between work and recreation. These findings reflect how many teachers have worked long hours and had few breaks over the summer. Their needs should also be supported, especially if they are to play their role in bolstering children’s resilience.
    Which aspects of home life were most helpful?
    Our research about children during the COVID-19 pandemic identified three factors, , that reliably predicted anxiety and depression in children. By far the most important was having a low-quality relationship with parents. Following this was lack of structure to the day (separating time for leisure or fun), and high levels of distraction or inability to focus on schoolwork.
    Parents and schools can help address each of these factors. For parents, the challenge in these very difficult circumstances is to stay well themselves. Stress levels have risen for all and it is important that parents share their burdens with others and, where necessary – and if they can – seek professional help.
    Manage technology, expectations, and assignments
    For schools, an important task is to support their teachers well. Professional development programs must address directly the psychological burdens educators take on as they support their students through the pandemic. For students, schools should ensure that their days are well-structured and that lessons are not too long. Online technology should be streamlined so children are not juggling between different platforms. Educators should scale back expectations and focus on the core skills children need, letting go of much of the rest. Teachers should coordinate with other teachers when making assignments and scheduling due dates. It doesn’t take much figuring out to ensure, for example, that Monday is science homework day, Tuesday is math homework day, and so on. This helps children have a predictable and manageable week.
    None of us should forget, if life begins to return to how it once was, that there was something wrong with the overly busy schedules of many children’s lives. The figures for serious anxiety and depression tell the story. COVID-19 has brought its own problems, but the temporary sense of relaxation it has offered some children shows that life was not that healthy beforehand. Children deserve better than the old normal.
    Header photo: Unsplash.  More

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    Parents are the greatest influence on children’s learning, but how can this influence be harnessed?

    Demonstrate to your children the value of education – that’s one of the most important ways a parent can encourage their learning. This is true the world over, although parents have various ways to highlight this value. If parents succeed in convincing their children of the importance of education and can mobilize the resources to provide support, children typically stay in school and do well.
    Many of the important contributions from parents do not require money or qualifications. Support can begin with a simple question: “What are you learning about at school?” Parents can bring an extra perspective to what children are studying: “I don’t know if you have heard about this…?” can open a discussion. For example, parents might mention climate change and ask how it fits in with, say, science at school. They can extend what the child is doing in class and bring it home: “What do you think we can do? Can we recycle?” These conversations express that parents value education and support their children.

    “Parental involvement in children’s education is important in every country. However, the way that involvement takes place varies greatly.”

    Parents also set an example. They can let children see them reading for themselves, so parents are not always on their phones and do not leave a television on constantly in the background. Reading with children, especially in the early years, is highly beneficial. But if parents have low literacy skills, just talking with children and telling them stories, even if not from a book, help build language skills.
    Parental involvement varies globally
    Parental involvement in children’s education is important in every country. However, the way that involvement takes place varies greatly. In some low-income countries, where even low school fees for uniforms, books, or transport can break the family budget, parents show their commitment to their children’s learning by making considerable sacrifices to meet the costs. Sometimes, they manage it only for some members of the family: Perhaps the younger siblings are sent to school while the older ones work to pay the expenses. In Kenya, the best schools tend to be boarding, with children living away from home for many months. If they can, parents show how they value education by paying the fees even though that means losing out on face-to-face childrearing.
    In the United States, one of the most important parental contributions to children’s learning is choosing where the family lives. There are thousands of individual school systems, with different books, curricula, and pedagogical strategies; Americans with financial resources often decide where to make their homes based on the school system they want for their children. The location of a school matters much less in China, where schools are more standardized, and where there is a national curriculum and national pedagogical strategies and textbooks. Parents in China and other Asian countries such as the Philippines and Thailand tend to focus more on home support, helping with homework and making sure that children have a designated time and place to study.
    Photo: Pass the Torch. Creative Commons.

    Mobilizing parents’ educational input
    How can formal education use parents effectively – harness their social capital – for learning? Cultural norms vary. In some places, such as the United States, parents are  expected to volunteer in their children’s classrooms, work at book fairs or other events, or help with fundraising. Jordan has mandatory parents’ councils, which involve parents directly with administrators and teachers. Many countries have variations of this concept. Sometimes the goal is for teachers to communicate what is happening in the classroom and guide parents on how they can support their children’s learning. These initiatives generally work better if they are universally available and non-stigmatizing, rather than focusing solely on parents of children who are struggling. However, some countries (e.g., China) have eschewed these models and generally, parents are not seen in classrooms or at schools there.
    Few models harness the support fathers can bring to their children’s education – in fact, much of the research and practice related to parental involvement focuses on mothers. But some countries have recognized the potential of involving fathers. In Jordan, when organizers of a parenting program saw that success mainly involved mothers, imams were recruited to spread messages about parenting to dads at Friday prayers.
    The greatest influence is at home 
    Home is typically where parents make the most difference in their children’s education. Parents often ask how much help they should give with homework. It is good to lend a hand if children are struggling at school, with the parent acting like a tutor to help children understand or practice reading with text support. But some parents go too far and take over, making children feel that they cannot do it on their own. Children need to feel efficacious.
    School learning systems can clash with family and cultural systems. This is true where schools adopt, for example, English or French as the language of instruction, when children are fluent in different mother tongues and much less able to communicate in these other languages. In the Philippines, for example, new laws require instruction during primary school in mother tongue languages because many parents were uncomfortable with the main languages being English or Filipino, which prevented them from being involved in their children’s education. In many countries, language policy has disconnected learning at school from interactions at home and hindered parents’ ability to be involved in their children’s education.

    “A major issue in education – which parents can influence considerably – is maintaining children’s mental health and well-being.”

    Parents can support mental health
    A major issue in education – which parents can influence considerably – is maintaining children’s mental health and well-being. Placing a high emphasis on academic achievement can lead to anxiety and symptoms of depression in children. This often occurs where high-stakes examinations provide a narrow gateway to further opportunities, perhaps because a country has limited resources for funding education or elite institutions cherry-pick students.
    High-stakes testing, particularly in Asian countries, fosters concerns that academic success is achieved at the expense of children’s mental health. Sweden offers a contrasting example, thanks partly to its wealth, with a good intersection between family values and the school system: Both support students having varied paths of study that reflect their individual interests. And Sweden does not have the barriers to higher education found in some countries, which generate so much examination anxiety.
    It is much easier to highlight parental practices – such as physical punishment – that are universally bad for children than it is to identify evidence on which practices are universally good. But the level of variation suggests that parents and education systems should look elsewhere and ask: “Should we try that here?”
    Header photo: Nenad Stojkovic. Creative Commons. More

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    Race and racism: the blind spot in research on poverty and child development

    Amidst the intertwined pandemics of COVID-19 and racism, something unprecedented should be happening in research on poverty and children’s development. Scholars should be looking in the mirror and starting to see their blind spots regarding race and racism. Scholars of color (who are in the minority) have been aware of this for years. Others are only just starting to see how their own training hinged on certain models that are White and WEIRD (Western, educated, industrial, rich, Democratic). They are starting to see how their own mentors reinforced privilege by allowing access to pipelines of opportunities that looked like their own. They are beginning to understand how their own research about “others” (i.e., people from places, experiences, and histories unlike their own) hinges on theories, methods, and importantly, assumptions that excluded the realities, experiences, and expertise of the very people being studied, particularly with respect to race and racism.
    Blind spots are hard to see; by definition, they are about omission. Yet blind spots – such as clinical color blindness, overlooking issues of race and racism, or consigning race to a static variable – contribute to the creation of future scholarship and science, and to the fostering of explanations that can be terribly misguided. Such blind spots are harder still to address. Training and education – our typical responses — are only as effective as accepting what is reflecting back from the mirror and our efforts to continually shift and re-shift those reflections.

    “The lived experience of families in poverty intersects with experiences of race, immigration status, and the structures and systems that perpetuate injustice.”

    Historically, the neglect of race and racism in research on poverty and child development has been shaped by denial and fear of race — as immutable – carrying the burden of explaining poverty. This neglect is shaped by over-application of models that reinforce notions that being poor is less a condition of society and more a condition of being a member of a lesser-than-non-White group, whether Black, Latino, or indigenous in the U.S. context. And scholars with good intentions unintentionally began practicing “assimilationist” racism, preferring to ignore the issue rather than face it head on. The recent publication of Lawrence Mead’s “Poverty and Culture” in a peer-reviewed journal showed that, 50 years after Senator Daniel Moynihan’s report, The Negro Family: The Case for National Action, all these blind spots are surprisingly alive and well in poverty research.
    How can family and child development scholars build a dynamic and resilient world view and a professional architecture to directly address race and racism in their research? How can scholars disrupt the perpetuation of inaccurate ideologies, and recalibrate power imbalances to optimize discourse and guide policy?
    First, scholarship of and for children and families should stay grounded in lived experience. Data, whether in the form of numbers or words, do not emerge free of history and context; history and context should be the starting point. The lived experience of families in poverty intersects with experiences of race, immigration status, and the structures and systems that perpetuate exclusion and racism. At the same time, lived experience is the daily routines, survival strategies and resistance to oppression that parents, caregivers, workers, educators, and children and youth engage in every day. Research on poverty should be enriched by greater integration of quantitative, qualitative and mixed-methods literatures on intersectionality; racial socialization and identity; experiences of and responses to discrimination; representation, racial composition, and intergroup relations in  the contexts of work, schools, and media, and funds of knowledge and traditions of socialization in racially, linguistically, and culturally diverse communities. This list can go on. These areas of research are robust and growing, each typically with both basic developmental and applied/intervention studies. Research on mainstream poverty needs to change and view these emerging areas as core, not neglected.
    Photo: Unsplash.

    Second, as scholars, we can surround ourselves in authentic ways with others who are outside our inner disciplinary circles, ask for and be open to accepting authentic critiques, and strive toward richer research questions that may generate more powerful implications. Poverty scholarship can go deeper than controls for race, considering it a fixed and context-free characteristic. How can experiences of racism at household, neighborhood, structural, or policy levels be integrated into policy research on poverty and child development? Would our proposals for anti-poverty policy be more effective if they integrated attention to racial segregation and other disparities by race in opportunity and social mobility? We can be much bolder in straying from conventional silos and daring to cross disciplines and levels of analysis. Race and racism are inherent at all layers of Bronfenbrenner’s ecological model, from macro-level structures to micro-level interactions. But because poverty researchers and race researchers largely do not overlap or collaborate, a number of novel questions are neglected. What would it mean to address structural sources of racism in tandem with other areas of anti-poverty policy? Can social movements change the linked and mutually reinforcing narratives around race and poverty?
    Third, scholarship can and should start with understanding and questioning existing assumptions and pushing toward changing these defaults. Are we assuming that every child is born on a level playing field even though Black-White racial differences in household wealth are large and constrain the ability of Black families to respond to economic shocks? Are we naïve in assuming that enhancing income — the conventional realm of safety net policies – is enough to address intergenerational disparities of wealth, without concurrent efforts to adjust the many tax and transfer policies that disproportionately benefit the wealthy?
    Fourth, we can diversify the poverty policy and scholarship research “workforce.” At any established public policy and social science, population, and developmental science research conference where poverty scholars convene, you witness a sea of White people, sometimes predominantly White male people. Contrast this with convenings focused on race, ethnicity, or immigration and child development: You see scholars who are closer to representing the diversity of the United States. A much more robustly diverse pipeline of scholars across disciplines is required. Fellowship programs recently initiated by the Russell Sage Foundation, and those set up years ago by the Foundation for Child Development, the American Psychological Association, and the National Institutes of Health, are important first steps toward diversifying the pipeline of scholars, but are only a start (and will fail as a singular source of interventions). If admissions to graduate training programs; hiring processes in research institutions and universities; and the topics of research valued in curricula, departments, and peer review do not change priorities, we will continue to see the artificial and ultimately harmful divide between research on poverty and race among both scholars and scholarship.

    “Are we naïve in assuming that enhancing income — the conventional realm of safety net policies – is enough to address intergenerational disparities of wealth, without concurrent efforts to adjust the many tax and transfer policies that disproportionately benefit the wealthy?”

    Fifth, we can be louder and more active in our universities as we pursue or engage in external funding, in our roles as peer reviewers and editors, and as participants and leaders of professional organizations. Scholars who have profited from existing systems can and should demand more change toward inclusion. This opportunity to lead brings together the substance, messages, and models, explicit and implicit, conveyed by our research. This is an opportunity to step away from privilege and question how the public profile and output of your work is framed through an anti-racist lens. This is also an opportunity to create mechanisms – publishing avenues, grants, forums for speaking engagements — that were previously closed.
    Addressing race and racism in research on poverty and children’s development is going to be hard. However, the rewards will be full and rich, and will ultimately increase the impact of developmentally informed anti-poverty policies and practices. Our work will otherwise stagnate if we continue with siloed and segregated approaches, dipping into the same tools and perspectives that have shaped poverty research to date. That is, if we do not actively strive for change now, anti-racist poverty policy will not make progress. With such progress, we will be better positioned to overcome inequality in race and income, instead of chaotically reacting to public health and economic shocks like those triggered by COVID-19.
    Header photo: Miki Jourdan. Creative Commons.  More

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    The negative impacts of physical punishment and psychological aggression on child development are similar in high-, middle- and low-income countries

    The increased focus on the rights of children worldwide has drawn greater attention to child maltreatment and the lost developmental potential of children who live in difficult social and economic circumstances. Yet depending on economic resources and political and social will, attention to physical discipline remains elusive in several low- and middle-income countries. In the main, such discussions are much needed at the societal and local levels in many of the poorer nations of the world to further advance the rights and welfare of children in today’s global community.
    Across cultural communities, parents and caregivers use different levels of psychological control (e.g., making children feel worthless, guilty), physical control (e.g., restraining, hitting children), and behavioral control (e.g., setting limits, offering structure) during childrearing. In high-income countries, high levels of psychological, physical, and behavioral control affect children’s social adjustment and academic performance negatively. However, it remains unclear whether these effects generalize to low- and middle-income countries, where endorsement of the use of physical punishment can be high. At the same time, there appears to be a good deal of confusion among parents across low- and middle-income countries about physical punishment and discipline. Physical punishment is meant to inflict pain in the child as a way of dealing with behavioral difficulties and noncompliance. By contrast, discipline is meant to teach children desirable ways of behaving through redirection, explanation, reasoning, and induction.
    Photo: Unsplash.

    As august bodies (e.g., American Academy of Pediatrics, 2018) and researchers continue to warn about the developmental risks associated with physical discipline, it is beneficial to weigh in on what we know about the impact of harsh parenting in the developing countries of Africa. Over the last two decades, we have assessed the impact of harsh parenting across multilingual Caribbean countries. In diverse Caribbean countries, there is high endorsement of the use of physical discipline, but the outcomes of physical discipline on children’s social and cognitive skills are inconsistent. Here, we share findings from an analysis in about half of the countries in Africa of the links between maternal use of nonphysical discipline (explaining), harsh physical discipline (hitting child with an object), physical discipline (spanking), and psychological aggression (berating child) and preschoolers’ social skills, literacy skills, and behavioral difficulties. Our analysis drew on the UNICEF Micro Indicator Surveys of 32,817 biological mothers and their children in 25 African countries: Algeria, Benin, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Chad, Côte d’Ivoire, Democratic Republic of Congo, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Kenya, Madagascar, Malawi, Mali, Mauritania, Nigeria, Sao Tome and Principe, Senegal, Sierra Leone, Somalia, Swaziland, Togo, Tunisia, and Zimbabwe.
    What implications might harsh and non-harsh forms of discipline have for child development in Africa? In our research, a high percentage of mothers used explanations with children, but endorsement and use of physical discipline were also prevalent across countries. Across countries, harsh physical discipline, physical discipline, and psychological aggression were each associated with higher levels of behavioral difficulties such as biting, hitting, and kicking other children and adults. That is, berating children had adverse effects on children that were similar to using physical discipline. Not surprisingly, non-physical discipline that involved the use of explanations and redirection was positively associated with children’s literacy skills. Only harsh physical discipline was negatively associated with children’s social skills, such as displaying independence and following directions.

    “Some researchers have argued that in cultural communities where physical punishment is seen as an appropriate method of discipline, the effects of harsh discipline on child development should be less severe. Our analysis offered little support for such a proposition.”

    Some researchers have argued that in cultural communities where physical punishment is seen as an appropriate method of discipline, the effects of harsh discipline on child development should be less severe — the normativeness hypothesis. Our analysis offered little support for such a proposition and instead suggested that harsh forms of maternal discipline have direct negative consequences for children’s behavior and early literacy skills across the African countries we studied.
    These findings from 25 low- and middle-income African countries add to the growing body of evidence on the harmful effects of harsh parenting practices on child development. Moreover, developmental risks associated with harsh forms of discipline become magnified in families with poor material resources, poor access to health care, in the presence of neighborhood difficulties (e.g., violence), and with limited access to preschool education. It is difficult for children to show prudential interest in their social world and moral concern for others when parents hit, slap, pull, and belittle them.
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    Can parents prevent bullying among elementary school children?

    When my daughter was in the second grade, the boys started a silly game during recess of grabbing the girls’ coats at the neck to stop them in their tracks. Of course, after a few days, the girls “told on them” – complaining to the teacher on playground duty about the boys choking them. The teacher’s well-meaning response was to tell the girls to play near her so they would be safe. The girls went on to tell their own teacher who, in turn, told the boys’ teacher, but the game continued. My daughter then told me – a child psychologist who is supposed to know what to do! We decided to write to the principal for help. My daughter dictated and I wrote it all down. She took the note to the principal and the game stopped. What is the point here? Seeking help is important for children, and the other side of this interaction is that adults need to respond to children’s requests for help.

    “Our children deserve to feel safe at school. How can schools and parents work together to prevent conflicts before they become bullying?”

    Conflict is normal in children’s interactions with their peers at school – just as it is normative in our interactions with other adults at work, at home, and in the grocery store. Not all peer conflict is bullying or results in bullying, but repeated aggression that targets children who are perceived as less powerful or different in some ways (often due to gender, race, ethnicity, disability, behavioral problems, or mental health) is bullying. Our children deserve to feel safe at school. How can parents work with their own children and schools to prevent conflicts before they become bullying?
    Our own research highlights two social behaviors of children that make a difference in reducing aggression and emotional problems and in enhancing school climate. We call these social responsibility and prosocial leadership. The former is essentially about being a cooperative social member of a classroom or family, while the latter is about facilitating others’ work and well-being, and looking for opportunities to help. These two protective factors are incompatible with bullying and victimization of peers, and they can be enhanced by both home and school activities.
    Photo: ihtatho. Creative Commons.

    Consider how these two prosocial behaviors of children might work in families. Does your family generally cooperate in making your family environment positive, safe, and fair? Do the children in your family generally have opportunities to make valued contributions to your family’s everyday life? Sometimes? No? Yes?  Creating a positive family climate is a lifelong endeavour that encounters both smooth winds and heavy storms. It is not static. All family members from all kinds of family structures have changing needs and different abilities to contribute to overall family well-being. Children’s abilities to contribute reflect differences in their ages, but also differences in their sense of belonging to a cooperative team that is trying to create well-being for everyone.
    How? One factor that can make a difference is to find a way to open conversations about conflict and conflict resolutions. Being part of your family’s well-being requires that you have input into its functioning. Responding to conflicts and aggressions with silence allows conflicts to be repeated unchanged. Having a family plan for managing the inevitable day-to-day conflicts of interpersonal interactions is as important as having a plan for fire prevention or emergency responses. In my intervention research, we have developed and tested a plan that is working in schools, with family support. The WITS Programs open conversations about conflict by using a common language. WITS stands for Walk Away, Ignore, Talk it out, and Seek help. When adults respond with this practiced, common language, we present conflicts as solvable. “Did you use your WITS?” or “What WITS did you try?” The program also identifies “WITS PICKS,” children’s books in the popular domain that present conflicts in which children have opportunities to talk about how they handled them and what else they could do. Many of the books are read online and are free to access.

    “One thing that can make a difference is to find a way to open conversations about conflict and conflict resolutions.”

    Using your WITS is not the only way to have open conversations about conflict. Many families establish their own routines, like reflecting on and talking out conflicts when everyone is calm or at bedtime, making a siblings plan for taking turns, and valuing family kindnesses and contributions Families can also talk about movies and TV programs in which the characters resolve conflicts. Thinking about what you do in your family and making these routines visible to children is important. Young children like to know what is the right thing to do. Seeking help can be rejected as “tattling” or embraced as problem solving.
    Children need to be empowered to seek help and to be helpful. Parents can create opportunities and family cultures that make a difference in their abilities to resolve conflicts, and they can support schools in their efforts to do the same. By opening conversations about resolving conflict at home and in school, you can help your own children enhance their social responsibility and prosocial leadership, which can make a difference in improving school cultures.
    Header photo: woodleywonderworks. Creative Commons.  More

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    A solid foundation: Building children’s self-esteem during the COVID-19 pandemic

    The COVID-19 pandemic has shaken the pillars of children’s lives. Faced with quarantine, school closures, and social distancing, many children are deprived of the everyday experiences that normally build their self-esteem — their sense of worth as a person. Self-esteem is a critical ingredient of children’s mental health. Children with higher self-esteem tend to have happier lives, better relationships, and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression.
    Many parents see the process of raising self-esteem as building a structure: The first step is to lay a solid foundation. How, then, can parents help lay a solid foundation for children’s self-esteem during the COVID-19 pandemic?
    According to theories in psychology, children’s self-esteem is built on two pillars: acceptance and competence. Children feel good about themselves when they feel loved and supported by significant others (acceptance) and when they master new skills to achieve their goals (competence).

    “Parents can continue building warmer, more supportive relationships with their children. In warm, supportive relationships, parents share joy with their children, show fondness for them, and express interest in their activities.”

    Here, we present evidence-based strategies that parents can implement to cultivate acceptance and competence in children. These strategies do not require much time or resources on behalf of parents. Indeed, our aim is to ease — rather than increase — the burden placed on parents during these remarkable times. Parents may be under extreme stress: the stress of going to work while risking exposure to the virus, of homeschooling their children while struggling to meet their own job demands, and of caring for elderly parents while being concerned about their own health. It is important for parents to be compassionate to themselves and to embrace the imperfections of their new routines.
    Acceptance
     What can parents do to make children feel more loved and supported? For one, parents can continue building warmer, more supportive relationships with their children. In warm, supportive relationships, parents share joy with their children, show fondness for them, and express interest in their activities. Parents can do so, for example, by spending time with their children and letting them know they are enjoying their presence, by asking children with curiosity about their interests and daily activities, and by talking to children about their worries and fears in age-appropriate ways regarding the current pandemic.
    Photo: Unsplash.

    Such experiences of warmth are most likely to cultivate self-esteem when they are provided unconditionally, in good times and in bad. This isn’t about being a super-parent: “You just have to show up, allowing your kids to feel that you get them and that you’ll be there for them, no matter what.”
    Of course, as children age, they develop more friendships outside the family. Such friendships are an important source of self-esteem. Unfortunately, quarantine, school closures, and social distancing have made it incredibly difficult for children to maintain their friendships. When playdates are unsafe or simply impossible, children might need their parents’ guidance in connecting with their friends. For example, parents can help children meet up with friends online through games or video chat apps, encourage children to watch a show with their friends remotely, or assist children in making a playlist of their favorite songs and sharing it with their friends.
    Although seemingly trivial, these strategies may create upward spirals of self-esteem over time. Indeed, when children build deeper relationships with others, they develop higher self-esteem. And when they develop higher self-esteem, they become more inclined to approach others, show warmth to others, and forge even deeper bonds with them. This, in turn, further buttresses their self-esteem.

    “Parents can encourage children to find a topic that fascinates them and provide them with the resources they need to learn more about it.”

    Competence
    Children are born curious and spontaneously practice new skills. They often seek novel and challenging experiences that help them build their competence. As they feel increasingly competent, their self-esteem rises.
    Amidst school closures, children may attend online classes, get homeschooled, or not receive any education at all. In these cases, a large burden is placed on children’s intrinsic motivation. How can parents nurture children’s interest and joy in learning? Parents can encourage children to find a topic that fascinates them and provide them with the resources they need to learn more about it. They can use free educational resources (such as National Geographic Kids’ YouTube channel); create art projects; and help children build structures with Legos, blocks, or even household items.
    In these activities, it is critical for children to experience a sense of learning and growth. Even small steps on the road toward self-improvement should be celebrated. When children know they are improving themselves, they feel proud and eagerly seek out more activities to hone their skills.
    Conclusion
     The foundation of children’s self-esteem is laid early in life. We’ve shown that parents can help build this foundation by making children feel loved and nurturing their interest and joy in learning. Given the worries and fears that surround a global pandemic, a solid foundation can help children build toward a better future.
    Header photo: The Lowry. Creative Commons.  More

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    How to support teenagers through a divorce

    Support teenagers through a divorce
    The loss of the known family unit causes emotional upheaval and distress for everyone involved, and there is a wealth of advice out there on how to manage your well-being and that of younger children. 
    But what about teenagers? (teens) There seems to be less information out there about the best way to tell them about a relationship breakdown and support them through it. 
    Teens are already navigating an emotional rollercoaster as they move into adulthood: social media, friendship groups, pressure from school, to name a few. Throwing the breakdown of their parents relationship into the mix can be overwhelming for them. 
    So, how can you support teenagers through a divorce? We asked Stowe guest regular Luisa Williams, CEO & Founder from My Family Psychologist to share her top ten tips on how to help support your teen as the family goes through a divorce.
    Spend time together 
    Try to set some protected time alone with you and your teen each week to do something together. It could be watching a film, going shopping, cooking a meal together or playing a game. Even if your teen does not accept the offer, they will appreciate that you have made an effort to spend time with them.  
    Lend a listening ear
    Getting teens to open up is often not an easy task, but listening openly to their concerns and feelings will reassure them that it is okay to talk to you without fear of judgment. 
    Ask open questions but try not to make it feel like they are being interrogated. Try not to interrupt or cut them off as this may make them shut down. 
    Using open communication may make your teen more willing to discuss their stress with you. Share your own experiences with them to make the pressures feel more relatable. Be sure to share positive thoughts. 
    Be a good role model
    Whether teens like to admit it or not, they are still looking up to you and learning from you. 
    How you manage your stress through the divorce sets the example for your teen, so you need to be modelling healthy behaviour and stress management techniques in front of them.  
    Help them to determine what’s within their control and what isn’t
    Teens today are often involved in multiple activities, especially if it is something they enjoy. Sometimes, even when extracurricular activities are proven to help their overall functioning, it can be overwhelming. 
    Discuss with your teen about how they can pace themselves by identifying which activities are more helpful to them and which ones could be dropped. 
    This can help take some pressure off and make room for necessary free time which can encourage more brain relieving stress management activities. 
    Get back to basics and develop an agreeable routine.
    There is a possibility that the stress of the relationship breakdown has been felt for a longer period than you are aware of, and as a result, they have developed some poor lifestyle habits. 
    Create a routine with your teen which is consistent: for example, establish a sleep routine (aiming to get7-8 hours a night); reduce time on their phones and social media exposure; eat regular healthy meals and snacks and exercise for 30 minutes daily. These simple changes can have an impact on your teens’ ability to manage stress more effectively.  
    Coach your teen to use positive and calming ‘self-talk’ 
    If your teen can recognise when they are feeling stressed about a situation, encourage them to have a collection of statements they can use to manage stressful situations.  
    The use of positive and calming self-talk statements can reassure them that the situation is manageable. Examples may be ‘stop and breathe’, ‘I can do this’, ‘this will pass’, ‘I am safe’ and ‘this won’t last forever’. 
    Teach work management skills
    Teach your teen some basic ways to manage tasks, such as making lists or breaking larger tasks into smaller ones and doing one piece at a time. 
    A technique suggested to help individuals with low attention span and ADHD symptoms is the ‘Pomodoro Technique’ which works as follows, 
    Work for 25 minutes (focused work) 
    Take a 5-minute break  
    Repeat 4 times (25 minutes of focused work then a 5-minute break)  
    Then take a longer break of 15 – 20 minutes.  
    DO NOT demand perfection
    None of us does everything perfectly. Expecting perfection from your teen is unrealistic and just adds stress. Encourage them to do things to the best of their ability and praise them when they achieve something or have done something they are proud of.  
    DO NOT try to solve your teenager’s problems.
    As a parent, it is hard to see your child under stress, and you will naturally want to try and solve their issues. Try to resist solving your teen’s problems and instead, work together to brainstorm solutions and let your teen come up with ideas. Using this approach helps teens learn to tackle stressful situations on their own and give them a sense of autonomy and ownership.  
    Use self – help support and guidance
    There are many online websites which offer guidance and exercises which may help your teen manage their stress. This is something you can do together, so that is not overwhelming or adding more pressure on to your teen.  
    It is important to be realistic that it is impossible to eliminate stress, but it can be managed effectively with the right techniques. 
    It will be a case of finding something which works for your teen, which may take time, but when you find something that works, encourage your teen positively and offer support.  
    Finding a happy medium of stress is the best way to move forward whilst promoting a healthy body and mind. 
    Get in touch
    If you help to support teenagers through a divorce and you feel that they may need more professional support, then contact My Family Psychologist. 
    We provide services to individuals, parents and families to address a range of psychological issues including stress management, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.  
    Family law advice 
    If you would like any family law advice or information on how to support teenagers through a divorce please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers here More