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    My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school

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    What happens when separated parents can’t agree on schools?
    Now the autumn term is underway, the admissions window for school placements next September is now open. It’s a big decision for all parents and their children, but for separated parents it can become even more complicated – especially if they do not agree. For some, it can cause considerable tension between ex-partners, particularly as there is a finite deadline.
    Does my ex have the right to choose our child’s school even if I have primary care responsibilities?
    Choosing a school or changing a school can be approached as a standalone issue, regardless of who has primary care responsibilities.
    If your ex has parental responsibility, they have a duty and obligation as well as the right to decide how your child(ren) is educated. Unless there are exceptional circumstances, it is likely that your ex still has parental responsibility and therefore has a voice in the decision of your child’s school.
    Even if both parents have the child’s best interests at heart, this can still mean that they struggle to agree on the right school. A huge number of factors are involved in this decision and ultimately the well-being and education of the child(ren) should be central to the decision.
    Choosing the right school
    When going through a divorce or separation, children can often be caught in the middle of parental disputes.
    Supporting children through divorce can be difficult for parents as they may be experiencing turbulent emotions, however, divorce can have long-lasting impacts on a child’s emotional and mental health, no matter their age.
    Schools are a safe space for children to cope with the difficulties going on at home. They provide routine, structure and community so choosing the right one is very important.
    When considering changing school, and approaching an application, the practicalities of this change should be considered. For example, how the child(ren) will get to and from school, the academic credentials of the institution, and pastoral factors. The emotional and well-being aspect for the child must be central.
    If you can’t agree on your child’s school
    If you and your ex find that you can’t agree on a school, there are some steps you can take before involving the court.
    Having an open and honest conversation with your ex-partner, or anyone who shares parental responsibility is very important. You may find that there is some common ground.
    If you are having difficulties broaching the conversation with your ex, seeking out some professional support, for example from a mediator or even a divorce coach can help.
    Should these methods not work, and you find yourselves still disagreeing, then the matter can be referred to the court through a Specific Issue Order application. The court will consider the position of each parent and order where the child should go to school.
    You can also apply for a Specific Issue Order if you are not the child’s biological parent, but you have parental responsibility. For example, this can apply if you are the child’s legal guardian, or who the child lives with under the Child Arrangements Order.
    The court will be guided specifically by the welfare checklist which is laid out in s1(3) of the Children Act 1989.
    They will ensure the welfare of the child is the primary concern in decision making. This includes the wishes and feelings of the child, depending on their age and understanding, as well as their physical, emotional, and educational needs.
    The court will also consider what the impact of a change of school is likely to have on the child.
    Help with reaching a decision about schools
    For separating and divorcing parents, where their child/children should live and go to school is of the utmost importance. Should you find yourself at a deadlock with your ex-spouse over schooling, there are steps that can be taken, and professional support can be sought out.
    With applications for schools and changing schools now open, these next few weeks could be key decision-making time. There is guidance available to help ensure that your child’s welfare remains paramount, and their educational needs are met, particularly during a time of change in the home.
    Useful Links:
    Webinar: Will divorce damage my children?
    Making child arrangements
    Webinar: Supporting children through divorce
    Child arrangements order
    Effects of divorce on children More

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      in Parenting

      Breaking Barriers In Honor of International Women’s Day

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      Every year, March 8th is set aside to honor women, girls, and their limitless potential on International Women’s Day. This global day of celebration has been in existence since the early 20th century. It seeks to bring awareness to various causes related to gender equality and women’s rights. International Womens Day is a great way to honor women who have broken bias and allowed us all to have more freedom. It is also a great way to empower young girls and inspire them in breaking barriers to their own success.

      Today I am excited to have Ramita Anand share a guest post with us for International Women’s Day. She is the founder of the educational mentorship program Elevate.RA. She is also the author a new book, Girl Elevated, (my affiliate link is below). This book is the culmination of more than 15 years of work in education and special learning support. She aims to break the cycle of self-doubt and insecurity that hinders girls both personally and academically.

      What Does International Womens Day Mean To You?

      by Ramita Anand

      For the first several decades of its existence, International Women’s Day was celebrated differently in many countries. In 1977, the United Nations adopted it to help turn it into a mainstream global holiday. For the last several years, the organizers have created a yearly theme to help focus advocacy, policy, and charity work. This theme helps create a shared focus or topic that celebrants can rally behind. This is essential since the lives and experiences of women and girls are so different depending on where they live in the world. 

      #BreakTheBias

      This year, the theme of International Women’s Day is breaking biases, and imagining a gender-equal world free of stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination. For many girls, these biases come into their consciousness when they’re young and color their behavior for the rest of their life. Research has shown that many of our most influential biases are already in place before elementary school. Fortunately, they can be unlearned.  

      Helping Our Daughters Unlearn Gender Bias

      In honor of this year’s International Women’s Day, let’s talk about the biases that most affect our daughters. Let’s take a look at how we can empower them to fight against the stereotypes and labels that so often get in the way of their success. 

      One of the biases that I’m so passionate about overturning is that a learning difference or challenge means that a girl cannot succeed in formal education. Even though girls are equally likely to be diagnosed with a learning disability like ADHD or dyslexia, they are less likely to receive specialized treatment under the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA). It was recently revealed that 18% of male students received special services under IDEA. However, only 10% of female students receive the same.  

      As a parent, you can be your daughter’s advocate to help her get the services she needs. Additionally, there are many programs and tools designed to help girls access their strengths and navigate any anxieties they have around their education. 

      4 Ways to Help Empower Young Girls To Break The Barriers

      There are lots of forces out there in the world trying to tell our daughters that they are less intelligent and less capable than their peers, especially if those peers are male. 

      Many parents struggle to understand how to empower young girls to break down barriers and stereotypes that are unjust. Today, I’ll share some of my best suggestions for ways to empower your daughter and help her thrive, especially if she’s dealing with a learning difference. 

      Be an advocate 

      Many times, girls with learning disabilities don’t find out until later in life because the diagnosing criteria are based on more noticeable symptoms exhibited by boys. If you suspect that your child is having a difficult time and may be struggling with a learning disability, be their advocate until they can get the appropriate help.    

      Involve your child in decision-making as early as possible 

      A great way to help your daughter feel more empowered to tackle her studies despite her learning difference is to get her involved in the decision-making process as early as possible. Explain to her the benefits of specific actions, and show her how they can help. This will help her feel more in control of her own academic future. 

      Keep lines of communication open 

      Encouraging your daughter to share her thoughts and feelings with you on a regular basis will help her develop much-needed emotional intelligence. As you learn more about her day-to-day life and how she is handling her learning disability, it will help you better advocate for their needs. 

      Be positive

      Our kids take many of their cues from us, especially in the early years. If they can see you being positive and forward-thinking instead of giving in to frustration, it will help them model these behaviors in their own life. 

      This International Women’s Day, take the time to reflect on how you can embody the themes of this year. Use them to help your daughter embrace her power.  

      Thanks again to Ramita Anand, founder of Elevate.RA, an educational mentoring service. I hope you found her message to be an inspiration. It is so important to support girls in breaking barriers that are unfair and hinder their success. Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence disproportionately affect our girls. Therefore, I really appreciate her tips for fighting against this common problem.

      I am thankful for all the women who fought to the break the barriers that stood in our way and provide women with equal rights. What does international women’s day mean to you?

      Related Posts:

      Using Stories to Teach Lessons and Inspire Your Children

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      in Advice & Features

      That’s a Good Question! Podcast Episode 8: How dangerous is it to use steroids?

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      Donald Hooton, Jr.

      The course of your life can change directions in an instant. In July 2003 and in his senior year of college, Donald Hooton, Jr. was preparing to start a career with his business degree. That’s when he got the call from his sister that their 17-year-old brother Taylor had passed away. What shocked their family the most was that Taylor had committed suicide. All of the family had just one question. Why?

      It was the detectives who found the steroids in his room. At that time, the Hooton family didn’t see the connection, but they’ve learned. They’ve learned about steroid use and its psychological effects, and the link to suicide. And they learned the use of steroids is likely far more pervasive than you ever imagined.

      In the midst of their grief, his family could never have predicted how, through their tragedy, they could impact the lives of so many others for the better. Now Donald works every day to honor his brother’s legacy at the helm of the Taylor Hooton Foundation, the nonprofit started by his dad, Don.

      In this important podcast, you’ll hear directly from Donald, Jr., and learn about how he is helping turn his family’s tragedy into triumph for families across the U.S. and abroad.

      Donald thinks about his brother every day. “I hope he’s proud of the work we’re doing and what his legacy has become and how many lives have been saved,” he says. “I hope every time his story is shared it’s making a difference.”

      The Taylor Hooton Foundation is the leader in education on appearance and performance enhancing drugs. To learn more or to schedule an ALL ME® Assembly Program at your child’s school, visit www.taylorhooton.org or www.allmeleague.com. More

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      in Advice & Features

      That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 7

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      In this episode, we visit with Dr. Shanna Garza the Clinic Director of Girls to Women and Young Men’s Health and Wellness, an Adolescent Medicine practice in McKinney, Texas.

      Dr. Garza received her B.S. in Biology from Emory University and attended medical school at Baylor College of Medicine. Following her medical education, she completed a Family Medicine residency at John Peter Smith Hospital in Fort Worth. She is a board-certified Family Medicine physician with over 13 years of experience working with children, teens and young adults.
      Eating disorders are a health issue Dr. Garza’s clinics contend with on a regular basis.  There are a lot of societal issues impacting the way young people, especially girls, see themselves and judge themselves. Preoccupation with food, body weight, and shape may signal an eating disorder.
      What is the risk of dieting to young people? Is there a difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating? How does social media, diet talk and body shaming lead to eating disorders? 
      Dr. Garza shares important advice for parents to help our kids navigate this very dangerous and even deadly health issue.  More

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      in Advice & Features

      That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 6

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      That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 5

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      That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 4

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      in Parenting

      The Pros And Cons of Preschool

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      Recent reports have emerged that preschool may not be as important to academic achievement as once was thought. These same studies report that the children who benefit from preschool the most are those from affluent families; these being the families that can afford the top, private preschools. Does this mean that generations of children went to school sooner than necessary? Though the answer to that question depends largely on which side of the fence you stand, don’t write off preschool just yet. There is also research that shows life long benefits of attending preschool. Here is a closer look at the pros and cons of preschool.
      What Are The Main Pros And Cons of Preschool?

      Preschool is also sometimes called nursery school, pre-primary school, or play school. It is early childhood education for children before they begin compulsory kindergarten. There are both private and public preschools. It depends on the area where you live whether or not preschool is available as a public option and sometimes it is only available as a public option to those meeting certain conditions. Preschool age is typically considered to be from 2 ½ to 4 ½ years old.
      I went to a private Montessori preschool myself and I loved it. I still cherish the freedom and exploration of my time there.  They encouraged so much creativity with awesome, fun, artistic projects. To me, there was no question that it was enjoyable. However, not all the preschools are the same so let’s take a closer look at the main pros and cons of preschool.
      Is Preschool Beneficial? A Look At The Pros Of Preschool
      1. Preschool Socialization Benefits
      According to Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell School of Medicine in New York City, preschool can be a place where young children develop strong social skills. Children in preschool learn how to share, how to play nicely with others and how to compromise. These important skills are carried throughout our lifetimes.
      2. Improved Language And Math Skills
      It stands to reason that the more children speak, the stronger their language skills will become. Children aged three and four are developing these important skills at a rapid rate. By surrounding your child with their peers and adults outside of your social circle, his language skills will blossom. Additionally, the more people that your child has contact with during these formative years, the wider his knowledge base becomes.
      As Learning Policy Institute says, “LPI’s researchers found that investments in quality preschool programs bolster student success. Students who attend preschool programs are more prepared for school and are less likely to be identified as having special needs or to be held back in elementary school than children who did not attend preschool. Studies also show clear positive effects on children’s early literacy and mathematics skills.”
      3. Improved Life Long Outcomes
      W. Steven Barnett, Founder and Senior Co-Director of the National Institute for Early Education Research (NIEER) at Rutgers University says reasearch shows, “people who attend preschool are more productive in school, work, and society generally—with higher levels of education and earnings, less involvement in delinquency and crime, and fewer chronic health problems.”
      Conclusion on Benefits Of Preschool
      Clearly, the pros of preschool to the child are tremendous. In the short term, kids get a leg up socially and academically. This does not mean that a child who does not attend preschool will unable to catch up, however, it is an advantage of preschool. In the long term, preschool has some serious life advantages such as higher earnings. What this research says to me is that there are many important pros to preschool. If it is available in your area, it is a great option. If it is not available in your area or in your price range, you can still accomplish many of these benefits through homeschool preschool and organized group play and learning sessions. Of course, that option does require more of the parents time.
      In my area, preschool was only available to those with special needs, low income, or in the gifted program. Check with your area and express your concerns, they may be able to work things out for you.

      The Possible Cons of Preschool
      1.Anxiety
      Not every child is ready to leave the nest quite so early, even if it’s only for a few hours. If your child has issues with separation anxiety, sending him to preschool can do more damage than good. Children who are not ready for separation can be highly distressed by the mere thought of being sent to a strange place for the day. If you are unable to leave your child for any length of time without him becoming anxious, do not make the mistake of thinking that exposure to preschool will alleviate the problem.
      If you want to go the preschool option but your child has separation anxiety, you can work with your child to make them more comfortable starting with group play dates where you are still there. You can also speak to a teacher about your concerns and or a qualified health professional for additional suggestions.
      2. Shyness
      Children who are naturally shy tend to have a more difficult time with preschool than those who are outgoing. For some children, preschool is simply too stimulating to be a comfortable environment. If your child is upset by loud noises, is easily frightened or does not enjoy playing in groups, preschool may not be the immediate answer. You can work with your child to address issues of overstimulation.
      Conclusion on Pros Of Preschool
      It seems that there really aren’t very many disadvantages of preschool unless you have concerns that your child is just not ready for separation or stimulation. Under these circumstances, it is a good idea to address the best way to help your child progress past those with a qualified professional.
      The largest disadvantage of preschool that I can see is that it may cost money in area if there is no public program. Be sure to inquire about the options that exist for preschool because even in areas without preschool available for all children, there is often still public preschool for those that meet certain conditions such as income or special need markers.
      If you choose not to do preschool for your child, you can still teach your child the language and math basics at home. You can also work on his or her social skills by taking them to public places where they can interact with other children like parks and public play dates. Story hours at your local library are also a great way to introduce them to a class atmosphere.
      Research Preschools
      If you think that preschool is right for your child, it’s important to understand that not all preschools are created equally. Do your research before selecting a preschool for your child when you have the choice of several. Look for a center that is able to meet your expectations and one that is suitable for the level of your child’s development. Preschool should be an enjoyable place for your child where he learns how to be social and how to learn; preschool should not be a place of stress for either you or your child.
      Saying that preschool is right or wrong for every child is a far-reaching generalization. Whether or not preschool is right or wrong is an individual decision that every parent must make for her child. There are lots of positives of preschool in the right scenario. However, it is possible for there to be disadvantages of preschool so trust your gut and do your research on if it is the right opportunity for your child.
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