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    Why You Should Give Your Kids an Allowance

    By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor

    Experts agree that an allowance can teach kids important money management skills, like how to save for things they want, how to budget their money, and how to choose between competing spending goals. Personal finance expert Brad Munson says an allowance “is a great way to teach kids about the real value of money, how to be organized and responsible, and how to plan for the future.” Financial counselor Ray Martin, who’s the author of several books on money management, adds that an allowance is a great opportunity for kids to experiment with money and to learn from their mistakes. “It’s a way for them to learn big lessons with small amounts of money at an early age.”

    It’s important that you talk to your kids about the value of money, and it’s best to do so in the context of an actual allowance. Certified financial planner Marty Allenbaugh says that talking to your kids about money without giving them an allowance is like trying to teach them how to play the piano without ever letting them sit at the keys.

    Research shows that giving kids a regular allowance while discussing with them the importance of money makes them more financially responsible as adults. They become, as personal finance expert Evonne Lack succinctly puts it, “less likely to arrive on your doorstep years from now with a duffel bag full of dirty laundry and a mountain of credit card debt.”

    If an allowance is such a great tool for teaching kids money management, at what age should you start giving them one?

    Many parents start at age 8, but experts agree, as Mr. Martin puts it, that it’s the kid’s “aptitude not the age that really matters.” So how do you know if your kids are ready to receive and learn from an allowance? Research shows that they are ready to benefit from an allowance once they have reached certain developmental milestones, like 1) understanding that money can be exchanged for things they want, and 2) they can confidently add and subtract.

    And, here, kids differ widely. While some kids reach these milestones at age 4 or 5, others get there by age 8 or 9. “So if your child tends to shrug at money, losing it before it can find its way to his dusty piggy bank, hold off until you see signs that he enjoys saving it or thinking about how he might use it,” says Mrs. Lack.

    Finally, but not least importantly, what amount should you give your kids?

    Experts agree that, as a rule of thumb, you should give them $1 per year of age on a weekly basis: for example, a six-year-old would receive $6 a week and a ten-year-old $10 a week. The advantage of this approach is that kids get an automatic raise every birthday, eliminating the question of when their allowances will be increased. If you are really lucky, it may even reduce sibling arguments, because the younger kid will understand why the older siblings get more.

    Parents should feel free to deviate from this rule of thumb depending on whether they live in an expensive or inexpensive area, their particular financial situation, how many kids they have, and which regular expenses they or the kids are expected to pay for. As Susan Borowski, the author of “Money Crashers,” puts it, “If a straight $5 or $10 per week (or even per month) makes more sense to you than paying a dollar per year of age, then pay what works for you.”

    If your kids are very mature, you can discuss this issue with them and reach a mutual agreement on a reasonable amount. It’s useful to go through such a process with your kids, says Mr. Martin, because it “helps to develop budgeting skills, teaches responsibility, and prepares them for the realities of personal money management.”

    The allowance shouldn’t be too high. If you give kids too much, they won’t learn how to budget and allocate money because they never get a chance to prioritize among competing spending goals.

    However, the allowance shouldn’t be too high. If you give kids too much, they won’t learn how to budget and allocate money because they never get a chance to prioritize among competing spending goals. Ron Liebler, the author of “The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money,” says to “give your kids just enough so that they can get some of what they want but not so much that they don’t have to make a lot of difficult trade-offs. Let them own those, so they know what it’s like to make financial decisions that resemble grown-up ones.”

    Whatever amount you ultimately decide on, make sure to follow a consistent schedule and stick with it – whether weekly or monthly. As child psychologist Dr. Mary Kelly Blakeslee says, “random payments will be frustrating and confusing, and will reduce the opportunity for learning.”

    Editor’s Note: Click Here for insights on how you can help your kids maximize their money management skills.

    ABOUT THE AUTHOR

    Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College. More

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    That’s a Good Question! Podcast Episode 8: How dangerous is it to use steroids?

    Donald Hooton, Jr.

    The course of your life can change directions in an instant. In July 2003 and in his senior year of college, Donald Hooton, Jr. was preparing to start a career with his business degree. That’s when he got the call from his sister that their 17-year-old brother Taylor had passed away. What shocked their family the most was that Taylor had committed suicide. All of the family had just one question. Why?

    It was the detectives who found the steroids in his room. At that time, the Hooton family didn’t see the connection, but they’ve learned. They’ve learned about steroid use and its psychological effects, and the link to suicide. And they learned the use of steroids is likely far more pervasive than you ever imagined.

    In the midst of their grief, his family could never have predicted how, through their tragedy, they could impact the lives of so many others for the better. Now Donald works every day to honor his brother’s legacy at the helm of the Taylor Hooton Foundation, the nonprofit started by his dad, Don.

    In this important podcast, you’ll hear directly from Donald, Jr., and learn about how he is helping turn his family’s tragedy into triumph for families across the U.S. and abroad.

    Donald thinks about his brother every day. “I hope he’s proud of the work we’re doing and what his legacy has become and how many lives have been saved,” he says. “I hope every time his story is shared it’s making a difference.”

    The Taylor Hooton Foundation is the leader in education on appearance and performance enhancing drugs. To learn more or to schedule an ALL ME® Assembly Program at your child’s school, visit www.taylorhooton.org or www.allmeleague.com. More

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    Time to talk: Communicating with your partner

    Communicating with your partner
    Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship. Without it, resentment, fear or distrust can build up, and there’s nothing like this trio to cause relationship problems. 
    So it is no surprise when Relate, the UK’s largest provider of relationship support, reports that many couples seeking counselling from them say that communication breakdown is one of the main reasons.
    To understand how better to communicate with your partner, Luisa Williams, CEO & Founder of My Family Psychologist, joins us to explain the four key communication styles and why understanding them is important in forming and maintaining all relationships.  
    Communication is an important aspect of life that can impact how we form and maintain relationships.  
    Having a good understanding of our communication style can help develop self-awareness and identify our areas of improvement and strengths, resulting in strengthening our relationships, reducing conflicting situations, and expressing our needs.  
    Communication styles are influenced by external factors that are then internalised. These styles are not fixed but transition and adapt to the scenarios we face.  
    There are four main communication styles:

    Assertive

    Passive

    Passive-aggressive 

    Aggressive  

     Assertive communication 
    The assertive communication style is a widely accepted style that is considered an effective communication style.  
    It is focused on the needs of the communicator and those with who they are communicating.  
    Theses communicators value their time, rights, needs and themselves- as well as others.  
    They are driven by their desires and needs as well as respecting others desires and needs.  
    They are straightforward and direct in expressing their opinions, advocate for their rights and someone who states facts (without labels or judgments). They are fair, honest, open to criticism or bargaining whilst ensuring others understand and interpret the situation at hand in a realistic manner.  
    Others will feel that they can trust the assertive communicator at their word, that they know where they stand, that they have been listened to, considered, and respected. 
     In summary, the assertive communication style consists of: 

    Direct communication 

    Appropriate honest 

    Advocates for oneself 

    Utilised “I” statements  

    Listens and does not interrupt  

    Express emotions  

    Passive communication 
    This style of communication focuses on the needs of others rather than the needs of their own.  
    They are driven by the desire and belief to please others and avoid conflict. 
    They typically are indirect about their thoughts or feelings and will submit to other desires.  
    They struggle to take responsibility for decisions, have no opinion, agree to others without question, talk softly, do not express their feelings, and avoid conflict or confrontation.  
    Others may view a passive communicator as frustrating, confused about their needs, and some may advantage of the individual.  
    In summary, a passive communication style consists of: 

    Indirect communication 

    Denies personal needs  

    Apologies for emotions  

    Defers to other opinions  

    Minimises one’s experience  

    Prioritises other emotions  

    Passive-aggressive  style of communication 
    People who communicate in a passive-aggressive style may appear passive on the surface but can act out their needs in an indirect way.  
    They are driven by beliefs such as “I’ll please you, but I will get back at you”. 
    They have difficulties expressing and acknowledging their anger, resulting in feeling trapped, unable to confront conflict or their needs.  
    They often sabotage themselves due to unclear intentions, and their expressions do not match their emotions.  
    Passive-aggressive communicators may be sarcastic, ‘two-faced’, spread rumours, give silent treatments, talk about others behind their backs rather than confronting others and indirectly aggressive.  
    Others may feel they are frequently left feeling confused, angry, hurt, or resentful.  
    In summary, the passive-aggressive communication style consists of: 

    Indirect communication   

    Denies difficult emotions  

    Indirectly expresses anger  

    Backhanded compliments  

    Denies there is a problem  

    Feigns cooperation 

     Aggressive communication 
    They focus on their own needs and disregard the needs of others.  
    They are driven by beliefs such as “I’m right, and you are wrong”,, and “I’ll get what I want no matter what.” 
    They come across as bossy, condescending and threatening.  
    They often are close-minded, interrupt or speak over others, put others down, use threats and are not effective listeners.  
    Others may feel defensive, humiliated, hurt, afraid, disrespected, and can resort to fighting back, being resistant or defiant.   
    In summary, an aggressive communication style consists of: 

    Inappropriately honest  

    Dominate others 

    Does not listen  

    Critics or blames others 

    Low frustration tolerance  

    Only uses “you” statements  

    How understanding your style can help when communicating with your partner
    Understanding the styles of communication is just beginning. Now,  it’s time to take that learning and develop self-awareness by exploring and understanding your style of communication,  your behavioural tendencies and personal needs. 
    Whatever your goals relate to your relationships, family, work, finances, you need to learn to communicate effectively to achieve them.  
    This does not mean talking the loudest, getting the last word in or pretending everything is fine. Powerful communication comes from understanding your needs and learning how to express them clearly — while also valuing the messages you receive from others.
    Starting to practice better communication today will help you build your relationships, set clear boundaries and improve your life. 
    Get in touch 
    If you need some advice on communicating with your partner, please contact My Family Psychologist. 
    We offer specialised counselling services for adults, couples and children, as well as mediation services. Get in touch and see how we can support you when you are going through a difficult time. 
    Visit the My Family Psychologist website here.
    Family law advice 
    For any family law advice please  contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers here
    References 
    https://soulsalt.com/communication-style/  
    https://learn.g2.com/communication-styles More

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    That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 7

    In this episode, we visit with Dr. Shanna Garza the Clinic Director of Girls to Women and Young Men’s Health and Wellness, an Adolescent Medicine practice in McKinney, Texas.

    Dr. Garza received her B.S. in Biology from Emory University and attended medical school at Baylor College of Medicine. Following her medical education, she completed a Family Medicine residency at John Peter Smith Hospital in Fort Worth. She is a board-certified Family Medicine physician with over 13 years of experience working with children, teens and young adults.
    Eating disorders are a health issue Dr. Garza’s clinics contend with on a regular basis.  There are a lot of societal issues impacting the way young people, especially girls, see themselves and judge themselves. Preoccupation with food, body weight, and shape may signal an eating disorder.
    What is the risk of dieting to young people? Is there a difference between an eating disorder and disordered eating? How does social media, diet talk and body shaming lead to eating disorders? 
    Dr. Garza shares important advice for parents to help our kids navigate this very dangerous and even deadly health issue.  More

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    That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 6

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    That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 5

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    Talking So Your Teens Will Listen

    By Tanni Haas, Ph.D. | Contributor
    Every parent of teens knows how difficult it can be to get through to them, but it doesn’t have to be this way. There are many things parents can do – and a couple of things they shouldn’t do – to get their teens to listen. Here’s what the experts suggest:
    Give Good Reasons
    Teens like to know that their parents are taking them seriously, so if you want them to listen, don’t just state your opinions or tell them what to do. “Tell them why those are the right opinions,” says Rachel Ehmke of the Child Mind Institute. Give good reasons for what you say, and for what you say they should do.
    Allow Time For Processing
    It can take days, even weeks, for teens to process the substance of a conversation, especially an important one. If your teens don’t understand what you say at first give them some time and space to reflect on the conversation before you bring it up again. “You might be surprised how your conversation evolves over time,” clinical psychologist Dr. Gregory Jantz says.  
    Rephrase Statements as Questions
    Teens will reflect more and better on what you’re telling them when you rephrase statements as questions instead of commands. “By asking questions,” says Josh Shipp, the author of The Grown-Up’s Guide to Teenage Humans, “you as a parent are getting your children to think critically on their own.” Try to ask questions that make your teens reflect on the causes and consequences of their actions.

    “Stop talking before your teen tunes out.”

    Keep It Short and Simple
    Keep it short and simple, says therapist Mendi Baron: “If you’re going on and on, your teen is thinking, ‘I got the point already, please STOP.’ So, stop talking before your teen tunes out.” This is difficult advice to follow. As parents, we like to unload whatever is on our minds but doing that can easily backfire.  
    Don’t Lose Your Temper
    Don’t lose your cool, even if your teens are rude or aren’t paying attention to what you’re saying. If you lose your temper, the conversation can escalate into a shouting match. Remember that you’re the adult and should be better able to control your emotions than your teens. Instead of losing your cool, Ms. Ehmke says, “count to ten or take some deep breaths before responding.”
    Don’t Lecture
    “If you lecture,” Mr. Shipp says, “your teen tunes you out. And when that happens, you become the boy who cried wolf. You could have the most pertinent information, but your teen won’t hear a thing you say.” Also, a lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.   

    A lecture is a monologue where only you get to talk and not a dialogue between you and your teen where both get to speak.

    Don’t Use Judgmental Language
    “No one likes to feel judged,” says professional counselor Trudy Griffin. “If you come off as critical or judgmental, your teen may shut down.” Try to say what you want to say in as neutral a way as possible. When you “remove judgmental phrases from dialogue with your teen,” Ms. Griffin adds, you’ll be surprised by how much more they’re willing to listen to you.”  
    ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
    Tanni Haas is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College. More

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    That’s a Good Question! Podcast: Episode 4

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