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    Scared of The Dark [How To Solve This Common Problem]

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    Somewhere after the long days and months of late-night feedings and diaper changes, and dealing with crying babies, you might experience a new kind of trial. Young children are often afraid of the dark. This fear primarily manifest itself as a kid who doesn’t want to go to sleep. The question then becomes why are kids scared of the dark and how to help them get over fear of the dark. Don’t worry this is a phase that can be handled so you can both get back to your respective beds! Here is advice to share with your children on how to not be scared of the dark.

    Why are kids scared of the dark?

    You’ve probably seen movies, where there’s a young child who’s absolutely convinced that a monster is hiding in his closet or under his bed, and refuses to go to sleep. It turns out that kids often have a fear of the dark and/or a fear of monsters hiding under the bed. This means they they often don’t want to go to bed by themselves or at least without a light on. It seems to be a common phase most children go through. Why is this the case?

    Well, darkness means we have very limited visibility. This is where the fear begins to creep in. I remember thinking I won’t be able to see what is coming for me. This is precisely the reason that fear of the dark seems to be hardwired into us. In fact, according to Science Alert, “our fear of the dark is an evolutionary trait that we picked up to survive real-life predators stalking the night”. This means it is entirely natural and normal for kids to be scared of the dark.

    Add to their fear of the dark the fact that children have excellent imaginations and you can see how they may imagine that the darkness is concealing monsters or attackers. Their minds create excellent realistic images of the things they think of. This can be very frightening for kids to overcome. They feel they need a light or an adult to protect them from lurks in the darkness. Extra sources of darkness and fear maybe the closet or under the bed.

    Secrets For How To Not Be Scared Of The Dark

    If this all sounds familiar, I have some advice on how to deal with kids who are scared of the dark. They need reassurance that this is a normal phase they will get past. You can explain to them that you will help your child overcome their fear of the dark. Tell them you will share your secrets for how to not be scared of the dark. This will help them buy into the whole process.

    Take Comfort: It’s Probably Just a Short Phase

    Most children are only scared of the dark for a little while. However, it may feel like an eternity when you are currently living it. Luckily most kids, find this is a short stage that they’ll grow out of. But there are still things you can do to help them get over their fear of the dark.

    A big reason why kids end up scared of the dark, or believing there are monsters under the bed, is because they have wild, active imaginations. It’s not hard to believe that the rough, dark outline of a sweater is actually a terrifying goblin ready to strike. That is, if you’re a toddler.

    I found that one of the best things to do is to stick to only calm, soothing TV shows and entertainment before bed. It should be happy, upbeat stuff. Have you ever noticed how dark and scary most Disney movies are in some places? When they lay down for bed, they will likely begin to think of the things they saw or read during the day. So make sure they are getting activities right before bed.

    Only say calming things right before bed. Leave off things like, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Don’t say things like, “You have a big day tomorrow.” Try things like “Sweet dreams.” Say things like, “I love you and I will see you in the morning.”

    How to get over fear of the dark with a bedtime routine that works!

    Create a bedtime routine.

    Setting up a bedtime routine is crucial. What you do here is up to you, but some ideas could be: a nice bedtime story, a warm bubble bath, singing lullabies and even just sitting in bed with him until he falls asleep. A consistent bedtime routine works wonders!

    Here are several more ideas for you if you need some extra help. Try them out and see which work for you.

    Get a night light.

    A nightlight can do wonders for making them feel more secure. They’re really cheap and you can find one at Target, Walmart, or even a dollar store for a few bucks. You can also try a motion activated night light so it only comes on if something moves. Nothing is moving if it is not on! Or a solar powered one that will cut on and off automatically with the darkness is great for older children who still need a bit of reassurance.

    Leave the door ajar.

    Leaving the door open slightly could be helpful. Not being completely isolated in the room does a lot to ease their anxiety and worries.

    Play soothing music. 

    Soft, gentle music or using a nice sound machine can help, too. Complete silence can make matters much worse for a kid who’s scared of the dark. Soothing music can help keep their imaginations calm.

    Sleep training clock.

    These types of clocks feature lights that tell kids when it is time to get up and time to sleep (parent sets those times). They also have night lights and soothing music built in so they perform many functions at once. The Mella Ready to Rise Children’s Sleep Trainer clock is the most popular on Amazon and has a 4.5 star rating with almost 15,000 reviews. Affiliate link below.

    Reassure them.

    Simply tell them that there’s nothing to be scared of. There are no monsters or demons lurking in their bedroom, and nothing is going to hurt them. You are right next door if they really need you.

    Calm them.

    Use DIY lavender pillow spray to help them feel calm and relaxed and talk them for a bit as they get sleepy.

    Give them a stuffed animal.

    A stuffed animal can sometimes serve as a trusted friend to watch over them and keep them safe. Plus, just cuddling will help them feel soothed. If you happen to have a cooperative cat or dog, they make serve to make your child feel less alone and vulnerable.

    Set Up A Check Up. Tell them you’ll come to check on them every 5 minutes. Then, you start to space it out more: to 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, and hopefully they’ll be asleep before long.

    Share the bed, if need be.

    Letting them share a bed with you isn’t always an awful idea. As long as it doesn’t get out of hand. A better idea is to stay in their bedroom. That way, they don’t get used to the idea of staying in yours. You can leave when they fall asleep and you are reinforcing the idea that there’s nothing to be scared of in their room.

    Summing Up Ideas To Conquer Night Fears

    In conclusion, nighttime fears are very common in young children, and sometimes there’s nothing we can do to make them go away. For most kids, it’s just a phase they’ll quickly grow out of. We just need to help them along the way a little bit.

    Just try to have patience and not loose your cool. I know it can be frustrating to deal with, but it’s important to keep calm. Don’t get upset at your son or daughter! With a little patience and understanding, and positive reinforcement, I’m sure they’ll be over their fears before you know it!

    Do you have any other tips or tricks to help toddlers who are scared of the dark? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

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      Benefits of Bedtime Rituals And Purpose, Passion and Pajamas Excerpt

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      Bedtime rituals are important in all phases of life. From helping soothe a new born to sleep, to relaxing bedtime rituals for young children, and the nightly tuck in for older children. Even adults have important bedtime rituals. Whether it is special pajamas, bedtime music, or a bedtime short story, these series of actions let us know that it is time to settle down and relax so that we can welcome sleep. They also help us recognize that we are safe and feel comforted and happy before we settle in for a night full of what we want to be good dreams. For many, thinking back to bedtime in their childhood will help them feel loved and that is a wonderful thing. Here I will discuss a bit about the benefits of bedtime rituals and share an excerpt from a best selling book on the subject.

      The Importance of Relaxing Bedtime Rituals

      Photo by Ben

      There are the parts of our bedtime rituals that are purely functional- brushing our teeth, setting our alarm clocks, etc. They need to be done and in doing them we let our bodies know that it is time to relax and prepare for sleep.

      But the bedtime rituals have the potential to be so much more than just functional! Bedtime rituals can have many benefits and be a source of well being. As a child, bedtime is a special time when you should feel loved and attended to. This helps set the child up for a restful night of sleep, which is important for improved mood, concentration, and athletic performance. Bedtime rituals offer the opportunity to reset with love and support so that the child may rest easy.

      As Psych Central says, “Bedtime is a daily opportunity to build and nurture your relationship with your child. There’s something about a quiet darkened room that invites conversation. This is a time to take stock, to snuggle, to conversation about some of the important things that your child is thinking about. When children know that bedtime is a time when you give a few minutes of undivided attention, they often save up their most sensitive questions for sharing. Yes, sometimes they’ll use it to hang onto you when you really want to get to your own projects or the newspaper. Calmly set some limits and carry on. This is the real stuff of parenting — building your child’s sense of personal value, answering the big questions, teaching your values through stories and conversation.”

      That was so well put I had to include it all! Most parents will tell you that tucking their children in can take awhile but the bedtime connection is special, fun time that should be cherished and has enormous benefits.

      The Sanctity Of Bedtime Connection And Bonding

      I was speaking with Genevieve Piturro who founded the national nonprofit, Pajama Program and she understands firsthand, “the profound meaning of a loving mom at my bedside as I drifted off to dream.” In fact she says that, “it’s this sacred, quiet bonding time that lays the foundation for a child’s self-worth and self-love that gives us the strength to move past obstacles and challenge as we grow into adulthood.” That sounds like a description of good parenting and love and when you think about it, that is exactly what is happening at bedtime when you both slow down together and focus on each other as parent and child.

      Genevieve Piturro has published an Amazon best seller new book called, Purpose, Passion and Pajamas. It is about her journey founding and growing Pajama Program. I am very excited to share with you that I have been permission to share an excerpt form her new book with you here. It’s about how the sanctity of bedtime between mother and child can impact not only the child’s life decisions as an adult, but also impact millions of others as a result.

      Excerpt from:PURPOSE, PASSION AND PAJAMAS: How to Transform Your life, Embrace the Human Connection and Lead with MeaningRiver Grove Books; Illustrated edition (July 28, 2020)By Genevieve M. Piturro

      Purpose, Passion and Pajamas Excerpt

      Her big brown eyes were locked on the pretty pink pajamas I held out to her, but she hesitated to take them.

      “Don’t you want these?” I gently asked.

      She glanced from the pink flannel to the other children who held their new nightwear. At this shelter and after-school program in New York City, there were about 12 children in all, many here because of abusive or absent fathers, or mothers who were battered or headed for drug rehab—or prison. The girl looked cautiously at me kneeling in front of her, ridiculously overdressed in my corporate pantsuit. She turned to watch the other children head to the back room with their garments.

      Then she looked at me again.

      “What are they?” she whispered.

      “They’re pajamas,” I said.

      “Where do I wear them?”

      “To bed at night.”

      She shook her head, puzzled.

      “What do you usually wear to sleep?” I asked.

      “My pants,” she said softly, tugging on her too-tight, too-short,

      dirty pants.

      I tried to make sense of what she’d just said. My mind was racing. Surely, I’d heard her wrong. I needed a minute to rewind our conversation, to put it right in my mind. And I needed to keep from crying before she thought she’d done something wrong. My brain scrambled to steady itself and respond in a way that didn’t show her how shaken I was, how upside down everything had become.

      “Well, now you don’t have to wear your pants to bed,” I said.

      “Tonight, you can wear these soft, pretty pajamas.”

      Her face registered little emotion as she tentatively accepted the gift. A staff member and I found a private place where she could change. In what seemed like slow motion, we watched as the most precious smile appeared on her face, and a tiny giggle escaped. The staffer took her hand and led her into the other room to sleep. Then my tears came. And I let them. I didn’t know it then, but it was in that moment, the most poignant I’ve ever experienced, that Pajama Program was born. With that little girl, I found my true purpose in life, a purpose that would propel me day and night. It was also then that I realized there is enough in this world—more than enough, in fact—to fix situations like this.

      Over the next several weeks, I visited and read with different groups in the New York City area. I quickly realized the emotional impact these children had on me. I was drawn to them in a protective way, and my need to comfort them felt overwhelming. There was something just so right about it all. Every time I had to leave, I had a difficult time finding the right words to say goodbye to the children. I hated these last moments because I felt I was leaving them alone and afraid. I knew most, if not all, of them would be gone the next time I came, and a new set of abandoned or abused children would be listening to me. The prospect was deeply upsetting. I made sure my goodnights were cheerful and warm. I couldn’t let my sad feelings show after filling their heads with so many happy endings. Still, I felt like a fraud, pretending tomorrow might be full of sunshine and happiness when I knew I couldn’t deliver either.

      As affecting as these experiences were for me, I grew restless. I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe I could do more than simply read. I felt guilty walking out after an hour, leaving them with only books and a memory of story time. How much was I really helping? Was it more unsettling to them that I left them, too? Books had always been an escape for me as a child, but the discontentment that made me reach for a book was nothing compared to what these children were hoping to escape. Was I fooling myself thinking I was doing something that made a difference? I continued my visits, reading to the children in a circle on the floor, and looking for a way to do more. Surely I’d find it.

      As a child, I loved the coziness and comfort of bedtime. In addition to the many books she read us, my mom made up her own funny bedtime stories. To this day, one very special story brings tears to my eyes, filling me with so much love and gratitude for my mother who, even now, is the person I want when I can’t sleep. The story is about a little boy eating a candy bar with peanuts when one peanut comes alive and shouts, “Don’t eat me, don’t eat me!” That always made us giggle and demand of our mother,

      “Tell us again, tell us again!”

      All the laughing and hugging tired us out and sleep quickly followed. I was always conscious of our family’s financial limitations, and it was obvious to me that most of my friends had more than I did. We had bag lunches and were rarely given money for hot lunches; we got new store-brand clothes, but only at the start of the school year and again at Easter, and the items were always on sale. But we had one thing in abundance—we had love.

      The Heart of the Matter:

      • Learn from your childhood lessons.

      Life tends to come full circle. I see now it was the foundation of my mother’s love and my parents’ commitment to us—as well as the sacrifices we made—that helped me to see clearly when everything I thought I wanted was challenged. That foundation drove me to find my true passion in pajamas. My mother’s expressions of love helped me identify exactly what was missing in that little girl’s life. And my father’s insistence on education and hard work showed me how to provide not only for myself but also for others—helping me redefine what it means to be a “family.”

      • Examine the way you’ve “always” done things.

      Partly because of my family’s hard work and sacrifices, I sometimes felt I didn’t have enough. As a result, I started out in my career by focusing too much on what I wanted in terms of wealth and material possessions—money, clothes, apartment, travel. Soon the polish wore off those pursuits, however, and I was left unfulfilled. I knew I needed a change.

      • Don’t let tradition hold you back from your true purpose.

      We were raised to work hard and respect our family, and I spent many years fulfilling the role of dutiful daughter in my traditional Italian family, which included having successful career, well-appointed condo, and nice clothes. I had no idea I would need to let those markers of success go when I first stepped into that homeless shelter to read bedtime stories to children. But I did let them go, and that opened the way to being free to pursue new goals, ones that would give my life meaning.

      I hope you enjoyed this inspiring excerpt from Genevieve Piturro’s book, Purpose, Passion and Pajamas. You can learn more about her work or order a copy of her book through her website. This year, the Pajama Program celebrates its 20th anniversary, having delivered more than 7 MILLION magical gifts of new pajamas and new books to children through their 63 chapters across the U.S.

      She has been interviewed on and in many local and national media including most recently, Hallmark’sHome & Family show, OPRAH, TODAY, GMA, The Early Show, CNN, Fox & Friends, O Magazine, Forbes,The Wall Street Journal, and Parenting Magazine. Here is the Oprah clip for your viewing pleasure:

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      In conclusion, bedtime rituals are the perfect opportunity to establish a wonderful bonding time for parent and child. Relaxing bedtime rituals can help the child destress, feel safe, and feel loved so that they can get the most out of a peaceful night’s sleep and be ready to meet the new challenges in each day. What types of bedtime rituals do you have with your child? Do you think this special bedtime connection helps improve their resilience?

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