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    Navigating the Conversation: Telling Your Children About Your New Partner After Divorce

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    Chloe O., one of our partner divorce coaches, discusses how to tell your children about your new partner after divorce.
    Divorce can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience for parents and children alike. Amidst the changes and transitions, one delicate conversation arises: how to tell your children that you have met someone new. This pivotal discussion requires sensitivity, honesty, and a deep understanding of your children’s emotions. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this conversation with care.
    Don’t rush it
    Avoid introducing your new partner to your children right away. Remember that your children have already experienced a lot of changes in their family setup and stability is very important for them. Take time to build a strong foundation in your relationship before involving the children. It may be very exciting at first to have met someone new, but your children might still be adapting to their post-divorce family life and may require more time. If this is truly someone you intend to stay with, then waiting a few more months before introducing them won’t make a big difference. Once you do decide to take that step, respect your children’s pace in accepting your new partner. Understand that they may need time to process the news and adjust to the changes.
    Similarly, the first introduction should be kept short and informal. Take your time in expanding the amount of time the children spend with your new partner. Instead, try to use the time when they are with their other parent to focus on your love life and keep your parenting time to concentrate on the children. Steps such as your partner staying overnight when the children are at your house or going away on holidays together will need to be carefully considered and introduced only when the children have fully adapted to the new situation.
    Plan it properly
    Make sure you do things in the right order. If you are able to, the best approach would always be to speak to your ex first to align on the best approach for breaking the news. Discuss whether they want to be present when you tell the children. One of the pieces of advice I give to my clients as part of the divorce process is to establish some ground rules with regards to how new partners will be introduced. Must the relationship be of a certain duration? Does your ex get to meet the person first? How soon after the introduction will your new partner spend the night at your house or go on holidays with you and your children? If these are areas for concern, establishing a reciprocal code of conduct for these matters can help avoid conflict later on.
    As with any important conversation, you will want to make sure you consider the best time for it. This is both the best time of day/week and the best time in your child’s life. If they are going through a hard time at school for example, it may be worth waiting a few more weeks before speaking to them. In general, it is good advice to avoid discussing these topics during or immediately after significant events such holidays or birthdays. Ensure that everyone is in a calm and relaxed state of mind, free from distractions and interruptions.
    The place where you choose to have this conversation and who will be present are also important factors to consider when planning for this announcement. In general, it is best to try to keep things informal rather than set up a special occasion for the big reveal.
    Last but definitely not least, you’ll want to spend some time thinking through what exactly you want to say. Practicing with a friend can be helpful. As a Divorce Coach, I often practice role playing with clients to help them prepare answers to various possible questions or reactions from the children. In defining the words you want to use, you’ll want to consider various factors such as the children’s age, how they were affected by the divorce, how long you have been separated from their other parent, etc.

    Be honest and direct
    When discussing your new relationship, honesty is paramount. Be upfront with your children about your feelings and intentions. Use age-appropriate language and avoid hiding or sugar-coating the truth. However, refrain from divulging unnecessary details that may overwhelm or confuse them. Once again, making sure your message is fully thought through will really matter. If there is a very large age gap between you children, you may want to speak to them separately, albeit as close to each other as possible, to be able to address the specific concerns they have at their various ages.
    In the preparation phase, you will have prepared possible answers to questions and concerns your children might raise. It is absolutely acceptable to not have the answers to all their questions, and to say so! Being truthful and open is what matters most as it will make them feel comfortable with revisiting the subject later and sharing their feelings. Remember, though that you are not asking your children for permission here, you are informing them of a new situation. They will need to understand that the new relationship is a choice you have made and that it remains entirely your choice.
    Validate their feelings and reassure them
    As with the announcement of the divorce itself, your main objective is to make your children feel safe in light of this new change to their life. No matter how they react, acknowledge and validate your children’s emotions. Understand that they may experience a range of feelings, including confusion, anger, sadness, or even excitement. Encourage open communication and assure them that their feelings are valid and respected. Create a supportive environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and asking questions. Be receptive to their feedback. Address any concerns or apprehensions they may have with empathy and understanding.
    Keep in mind that a moment that you may have spent several months planning for might end up feeling anti-climactic. You may have had months to process this latest change to your family life, but your children are only at the beginning of that journey. There is a strong chance they might not say much at first and may need some time to process before they ask any questions. Once you have explained the situation to them, whether they choose to discuss it further or not, make sure you leave the door open for questions later, when they feel ready.
    Through the words you choose and the way you position the new person, focus on reassuring your children that your love for them remains unchanged. Emphasise that your new relationship does not diminish the love and bond you share with them. Offer reassurance that they will always be a priority in your life.
    Avoid pushing your new partner onto them
    One last piece of advice: try to avoid setting up your new partner as someone they are going to love. While you clearly love that person, your child may initially reject them. Avoid phrases that suggest that they are expected to love this person the same way you do. Even if you really want them to like them, you are trying to avoid placing undue pressure on your children to feel attachment to a new parental figure. They will already instinctively know that you care for this person and that you ideally want them to have a good relationship, there is no need to point it out.
    Finally, it is always recommended to be careful with your words and actions so that your children don’t feel like your new partner is in any way replacing their other parent. Stay away from terminologies such as “step-father” or “step-mother” until the children choose to use them, and no matter how serious the relationship gets, don’t make them call your new partner “Mum” or “Dad”. The objective here is to avoid pressuring them to embrace your relationship and to allow them to express their thoughts and concerns openly.
    Conclusion
    Telling your children about your new partner after divorce is a significant milestone in your journey as a family. Approach the conversation with sensitivity, honesty, and empathy. Validate your children’s feelings, reassure them of your love, and respect their pace in accepting the changes. By fostering open communication and creating a supportive environment, you can navigate this transition with care and compassion, strengthening the bond within your family along the way.
    More about Chloe
    Chloe O is a Certified Divorce Coach and conflict resolution specialist. She works with her clients to support them through the ups and downs of divorce, helping them to part ways more peacefully in order to preserve their children’s and their own wellbeing. Chloe offers a free discovery call for new clients, so don’t hesitate to get in touch if you want to discuss your specific situation and challenges.
    Useful Links
    More by Chloe O.
    Starting your divorce with the right negotiation mindset
    What to avoid doing on social media during your divorce

    Other Links
    Can my ex stop me moving away with the children?
    Separated parents choosing schools
    How to support teenagers through divorce
    Blended families and step-parents – a beginners guide

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      in Family Law

      Changes to Family Procedure Rules

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      From 29th April 2024 there will be changes to the Family Procedure Rules (FPR). The current rules have been in place since 2010 and are being updated to place greater expectation on courts, family practitioners and families going through breakdown to use non-court-based methods to resolve financial and children matters.
      What are the FPR?
      The Family Procedure rules govern the process and procedures used in the family court system in England and Wales. They are governed by a committee, the Family Procedure Rule Committee.
      The Rules provide practice directions – essentially how the family courts should run, the powers the Judge has, forms, documentation, etc. They standardise court procedures and practice across England and Wales.
      What are the changes?
      The FPR are being updated to include a new, wider definition of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR). Previously, this has focused on mediation, but will be extended to encompass methods such as collaborative divorce, arbitration, and private financial dispute resolutions.
      The main thing divorcing couples will need to be aware of is that they will now need to set out their views on NCDR in open correspondence, alongside a signed statement of truth. They will be asked to genuinely consider out-of-court methods.
      A failure to engage with NCDR without good reason (for example, the case involves domestic abuse), will likely have cost sanctions, and may affect who pays the litigation fees in financial dispute cases.
      Circumstances that qualified for mediation exemption will also be narrowed.
      Courts will also have the power to adjourn proceedings if the Judge feels that NCDR would be appropriate, allowing time for the couple to engage in a form of NCDR. This can now happen whether the couple agrees to it or not.
      These changes will mean a considerable cultural shift, helping couples explore ways of resolving their disputes without going to court.
      The aims are:

      Support amicable dispute resolution
      Support the wellbeing of children by keeping matters out of court
      To relieve pressure on the courts

      What options are there for non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)?
      Divorce is rarely straightforward, and no two cases are the same. Your solicitor will be able to explore your options of NCDR with you at your first consultation to see which, if any, will be appropriate in your unique case.
      Some examples of NCDR include:

      What does this mean for me going through a divorce?
      The key thing to be aware of is that you will no longer be able to simply tick a box to say that mediation is not appropriate for your case. Where NCDR is not possible, you will need to explain to the court why this is.
      Failure to engage in NCDR without a valid reason will likely come with cost sanctions.
      This is part of a wider drive by the Ministry of Justice to support families going through relationship breakdown by ensuring they are fully informed of the options available to them and supported throughout the process.
      Useful Links
      Court Fees Rising May 2024
      A Guide to Financial Dispute Resolution More

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      in Children

      Does divorce affect your right to ‘sharent’?

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      Sharenting after divorce
      Harmless sharing or a breach of privacy? In this current era of social media, most of us have seen online content featuring other people’s children. Celebrities, influencers, family, friends, and even distant acquaintances, document details of their home lives and the children they’re raising via photos, videos and updates, often referred to as ‘sharenting’.
      We’ve been documenting life long before social media. However, the widespread cultural norm of sharing our lives online means that what would previously have been treasured photo albums, family footage and diaries, are now permanent, publicly accessible, digital footprints.
      Abi Jones, Associate and member of the South West & Wales family law team at Stowe, explores the debate further and looks at how divorce can affect your right to share your children on social media.
      Where do you draw the line?
      Maybe you’re marking your kid’s birthday with a nostalgic roundup of photos, sharing the obligatory ‘first day back at school’ snap, or posting snippets of your family holiday. Sharing on Instagram or Facebook is a way of recording these moments for posterity and letting others share in your joy.
      But what one parent considers appropriate, the other might feel less comfortable with. Coparents with differing views about sharenting can find navigating the question of how much to share of your chid online, tricky.
      The process of divorce or separation can widen the gap between your views and nudge you into addressing how best to manage your child’s online presence.
      So, what can you do if you and your ex-partner disagree about how much to share online about your kids?
      When you and your ex disagree about sharenting
      Formal agreements about how parents will care for their children after they’ve split up are usually made using a child arrangements order, a legal order made via the family court.
      However, child arrangements order don’t usually address the boundaries that separated parents set for sharing information about their children online.
      The family court isn’t there to enforce uniform parenting styles. Its role is to ensure that parenting meets a basic minimum standard and that each party has an arrangement that prioritises the children’s well-being—emotionally, physically, and psychologically—and supports their relationship with each parent.
      However, if one party raises concerns about what is being shared on social media by the other parent, the court may have a view on whether it is appropriate and whether it should continue.
      How could Sharenting be included in a Child Arrangements Order?
      It’s possible to include agreed sharenting boundaries in a Child Arrangements Order as either a recital, featuring as a condition of contact, or in extreme circumstances it may be included within a Prohibited Steps Order where the online sharing is deemed as particularly detrimental.
      What if you or your ex ignores the agreed sharenting boundaries?
      The implications of somebody breaching the terms of a Child Arrangements Order or Prohibited Steps Order would depend on the circumstances of the agreement.
      For example, divorced parents include restrictions for sharing content about their children online in their Child Arrangements Order, then years later return to court to amend their order to suit their child’s evolving needs. If during proceedings it emerges that one parent violated the agreement, this breach could affect the court’s perception of that parent and have implications for them as the look to make future child arrangements.
      Balancing parental rights over children’s right to privacy
      There’s ongoing debate about the child’s right to privacy, and whether children should be posted online before they can decide for themselves.
      Parents have the authority to make decisions for their children until they turn 16, when they’re typically considered competent enough to make decisions independently. However, there’s a delicate balance between parental decisions and respecting the child’s right to privacy.
      These competing rights often clash, and there’s currently no clear-cut answer. Ultimately, those with parental responsibility must exercise discretion in what they share online about their child.
      Legalities of sharing social media content without a minor’s consent
      Establishing whether the content shared about a child is appropriate can be challenging for the court but if deemed inappropriate, they may order the content to be removed.
      In some jurisdictions, children who reach maturity have taken their parents to court for breaching their human rights through “sharenting,” but it would be up to the child to take legal action later.
      Other concerns about sharenting
      For the cautious, sharenting poses safeguarding concerns including child exploitation, risks related to facial recognition, identity theft and deep fakes, nefarious use by criminals and security risks like tracking via information shared about home and school locations.
      Other significant considerations include whether it’s ethical to post content about your child online without their consent, and impinge on their human right to privacy. Not to mention how sharing their personal lives might make them feel now, and in the future.
      Get in touch
      If you and your ex would like to look into making a a formal agreement about sharing your children on social media, our family law team can help you. Get in touch using the details below. More

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      in Children

      How to support teenagers through divorce

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      It’s common to worry about how divorce or separation will affect your children, particularly teenagers. Adolescents are already experiencing a natural stage of transformation, so how does divorce affect teenage children?
      Reassuringly, when parents show unwavering love for their child and continue to work together to prioritise the wellbeing of their family, teenagers can adapt to their new family dynamic over time, and thrive.
      In this article, we share advice to help you support your teenage children through your divorce or separation.
      Navigating divorce or separation with teenage children
      Divorce is an unsettling time for any family, but with teenagers’ growing maturity and burgeoning independence, their experience of divorce is different when compared to younger children.
      Teenage independence
      One of the most significant aspects of managing divorce with teenagers is that unlike younger children, their relative maturity means they can form complex views and assert their wishes.
      This can make things challenging as divorcing parents. For example, it means you may see a wider range of emotions compared to younger children, your teenage child might draw conclusions that aren’t based on your family’s reality, and they’re likely to have friends whose parents have separated, which can influence what they expect will happen.
      Telling your teenage child you’re divorcing
      The way you approach conversations with teens about divorce can influence how they take the news and begin to process it.
      Some teenagers may recognise that their parents’ relationship has been under strain, while others may be oblivious. Either way, the news that you’re planning to divorce can still come as a total surprise.
      Here are some suggestions for discussing divorce with teens:

      Share the news together as parents to show you’re still united as parents
      Be honest and upfront
      But spare them unnecessary detail about their parents’ relationship struggles
      Choose a suitable time to discuss divorce, free of distraction
      Don’t leave it until the last minute to tell them or wait until significant changes happen
      Provide detailed information about how the divorce will affect their life
      Explain things in full so they don’t have to fill in the gaps themselves
      Pitch the conversation at the right level for them; don’t dumb down or over-complicate
      Be open to answering teens’ questions
      Prepare yourself for a more self-centered response than younger children
      Give teens space to process their feelings
      Avoid pushing them to talk before they’re ready
      Expect possible boundary testing but maintain consistent rules
      Maintain normalcy in your teens’ routine to provide stability
      If changes are necessary, like moving to a new home, transition gradually
      If a move requires changing schools, consider finishing the term or school year first
      Map out a plan for holidays and special occasions so they can prepare for changes
      Encourage your teen to express their emotions and offer them a safe space to do
      Be present with them as much as you can, to reinforce your ongoing support.

      Seeing separation from their perspective
      Taking the time to see things from your teenager’s perspective is important.
      Avoid second guessing how they feel and instead give them the space to tell you truthfully, even if it’s not what you expect to hear.
      Emotions can range between anger and blame, to feelings of guilt and grief, or even relief. Acknowledge and validate all their feelings.
      Reassure them it’s not their fault
      Children and young people often blame themselves when things go wrong. They might believe the separation wouldn’t have happened if they were different or that they could have prevented it by acting differently.
      Assure them it’s not their fault; children are never responsible for their parents’ divorce or separation.
      Tackle issues that affect them directly
      Divorce is likely to raise significant questions for your teenager like with whom, and where, they will live. Respond to these concerns in full to avoid doubt and unnecessary worry.
      Even if the future outcome is still unknown, let them know when a final decision is likely to be reached and be clear about what the interim plans are.
      Reassure your teenager that they will still see both parents regularly.
      Considering their wishes
      Depending on their age, you might want to discuss future living arrangements with your child, allowing them to choose who they live with. This can spare older teenagers from living between two homes, a common solution for younger families.
      However, be clear that your child will maintain regular contact with both parents.
      Make space for difficult conversations
      Children often experience conflicting emotions during their parents’ separation, and this can be difficult for all involved.
      They may take sides, feeling protective of one parent and angry with the other, or they may even hold themselves responsible.
      Avoid pressuring them to make sense of it all quickly, instead allow them the space to process their feelings at their own pace, with your support.
      Minimise confusion by addressing their concerns directly and fully, in an age-appropriate way.
      Remember, you’re the adult 
      With the best will in the world, you can’t anticipate exactly how your child will process the news of your divorce. Whichever way they react, try to stay non-judgemental and remember all feelings are valid – even if they’re different to yours.
      It’s easy to feel hurt or frustrated when met with insults or silence from your teenager, but it’s essential for parents to remain the grownups in the situation.
      This means refraining from expressing your own frustration or anger at their reaction, and instead maintaining open communication and offering reassurance and guidance.
      Additionally, as the parent, you are responsible for making the effort to remain engaged and connected to your teenagers during and after divorce. Even if they are less enthusiastic while they adjust, keep trying.
      How will divorce affect our teenage children? 
      In some cases, divorce can affect other aspects of a teenager’s life including education, relationships, and wellbeing. As parents, it’s important to be attuned to potential changes as your family transitions to your new normal.
      Divorce and separation are common. By cooperating with your coparent and continuing to put the needs of your children first, you can help your teen navigate all the challenges.
      Kids are resilient, right?
      We often hear how resilient and adaptable children are, and that can certainly be true.
      But while teenagers appear to be coping, deflection or avoidance can be a valid reaction in itself.
      They may not react to divorce in the same manner as young children and adult children of divorce, but teenagers’ emotional experience shouldn’t be overlooked.
      How to support your teenager through your divorce
      Despite the challenges, there are ways that parents can help their teenage children cope with divorce. Open communication, consistency, and maintaining a supportive and loving environment are key.
      However, managing divorce with teenage children requires empathy and patience, not always easy when you’re dealing with your own feelings about the split.
      With your support. parents can help their teenagers navigate the difficult transition and emerge strong on the other side.
      Other useful articles:
      How to support children through divorce
      6 tips for adult children of divorce
      Split decision: How to talk to your children about separation
      My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school
      The rise in birdnesting after divorce More

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      in Family Law

      Family Court Fees to Rise

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      The Family Court fees are expected to rise soon, as a result of the Government’s proposal that court fees should increase by up to 10% in 2024. It is anticipated that these changes will happen in April 2024.
      The Ministry of Justice has stated that ‘implementing increases to court and tribunal fees is vital to our ongoing work to protect access to the courts for all those who seek justice.’
      The aim is to ensure that the courts can be properly resourced, as the increases will generate between £34 million and £42 million a year.
      Court fees have not increased since 2021, and the incoming change is to ensure that the courts can keep pace with increased costs, as well as improving service and reduce the taxpayer’s costs. The increased income will also support in subsidising the cost of the free services offered by the family courts.
      Prospective changes will include changes to the cost of getting a divorce or civil partnership dissolution, as well as price increases for child arrangements orders, financial orders that are not by consent, and applications for parental orders.
      Below we break down the changes.
      When the changes come in, the cost of a divorce/civil partnership dissolution application is set to rise from £593 to £652.
      Child arrangements orders will also see an increase in cost, rising from £232 to £255. Child arrangements orders are put in place by the court to set out responsibilities regarding children, including their living arrangements and their contact with both parents.
      Other children issues will also see the same cost increase, including orders such as Specific Issue Orders, Prohibited Steps Orders and Special Guardianship Orders, as well as applications for parental orders.
      The cost of an application for adoption, or permission to apply for adoption will rise from £183 to £201.
      A financial order application, not by consent, will see a cost rise from £275 to £303.
      In addition, financial consent orders are set to rise from £53 to £58.
      The Government website has a full breakdown of all the fee changes. More

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      in Family Law

      Pathfinder Pilot Scheme Expanded

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      Background and Purpose
      In March 2022, a pioneering pilot scheme, known as the Pathfinder pilot, was launched in some family courts in Dorset and North Wales to help improve information sharing between services such as the police and local authorities and the courts. It followed on from a review into the family justice system which concluded that the adversarial processes often worsened conflict between parents, retraumatising abuse victims and children.
      A crucial element of the Pathfinder pilot scheme is to enable local domestic abuse authorities to share important information with the courts, sparing abuse victims the painful process of retelling their experiences multiple times.
      In addition, the pilot aimed to ensure that children are listened to at every stage of the family justice process when going through their parents’ separation. Children were to be given more opportunity to explain their feelings, what they want and, should a court order be made, to feedback on whether it was working for them.
      How the Pathfinder Pilot works
      The Pathfinder pilot was launched in Bournemouth and Weymouth in Dorset, as well as Caernarfon, Mold, Prestatyn and Wrexham in North Wales initially.
      The piloted model involves more detailed initial investigations being carried out by the Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass), an independent body advising family courts on what is safe for children in family law processes. In most cases, this has involved speaking to the children involved in cases before the first hearing even takes place.
      Furthermore, the pilot has introduced a better integration system between agencies, such as domestic abuse organisations, and organisations specialising in mediation, and the courts, in order to best serve the families.
      The process involves:

      An early ‘gatekeeping’ hearing to look at the information
      Cafcass investigate any welfare issues and identify whether the family might benefit from another form of dispute resolution and can avoid court
      Cafcass will speak directly with the family and identify any families which have a domestic abuse risk
      Where appropriate, Cafcass will also speak with children early on in this process to understand their feelings and wishes

      The aim is for Cafcass to help families avoid court entirely, or, where this is not possible, to find a solution at the first hearing. The judge then reviews all the information and can request further documentation before the case reaches court.
      The idea has been to encourage a less adversarial process, keeping conflict out of the courtroom, and emphasising the investigation of issues, including allegations of domestic abuse.
      The Future of the Pilot
      The initial phase of the pilot reached its conclusion in February 2024. It has been announced that it will be expanded to two further locations, Birmingham and South-East Wales, before a national roll out.
      Phase 2 is due to launch in May 2024.
      Stowe Family Law Partner Rachel Fisher said this of the news that the pilot has been extended:
      “It is a really exciting development to see the expansion of the Pathfinder Pilot following the end of Phase 1 with the scheme now been expanded to South East Wales and Birmingham before hopefully a national rollout and the feedback reported has been extremely positive.
      This new Cafcass process is welcomed by professionals and families as a streamlined process with less delays for children who are at the centre of these disputes. The aim of the Pathfinder Pilot is to ensure that the voice of the children involved in each case is heard and to ensure that trauma to children and victims of domestic abuse is reduced as far as possible, which can only be in the children’s best interests.
      It is positive that the Pilot is being extended so that more families can benefit from the process which sees the court actively working with other local organisations and agencies to ensure matters are progressed promptly and with all the information being available to the court at an early stage through the in depth information gathering exercise at the outset by Cafcass to support a problem-solving approach to resolving arrangements for children.”
      In addition, the Government recently announced a pilot, due to launch in summer 2024, trialling a scheme publicly funded early legal advice for parents/carers. This advice will allow parents to make better informed decisions regarding their children when it comes to separation.
      The pilot aims to help separating parents resolve disputes without court intervention. The Pathfinder pilot will be important for those cases which do get to court. More

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      in Family Law

      A Guide to Prohibited Steps Orders

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      The breakup of a family can be a time of heightened emotions and in some cases, it may be necessary for the family court to enforce legal structures to prevent problems in relation to child arrangements.
      One example of this is a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO), which is sometimes used in acrimonious cases where the welfare of the separated couple’s child may be at risk.
      Stowe Family Law Paralegal, Becka Headley explores what they are, how they work, and how best to navigate them.
      What is a Prohibited Steps Order?
      A Prohibited Steps Order is a legally binding order that prohibits someone from exercising some elements of their parental responsibility. Where a Prohibited Steps Order has been put in place, the person against whom the order has been made must have the court’s permission before doing something set out in the order that would usually be done by a parent.
      They are usually used in cases where parents have separated, although the order does not have to be made against a parent, just someone with parental responsibility.
      Who can apply for a PSO?
      The following people have an automatic right to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order in relation to a child:

      Any parent, guardian or special guardian of the child
      Anyone who is named in a Child Arrangements Order which is in force in respect to that child, which states that the child is to live with them
      Anyone else who holds parental responsibility for the child.

      Any other party who wishes to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order will firstly need to apply for permission from the court before doing so.
      How can I apply for a PSO?
      You can make an application to the court for a Prohibited Steps Order by completing Form C100 and submitting this to the Family Court local to where the child lives. There is a fee of £232 for submitting this application to the court. Your application will then be issued by the court and listed for a hearing to consider application.
      If you do not have automatic permission to apply for the Prohibited Steps Order, you will firstly need to make an application for permission. This can be done on Form C100 also, with a cost of £232, to the Family Court local to where the child lives. A hearing may be required for the court to determine if permission is granted. If and when the court grant you permission to apply for the order, you can then proceed to apply for the Prohibited Steps Order as above.
      It is possible to apply for an Emergency PSO. These are often made in a ‘without notice’ hearing, where the other party is not aware of the application. There does need to be evidence that an emergency order is needed and that the welfare of the child is at risk.
      What can a Prohibited Steps Order cover?
      Prohibited Steps Orders can cover a wide range of prohibited actions, which prevents someone from carrying out an action which they would usually be allowed to do as a parent. For example:

      Changing or removing the child from school
      Changing the child’s surname
      Changing the child’s GP
      Consenting to the child undergoing a medical treatment
      Relocating a child within the UK or overseas
      Prohibiting the child from seeing a specific person

      The time for which the Prohibited Steps Order lasts can vary from case to case. It will usually remain in force until further notice, although it will automatically end on the child’s 18th birthday.  The court will impose a duration which they feel is in the best interests of the child, which can range from one month to several years.
      Can a Prohibited Steps Order be overturned or lifted?
      A Prohibited Steps Order can be over-turned; however the court will not do so if removing the order may negatively effect the child. The court’s first priority is the wellbeing of the child.
      A Prohibited Steps Order can be lifted if the parties reach an agreement that it should be. In these circumstances, the person who initially made the application for the Prohibited Steps Order can request that the court lift the order. Before lifting the order, the court will consider whether this is in the child’s best interests.
      What happens if a Prohibited Steps Order is breached?
      A Prohibited Steps Order is a legally binding and enforceable court order. Therefore, if a person breaks the order, they will be in contempt of court. This offence is punishable by imprisonment, fines and/or unpaid work.
      If breach of the order is found to be justified as it was in the best interests of the child, the court may reduce the penalty for the breach, or there may be no penalty at all.
      Useful Links
      What the family court expects from parents
      Can my ex stop me moving away with the children?
      My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school
      Supporting children through divorce: Listen on Spotify
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      in Children

      What do you say to a friend whose marriage is ending?

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      Sometimes, when people admit that their marriage is unsustainable, for whatever reason, the reaction of family, friends, even strangers on the internet can be judgmental or pitying. However, what someone in this situation needs are words and actions of support and comfort, as well as professional and legal guidance.
      We are joined on the blog by Divorce Coach Rebecca Spittles, who explores her own experience of the initial stages of separation, and what to say to a friend whose marriage is ending.
      ‘“It’s a shame you couldn’t have just tried a bit harder…”
      Nothing hits harder when you have made the decision to leave. When will people understand that getting divorced is an absolute last resort?
      Contrary to popular belief, and in my experience both personally and professionally, no one actually wants to get divorced. Reaching the point of separation, especially when there are children in the mix, is the most gut wrenching, stomach turning, vomit-inducing feeling you could ever imagine if you’ve not been there.
      I don’t wish divorce on anyone. When I took my vows I took them for life, like my parents, my grandparents and all that surrounded me. I wanted that security and comfort that everyone seeks from marriage. Even simple things I was excited about, for example to have the same surname as my husband and then of my child. It was so, so important.
      Just imagine how it felt when I knew that no matter how hard I tried, the union I was in was not meant to be?
      My parents were amazing. On several occasions I came close to uttering the words separation and every time they would come up with some kind words and injected a bit more strength into me to keep going. Marriage isn’t easy.
      My sister was the best. Constantly encouraging me, being a sounding board but never once suggesting being apart was an option.
      The toughest part of my situation was that, in order for our relationship to be harmonious, one or both of us had to completely stifle their key personality traits. Not sustainable.
      Our opinions on every single little thing were different and it ended with one or both of us feeling sad or resentful or angry as there wasn’t space for compromise.
      Compromise. The word bandied around all the time when it comes to being in a relationship. What if compromise actually meant giving in? Taking on the view of the other person so that life could just about be normal? What if compromise was only one sided and the only way for the other person to ever be happy was to always do what they wanted?
      I made several huge changes. Gave up my brilliant job so I could be at home. Gave up financial independence and poured every penny into the joint account. I started asking to do things and to buy things and slowly I disappeared. But still there was no happiness.
      After 2 long years following the birth of our daughter I asked for a separation. The answer was ‘No’. Clearly, I ‘didn’t care about my marriage’. I did. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything in my life to work but I was empty. Nothing left.
      In the end, two days after New Years Eve, I left after a huge row (something I learned is never the best way to leave).
      I picked up our daughter and stepped out of the front door and I will always remember the feeling of this being ‘it’. We were completely over. I drove to my parents with a sleeping toddler, arrived and cried. I cried and cried.
      Eventually he moved out to his Mum’s temporarily so that I could come home with our daughter and work, and she could have contact with her Dad.
      I am writing this so that next time someone utters the words ‘I want to leave my husband/wife’ just listen. Ask why, not so you can tell her why they should stay but so that you can understand quite how far they have come to be able to say this out loud.
      If you’ve been through it, please, please offer comfort, what they don’t need is the gore of your breakup or divorce. There is plenty of time for that later!
      Share your emotion and empathise because you more than many truly know where they are at.
      Finally, for all of us sat with the friend who says their relationship is over, just help. They will be a wreck for a while to come, from being so strong to being a crying mess on the floor. An angry confused teenager-esque stage will rear its ugly head at some point along with bitterness and probably a fair bit of drunkenness.
      Just be there for them. They will come out the other side. They will never be the same again, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
      Rebecca Spittles is a Divorce Coach providing personalised emotional and practical support and coaching to help individuals navigate their divorce or separation.
       You can find out more about Rebecca on her website or via her LinkedIn. 
      Useful links
      My partner’s a good person but I’m not happy
      When ‘I do’ becomes ‘I don’t’: Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      What to do if you think your marriage is over

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      in Family Law

      Divorce rates fall by 30%

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      Divorce rates have fallen by 30% according to the Official for National Statistics (ONS).
      ONS statistics released this morning have revealed that the number of divorces granted in 2022 fell by 29.5% to 80,057, in comparison to the previous year’s 113,505 divorces. This is the lowest number since 1971.
      Family lawyers have widely been anticipating an increase in divorce rates and enquiries. Whilst the statistics have come as a surprise, it is not so surprising when examining the impact of various factors which have caused such a significant decrease in divorce rates.
      The introduction of no-fault divorce in April 2022 is likely to have had a significant impact on the overall divorces granted. Although some couples were waiting for no-fault to be introduced, which removed the need to attribute blame, to proceed with their divorce and there was a surge in enquiries at this point, no fault divorce introduced mandatory waiting periods. It is likely that these extended periods meant that fewer divorces were actually granted in 2022.
      In addition, the ongoing impact of the Covid-19 pandemic meant that 2021 saw a 9.6% increase in the number of divorces on 2020’s figures. The pandemic caused significant disruption to the family courts, meaning fewer divorces were processed that year. However, whilst the pandemic and lockdowns continued through 2021, the family justice system introduced remote hearings and more divorces were granted. Thus, in comparison to 2022, it is possible that this was artificial inflation caused by a surge in 2021.
      However, the drop in rates in 2022 is so dramatic in comparison to both 2021 and 2020 figures that this cannot be explanation on its own.
      The impact of the cost-of-living crisis is being cited as a key reason for the downward turn as many couples who were wanting to separate postpone their divorce for cost reasons. As gas and electricity prices soared, food, bills and housing all increased and money did not, and has continued to not, stretch as far. Worries over future finances and going from a dual income household to a single income household was at the forefront of many couples’ minds.
      Here at Stowe Family Law, we conducted a survey on the impact of the cost-of-living crisis on relationships. 30% of respondents said that they were staying in their current relationship because of fears they could not afford to live alone.
      In addition to these factors, ONS reported last month that marriage rates in England and Wales had fallen below 50% for the first time since comparable records began. Only 49.4% of adults over 16 were reported to be married or in a civil partnership in 2022. This has direct links to the number of divorces as without marriage there can be no divorce.
      Family lawyers will be interested to see over the coming years whether the decrease in divorce rates is an ongoing trend, or whether they are a direct result of the economic and social factors of the last few years.
      Useful Links
      Can I afford to divorce my partner?
      The rise in birdnesting after divorce
      What happens to the family home?
      Client Guide: Divorcing during the cost of living crisis

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