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    Cuffing Season – Should I have a post-divorce festive fling?

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    In the era of social media, and the Tik Tok generation, a lot of interesting terminology has come to the fore, particularly around relationships. ‘Cuffing Season’ gained traction in the mid-2010s and is coming back into use.
    The term is related to being ‘cuffed’ or tied down. It refers to the autumn and winter seasons where single people choose to have a short fling so they can have companionship for the colder months. Once 15th February (the day after Valentine’s Day) rolls around, it’s time to move on and the brief relationship comes to an end. If you’re divorced, this might seem tempting, but there are some things to be aware of before you get whisked away.
    We’ve all seen the movies where the single asks their best friend (or a complete stranger!) to pretend to be their partner for Christmas, or Valentine’s Day. Hollywood would have us believe that it is inevitable that the protagonist and their ‘holi-date’ fall in love. However, this is not always reality, and cuffing season can have its downsides, especially when you’ve been through divorce or a breakup.
    The Emotional Side
    If you have recently gone through divorce or a breakup of a relationship, you’re likely to be feeling a range of different emotions. Loneliness and fear of being alone after an important relationship can be a motivation for seeking out a short-term relationship and someone to spend the colder months with. There is a romanticism attached to the winter and festive season, and if you’re recently single you may feel this all the more strongly.
    However, a relationship purely for the sake of it is unlikely to make you happy in the long run.
    Dating after divorce can be a great way to move forward with your life and rebuild your self-confidence. There might even be a sense of control over the experience as you know there is a definite end point, and you don’t have to get too serious!
    But it can also be problematic. Even though it can be fun, you might still experience anxiety about a fling or get more invested than you planned to. You might end up feeling more pressure and stress than you did in being single and wanting a relationship.
    A divorce coach can help you navigate the emotional complexities of a breakup, with a view for the future and potentially dating again. We have a number of partner divorce coaches who will help you build your goals and plan what you want out of the next stage of your life. If you want to start dating again, but don’t know where to begin, a dating coach is a great place to start.

    The Legal Side
    Finances
    If you are divorced, and you’ve received your final order, you are legally no longer tied to your ex-spouse. You are free to date whoever you want, and to get married again if you wish. If you are going through the divorce process but have not yet been granted your final order, you cannot legally remarry, but you can date.
    However, if you have not got a financial consent order which legally severs your financial ties with your ex, you may need to be more careful. Even if you are divorced, your ex can still bring financial claims if you do not have a financial consent order granted by the court. This means if you receive any significant gifts, finances, or even move in with a new partner, your partner could ask you for a share.
    Equally, if you are in the midst of negotiating your financial settlement, moving in with a new partner may mean that their finances and assets are taken into account in your settlement. This can make you artificially wealthier than you are in reality, and you may end up paying more to your ex.
    Living with a new partner can cause complexities when it comes to the laws around cohabitation. Cohabitees are not viewed in the same way as married couples under English and Welsh law, and you have very few rights if you break up.
    Children
    Children are often at the heart of divorce disputes. Where parents can agree amicably, an informal parenting plan can be put in place, agreed together. If this is not possible, the court may make a legally binding child arrangements order which parents must abide by.
    In many such agreements, whether formal or informal, there can be an arrangement on introducing children to new partners. This may be that you have to wait a certain amount of time after you first start dating, or your new partner must be introduced to your ex before they meet your children.
    If you get into a short-term relationship, especially if you know there is an end date already in place, this can be difficult to navigate where children are concerned. Introducing a new partner for a brief amount of time can be confusing and upsetting for children and it is important that you manage the situation carefully. You may find it easier to not bring the new partner into their lives at all!
    How can a lawyer help?
    An expert family lawyer can advise you on the ins and outs of a new partner. If you are negotiating your financial settlement, they can give guidance on what to do to ensure the settlement is correct and fair. They can advise on best practise when it comes to child arrangements, too.
    Family lawyers are there to facilitate mediation or other non-court dispute resolution methods, so you can work matters out smoothly with your ex. Some of our lawyers at Stowe are also trained mediators.
    Seek expert advice if you’re unsure on the legalities of a new relationship, particularly if you decide to move in with a new partner as there are a number of considerations to be aware of with cohabitation.
    Useful Links
    Dealing with divorce regret
    Blended families and stepparents: A beginners guide

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      AI relationships: Can I marry my AI girlfriend?

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      Relationships are rarely always easy. They take work and they can be a bit of a rollercoaster.
      This might be one of the main drivers behind the rising trend of AI relationships, which are becoming hugely popular in a society that relies so heavily on technology. Statistics from whatsthebigdata.com revealed that 47% of users of one of the most popular AI dating sites would have an AI girlfriend for a long-term partnership, and there are 12 AI girlfriend apps, with over 1 million monthly users.
      Another trend is working in parallel; dating apps like Tinder are using AI to help users tailor their profile and create the perfect messages to send to potential matches. There is also a new service offering a chatbot version of the user themselves who messages the potential match on their behalf to see if they would make a good fit, before they connect as real humans.
      But what are the laws around AI girlfriends, and how is the trend impacting modern day relationships?
      Why would you have an AI girlfriend?
      Lots of people are choosing to have an AI girlfriend to combat what is being termed the ‘loneliness epidemic’. AI partners are there for a conversation whenever you need them, whether at home, on the commute to work, or at the gym. This can help users feel less lonely and almost as though there is a real listening ear.
      The chatbots are clever – the more you talk, the better it gets to know you and learns how to tailor responses to things you would like to hear, and your unique interests. For some people, this removes the stress and anxiety around the unknown of a human partner who has their own mind.
      It can also be helpful for those who struggle with social interaction as it builds confidence in communicating.

      What are the cons of an AI girlfriend?
      Psychologists and other experts have argued that AI partners are gradually removing genuine interaction – something we need as humans to function. There are plenty of worrying tales, and social isolation has a huge impact on mental and physical wellbeing. Some consider AI relationships to be toxic, in the way that they can completely take over the user’s life, and the AI bot almost ‘love-bombs‘ the user.
      There is a danger that in using AI to create the perfect partner, expectations of real relationships become skewed, and disappointment in real people leads to a cycle of continuing with the AI relationship, and lack of human interaction.
      Is it legal?
      AI girlfriends, and other AI partners, are legal if you meet the minimum age requirement for the app or website. Most of these sites require you to be 18 because they collect personal data.
      But what happens if the ‘relationship’ is successful. Can you marry an AI partner?
      Put simply, no. In UK law, you cannot marry an inanimate object, or a robot. However, there are several grey areas in English law, including consent. Both parties have to consent to the marriage and also must have the capacity to consent.
      Does AI have the capacity to consent? As they are only ever exposed to the user, there is potentially not enough remit for them to consent to marriage as they have not experienced enough of the world to make a genuine choice about their marriage partner.
      Nevertheless, you can have a symbolic marriage, which is not recognised as a valid marriage, but may be meaningful.
      Modern relationships
      Although marriage with robots, and inanimate objects, has long been in discussion, there has never been a clear answer. Many anticipated that eventually, technology would become smart enough to hold real relationships, and we see it in the movies all the time.
      Trends are changing, and whether this is good or bad is still to be discovered. Relationships are kept on a pedestal, with many people wanting to find a perfect partner and perfect relationship that does not exist… except when it is tailored exactly to our wishes.
      Will we see AI marriage in the future? And what will this mean for divorce? Are there any assets to divide? Will the laws have to change to keep up with the shifting relationship landscape? More

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      in Family Law

      Changes to Family Procedure Rules

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      From 29th April 2024 there will be changes to the Family Procedure Rules (FPR). The current rules have been in place since 2010 and are being updated to place greater expectation on courts, family practitioners and families going through breakdown to use non-court-based methods to resolve financial and children matters.
      What are the FPR?
      The Family Procedure rules govern the process and procedures used in the family court system in England and Wales. They are governed by a committee, the Family Procedure Rule Committee.
      The Rules provide practice directions – essentially how the family courts should run, the powers the Judge has, forms, documentation, etc. They standardise court procedures and practice across England and Wales.
      What are the changes?
      The FPR are being updated to include a new, wider definition of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR). Previously, this has focused on mediation, but will be extended to encompass methods such as collaborative divorce, arbitration, and private financial dispute resolutions.
      The main thing divorcing couples will need to be aware of is that they will now need to set out their views on NCDR in open correspondence, alongside a signed statement of truth. They will be asked to genuinely consider out-of-court methods.
      A failure to engage with NCDR without good reason (for example, the case involves domestic abuse), will likely have cost sanctions, and may affect who pays the litigation fees in financial dispute cases.
      Circumstances that qualified for mediation exemption will also be narrowed.
      Courts will also have the power to adjourn proceedings if the Judge feels that NCDR would be appropriate, allowing time for the couple to engage in a form of NCDR. This can now happen whether the couple agrees to it or not.
      These changes will mean a considerable cultural shift, helping couples explore ways of resolving their disputes without going to court.
      The aims are:

      Support amicable dispute resolution
      Support the wellbeing of children by keeping matters out of court
      To relieve pressure on the courts

      What options are there for non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)?
      Divorce is rarely straightforward, and no two cases are the same. Your solicitor will be able to explore your options of NCDR with you at your first consultation to see which, if any, will be appropriate in your unique case.
      Some examples of NCDR include:

      What does this mean for me going through a divorce?
      The key thing to be aware of is that you will no longer be able to simply tick a box to say that mediation is not appropriate for your case. Where NCDR is not possible, you will need to explain to the court why this is.
      Failure to engage in NCDR without a valid reason will likely come with cost sanctions.
      This is part of a wider drive by the Ministry of Justice to support families going through relationship breakdown by ensuring they are fully informed of the options available to them and supported throughout the process.
      Useful Links
      Court Fees Rising May 2024
      A Guide to Financial Dispute Resolution More

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      in Children

      What do you say to a friend whose marriage is ending?

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      Sometimes, when people admit that their marriage is unsustainable, for whatever reason, the reaction of family, friends, even strangers on the internet can be judgmental or pitying. However, what someone in this situation needs are words and actions of support and comfort, as well as professional and legal guidance.
      We are joined on the blog by Divorce Coach Rebecca Spittles, who explores her own experience of the initial stages of separation, and what to say to a friend whose marriage is ending.
      ‘“It’s a shame you couldn’t have just tried a bit harder…”
      Nothing hits harder when you have made the decision to leave. When will people understand that getting divorced is an absolute last resort?
      Contrary to popular belief, and in my experience both personally and professionally, no one actually wants to get divorced. Reaching the point of separation, especially when there are children in the mix, is the most gut wrenching, stomach turning, vomit-inducing feeling you could ever imagine if you’ve not been there.
      I don’t wish divorce on anyone. When I took my vows I took them for life, like my parents, my grandparents and all that surrounded me. I wanted that security and comfort that everyone seeks from marriage. Even simple things I was excited about, for example to have the same surname as my husband and then of my child. It was so, so important.
      Just imagine how it felt when I knew that no matter how hard I tried, the union I was in was not meant to be?
      My parents were amazing. On several occasions I came close to uttering the words separation and every time they would come up with some kind words and injected a bit more strength into me to keep going. Marriage isn’t easy.
      My sister was the best. Constantly encouraging me, being a sounding board but never once suggesting being apart was an option.
      The toughest part of my situation was that, in order for our relationship to be harmonious, one or both of us had to completely stifle their key personality traits. Not sustainable.
      Our opinions on every single little thing were different and it ended with one or both of us feeling sad or resentful or angry as there wasn’t space for compromise.
      Compromise. The word bandied around all the time when it comes to being in a relationship. What if compromise actually meant giving in? Taking on the view of the other person so that life could just about be normal? What if compromise was only one sided and the only way for the other person to ever be happy was to always do what they wanted?
      I made several huge changes. Gave up my brilliant job so I could be at home. Gave up financial independence and poured every penny into the joint account. I started asking to do things and to buy things and slowly I disappeared. But still there was no happiness.
      After 2 long years following the birth of our daughter I asked for a separation. The answer was ‘No’. Clearly, I ‘didn’t care about my marriage’. I did. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything in my life to work but I was empty. Nothing left.
      In the end, two days after New Years Eve, I left after a huge row (something I learned is never the best way to leave).
      I picked up our daughter and stepped out of the front door and I will always remember the feeling of this being ‘it’. We were completely over. I drove to my parents with a sleeping toddler, arrived and cried. I cried and cried.
      Eventually he moved out to his Mum’s temporarily so that I could come home with our daughter and work, and she could have contact with her Dad.
      I am writing this so that next time someone utters the words ‘I want to leave my husband/wife’ just listen. Ask why, not so you can tell her why they should stay but so that you can understand quite how far they have come to be able to say this out loud.
      If you’ve been through it, please, please offer comfort, what they don’t need is the gore of your breakup or divorce. There is plenty of time for that later!
      Share your emotion and empathise because you more than many truly know where they are at.
      Finally, for all of us sat with the friend who says their relationship is over, just help. They will be a wreck for a while to come, from being so strong to being a crying mess on the floor. An angry confused teenager-esque stage will rear its ugly head at some point along with bitterness and probably a fair bit of drunkenness.
      Just be there for them. They will come out the other side. They will never be the same again, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
      Rebecca Spittles is a Divorce Coach providing personalised emotional and practical support and coaching to help individuals navigate their divorce or separation.
       You can find out more about Rebecca on her website or via her LinkedIn. 
      Useful links
      My partner’s a good person but I’m not happy
      When ‘I do’ becomes ‘I don’t’: Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      What to do if you think your marriage is over

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      in Family Law

      January Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs from Stowe
      What is in store for family law in 2024?
      The Importance of Pensions in Divorce
      Thinking about divorce this ‘Divorce Day’?
      Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      Expansion of Family Court Transparency Pilot to 16 more courts
      Dissolution and Divorce – What’s the Difference?
      Navigate the Complexities of Separation and Divorce with Family Mediation
      Marriage Rates Fall Below 50% in England and Wales
      A Guide to Financial Dispute Resolution
      Platonic Co-Parenting – Can I really have a baby with my friend?
      Watch our recent webinars
      The Break-up Club: Building a new life after divorce
      Stowe talks: Making your money go further after divorce
      Listen to the latest Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify
      Stowe talks 26: The unique challenges of a relationship break down in the LGBTQIA+ community
      Stowe talks 27: Creating financial wellbeing following a divorce or separation
      Stowe talks 28: How to prepare for your financial settlement in divorce
      Watch ‘Stowe talks: How to’ guides
      Stowe talks: How to get divorced online
      Stowe talks: How to pull together information for a financial settlement
      Stowe talks: How to obtain a financial consent order
      Stowe talks: How to represent yourself in court
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness More

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      in Family Law

      Marriage Rates Fall Below 50% in England and Wales

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      Marriage rates fall below 50%: more calls for cohabitation reform
      New ONS statistics have revealed that marriage rates in England and Wales are continuing to fall year-on-year. For the first time since comparable records began, the percentage of people over 16 who are married or in a civil partnership has dropped below 50% to 49.4%.
      Solicitor Abi Jones examines what this means and the pressing need for cohabitation reform.
      Relationships and the way we view marriage as a nation is constantly changing but sadly our laws are failing to keep pace with modern family structures. Different types of families like blended, cohabitees and single parent families and even platonic co-parenting are over-taking marriage as more popular ways to have relationships and children.
      However, same-sex marriages have increased, and it is estimated that the number of people in these marriages in 2022 is around 167,000. This has increased dramatically from 26,000 in 2015 but marriage in general continues to decline in popularity.
      It is clear to see that there is an ever-increasing populace of couples who are not getting married or entering into a civil partnership, instead choosing to live together without any of these ‘official’ statuses in place. The ONS figures noted that the increase has reached more than a fifth of over 16s in England and Wales, from 19.7% in 2012 to 22.7% in 2022.
      These statistics from ONS have led to more and stronger calls for reform in this area as marriage rates decline but cohabitation continues to be the fastest growing family type in the UK.
      Cohabitation reform has long been discussed, and an introduction of a Cohabitation Rights Bill that aimed to establish a framework of rights and responsibilities for cohabiting couples however this still needs to take the normal course through Parliament and be subject to scrutiny and parliamentary debate before it can be formed into a law and implemented.  At the Labour Party Conference 2023, Labour MP Emily Thornberry announced Labour’s commitment to reforming cohabitation laws if they win a general election.
      Currently if a couple is cohabiting but not married or in a civil partnership, irrespective of the amount of time that they have been together, there is no entitlement to a share of the other’s wealth upon the relationship breaking down.  It does not matter how the finances were arranged within that relationship, nor does it matter how long the parties have been together. The idea of the ‘common law marriage’ is entirely mythical.
      The reality is that if a cohabiting couple separate, they will have no claim for financial support or claim to share the other party’s wealth upon the breakdown of that relationship.  These couples are often left having very limited rights upon separation and having to potentially wade through more complicated areas of law such as the Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act claims.
      Until such time that there is a cohabiting rights bill and due to the lack of rights and protections afforded to unmarried couples they should consider getting advice from solicitors and potentially enter into a cohabitation agreement.
      Useful Links
      Cohabitation Client Guide
      Stowe Support resources for Cohabitation
      What rights do cohabiting couples have? Watch on Youtube or Listen on Spotify
      Taking control of your finances on separation and beyond with Lottie Kent: Listen on Spotify More

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      in Children

      August Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs:
      Economic abuse in financial remedy proceedings
      Tips for healing after divorce
      Britney, divorce and renegotiating prenups
      How to successfully co-parent
      Why is September a popular month for divorce?
      Book your free webinar place
      Stowe talks – Finding the unexpected joy of heartbreak with Rosie Wilby
      Stowe talks – Creating financial wellbeing following separation with Jodie Phelps
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify:
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast will be launched soon.
      But you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Family Law

      Law raising age of marriage to 18 comes into force

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      Newcastle-based Stowe Partner, Nicky Hunter, explains the overdue changes to marriage law in England and Wales, including the new criminal offenses and the reasons why the law has changed after almost 75 years.
      Law raising age of marriage to 18 comes into force in England and Wales
      Today marks a historic day in the safeguarding of children and young people, as the new law raising the minimum age someone can legally marry to 18 has come into force today in England and Wales, having received royal assent last April.
      The Marriage and Civil Partnership (Minimum Age) Act 2022 has finally ended the archaic law in England and Wales that has allowed children aged 16 and 17 to be married, with the consent of their parents, even though they are legally considered to be children.
      Why has the marriage law changed? 
      The Marriage Act 1949, which was in place up until today, legitimised child marriage in England and Wales. The mechanism of parental consent which existed under this law, whilst originally intended to be a safeguard against child marriage has, in reality, proved in many cases to be a vehicle for parental abuse.
      Campaigners have long argued that the existing law has allowed children between the ages of 16-18 to be coerced into marriage without their consent and against their best interests, pointing to many cases where young people have been subjected to domestic abuse, some suffering lifelong harms, as well as losing opportunities for education, employments and personal growth and independence.
      By raising the minimum legal age of marriage to 18, the UK is finally stepping out of the environment which allows parents to force their children to marry.
      The full scope of the new marriage law
      The new law has made it an offence for a person to aid, abet or encourage any child under 18 to enter into any form of marriage. Furthermore, it will make it a criminal offence for a responsible person, i.e. a parent or guardian, to fail to protect a child from entering into any form of marriage. The law applies to religious and cultural marriages, as well as those registered with the local authority.
      These offences will now be punishable by up to seven years in prison.
      This is a powerful move that will work to safeguard young people and prevent parents or guardians from abusing their positions as responsible adults and forcing children into underage marriages.
      Child marriage, a global issue
      In 2016, UNICEF and the UN population fund launched a joint initiative to tackle the problem of child marriage globally. Whilst funding has been forthcoming from the UK, the law which allowed child marriage in our own country has not been addressed until recently.
      With the implementation of the new law, Parliament is finally living up to its international obligations to stop underage marriage and remove the inconsistencies in its approach to tackling it as a global issue.
      This is a truly positive step in the right direction, and we hope to see more action taken to protect the future of young people, particularly girls, in England and Wales. However, it is important to note that the minimum age of marriage remains 16 in Scotland and Northern Ireland and in Northern Ireland parental consent is required under the age of 18, but not in Scotland. More

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      in Relationships

      The impact of the menopause on relationships

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      As our understanding about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of the menopause and the impact on women during this time grows, the connection between the menopause and the break down of relationships becomes clearer.
      The number of UK women in the peri-menopausal or menopausal stages at any given time is estimated to be well over 3 million, a significant proportion of the population. Yet, it’s accepted that support for the multitude of physical symptoms and the considerable mental impact, and a true understanding of the menopause, is still woefully lacking.
      In a Stowe study on the impact of the menopause on marriage and relationships 76% of women felt their partner didn’t have the knowledge or resources to support them through the menopause properly.
      Furthermore, 68% of divorces involving women at this time of life were initiated by wives.
      Menopause and divorce
      Menopause is frequently cited as a reason for marriages breaking down. Rachel Roberts, Yorkshire Regional Director of Stowe Family Law, explained “We are noticing a significant increase in women in their 40s and 50s filing for divorce, citing issues caused by perimenopause as one of the reasons for their marital breakdown.”
      Our study findings supported this view, with 65% of women stating that their perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms affected their marriage/relationship.
      Loss of physical intimacy
      A reduced sex drive is a common symptom of the perimenopause or menopause. The women we spoke to listed loss of physical intimacy as the area of their relationship most impacted by the menopause. 50% of women worried that a lack of sex would lead to your relationship ending.
      Top 5 areas of a relationship most affected by the menopause:

      We lost physical intimacy
      They didn’t understand what I was going through
      We argued
      We stopped communicating
      Grew apart or fell out of love

      Mental Health
      The menopause leads to a huge amount of change, both physically and emotionally, and managing the impact on mental well-being can be difficult. Common signs include anxiety, depression, problems with memory and concentration, reduced confidence, and low mood. As the symptoms can last for some time and often begin well before the cause is identified, the impact on relationships can be gradual, and difficult to define.
      Ours study showed that 77% of women felt that per perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms affected their mental health.
      Menopause Awareness
      Perimenopause and menopause can be an incredibly over-whelming time. While society has moved on from the over-simplifying term ‘The Change’ and recognised that symptoms go way beyond hot flushes, a greater understanding and improved support is still needed.
      47% of women felt that if NHS support during the menopause was better it could have prevented their relationship from ending.
      When asked what they thought could help them and their partner most during the menopause, our study found that greater awareness, more understanding, and better support, were vital.
      Top 3 ways to help couples deal with the menopause:

      Greater awareness of the symptoms
      Better understanding from your partner
      Better support from GPs

      The impact on relationships
      Perimenopause and the menopause can be a particularly challenging time for couples and both partners can feel confused and concerned as they navigate the respective changes. Inevitably, it can highlight existing struggles, further damaging the connection between couples.
      Based on our study, it’s clear that a better understanding of the menopause and how it impacts women’s lives, and open communication between partners, can significantly help couples.
      Useful links:
      www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/
      www.menopausematters.co.uk/
      www.postcardsfrommidlife.com/
      The Break Up Club – Dealing with divorce during peri/menopause Webinar More