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    Blended families and stepparents: A beginners guide

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    On average, marriages in England and Wales last little over 12 years at the time of divorce. But as people find love again after divorce or separation, blended families are created and family dynamics evolve.
    It’s now estimated that 1 in 3 families in the UK are a blended family, also known as stepfamily.
    In fact, in contrast to traditional stepfamily stereotypes, the narrative of blended families has transformed – even King Charles III is a member of a blended family.
    For many couples, divorce can mark the beginning of a happier new era for them and their children.
    Knowing how to make a blended family work can take time and effort but fuelled by love, the choices made by separated parents can transform a family structure.
    What is a blended family?
    Blended families are created when a couple begin a new life together with their children from one, or both, of their previous relationships.
    What’s behind the increase in blended families?
    Divorce rates are on the rise meaning more people starting new relationships are divorced, with children.
    For example, the latest ONS marriage statistics released in 2022 show that over 32% of marriages include at least one partner who is remarrying. Of course, these figures can’t track the number of couples where one or both partners have previously been in an unmarried relationship.
    Still, it’s understood there are at least 1.1 million children in England and Wales who live in a blended stepfamily.
    Becoming a blended family
    While a positive experience for many, often the most significant concerns when forming a blended family are the integration of new family members and changes to living arrangements.
    Or, perhaps it’s more the reactions of each family member to these inevitable changes, and the emotions they bring, that pose the greatest challenges.
    While parents can appreciate the benefits of becoming a blended family and visualise what their stepfamily homelife could look like in the future, the children may struggle to share that vision. For them it can feel like a huge amount of change, affecting fundamental aspects of their lives, over which they have no control.
    As with any changes, some will take them in their stride, and others will need a greater degree of support and encouragement.
    Introducing a new partner
    Gradually making children aware of a new partner and giving plenty of notice when and how things will change is vital.
    This begins with establishing the right time and approach for introducing a new partner to children, and meeting future stepchildren if their partner also has children.
    Whatever the child’s age, it’s a good idea to prepare them ahead of introductions and offer them a sense of control over the situation. Having some level of control, even if only perceived control, allows us to deal with potentially upsetting or uncomfortable events more effectively.
    Challenges for children of blended families
    There’s a lot for children of blended families to take in. Maybe they’ve come to terms with their parent’s separation, and now there’s more change on the horizon.
    They must navigate the complexities of having stepparents, possibly step-siblings, and even step-grandparents, potentially forging multiple new relationships.
    Sharing loved ones, a home, and belongings with new members of the family can understandably raise worries and negative feelings and behaviour.
    Furthermore, the shift in family roles and responsibilities can become a source of tension, with two sets of parents each with different parenting styles, rules, and routines.
    Harmonising these differences and treating everyone fairly isn’t easy.
    How can I help my blended family succeed?

    Groundwork: It’s beneficial to do plenty of groundwork ahead of any changes to your family to help children process and adapt. Take your time and explain things clearly and openly.
    Communication: Telling children about changes in their living arrangements is a crucial step. Be upfront about what will change and when, and encourage children to ask questions and share any concerns.
    Tact: Handling the integration of new family members and routines delicately and with patience will help avoid unnecessary stress.
    Togetherness: Fostering a sense of unity within blended families can help, through identifying common ground, enjoying shared activities, and establishing new traditions when the time is right.
    Age appropriate: While younger children may adapt more readily, older children and teenagers may find the changes more difficult. Recognising these differences will help you provide the right support for each child’s needs.
    Belonging: Reassuring the child of their central place in the blended family will strengthen relationships and bolster their sense of belonging.
    Regularly connect: Ensure you also give your child one-on-one time where they have your undivided attention to reinforce how much you love and value them. Where it’s safe and appropriate, maintaining a sound connection with the non-residential parent is also important for a child’s well-being.
    Be consistent: Within reason, upholding pre-existing rules and traditions while gradually incorporating new ones helps create a stable environment. This steadiness offers children a sense of security during change.

    Legal considerations for blended families
    When couples create a blended family after separation or divorce it’s worth considering how they can protect their interests for whatever lies ahead.
    Couples who live together but are unmarried may be interested in finding out more about how Cohabitation Agreements can set out agreements regarding finances and children.
    Similarly, couples who are planning to remarry, might benefit from knowing how a prenuptial agreement can offer some financial protection for theirs and their children’s future in the event of divorce.
    With the right approach blended families offer the opportunity for a new beginning and a bigger and more diverse family network. Although evolving family structures demand flexibility, understanding, and effective communication, the rewards could last a lifetime.
    Useful links
    How to successfully co-parent
    Adopting a stepchild
    Stowe talks – How to co-parent calmly and navigate the challenges of blended families with Tom Nash More

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      in Family Law

      Who can adopt?

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      This week is national adoption week, and this year’s aim is to dispel misconceptions about who is, or is not, eligible to adopt. Stowe Adoption Lawyer Lucy Birch explains more:
      Challenging discrimination
      There have been a number of cases before the court in recent months surrounding adoption and the restrictions that some adoption agencies have attempted to place on who exactly is able to adopt/foster care.
      A recent case before the High Court was brought by an independent foster agency whose policies allowed only heterosexual evangelical Christians as potential foster carers.
      Ofsted had concluded that the foster agency’s policies breached the Equality Act 2010 and the Human Rights Act 1998 and required the agency not to discriminate on grounds of sexual orientation. The Court of Appeal agreed that the policy was unlawful discrimination and the foster agency’s appeal was dismissed.
      So, who can adopt?
      The law in England and Wales says that the following people CAN apply to the court to adopt a child/children:-

      Single people
      Married couples or civil partnerships applying jointly, whether of opposite sexes or the same sex
      Unmarried couples applying jointly, whether of opposite sexes or the same sex
      Step-Parents
      Foster carers
      The partner of the child’s parent

      You CAN apply to adopt in the UK if:

      Over 21 (there is no upper age limit)
      Married, living together, in a civil partnership, opposite-sex couple, same-sex couple or single
      Employed or on benefits
      Any ethnic or religious background
      Have children or not
      Own your home or live in rented
      Already adopted a child
      If you are disabled
      You are not a British citizen (although you must have a fixed and permanent home here and have lived here for at least a year before you begin the application process)

      You CANNOT adopt if:

      You, or an adult member of your family, have been convicted of a serious offence; for example, a crime committed against a child.

      Relationship matters
      For any couple to be considered as adoptive parents (married or unmarried) they must prove they have a stable and lasting relationship and that they can provide a loving family environment for a child.
      This is set out in the Adoption and Children Act 2002 and established via a combination of assessments including meetings with your social worker, personal references from friends and family, and completion of a series of preparation classes.
      Can I adopt if I’m under 21?
      The Act also sets out further conditions for prospective adopters in relation to age.
      An adoption order may be made on the application of a couple where both have attained the age of 21 years. Or alternatively, on the application of a couple where one of the couple is the mother or the father of the person to be adopted and has attained the age of 18 years, and the other has attained the age of 21 years.
      Living with adopted children
      There are also residence requirements. In the majority of cases, the child must have had their home with the prospective adopter for a minimum duration of time before the application being made. The duration depends on the route to adoption. They are as follows:-

      Local authority foster parents: The child must have lived with the adoptive parent(s) for the period of one year preceding the application. Although they can request permission from the court to apply within a shorter period.
      Step-parent adoption: The child must have lived with the adoptive parent(s) for the period of six months preceding the application.

      Partner of the child’s parent: the child must have had his/her home with them for at least three years preceding the application.

      The Legal process
      Once these conditions have been met, the legal process can begin.
      If you have chosen to move forward with adoption, the first step in the process is to notify the Local Authority of your intention to adopt and apply to the court for an Adoption order. This must be done in writing. The court application Form (Form A58) can be completed and sent to the court no earlier than 3 months after the date the Local Authority were notified of your intention to adopt. The legal proceedings will then be underway.
      For advice on the next steps in this process, contact Stowe’s specialist Adoption solicitors.
      Alternatives to adoption
      Finally, it should be noted that Adoption extinguishes the parental responsibility of the birth parents, therefore the court has to be satisfied that such a permanent step is in the best interests of the child.
      There may be other legal routes that are more appropriate, depending on the circumstances of the case. Such as a:

      Parental responsibility agreement
      Child arrangement order
      Special guardianship order

      The exploration of these various routes require expert legal advice.
      As a family law solicitor, I specialise in adoption cases. I’m trained to manage the legal process of adoption and other alternative routes to parenting.
      If you’re considering adoption, or have begun your application to adopt, and would like to find out more you can contact Stowe’s specialist Adoption solicitors.
      Useful Links
      Download our guide to adopting a child PDF
      Stowe Family Law’s Adoption Services
      Blog: The Adoption Process More

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      in Family Law

      Step-parent adoption: Insight from a family lawyer

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      This National Adoption Week, we share insights into step-parent adoption during the pandemic from Stowe family lawyer, and adoption specialist, Shanika Varga-Haynes:
      Step-parent adoption
      It is difficult to find any official statistics on the number of step-parents adoptions taking place in the UK with the figures focusing on the number of children being adopted out of the care system. 
      However, as a family solicitor and adoption specialist, I have noticed an increase in this area, through both enquiries, and my caseload. 
      Adoption is a varied and broad area of family law, and all cases bring great reward and challenges. However, Covid-19 and the multiple lockdowns have brought an extra layer of complexity to these already complicated cases. 
      What is step-parent adoption?
      Step-parent adoptions arise when the partner of one of the biological parents wants to adopt the child. The consequence of step-parent adoption is the other biological parent loses their parental responsibility. 
      These applications are usually made where there is an absent biological parent who has little to no involvement in the child’s life for some time. The other biological parent is in a new relationship, and their partner has taken on the parenting role. 
      There can be a reluctance to issue the application as it may result in the other biological parent seeking contact, which they otherwise would not have done. 
      Where the non-resident parent has relatively regular contact with a child, the court tends to be slow to make the adoption order given the serious consequence of the loss of parental responsibility. 
      There are exceptions to this, for example, if the non-resident parent supports the adoption; however, even then, the court will give the decision as to whether to grant the adoption order the weight it deserves.
      Who is involved in step-parent adoption?
      An application for a step-parent adoption involves numerous parties: the step-parent wishing to adopt is the applicant, their partner is the first respondent, the child’s other biological parent is the second respondent, and a guardian can be appointed to represent the child. 
      Other professionals involved in the case will be the judge, legal representation, the local authority who will produce the initial report and often a reporting officer.
      Race for time
      In the early stages of the pandemic, getting applications for step-parent adoptions issued became difficult as the family court was (and still is) prioritising work, and they were not at the top of the list. 
      This delay directly impacted one of my cases where due to a number of reasons, the application for adoption was processed the day before the child’s 18th birthday.
      Adoption applications can only be made if the child has not reached 18. Provided the application is made before the child’s 18th birthday, then it can proceed. If the child turns 19 during the proceedings, an adoption order cannot be made. 
      This meant that we had to make sure the application was dealt with before the child turned 19. Usually, that wouldn’t be too much of a concern as there are time frames the court follows to ensure cases involving children are dealt with as quickly as practicably possible. 
      However, the family courts were stretched before Covid-19, and the delays have noticeably worsened over the past year.
      The impact of delays
      In this case, several factors caused delays. At the beginning of the adoption case, the local authority provides a detailed report to the court about the parties and the child. 
      This report takes several months to complete as it can include interviews with friends and family, details about previous relationships, health, finances and the views of all involved in the case, including the child. The report ends with a recommendation being made to the court.
      Further delays can be caused by the collation of medical evidence. In cases where the applicant is the partner of a parent of the child, in accordance with FPR rule 14.12(c), it is not necessary for medical reports to be obtained. However, if the adopter is another family member such as an aunt, waiting for the medical evidence could add further delays. 
      At the same time, as the report is produced, safeguarding checks are carried out. Unfortunately, in this case, the local authority failed to do these checks. We were notified of this just before the first hearing, meaning a delay of several months whilst they were carried out.
      Due to their complex nature, adoption cases are dealt with by higher-level judges. There is also a preference to have judicial continuity, quite rightly, but this can cause delays due to judicial availability. 
      The first hearing on this matter was adjourned four times, once due to the local authority and three times due to the judge’s availability.
       Again, with a typical case, this wouldn’t be too concerning, but we only had a 12-month window to ensure the order was made. The application was issued in early summer, but by January the following year, we still hadn’t had the first hearing which gave little time for the next steps.
      Usually, the Annex A report prepared by the local authority is filed at court but not released to the parties immediately, although a request can be made for it to be released before the first hearing to speed the process up where time is sensitive. 
      In this particular case, we obtained permission from the Judge to have the report released in advance of the first hearing, so the contents could be considered and the matter progressed without the need for a further hearing. If this request hadn’t been granted we would have been at risk of matters not being finalised before the child turned 19.
      Opposite ends of the world
      This case also involved international elements as although both the biological father and mother consented to the adoption order being made, they lived abroad in separate countries with the applicant step-parent and the child living in England. 
      This was a complicated setup, and one of our challenges was to show the court and the local authority that the applicant and first respondent met the condition of being a married couple. They were a family unit but lived separately for various reasons, visiting each other every 6 weeks where possible. Although COVID-19 had meant this wasn’t possible over the past 12 months. 
      They met the criteria of the child having lived with the applicant for six continuous months prior to the application, but more detail than usual had to be provided regarding the intricacies of the relationship between the applicant step-parent and first respondent. 
      Adoption guardian
      The Judge also decided they wanted a guardian to report on the international element as there were three parties living in three different countries. This was required despite everyone consenting to the application and the Local Authority supporting it.
      The guardian’s role was to report on the living arrangements and assist the court with taking the necessary consents from the parties.
      The guardian confirmed they were satisfied the order should be made. The parties had confirmed their agreement on numerous occasions however it’s imperative that consents are executed and recorded properly. 
      Obtaining proper consent in a global pandemic
      During the pandemic giving consent via video call has been permitted.  However, due to the fact the first and second respondent lived outside of the jurisdiction this was not possible as FPR rule 14.10 (6) states:
      (6) Any form of consent executed outside the United Kingdom must be witnessed by –
      (a) any person for the time being authorised by law in the place where the document is executed to administer an oath for any judicial or other legal purpose;
      (b) a British Consular officer;
      (c) a notary public; or
      (d) if the person executing the document is serving in any of the regular armed forces of the Crown, an officer holding a commission in any of those forces.
      At this point, every country had different rules regarding COVID-19.  Therefore, there were concerns as to whether the first and second respondent would be able to ensure their consent was executed properly as we were unsure as to whether they would have access to someone who met the criteria above. 
      Thankfully the consents were executed and sent to the court and the adoption order was made two months before the child’s 19th birthday.  
      Managing adoption hearings during Covid-19
      Another issue I have experienced over the past year, and expect to in the futur, is the practicalities of a court hearing.  
      There are numerous parties and professionals involved in an adoption case and family courtrooms are not particularly large, especially when accommodating social distancing.
      Last October, one of my adoption hearings required nine people to attend. The hearing proceeded as a hybrid hearing with the local authority joining via video link and due to the fact we were in a Nightingale Court (large hotel conference room) there was thankfully enough space for the hearing to proceed safely. 
      I suspect if we hadn’t had the use of the Nightingale Court we would have had to limit who attended the hearing which could have resulted in complaints about fairness.
       Adoption in the future
      Whilst the pandemic has certainly brought challenges to the adoption process, I am hopeful that we will eventually return to normal, although I expect it won’t be as quick as we all hope. 
      It’s hard to see how the adoption process could be made easier, adoption has huge legal implications and therefore there must be a stringent process. I would like to see cases dealt with more quickly but balancing speed and the need to ensure the right decision is being made for a child is difficult.  
      Adoption cases are extremely rewarding and it is wonderful to have the opportunity to help build a family and transform a child’s life and future
      Get in touch
      If you would like any advice on step-parent adoption, adoption, or other family law issues, please contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers.
      Useful Links
      Adoption UK
      Adoption Matters
      Stowe’s Adoption Services More