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      Adopting a stepchild

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      This week is national adoption week 2023. This annual initiative is designed to raise awareness of adoption and its multi-faceted experiences.
      As a family law firm, adoption is matter we support clients with often. And with over 1.1 million children in England and Wales estimated to live in a stepfamily, we’re often asked ‘how can I adopt my stepchild?’
      When couples have children from a prior relationship that live with them, and the step-parents have full day-to-day responsibility for the care of the stepchildren, they may choose to formalise their connection with these children.
      Adopting a stepchild is one way of doing this.
      Here, Resolution accredited adoption specialist and Stowe Senior Associate, Lucy Birch, answers some stepchild adoption FAQs.
      Is there a stepchild adoption assessment?
      If you choose to adopt your stepchild, you will be assessed just as you would if going through a ‘closed adoption’ process using an adoption agency. This ensures that the decision reached is in the best interests of the child.
      The assessment includes a report prepared by a social worker that includes information about you, your partner, the child, and the other birth parent.
      This report will inform the court so they can choose whether to grant the stepchild adoption court order.
      If your application is granted, you will then share parental responsibility for the child – alongside your spouse or partner.
      When and how do you take on parental responsibility during step-parent adoption?
      Successfully obtaining an adoption order from the court under the Adoption and Children Act 2002 provides the adoptive step-parent with parental responsibility for the child.
      The legal implications of this order are far reaching. It’s worthwhile highlighting that when the stepchild adoption order is granted, parental responsibility of the other birth parent (bar the partner or spouse in step-parent adoption cases), and anyone else with parental responsibility for the child, are extinguished.
      The legal significance of the adoption order is therefore great and careful consideration and advice needs to be taken when proceeding with stepchild adoption.
      What does Parental Responsibility entail?
      There is no legal checklist for what parental responsibility entails, however the law accepts that generally, it includes the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities, and authority which by law a parent of the child has in relation to the child and their property.
      In practical terms this encompasses many things, such as decisions about schooling, medical treatment, or religious decisions for the child.
      Having parental responsibility has a significant impact from a legal perspective, including the types of legal orders that you are able to apply to the court for and whether permission is required.
      Importantly, if you have parental responsibility for a child, generally speaking you do not need permission to apply for a variety of orders under the children act.
      Can you change your stepchild’s surname?
      The application for an adoption order is called an A58 form and within the form you can specify what you would like the child’s new name to be recognised as on the adoption certificate.
      Some people decide to change the child’s surname to reflect their new family set-up.
      What are common issues of stepchild adoption safeguarding checks?
      Many of the applications I have dealt with in the UK include adoptive parents who have lived in various other countries around the world. It is worth noting at the outset that upon being matched with a social worker to work with you during the adoption process, they are likely to carry out safeguarding checks not only in the UK but also in the other countries you have lived in to ensure there are no safeguarding risks to the child.
      These checks can take a long time to conduct and conclude, particularly if the jurisdiction in question is notably inefficient at record keeping.
      I therefore always advise parents to make enquiries about stepchild adoption at the earliest opportunity if they are considering applying for an adoption order.
      Do we need the other birth parent’s consent?
      Assuming the other birth parents has parental responsibility, the question of the other birth parent’s consent is a crucial aspect of stepchild adoption proceedings and will determine whether the proceedings are what we call “non-contested” or “contested”.
      I always advise clients to make enquiries regarding the birth parents’ respective position at the earliest point, so that we can advise accordingly.
      If the other birth parent does not give consent, it is necessary to prepare a statement of facts to accompany your stepchild adoption application detailing why the court should dispense with the birth parents’ consent.
      The important things to note here are of course the attachment to the child in question, for example how often has the birth parent been in touch with that child?
      I do warn clients that there is always a possibility that the other birth parent will make a cross application for a child arrangements order once they have been served with adoption proceedings.
      If the other birth parent do not consent and a contested hearing is required, the court will hear evidence from all parties before they establish whether it’s right to remove the need for the other birth parent’s consent.
      In all instances, the fundamental priority of the family court is the child’s welfare.
      Related links
      Step-parent adoption: Insight from a family lawyer
      Who can adopt?
      Stowe Guide: Adopting a Child
      Get in touch
      If you’re looking for advice regarding adopting a stepchild, please do contact our  Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers. More

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      in Children

      September Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs:
      Separating after the summer holidays
      My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school
      Dealing with Post-Separation Abuse
      Divorce talks – Tips for respectful discussions with your ex
      What happens to the children if me and my ex want to live in two different countries?
      Book your free webinar place
      Stowe talks – Creating financial wellbeing following separation
      How to build a happy blended family with Nichole Farrow
      Watch recent webinars
      Finding the unexpected joy of heartbreak with Rosie Wilby
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify:
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast will be launched soon.
      In the mean time, you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Children

      What happens to the children if me and my ex want to live in two different countries?

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      By now, most of us will have seen the stories circulating about Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner’s divorce. Whilst some parts are reportedly fairly straightforward, like their watertight prenup, it seems there may be some contentious issues regarding their two daughters and child custody battles.
      Seemingly, the young girls have had their official residence in England, the home of Turner, their mother. However, they are currently living in the United States with Jonas and the couple, after some back-and-forth, including a claim of ‘wrongful detention’ and child abduction, have decided to temporarily keep the children in New York. Child custody battles over the country of habitual residence can be extremely stressful for both parents and children.
      Although this may seem like a dispute only the super-wealthy and celebrities have, divorce cases involving children and two different jurisdictions do happen and child abduction in the context of divorce is more common than we may realise.
      Removing a child or children from the jurisdiction (i.e. from England or Wales) without the permission of the Court or the other parent, if there is a Child Arrangements Order or Residence Order in place, is known as international abduction. Sadly, international abduction is becoming increasingly common.
      Parental Child Abduction is where a parent or guardian of a child takes them out of their country of habitual residence – where they normally live – without the permission of others with parental responsibility or the courts.
      If you plan to move away, particularly abroad, after separating from your partner, it is best that this is agreed with your ex before any changes take place to prevent difficulties arising and potentially contentious and costly court proceedings. Mediation can assist in resolving these disputes and keeping the parents relationship amicable, which is in the children’s best interests.
      You can reach an agreement without using a divorce lawyer, but this agreement will not be legally binding should disputes arise down the line. However, for a legally binding document, you will need to obtain a child arrangements order and you should seek legal advice.
      Adding an international element to the situation throws a further spanner in the works as you as parents, or the Court should proceedings go down this route, will need to decide which country is going to be the habitual residence of the children and therefore where the children will live.
      Child custody battles in divorce can be exceptionally complicated, especially when habitual residence comes into play. However, there are laws in place that protect the children, and the child/ren’s wellbeing, along with the arrangements that will be in the children’s best interests, will be the ultimate focus of the family court.
      Whilst the drama of a celebrity divorce such as Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’ can seem intense and sometimes overly acrimonious, what is going on behind the scenes is legally difficult as well as being a highly emotionally charged subject.
      Where the children should live if the parents are wanting to split to different countries is usually decided by the court (if the parents cannot agree), but further obstacles can arise with which country’s legal system should make the decision which may be the case for Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’ girls given that they are currently staying in New York.
      It is essential if you find yourself in a multi-jurisdictional dispute, i.e. child custody battles across two different countries, that you seek professional advice from a lawyer in all jurisdictions concerned to ensure the enforceability of any order made. Our lawyers at Stowe are experts in tricky child cases and will be able to support you, and your children, through your unique situation.
      Useful Links
      Changing a Child Arrangements Order
      Bristol Break Up Club: Will divorce damage my children?
      Co-parenting calmly
      Supporting children through divorce More

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      in Children

      My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school

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      What happens when separated parents can’t agree on schools?
      Now the autumn term is underway, the admissions window for school placements next September is now open. It’s a big decision for all parents and their children, but for separated parents it can become even more complicated – especially if they do not agree. For some, it can cause considerable tension between ex-partners, particularly as there is a finite deadline.
      Does my ex have the right to choose our child’s school even if I have primary care responsibilities?
      Choosing a school or changing a school can be approached as a standalone issue, regardless of who has primary care responsibilities.
      If your ex has parental responsibility, they have a duty and obligation as well as the right to decide how your child(ren) is educated. Unless there are exceptional circumstances, it is likely that your ex still has parental responsibility and therefore has a voice in the decision of your child’s school.
      Even if both parents have the child’s best interests at heart, this can still mean that they struggle to agree on the right school. A huge number of factors are involved in this decision and ultimately the well-being and education of the child(ren) should be central to the decision.
      Choosing the right school
      When going through a divorce or separation, children can often be caught in the middle of parental disputes.
      Supporting children through divorce can be difficult for parents as they may be experiencing turbulent emotions, however, divorce can have long-lasting impacts on a child’s emotional and mental health, no matter their age.
      Schools are a safe space for children to cope with the difficulties going on at home. They provide routine, structure and community so choosing the right one is very important.
      When considering changing school, and approaching an application, the practicalities of this change should be considered. For example, how the child(ren) will get to and from school, the academic credentials of the institution, and pastoral factors. The emotional and well-being aspect for the child must be central.
      If you can’t agree on your child’s school
      If you and your ex find that you can’t agree on a school, there are some steps you can take before involving the court.
      Having an open and honest conversation with your ex-partner, or anyone who shares parental responsibility is very important. You may find that there is some common ground.
      If you are having difficulties broaching the conversation with your ex, seeking out some professional support, for example from a mediator or even a divorce coach can help.
      Should these methods not work, and you find yourselves still disagreeing, then the matter can be referred to the court through a Specific Issue Order application. The court will consider the position of each parent and order where the child should go to school.
      You can also apply for a Specific Issue Order if you are not the child’s biological parent, but you have parental responsibility. For example, this can apply if you are the child’s legal guardian, or who the child lives with under the Child Arrangements Order.
      The court will be guided specifically by the welfare checklist which is laid out in s1(3) of the Children Act 1989.
      They will ensure the welfare of the child is the primary concern in decision making. This includes the wishes and feelings of the child, depending on their age and understanding, as well as their physical, emotional, and educational needs.
      The court will also consider what the impact of a change of school is likely to have on the child.
      Help with reaching a decision about schools
      For separating and divorcing parents, where their child/children should live and go to school is of the utmost importance. Should you find yourself at a deadlock with your ex-spouse over schooling, there are steps that can be taken, and professional support can be sought out.
      With applications for schools and changing schools now open, these next few weeks could be key decision-making time. There is guidance available to help ensure that your child’s welfare remains paramount, and their educational needs are met, particularly during a time of change in the home.
      Useful Links:
      Webinar: Will divorce damage my children?
      Making child arrangements
      Webinar: Supporting children through divorce
      Child arrangements order
      Effects of divorce on children More

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      in Children

      Separating after the summer holidays

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      The long six weeks summer holiday are finally coming to an end. The uniform has been bought, school shoes polished, new bags lined up in the hallway.
      September is a time for new beginnings, as the school year starts and children go into new classes, or even new schools.
      The start of the school year can be a turning point in relationships, as many who have put up with their spouse throughout the long holidays reach the end of their tether and start to investigate divorce proceedings.
      As divorce lawyers, we often see a rise in people enquiring about divorcing their partner as soon as the kids return to school.
      Looking at these in relation to the summer months, there is a lull as couples and families go on holiday and try to enjoy the (hopefully) nicer weather. August tends to be a quieter month for family lawyers.
      After the summer holidays, money troubles can raise their heads – and this is especially poignant in the difficult economic climate. Not only this, but spending extended periods of time together can expose the cracks in the relationship. Just think back to the surge in divorces after the pandemic lockdowns!
      So, if you are thinking about separating after the summer holidays, what are the next steps?
      Getting a divorce
      Although much of the initial divorce process can be completed online, it is important to seek specialist legal advice, particularly when it comes to your finances.
      The first stage of the divorce process is to complete a divorce application by filling in a Form D8 online or by post. Following this, you will have a 20-week cooling off period before you can apply for the conditional order.
      After another 6 weeks, you can apply to have the final order granted, legally dissolving your marriage. However, this does not automatically break the financial ties you and your ex-spouse had within your marriage.
      Financial settlements
      Money and assets must be dealt with in their own right during the divorce process, otherwise you can remain financially tied to your ex-spouse as financial obligations are not automatically ended when you get divorced. A consent order must be in place to ensure the settlement is final and enforceable.
      Financial settlements can get complicated, which is why we have a network of Financial Advisers, pension, property and budget experts and accountants on hand to support you.
      What about the children?
      The divorce process can be a huge upheaval for children. School and other regular activities provide routine and a sense of security, so keeping this as central is vital for mitigating feelings of displacement and anxiety.
      A poorly managed divorce can have long-term impacts on children, potentially causing separation anxiety in younger children, or resentment and distancing for older children.
      There is professional and legal support available for parents dealing with children, whether infants or teens, and for the children themselves. Information on how to manage children during a divorce can be found here.
      Divorce coaches are very helpful when it comes to dealing with emotional and practical decisions, and expert legal advice should be sought when thinking about child arrangement orders.
      Divorce can be scary, so we have specialist lawyers and professionals to help you every step of the way. Please seek help to support you through this journey.
      Useful links
      Watch Stowe talks – Beginners guide to divorce
      Financial Settlement FAQs
      Avoiding Financial Mistakes
      Helping your children understand your divorce
      Impact of conflict during divorce on children More

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      in Children

      August Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs:
      Economic abuse in financial remedy proceedings
      Tips for healing after divorce
      Britney, divorce and renegotiating prenups
      How to successfully co-parent
      Why is September a popular month for divorce?
      Book your free webinar place
      Stowe talks – Finding the unexpected joy of heartbreak with Rosie Wilby
      Stowe talks – Creating financial wellbeing following separation with Jodie Phelps
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify:
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast will be launched soon.
      But you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Children

      Why is September a popular month for divorce?

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      The impact of the summer holidays 
      September is usually a busy month for family lawyers, as it is a popular month for divorce. There tends to be an increase in divorce enquiries, particularly in comparison to August, which is quieter as families enjoy the long summer holidays.
      In fact, the summer break is sometimes seen as a reason for the rise in divorce enquiries in September. Families commonly spend more time together, and this can expose cracks in the relationship that may not otherwise have come to the surface.
      A similar phenomenon happens every January, termed by the media as ‘Divorce Day’. Divorce Day is the first working Monday of the year and has historically been the busiest day of the year for divorce enquiries, as the impact of a stressful Christmas and New Year takes its toll on relationships.
      For struggling couples, the summer holidays can bring deep-rooted issues out into the open. More time spent together, the need to provide entertainment for children, the financial demands of a holiday, and the pressure of having to be seen to have fun and be a happy family, can push relationships to the limit. 
      One of the key issues we as family lawyers see in September is how money worries surface after increased spending over the holidays. 
      Mortgage rates and economic uncertainty 
      Financial issues often play a significant role in relationship breakdown. They have been cited as the cause for a relationship breakdown in record numbers at Stowe over the past 18 months.
      Money can be a sensitive topic for even the strongest of couples. For those already struggling in their relationship, it can prove to be the final straw.
      Increasing mortgage rates are having a considerable impact on couples in the UK, potentially leading to consideration of divorce.
      Some couples are starting to see old deals (some as low as 2%) expire and new five-year fixed rates reach 6%, potentially more in coming months.
      Here at Stowe, we conducted a survey of 600 people across the UK on how mortgage rates are affecting families and relationships.
      The survey revealed that 82% of respondents have been or will be financially impacted by the inflation of mortgage rates.
      Almost a quarter (23%) responded they can no longer afford to pay their mortgage. Over half of the respondents said they were experiencing friction within their marriage or relationship because of this issue. 
      Over the cost-of-living crisis, divorce enquiries have risen to record highs, with financial issues regularly cited as a primary reason. 
      The economic climate, coupled with the pressure of the summer holidays, could prove too much for more couples, leading to them looking into divorce in September. 
      Financial problems and domestic abuse
      However, even accounting for the ongoing economic uncertainty and the rise in mortgage rates, the rise in September for divorce enquiries may not be as significant as has been seen in previous years.
      Recently, there has been a rise in the number of people who are unable to leave their marriage or relationship due to financial problems. 
      This is all the more concerning for people who are trapped in abusive relationships who are unable to leave their partner because they cannot support themselves financially on their own. 
      Victims of domestic abuse have been hit hard by the cost-of-living crisis. This is because financial hardship is connected to increasing physical, emotional and financial abuse. 
      Furthermore, inflation, and now mortgage rises, may mean more people cannot afford to divorce or separate from their partner, particularly if the abuser is using money as a means to control their partner.
      Will September 2023 be a popular month for divorce?
      For couples wanting to start the divorce process, money will certainly play a role in the decision. However, it will be interesting to see whether the economic environment will swing matters towards the usual September increase in enquiries or whether there will be a drop in couples wanting to start divorce proceedings.
      For those who choose to end their relationship, getting the right support and legal advice is crucial. Anyone suffering abuse who finds themselves in  immediate danger, please call the police. For advice on domestic abuse please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      Useful links
      Mortgage after divorce
      How much does divorce cost?
      Effects of divorce on children
      Economic abuse
      Holidays with children after divorce
      Legal help for domestic abuse victims More

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      in Children

      How to successfully co-parent

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      A key concern for divorcing parents is how they will continue to parent their children after separation and whether co-parenting will work for them. 
      There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to co-parenting after divorce and how you move forward will be influenced by your relationship with your ex. For example, whether you are on good terms still, and whether you are both equally willing to cooperate.
      For couples who have divorced amicably and want to continue to work together to share responsibility, co-parenting is a popular post-separation parenting method.
      What is co-parenting?
      Co-parenting centres on collaboration and openness. It works best for divorced or separated parents who both want to continue to raise their children together, despite no longer being a couple.
      Co-parenting plans are unique to each family. This means co-parents can work together to make decisions that best suit their family’s needs. This amicable approach provides a helpful framework that prioritises the best interests of the children.
      How is co-parenting different to parallel parenting?
      In contrast, parallel parenting intentionally minimises communication and collaboration between separated parents. This technique is particularly helpful in divorces that involve domestic abuse, high-conflict, narcissistic partners, or where co-parenting hasn’t been successful.
      Benefits of co-parenting
      Some benefits of co-parenting include:

      Co-parenting can help children continue to feel supported, loved, and connected to both parents
      By maintaining open and respectful communication with your co-parent you can prioritise your children and their needs
      Establishing clear guidelines for co-parenting responsibilities, such as schedules, holidays, and financial contributions, you can help prevent misunderstandings
      Agreeing routines and rules between both households helps provide stability and consistency for the children.

      Tips from a family coach for successful co-parenting
      Co-parenting is an ongoing process that requires patience, understanding, and mutual co-operation. While it may be challenging at times, there are ways that you and your ex can create a successful co-parenting approach.
      Here, Nichole Farrow, divorce and family coach, shares her top tips for successful co-parenting.
      Finding a way to successfully co-parent is vital for your kids’ development and your own mental wellbeing.
      As a member of a blended family, I have witnessed firsthand the impact of painful divorces and feuding parents, which throw a long shadow over family events and future generations.
      As separated parents, it is your responsibility to find a way to co-parent for the sake of your children, and for your own good. After all, your ex isn’t going away.
      With this in mind, here are my top 7 tips on how to co-parent successfully:
      Break your news together
      Start as you mean to go on and break the news of your split together. This shows them right from the start that you are both still there for them. Don’t underestimate how much of an impact this will have on your children. This is almost certainly the most difficult thing they will ever have had to cope with.
      Let it go
      Whatever the reasons for your divorce are, and whoever you feel is to blame, let it go. The person your resentment truly harms is you. You are wasting vital energy that may be better spent elsewhere.
      Your child is not your emotional crutch
      Do not tell your children about the specifics of your divorce, the reasons for it, or how you feel about it. Instead, make sure you have a support network you can talk to, such as friends, family, or a coach, rather than your children. They are not there to serve as a sounding board for your mental health.
      Be mindful of your language
      Never bad mouth your ex to or in front of your children. This puts your children in an uncomfortable position and may unfairly make your children feel guilty or like they have to choose sides. By criticising your partner you’ll more likely cause your children to think less of you, not your partner, and you never know when your words will come back to bite you.
      Do not make them choose
      Your ex is not your rival. Making your children choose between you both will end badly for everyone and cause your children unnecessary upset. Remember, your children love you both regardless of whether you’re married or not.
      Never use your children to get back at your ex
      The damage this will do is unimaginable. Let them enjoy their childhood rather than weaponising their relationship with their other parent. After all, we are all the products of our environment. Being stuck between two warring parents might impact your childrens’ mental health now, or later in life.
      Your child is not your messenger
      Communicating with your ex directly on all matters is crucial to your success as co-parents. Using your children as a go between undermines you both and your united parenting, and again puts them in an uncomfortable place. Whether you’re sharing useful information about the week ahead, or something more important, you must be the one to let your ex know through your agreed communication methods.
      Nichole Farrow is a leading UK-based divorce coach specialising in family coaching for blended families who want to build a harmonious home life where they can all flourish. Get in touch with Nichole.
      Related links
      What the family court expects from parents

      Effects of divorce on children

      7 tips for co-parenting through the summer

      How to support children through divorce

      The rise in birdnesting after divorce More