Divorce and separation

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      in Children

      What do you say to a friend whose marriage is ending?

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      Sometimes, when people admit that their marriage is unsustainable, for whatever reason, the reaction of family, friends, even strangers on the internet can be judgmental or pitying. However, what someone in this situation needs are words and actions of support and comfort, as well as professional and legal guidance.
      We are joined on the blog by Divorce Coach Rebecca Spittles, who explores her own experience of the initial stages of separation, and what to say to a friend whose marriage is ending.
      ‘“It’s a shame you couldn’t have just tried a bit harder…”
      Nothing hits harder when you have made the decision to leave. When will people understand that getting divorced is an absolute last resort?
      Contrary to popular belief, and in my experience both personally and professionally, no one actually wants to get divorced. Reaching the point of separation, especially when there are children in the mix, is the most gut wrenching, stomach turning, vomit-inducing feeling you could ever imagine if you’ve not been there.
      I don’t wish divorce on anyone. When I took my vows I took them for life, like my parents, my grandparents and all that surrounded me. I wanted that security and comfort that everyone seeks from marriage. Even simple things I was excited about, for example to have the same surname as my husband and then of my child. It was so, so important.
      Just imagine how it felt when I knew that no matter how hard I tried, the union I was in was not meant to be?
      My parents were amazing. On several occasions I came close to uttering the words separation and every time they would come up with some kind words and injected a bit more strength into me to keep going. Marriage isn’t easy.
      My sister was the best. Constantly encouraging me, being a sounding board but never once suggesting being apart was an option.
      The toughest part of my situation was that, in order for our relationship to be harmonious, one or both of us had to completely stifle their key personality traits. Not sustainable.
      Our opinions on every single little thing were different and it ended with one or both of us feeling sad or resentful or angry as there wasn’t space for compromise.
      Compromise. The word bandied around all the time when it comes to being in a relationship. What if compromise actually meant giving in? Taking on the view of the other person so that life could just about be normal? What if compromise was only one sided and the only way for the other person to ever be happy was to always do what they wanted?
      I made several huge changes. Gave up my brilliant job so I could be at home. Gave up financial independence and poured every penny into the joint account. I started asking to do things and to buy things and slowly I disappeared. But still there was no happiness.
      After 2 long years following the birth of our daughter I asked for a separation. The answer was ‘No’. Clearly, I ‘didn’t care about my marriage’. I did. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything in my life to work but I was empty. Nothing left.
      In the end, two days after New Years Eve, I left after a huge row (something I learned is never the best way to leave).
      I picked up our daughter and stepped out of the front door and I will always remember the feeling of this being ‘it’. We were completely over. I drove to my parents with a sleeping toddler, arrived and cried. I cried and cried.
      Eventually he moved out to his Mum’s temporarily so that I could come home with our daughter and work, and she could have contact with her Dad.
      I am writing this so that next time someone utters the words ‘I want to leave my husband/wife’ just listen. Ask why, not so you can tell her why they should stay but so that you can understand quite how far they have come to be able to say this out loud.
      If you’ve been through it, please, please offer comfort, what they don’t need is the gore of your breakup or divorce. There is plenty of time for that later!
      Share your emotion and empathise because you more than many truly know where they are at.
      Finally, for all of us sat with the friend who says their relationship is over, just help. They will be a wreck for a while to come, from being so strong to being a crying mess on the floor. An angry confused teenager-esque stage will rear its ugly head at some point along with bitterness and probably a fair bit of drunkenness.
      Just be there for them. They will come out the other side. They will never be the same again, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
      Rebecca Spittles is a Divorce Coach providing personalised emotional and practical support and coaching to help individuals navigate their divorce or separation.
       You can find out more about Rebecca on her website or via her LinkedIn. 
      Useful links
      My partner’s a good person but I’m not happy
      When ‘I do’ becomes ‘I don’t’: Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      What to do if you think your marriage is over

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      in Family Law

      Divorce rates fall by 30%

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      Divorce rates have fallen by 30% according to the Official for National Statistics (ONS).
      ONS statistics released this morning have revealed that the number of divorces granted in 2022 fell by 29.5% to 80,057, in comparison to the previous year’s 113,505 divorces. This is the lowest number since 1971.
      Family lawyers have widely been anticipating an increase in divorce rates and enquiries. Whilst the statistics have come as a surprise, it is not so surprising when examining the impact of various factors which have caused such a significant decrease in divorce rates.
      The introduction of no-fault divorce in April 2022 is likely to have had a significant impact on the overall divorces granted. Although some couples were waiting for no-fault to be introduced, which removed the need to attribute blame, to proceed with their divorce and there was a surge in enquiries at this point, no fault divorce introduced mandatory waiting periods. It is likely that these extended periods meant that fewer divorces were actually granted in 2022.
      In addition, the ongoing impact of the Covid-19 pandemic meant that 2021 saw a 9.6% increase in the number of divorces on 2020’s figures. The pandemic caused significant disruption to the family courts, meaning fewer divorces were processed that year. However, whilst the pandemic and lockdowns continued through 2021, the family justice system introduced remote hearings and more divorces were granted. Thus, in comparison to 2022, it is possible that this was artificial inflation caused by a surge in 2021.
      However, the drop in rates in 2022 is so dramatic in comparison to both 2021 and 2020 figures that this cannot be explanation on its own.
      The impact of the cost-of-living crisis is being cited as a key reason for the downward turn as many couples who were wanting to separate postpone their divorce for cost reasons. As gas and electricity prices soared, food, bills and housing all increased and money did not, and has continued to not, stretch as far. Worries over future finances and going from a dual income household to a single income household was at the forefront of many couples’ minds.
      Here at Stowe Family Law, we conducted a survey on the impact of the cost-of-living crisis on relationships. 30% of respondents said that they were staying in their current relationship because of fears they could not afford to live alone.
      In addition to these factors, ONS reported last month that marriage rates in England and Wales had fallen below 50% for the first time since comparable records began. Only 49.4% of adults over 16 were reported to be married or in a civil partnership in 2022. This has direct links to the number of divorces as without marriage there can be no divorce.
      Family lawyers will be interested to see over the coming years whether the decrease in divorce rates is an ongoing trend, or whether they are a direct result of the economic and social factors of the last few years.
      Useful Links
      Can I afford to divorce my partner?
      The rise in birdnesting after divorce
      What happens to the family home?
      Client Guide: Divorcing during the cost of living crisis

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      in Family Law

      Stowe Talks How To: Part 2

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      Stowe Talks How To
      Our next instalment of our Stowe Talks How To videos are now freely available to watch.
      To recap, these videos are guides for some of the key aspects of the divorce process, so you can be taken through step-by-step accompanied by our expert lawyers.
      We know that divorce can be overwhelming and stressful at times, which is why we have produced these practical videos and accompanying guides for you to download for free.
      Videos
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      Guides
      The supporting guides can be found here.
      A full playlist of all the Stowe Talks How To videos can be found here.
      Other Useful Links
      Introducing Stowe Talks How To
      Stowe Support – a huge range of free resources (blogs, guides, podcasts etc) covering all matters family law including divorce, child arrangements, unmarried couples, finances, and much more besides. More

    • 50 Shares109 Views

      in Family Law

      January Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs from Stowe
      What is in store for family law in 2024?
      The Importance of Pensions in Divorce
      Thinking about divorce this ‘Divorce Day’?
      Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      Expansion of Family Court Transparency Pilot to 16 more courts
      Dissolution and Divorce – What’s the Difference?
      Navigate the Complexities of Separation and Divorce with Family Mediation
      Marriage Rates Fall Below 50% in England and Wales
      A Guide to Financial Dispute Resolution
      Platonic Co-Parenting – Can I really have a baby with my friend?
      Watch our recent webinars
      The Break-up Club: Building a new life after divorce
      Stowe talks: Making your money go further after divorce
      Listen to the latest Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify
      Stowe talks 26: The unique challenges of a relationship break down in the LGBTQIA+ community
      Stowe talks 27: Creating financial wellbeing following a divorce or separation
      Stowe talks 28: How to prepare for your financial settlement in divorce
      Watch ‘Stowe talks: How to’ guides
      Stowe talks: How to get divorced online
      Stowe talks: How to pull together information for a financial settlement
      Stowe talks: How to obtain a financial consent order
      Stowe talks: How to represent yourself in court
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness More

    • 113 Shares129 Views

      in Family Law

      Marriage Rates Fall Below 50% in England and Wales

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      Marriage rates fall below 50%: more calls for cohabitation reform
      New ONS statistics have revealed that marriage rates in England and Wales are continuing to fall year-on-year. For the first time since comparable records began, the percentage of people over 16 who are married or in a civil partnership has dropped below 50% to 49.4%.
      Solicitor Abi Jones examines what this means and the pressing need for cohabitation reform.
      Relationships and the way we view marriage as a nation is constantly changing but sadly our laws are failing to keep pace with modern family structures. Different types of families like blended, cohabitees and single parent families and even platonic co-parenting are over-taking marriage as more popular ways to have relationships and children.
      However, same-sex marriages have increased, and it is estimated that the number of people in these marriages in 2022 is around 167,000. This has increased dramatically from 26,000 in 2015 but marriage in general continues to decline in popularity.
      It is clear to see that there is an ever-increasing populace of couples who are not getting married or entering into a civil partnership, instead choosing to live together without any of these ‘official’ statuses in place. The ONS figures noted that the increase has reached more than a fifth of over 16s in England and Wales, from 19.7% in 2012 to 22.7% in 2022.
      These statistics from ONS have led to more and stronger calls for reform in this area as marriage rates decline but cohabitation continues to be the fastest growing family type in the UK.
      Cohabitation reform has long been discussed, and an introduction of a Cohabitation Rights Bill that aimed to establish a framework of rights and responsibilities for cohabiting couples however this still needs to take the normal course through Parliament and be subject to scrutiny and parliamentary debate before it can be formed into a law and implemented.  At the Labour Party Conference 2023, Labour MP Emily Thornberry announced Labour’s commitment to reforming cohabitation laws if they win a general election.
      Currently if a couple is cohabiting but not married or in a civil partnership, irrespective of the amount of time that they have been together, there is no entitlement to a share of the other’s wealth upon the relationship breaking down.  It does not matter how the finances were arranged within that relationship, nor does it matter how long the parties have been together. The idea of the ‘common law marriage’ is entirely mythical.
      The reality is that if a cohabiting couple separate, they will have no claim for financial support or claim to share the other party’s wealth upon the breakdown of that relationship.  These couples are often left having very limited rights upon separation and having to potentially wade through more complicated areas of law such as the Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act claims.
      Until such time that there is a cohabiting rights bill and due to the lack of rights and protections afforded to unmarried couples they should consider getting advice from solicitors and potentially enter into a cohabitation agreement.
      Useful Links
      Cohabitation Client Guide
      Stowe Support resources for Cohabitation
      What rights do cohabiting couples have? Watch on Youtube or Listen on Spotify
      Taking control of your finances on separation and beyond with Lottie Kent: Listen on Spotify More

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      in Family Law

      Expansion of Family Court Transparency Pilot to 16 more courts

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      In another significant step towards enhancing transparency within the family justice system, the judiciary has announced the expansion of the transparency reporting pilot.
      Described as a ‘huge step,’ this initiative aims to provide insight into family court proceedings.
      The transparency implementation group reporting pilot, which began in the family courts of Leeds, Cardiff, and Carlisle in January 2023, is set to expand to 16 additional courts across England, including Liverpool, Dorset, and Milton Keynes starting January 29th 2024.
      2024 Expansion of Family Court Transparency Pilot
      Under this ongoing pilot, accredited media and legal bloggers can report on the proceedings, subject to strict rules of anonymity. Judges presiding over the courts involved in the pilot will issue transparency orders outlining what information can and cannot be reported.
      The judiciary emphasises that this reporting initiative is being carefully piloted to ensure it can be conducted safely and with minimal disruption to those involved in the cases and the functioning of the courts.
      Sir Andrew McFarlane, Family Division president, hailed the extension as a continuation of the ‘pioneering year of reporting’. He expressed the judiciary’s commitment to increasing transparency, improving public confidence, and fostering a better understanding of the family justice system.
      Sir McFarlane invited members of the media to familiarise themselves with the provided guidance and visit family courts to witness the vital and challenging work undertaken in these settings.
      Understanding the impact of family court reporting
      The announcement has garnered positive reactions from legal professionals, with many viewing open reporting as a crucial step in addressing the challenges faced by family courts, such as backlogs, and hopes it will contribute to public understanding.
      Jake Mitchell, Leeds-based Stowe family lawyer echoed this “One of the biggest barriers to people seeking help with their legal issues is the amount of misinformation which is readily available and repeated.”
      Although some have raised concerns that journalist presence could cause potential discomfort to people going through the family courts, its hoped that journalists will use their newfound rights to raise public awareness of the workings of financial remedy courts and the strain they face due to under-funding.
      Locations included in the expansion of the Transparency Pilot
      The 16 courts participating in the pilot include Liverpool, Manchester, West Yorkshire, Kingston-upon-Hull, Nottingham, Stoke, Derby, Birmingham, Central Family Court, East London, West London, Dorset, Truro, Luton, Guildford, and Milton Keynes.
      Jake Mitchel continued “My colleagues and I welcome the expansion of transparency in the family courts. The more the public knows what goes on inside a court room, the greater the trust and confidence will be and that should lead to the right result for more people.” More

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      in Family Law

      INTRODUCING Stowe talks: How to

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      Ever wished you had step-by-step instructions to help guide you through typical divorce processes?
      We know that divorce and separation can feel like a minefield cluttered with complicated paperwork, legal jargon and complex processes.
      That’s why we’ve produced Stowe talks: How to a new range of free step-by-step videos and guides.
      What you can expect from Stowe talks: How to
      Each edition includes a video and accompanying guide available to download for free. The focus on offering practical, to-the-point information and guidance from a family lawyer on a specific topic related to divorce or separation, including:
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      Explore more Stowe talks: How to resources
      Watch Stowe talks: How to videos
      Download the accompanying guides More

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      in Family Law

      What is in store for family law in 2024?

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      2024 has the potential to see the conclusion of a number of UK government legislation amendments and consultations. Each carefully considered change will have a far-reaching impact on family law and those dealing with the personal impact of family law matters. So, as we begin the new year, we look at important changes on the horizon and suggest what may be in store for family law in 2024.
      Financial Remedies Court reporting pilot
      The spotlight on ‘transparency in the Family Court’ continues in 2024. Following on from last year’s introduction of measures to increase understanding and scrutiny of the system, a new pilot scheme is set to start on January 29th.
      The Financial Remedies Court (FRC) reporting pilot will allow accredited journalists and bloggers to report on financial remedies proceedings. These include financial issues arising from divorce and civil partnership dissolution, and child support cases.
      The FRC pilot will initially cover three trial courts: the Central Family Court, Birmingham, and Leeds. Notably, certain hearings, like Financial Dispute Resolution, will maintain confidentiality, preserving the privacy of those involved.
      Proposed amendment to Victims and Prisoners Bill affecting parental responsibility
      In January 2024 the Ministry of Justice’s proposed amendment to the Victims and Prisoners Bill moves to the next stage. The proposal announced in 2022 seeks to automatically remove parental responsibility for parents convicted of the murder or voluntary manslaughter of their co-parent.
      The legislation change emerged after the death of Jade Ward, whose partner and father of her child murdered her in 2021. He was found guilty and sentenced to a minimum of 25 years in jail. Since then, Jade’s family have lobbied for a change in the law to automatically remove parental responsibility so that convicted offenders can no longer seek information about their children or make key decisions about their lives.
      The Ministry of Justice have confirmed that there will be exemptions in cases involving domestic abuse.
      Possible outline of future financial remedies reform
      In 2023 the Law Commission of England and Wales launched a comprehensive review of financial remedy orders. The review examines how finances are divided among couples post-divorce or civil partnership dissolution, currently governed by the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and Civil Partnership Act 2004.
      The aim of the review is to evaluate the effectiveness of current laws and ensure fairness for divorcing couples. Among other factors, the review set out to analyse discretionary powers of judges, explore wider powers for orders involving children over the age of eighteen, assess pension-related orders, review the mechanics and structure of post-divorce financial payments.
      The findings, anticipated in a scoping report in September 2024, may pave the way for significant reforms in future financial remedies legislation.
      Family court fees to rise
      Last month the UK Government completed a consultation which looks to increase court fees by up to 10% in 2024.
      The Ministry for Justice wants to increase revenue generated by the courts to ensure that they remain ‘sufficiently resourced’ to protect access to the courts for all those who seek justice.
      Users of His Majesty’s Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS), including the family court, contribute to the cost of the justice process by paying fees. Court fees generated £727 million of the total £2.3 billion cost to run HMCTS in 2022/23, with the remainder funded by the taxpayer.
      By increasing court fees by 10% the UK government is expected to generate up to £42 million per year. The key objectives of the price increase are to keep pace with increased costs, improve service delivery, subsidise the cost of free services, and reduce the overall cost to the taxpayer.
      Key 2024 family court fee increases include:

      Application for a divorce, or civil partnership dissolution – fees will rise from £593 to £652
      Application for a parental order – fees will rise from £232 to £255
      Application/permission to apply for adoption – fees will rise from £183 to £201
      Application for a financial order (other than consent order) – fees will rise from £275 to £303.

      Resolving family matters out of court
      In 2024 we’ll see a continuing emphasis on encouraging parties to seek resolution of their disputes outside of the court system. Last year the UK government carried out a consultation ‘Supporting earlier resolution of private family law arrangements’ to review mediation in family law.
      As a result, in 2024 we could see mandatory mediation for all suitable low-level family court cases (excluding those which include allegations or a history of domestic violence). The aim is to divert family disputes away from stretched courts and protect children from the impact of acrimonious and long-running court cases.
      It’s hoped the proposals will mean more people can make decisions and achieve resolutions with the support of a qualified mediator, rather than placing the decision with the family court.
      General election
      While the date of the next UK general election is still to be announced, it’s widely anticipated that the current Conservative government will call for an election in 2024.
      The latest voting intention polls suggest that Labour may win the next election, meaning a change in government. Whilst no parties have yet released their election manifestos, and the exact nature of any proposed changes to family law is yet unknown, we can expect to see some impact. More