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      Five misconceptions of no-fault divorce 

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      After years of campaigning to remove the need to blame one party when divorcing, the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill gained Royal assent in June 2020, reforming divorce law in England and Wales, and paving the way for no-fault divorce.
      With the introduction of no-fault divorce planned for the 6th April 2022, Stowe Solicitor Hannah Stubbs shares the most common misconceptions and explains what it means for couples who will divorce in 2022 and beyond.
      Five misconceptions of no-fault divorce 
      The introduction of no-fault divorce, due to arrive in the UK in April 2022, will be the largest shake-up of divorce law since it began and will impact the entire divorce process. 
      But what do the actual changes mean for people getting divorced? I have already heard many misconceptions and myths circulating about no-fault divorce. 
      This article will help dispel some of them and answer the questions surrounding this change. 
      One: The “blame game” is completely over.
      Not entirely. Under the new law, couples can divorce without citing blame. However, they can still cite one of the five current facts for a marriage breakdown (behaviour, adultery, five-year separation, two-year separation with consent, desertion).  
      In practice, this means that people will no longer need to prove conduct or fault of the other party as grounds for divorce, but they can do if that is the route they want to take. 
      From my experience with clients, I think that many couples will now choose to divorce without blame, and we will see a large reduction in the use of the other five facts.  
      Two: A no-fault divorce is a “quickie” divorce.
      Actually, no – despite the media reports, a no-fault divorce is not a “quickie divorce” by any means. 
      Currently, the only set ‘cooling’ off period in the divorce process is that once the decree nisi is pronounced, you have to wait six weeks and one day before applying for the decree absolute. 
      Under the new system, people will now be required to wait for twenty weeks from filing their divorce petition before being able to proceed with an application for a conditional order (currently known as the decree nisi). 
      Once the twenty-week period is up, the applicant will need to confirm to the court that they wish to proceed; without this, the divorce will not move forward.
      This period has been included to provide parties with a period of reflection to try and work on any issues that may stop the relationship from breaking down. 
      It is currently estimated that a “standard” (uncontested) divorce process can take anywhere between six to eight months, and it is expected that despite the changes, cases are likely to take a similar amount of time,  not quicker. 
      Three: No-fault divorce will be cheaper
      Not necessarily. When parties remain amicable, the case is less likely to have delays due to disagreement and, therefore, will cost less. However, removing blame from the process does not automatically mean the case will be shorter and less expensive. Remaining amicable and having a clear idea of any financial settlement and child arrangement details from the beginning will help manage costs. 
      Four: Only one person can make the divorce application
      Currently, when one person is responsible for filing the petition, this automatically indicates there is someone to blame as the “Petitioner” has to prove there has been an irretrievable breakdown. However, choosing a no-fault divorce will allow couples to be co-applicants of the divorce petition, jointly applying for divorce.  
      Five: No-fault divorce is just about the removal of blame
      No – the new law will also bring some key changes to divorce terminology in England and Wales. 
      Currently, the person making the divorce application is known as the “Petitioner”, and the other party is known as the “Respondent”. This will change when the new law is introduced, when “Petitioner” will be changed to “Applicant”. This change in terminology is designed to remove the assumption of blame simply because one party is filing the petition and the other person isn’t.
      The new divorce process will still involve the two stages of decree nisi and decree absolute, but these names will also change. The decree nisi will become a ‘conditional order of divorce’, and the decree absolute will become the ‘final order of divorce’.
      So, is it worth waiting for a no-fault divorce?
      It is an interesting question and one that family lawyers are being asked a lot. The answer is not that straightforward, as it really does depend on the circumstances of the case. 
      For some, when considering the benefit of filing for divorce where there is no fault, and no fault has to be attributed, it’s worth the wait to April 2022. However, if people want to move forward with separation without unnecessary delay, parties can still elect to file a divorce petition on one or more of the existing grounds for divorce. 
      The new reforms will be introduced on 6 April 2022 and will apply to onward divorce petitions. Existing divorce petitions before the Court (i.e. filed before 6 April 2022) will remain live and will not need to be amended or refiled. 
      It is important to keep in mind that there is likely to be an influx of divorce petitions in April 2022 on the ground of no-fault divorce, and it is unknown whether there may be some delays in the court process because it has never been done before.
      Get in touch
      If you would like advice on no-fault divorce, you can contact our dedicated Client Care Team today to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers. More

    • 63 Shares149 Views

      in Family Law

      Four misconceptions of no-fault divorce 

      by

      After years of campaigning to remove the need to blame one party when divorcing, the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Bill gained Royal assent in June 2020, reforming divorce law in England and Wales, and paving the way for no-fault divorce.
      With the introduction of no-fault divorce planned for the 6th April 2022, Stowe Solicitor Hannah Stubbs shares the most common misconceptions and explains what it means for couples who will divorce in 2022 and beyond.
      Four misconceptions of no-fault divorce 
      The introduction of no-fault divorce, due to arrive in the UK in April 2022, will be the largest shake-up of divorce law since it began and will impact the entire divorce process. 
      But what do the actual changes mean for people getting divorced? I have already heard many misconceptions and myths circulating about no-fault divorce. 
      This article will help dispel some of them and answer the questions surrounding this change. 
      One: A no-fault divorce is a “quickie” divorce.
      Actually, no – despite the media reports, a no-fault divorce is not a “quickie divorce” by any means. 
      Currently, the only set ‘cooling’ off period in the divorce process is that once the decree nisi is pronounced, you have to wait six weeks and one day before applying for the decree absolute. 
      Under the new system, people will now be required to wait for twenty weeks from filing their divorce petition before being able to proceed with an application for a conditional order (currently known as the decree nisi). 
      Once the twenty-week period is up, the applicant will need to confirm to the court that they wish to proceed; without this, the divorce will not move forward.
      This period has been included to provide parties with a period of reflection to try and work on any issues that may stop the relationship from breaking down. 
      It is currently estimated that a “standard” (uncontested) divorce process can take anywhere between six to eight months, and it is expected that despite the changes, cases are likely to take a similar amount of time,  not quicker. 
      Two: No-fault divorce will be cheaper
      Not necessarily. When parties remain amicable, the case is less likely to have delays due to disagreement and, therefore, will cost less. However, removing blame from the process does not automatically mean the case will be shorter and less expensive. Remaining amicable and having a clear idea of any financial settlement and child arrangement details from the beginning will help manage costs. 
      Three: Only one person can make the divorce application
      Currently, when one person is responsible for filing the petition, this automatically indicates there is someone to blame as the “Petitioner” has to prove there has been an irretrievable breakdown. However, choosing a no-fault divorce will allow couples to be co-applicants of the divorce petition, jointly applying for divorce.  
      Four No-fault divorce is just about the removal of blame
      No – the new law will also bring some key changes to divorce terminology in England and Wales. 
      Currently, the person making the divorce application is known as the “Petitioner”, and the other party is known as the “Respondent”. This will change when the new law is introduced, when “Petitioner” will be changed to “Applicant”. This change in terminology is designed to remove the assumption of blame simply because one party is filing the petition and the other person isn’t.
      The new divorce process will still involve the two stages of decree nisi and decree absolute, but these names will also change. The decree nisi will become a ‘conditional order of divorce’, and the decree absolute will become the ‘final order of divorce’.
      So, is it worth waiting for a no-fault divorce?
      It is an interesting question and one that family lawyers are being asked a lot. The answer is not that straightforward, as it really does depend on the circumstances of the case. 
      For some, when considering the benefit of filing for divorce where there is no fault, and no fault has to be attributed, it’s worth the wait to April 2022. However, if people want to move forward with separation without unnecessary delay, parties can still elect to file a divorce petition on one or more of the existing grounds for divorce. 
      The new reforms will be introduced on 6 April 2022 and will apply to onward divorce petitions. Existing divorce petitions before the Court (i.e. filed before 6 April 2022) will remain live and will not need to be amended or refiled. 
      It is important to keep in mind that there is likely to be an influx of divorce petitions in April 2022 on the ground of no-fault divorce, and it is unknown whether there may be some delays in the court process because it has never been done before.
      Get in touch
      If you would like advice on no-fault divorce, you can contact our dedicated Client Care Team today to speak to one of our specialist family lawyers. More

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      in Children

      Making arrangements for children during Christmas

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      Child arrangements during Christmas
      After the past two years, time with loved ones has never felt so important, but for separated parents Christmas can be a time of tension, as plans need to be agreed about where and how children will spend the festive season. So how do you agree on arrangements for children during Christmas?
      We asked our Regional Director for Yorkshire, Rachel Roberts, to share her advice on child arrangements during Christmas.
      Child arrangements and Christmas
      As we approach Christmas, we see a flurry of clients getting in touch for help to try and resolve arrangements for the festive season. 
      Before I turn to my tips on how best to manage arrangements, there are a couple of key points from the Government and family law sector that are certainly at the forefront of my mind when advising clients.
      Last year, a leading family judge made it clear that parties should only be bringing disputes over children to court where absolutely necessary. The judge went on to criticise parents for asking the court to micro-manage children arrangements. The view from the court is clear – where possible you should be sorting these things out yourself.
      The Government have said that further lockdowns are unlikely and have been clear that restrictions do not prevent children from moving between separated parents, provided they are not self-isolating. 
      It seems unlikely that this will change, and CAFCASS (the government body that advises the court on children disputes) has stressed the need for children to maintain their usual routine.
      All that said, it is naive to think that difficulties will not arise, and the following guidance may help avoid unhappiness at Christmas.
      Tips for making child arrangements during Christmas 
      Preparation is key
      With the added uncertainty of another Christmas during the pandemic, trying to put in place arrangements for Christmas in advance is tricky.
      If you do not have plans in place, now is the time to start. Talk to your ex-partner and agree on arrangements that work for you all.
      Some clients I have worked with agreed that the children would spend Christmas Eve at one home and then return to the other for lunch on Christmas Day.
      Other clients decided that they would spend the whole festive period with one parent and the next year spend it with the other, alternating between the two.
      It is a personal choice based on what works for your family, but also the age of the children, location and how amicable you are.
      Be prepared to be flexible as plans may need to change. 
      Focus on the children 
      First and foremost, put the children at the heart of the plans you make. A different type of Christmas can still be a good Christmas. Talk about the positive: two Christmas Days, two sets of presents etc.
      Make sure you share your plans with the children. Depending on the age of the children, ask them what they would like? Older children need to feel they have a voice. 
      Once in place, sharing plans with the children means they know where they will be throughout the holiday, and the routine will make them feel safe and secure.
      Creating a visual plan can help as dates can be difficult for a child to understand. One client created a Christmas themed wall planner for their younger children. A tech-savvy teenager may prefer a joint Google calendar.
      Be fair to the other parent
      If this is your first year as a separated parent, this will all feel very raw and difficult. It is likely that you will both be dreading not spending Christmas entirely with your children. 
      Even though it can be difficult, try to think about the impact of any plans on your former partner. Ask yourself if you would be happy with the proposed arrangements next year? If the answer is no, then maybe they should be reconsidered. 
      Stick to the plan
      This year may require a certain level of flexibility, but where possible, it is important that, whatever arrangements you come to, you both stick to the plan. 
      Last-minute changes can cause feelings of disruption and uncertainty for children. And, whilst flexibility is an essential part of positive child arrangements, it is important to maintain consistency and provide stability.
      Get advice early, if needed
      Christmas is chaotic and organising a co-parenting schedule on top of everything else is never going to be easy, especially if communication between you and your ex-partner is difficult. 
      If you are struggling this year, take advice from a family lawyer who can try to assist in negotiating an agreement. 
      If you cannot reach an agreement, mediation can help as the presence of a 3rd party often eases tensions and result in finding common ground. 
      Mediation is still taking place via video conferencing, and many of our clients have reported that it is easier than being in the same room as their former partner.
      Court proceedings are possible but should be used as a last resort, and, due to the current strain on courts from the pandemic, it is highly unlikely that you have any prospect of a contested hearing before Christmas. 
      Hopefully, these tips, combined with some careful planning, compromise and putting the children first,  will help you and your ex-partner move forward towards a harmonious Christmas.
      Get in touch 
      If you would like any advice on child arrangements during Christmas, or other family law issues, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist divorce lawyers here. 
      This article was first published in 2018 and has since been updated.  More

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      in Children

      5 Tips for Parallel Parenting

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      Parallel parenting is a method used by divorced or separated parents who wish to continue to parent their children in parallel, whilst agreeing to limit contact and interaction with each other. This technique is particularly helpful in divorces that involve domestic abuse, high-conflict, or where communication is extremely difficult.
      Luisa Williams from My Family Psychologist explains more.
      5 Tips for Parallel Parenting

      Rebuilding your life when a relationship ends and healing from any emotional trauma you’ve experienced is difficult enough. Even when you’re ex was abusive, sometimes it’s impossible to cut ties for the sake of your child.  
      What is parallel parenting?
      Whilst co-parenting works by cooperation and continued communication, for some it gives your ex-partner the opportunity to continue to mistreat you. Instead, parallel parenting increases safety in challenging relationships by deliberately keeping communication to a bare minimum. 
      While major decisions can be agreed upon together, each parent adapts their parenting method when the child is in their care. It allows you to distance yourself from your ex without depriving your child of a parent and sets clear boundaries that prevent further abuse or conflict.
      The aim is to facilitate emotional healing from the relationship while prioritising your child’s needs and protecting them from conflict.  
      To give you the best start after divorce, here’s 5 tips for parallel parenting. 
      1. Create a parenting plan  
      It’s best to plan ahead to avoid disagreements. The more prepared you are and the more detailed the plan is, the less you’re likely to argue with your ex and the more minimal the contact is. Minimise stress for your child and ensure your safety by agreeing as much as you can in advance, including: 

      Agreeing timing of visits, including dates and start and end times, in writing.
      Establish how to handle cancellations, and when and how they should be communicated.
      Consider how often the child will see each parent?
      Who will attend your child’s functions or doctor visits?
      Agree who will drop them off and pick them up?
      Plan ahead to decide where your child will spend their holidays and birthdays?
      Choose a neutral location or even ask a family member or a trusted friend to pick your child for you.
      Set out financial responsibilities, and dos and don’ts.
      You can figure out logistics using email or another form of communication that doesn’t involve meeting face to face.  

       2. Let yourself heal
      Ideally, after separating from an abusive ex-partner, you’d cut contact and never see them again.  But when there are children involved, this is not always possible to eliminate them from your life completely. When some form of contact must remain, prioritise fulfilling your needs as well as supporting your child. Incorporate self-care into your routine to reduce stress and reconnect with your self. The best way to deal with the situation is by moving forward, so when you’re ready to, concentrate on your long-term goals. Focus on building resilience and reintroducing happiness to your life.  
       3. Accept the current situation
      Parallel parenting, and maintaining some contact with an abusive or difficult ex-partner after you’ve chosen to divorce, can be very challenging. It’s natural to struggle with negative emotions such as guilt, regret, shame and anger, and feeling as though things aren’t fair. You may find it hard to accept that your ex is still a parent to your child. Try to practice acceptance. Things are the way they are and all you can do is make the best out of the situation. Focus your energy on parenting your child and providing them with all the love and support they need. 
      4. Keep communication to the minimum
      Only communicate with your ex when it’s necessary. Agree to contact them via email or use a parenting app, and document every interaction. Keep your communication impersonal and matter of fact, discussing only topics that relate to your child and sharing no personal information or detail. Try not to let your ex provoke you or use your child as a messenger. It can be difficult not to ruminate on the relationship whenever an email pops up or whenever your child is spending time with them. Try to distance yourself and treat interaction with your ex as a business that’s necessary to keep your child happy.  
       5. Appoint a mediator
      If there’s a lot of resentment between you and your ex, or your safety might be compromised, it’s a good idea to appoint a professional mediator. Mediation helps divorced parents to align their intentions and focus on their shared priority, the child. With the help of mediation, divorced parents can make well-informed decisions, reduce conflict, and set out an effective and mutually beneficial plan for all members of the family.
      Parallel parenting can be challenging and confusing, and the details of an arrangement will depend on the individual situation. Consider getting advice from a professional.
      If you need help and support with parallel parenting you can contact My Family Psychologist, who offer specialised counselling services for adults, couples, and children as well as mediation services.
      Family Law Advice
      If you are in an abusive or high-conflict relationship and would like advice on your legal situation, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers. More

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      in Relationships

      The impact of the menopause on relationships

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      As our understanding about the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of the menopause and the impact on women during this time grows, the connection between the menopause and the break down of relationships becomes clearer.
      The number of UK women in the peri-menopausal or menopausal stages at any given time is estimated to be well over 3 million, a significant proportion of the population. Yet, it’s accepted that support for the multitude of physical symptoms and the considerable mental impact, and a true understanding of the menopause, is still woefully lacking.
      In a Stowe study on the impact of the menopause on marriage and relationships 76% of women felt their partner didn’t have the knowledge or resources to support them through the menopause properly.
      Furthermore, 68% of divorces involving women at this time of life were initiated by wives.
      Menopause and divorce
      Menopause is frequently cited as a reason for marriages breaking down. Rachel Roberts, Yorkshire Regional Director of Stowe Family Law, explained “We are noticing a significant increase in women in their 40s and 50s filing for divorce, citing issues caused by perimenopause as one of the reasons for their marital breakdown.”
      Our study findings supported this view, with 65% of women stating that their perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms affected their marriage/relationship.
      Loss of physical intimacy
      A reduced sex drive is a common symptom of the perimenopause or menopause. The women we spoke to listed loss of physical intimacy as the area of their relationship most impacted by the menopause. 50% of women worried that a lack of sex would lead to your relationship ending.
      Top 5 areas of a relationship most affected by the menopause:

      We lost physical intimacy
      They didn’t understand what I was going through
      We argued
      We stopped communicating
      Grew apart or fell out of love

      Mental Health
      The menopause leads to a huge amount of change, both physically and emotionally, and managing the impact on mental well-being can be difficult. Common signs include anxiety, depression, problems with memory and concentration, reduced confidence, and low mood. As the symptoms can last for some time and often begin well before the cause is identified, the impact on relationships can be gradual, and difficult to define.
      Ours study showed that 77% of women felt that per perimenopausal or menopausal symptoms affected their mental health.
      Menopause Awareness
      Perimenopause and menopause can be an incredibly over-whelming time. While society has moved on from the over-simplifying term ‘The Change’ and recognised that symptoms go way beyond hot flushes, a greater understanding and improved support is still needed.
      47% of women felt that if NHS support during the menopause was better it could have prevented their relationship from ending.
      When asked what they thought could help them and their partner most during the menopause, our study found that greater awareness, more understanding, and better support, were vital.
      Top 3 ways to help couples deal with the menopause:

      Greater awareness of the symptoms
      Better understanding from your partner
      Better support from GPs

      The impact on relationships
      Perimenopause and the menopause can be a particularly challenging time for couples and both partners can feel confused and concerned as they navigate the respective changes. Inevitably, it can highlight existing struggles, further damaging the connection between couples.
      Based on our study, it’s clear that a better understanding of the menopause and how it impacts women’s lives, and open communication between partners, can significantly help couples.
      Useful links:
      www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/
      www.menopausematters.co.uk/
      www.postcardsfrommidlife.com/
      The Break Up Club – Dealing with divorce during peri/menopause Webinar More

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      in Relationships

      4 Types Of Toxic Relationship & Their Warning Signs

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      Toxic relationships are difficult to define. As no two relationships are the same, there’s no one set of symptoms that clearly define an unhealthy relationship. However, the difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one is often how it makes you feel. Luisa Williams from My Family Psychologist explains more.
      The negative impact of a toxic relationship is significant, affecting both physical and mental health. While healthy relationships have a foundation of trust, independence and respect for each other, unhealthy relationships often lead to feelings of low self-worth, a lack of agency, as well as feeling helpless, fearful, anxious, and often paranoid.
      The term ‘toxic’ doesn’t only refer to romantic relationships. It can apply to any kind of connection you make with another. An unhealthy relationship with a friend, a family member, or a co-worker, can be equally damaging to your well-being, but the most common signs that these relationships are toxic may vary.
      The signs that a relationship is toxic can accumulate over time and often the boundaries are blurred making it difficult for some to identify. However, if you’re drained by your relationship and your partnership isn’t equal, you might be in a toxic relationship. Signs that your relationship may be toxic:
      Toxic relationship: Friend

      They cross your boundaries

      If you have a toxic relationship with a friend, they might constantly do things that upset you or make you feel uncomfortable. Whenever you try to bring them up and set a firm boundary, they might become defensive or make you feel bad for wanting space. If they apologise, the apology rarely sounds sincere.

      They never listen to your problems

      While they might frequently come to you for advice, they don’t devote equal attention to listening to your problems. Whenever you need them, they appear busy, and every conversation tends to be about them.

      They can’t be happy for you

      Instead of celebrating your victories, they see you as competition. Your every achievement reminds them of their own shortcomings and means they feel they’re being left behind.

      They’re judgmental

      Instead of offering you mental support, they frequently judge your choices and make you feel bad for making them.

      You feel drained

      If the friendship feels suffocating and one-sided, chances are it really is. When your friend isn’t there for you when you need them, you end up feeling lonely and unsupported.
      Toxic Relationship: Family

      They compare you to other people

      No matter what you do, your family member is never satisfied. Somehow, you are never good enough while other people can do no wrong. If you have siblings, you’re often being compared even if you’re completely different people.

      They’re always right

      They always think they know better and treat you like you’re incapable of making your own decisions.

      They dismiss your feelings

      Rather than being empathetic, they’ll often simply tell you that other people have it worse or that you should be grateful for what you have. You aren’t allowed to feel unhappy and express any negative emotions.

      They pick on you

      They frequently make personal or critical comments about you. They might give you backhanded compliments, for example, “You look so pretty with makeup on, you should wear it more often” or “Are you sure you want to eat that?”.
      Toxic Relationship: Coworker

      They act superior

      A toxic co-worker might act like their role is more important than yours. Even though you might have the same duties, they feel superior and enjoy telling you what to do. Nothing is ever their fault, and they think they’re always right.

      They gossip

      They might frequently talk behind people’s backs, enjoy spreading doubt and deliberately turn colleagues against each other.

      They can’t work as a part of a team

      They struggle to cooperate because they want to look better than everyone else.

      They complain a lot

      More than venting about the odd bad day at work, toxic co-workers are never satisfied. They will regularly talk about how much they hate their job and feel every piece of constructive feedback is a personal attack. It becomes draining and can quickly causes discontent to spread.
      Toxic Relationship: Romantic Partner

      They have issues they aren’t willing to work on

      The key to a healthy relationship is mutual respect and growth. If your partner isn’t willing to work on themselves, they aren’t able to fully commit to the relationship. For example, your partner might have anger issues and throw things when you’re having an argument. They might not be abusive towards you but make you feel uneasy and unsupported.

      They can’t, or won’t, communicate

      Instead of talking things through openly and honestly, a toxic partner might disguise their feelings by giving you the silent treatment, lying, or becoming passive-aggressive. These manipulative tactics allow toxic partners to express their resentment or disappointment, while denying your opportunity to respond or express your feelings. This can leave you feeling misunderstood and isolated.

      Controlling behaviours

      Toxic partners often assert control over others using a range of behaviours including humiliation, intimidation, threats, and violence. They may isolate you from your friends and family, seek to control your finances, and monitor your time and whereabouts. This pattern of behaviour is often subtle and gradual, becoming apparent all of a sudden.

      The effort isn’t equal

      Your partner is emotionally detached and disinterested, unwilling to invest any effort or time into your relationship. They are always the priority. You’re always the one initiating plans, and the one who always texts or calls first. You feel you have to work hard just to sustain your partner’s attention, but your efforts never pay off.
      If you have recognise any of these behaviours or you have concerns about a relationship, it’s a good idea to seek help by speak to an experienced professional.
      If you need help and support understanding a toxic relationship you can contact My Family Psychologist, who offer specialised counselling services for adults, couples, and children as well as mediation services.
      Family Law Advice
      If you are in an toxic relationship and would like advice on your legal situation, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers.
      Other Helpful Contacts
      National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
      The Men’s Advice Line, for male domestic abuse survivors – 0808 801 0327
      The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK – 0808 808 4994
      National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 999 5428
      Samaritans (24/7 service) – 116 123 More

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      in Family Law

      How to prepare for meeting your divorce lawyer

      by

      Understandably, your first meeting with your divorce lawyer can feel daunting and is likely to be emotionally charged. Whether you’re going through divorce for the first time, or you’ve been through divorce before, it is a life-altering experience.
      Thankfully we understand what you’re going though. It’s our job is to listen to you, to share our professional advice – tailored to your exact circumstances, and to guide you through the process of divorce step by step.
      To get the most from your initial consultation with your lawyer, and to ensure that you receive the most beneficial advice, here are our top tips to help you get ready for that meeting:

      Think about the outcome you want

      We focus on working together with you to reach your desired outcome and settlement. So, it’s useful to consider what outcome you’d like to achieve. Consider whether there is a workable solution that we can help you to realise, or if there are any areas that you anticipate will be a particular challenge.
      At Stowe, we have a team of people that really understand family law so you can be sure that you’ll have the right team of people by your side, whatever you decide.

      Come prepared

      It is always helpful if clients know as much as possible about the details of their finances. It’s also useful if you know the same information about your ex-partner and their financial circumstances.
      Where appropriate, during the first appointment we will discuss the value of your family home, any mortgages, and the details and value of any assets and liabilities (debts) you and your partner have.
      While it’s not necessary to provide exact details, or any documents, at this early stage, it is a good idea to do some preparation so that you have a good overview of yours and your ex-partner’s circumstances.

      Bring your questions

      We understand that this can be a time of uncertainty and can raise a host of questions, some of which you won’t have considered before you meet your lawyer. We’re here to guide you through the process, so don’t be afraid to ask us anything. There is no question too big or too small. If there is anything that you don’t understand, or legal jargon that you’d like explaining, always ask your lawyer.
      Our goal is to help you move forward in life. We will take the strain for you and be by your side throughout to answer questions so that you can move on from a position of renewed strength.

      Make sure it is a convenient time

      Seeking legal advice about your family matters is always beneficial, whether it’s divorce, child law, financial matters or any other family law concerns. By it’s nature it does involve sharing personal and sometimes sensitive information in order to inform your lawyer and get the best possible outcome. The initial consultation is an information gathering and option exploring exercise so it is essential that you are comfortable and, in an environment where you can speak freely.
      Ensuring you have the privacy to speak openly is key, so if you need to rearrange your initial meeting for a more convenient time, just let your lawyer know.
      FAQs
      Q. Can I ask a friend, or member of my family, to be with me?
      A. Yes, of course. A trusted friend or family member can join calls or attend meetings with you.
      Q.What happens after our meeting?
       A. As each case is unique the next steps are always tailored to your individual circumstances and will be discussed during your meeting as well as any questions that you have.
      As a client you can choose to go away and consider everything that has been discussed, or instruct your solicitor then and there, it is entirely up to you. There is no pressure at all to make any decisions.
      You’ll receive a follow up email after your meeting so that you have our contact details to hand should you need us further.
      Q. How long does an initial consultation typically take?
       A. The length of the initial meeting depends on a number of factors but typically takes around 30 minutes.
      Further reading:
      Your first meeting with a divorce lawyer
      Meeting A Divorce Solicitor For The First Time
      Get in touch
      If you would like any advice on on divorce, or other family law issues, you can read further articles or contact our Client Care Team to arrange your initial meeting with one of our divorce lawyers.  More

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      in Relationships

      Why am I so angry?

      by

      Luisa Williams, CEO & Founder of My Family Psychologist, joins us to share insights on anger responses and how to recognise when recurring anger may be caused by more persistent underlying problems.
      Why am I so angry?
      Life is full of twists and turns. Its challenges sometimes force us to change direction or adjust to a new reality which includes dealing with difficult emotions. If we don’t get the job we want, we might feel disappointed. If our relationship ends, we might experience pain and sadness.
      Anger is an emotion some of us experience frequently. It can be triggered by being disrespected or treated unfairly. It might be triggered by unexpected situations that interrupt our goals. Or, it can be a response to stress. Imagine you’re late for work and stuck in traffic. This would make anyone at least slightly annoyed at a given moment. When anger is a response to an unpleasant situation, it likely comes and goes quite quickly without causing further issues.
      While anger might seem like a straightforward emotion that’s an interpretation of whatever is going on in your life, it often implies there’s something else hidden underneath the surface. If you find yourself dealing with anger on a daily basis, your anger is likely a part of a bigger problem.
      Unhealthy responses to anger
      While anger is often a natural response, it can easily escalate and turn into an emotional outburst or even aggression. When our anger is triggered by the words or actions of other people, we might struggle to feel understood and take out our frustration on others to avoid being hurt more. Unhealthy anger can take on many forms:
      Passive aggression
      Have you ever given someone a silent treatment because they made you angry instead of trying to talk things through? Have you ever pretended everything was fine when you were upset about something your loved one did? Passive aggression is a strategy that helps us avoid confrontation but only adds to the problem. While we might choose not to fully engage with anger to avoid being vulnerable, suppressed anger doesn’t go away and can turn abusive. When you act in a passive-aggressive way, you place your needs and pride above other people’s feelings. Your refusal to communicate increases frustration on both sides and makes you feel even more hostile.
      Open aggression
      Just like passive aggression, open aggression is a harmful way of expressing anger but it’s directly aimed at other people. It’s a way of confronting someone while disregarding their feelings. Examples include shouting, throwing things, sarcasm or violence. Releasing anger might feel powerful. It might make you feel in control while serving as protection that shields you from further getting hurt. But in reality, it puts a barrier between you and your loved one and hurts both of you.
      Turning anger inwards
      Anger is often intense and might be triggered by the way we feel towards ourselves. When someone lets us down, we might blame ourselves for trusting them and having high expectations or believing we were good enough. If anger is mixed with the feeling of guilt and shame it might be used as a form of punishment. For example, you might self-inflict an injury to deal with overwhelming emotions.
      If you tend to deal with anger using the strategies above, you may struggle with self-control and expressing emotions in a healthy way. Anger aimed at yourself decreases your self-esteem. Anger aimed at other people shows disregard for their feelings and needs. It might make communication difficult. It might escalate and lead to undesired behaviours. It doesn’t only strain relationships with other people but can cause a range of health issues such as headaches, hypertension, insomnia, anxiety and digestion problems. Additionally, when we feel angry our body releases cortisol (the stress hormone) that increases our heart rate and blood pressure, triggering a ‘fight or flight’ response. This causes inflammation and stress.
      Anger and mental disorders
      Anger can be connected to many other emotions like guilt, shame, anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed and irritability. It might be also related to underlying mental health issues some of which are described below.
      Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)
      IED is marked by explosive outbursts that occur suddenly and often not in proportion to the situation. These might include verbal aggression, shouting, getting into fights, threatening, or assaulting others or property damage. The episodes are often marked by increased energy, racing thoughts, tingling, tremors, palpitations, or chest tightness. The cause of IED is unknown but the risk factors can be a history of abuse or having another mental disorder that is characterized by disruptive behaviours.
      ADHD
      Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition which symptoms include inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsive behaviour. People with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation which makes it difficult for them to manage emotions and keep their intensity appropriate to the situation. The main risk factors for developing ADHD can be genetics, low level of activity in the brain parts responsible for attention and activity or prenatal exposure to alcohol or nicotine.
      Personality disorders such as BPD
      Borderline Personality Disorder is another disorder associated with emotional dysregulation. Individuals with BPD struggle to manage intense emotions which often seem an inappropriate response to a situation. Explosive anger experienced by someone with BPD is one of the diagnostic criteria and might be accompanied by shouting, aggression and even self-harm. The main cause of the disorder is a history of trauma or exposure to distress as a child.
      Conduct disorder
      Conduct Disorder is a pattern of antisocial behaviours in children that might involve property destruction, theft, deceptiveness, animal cruelty and aggression towards people. Children and teenagers with conduct disorder misbehave frequently and find it difficult to manage emotions. The possible causes include defects or injuries to certain brain areas linked to regulating emotions and behaviours, genetics, and a dysfunctional family environment.
      If you feel like your anger is impossible to manage and takes over your life, we recommend seeking professional help.
      Contact My Family Psychologist for a confidential chat. More