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    Pathfinder pilot continues to put children first in the family court

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    Thousands more children will be supported with the latest expansion of the Pathfinder pilot, and a £12.5m funding boost to encourage information sharing between services in children matters.
    The Pathfinder pilot originally launched in March 2022 in a limited number of family courts in Dorset and North Wales, before expanding to Birmingham and South-East Wales in 2024. In its latest expansion, all family courts in Wales will now take on the pilot, and West Yorkshire has become a new trial area.
    The pilot scheme has worked to improve the communication between the police and local authorities/social services, and the family courts, to reduce the adversarial nature of children matters. The court can direct disclosure from agencies, and that means by the time parties actually see the judge for the first time, there is a lot more information in front of them which will enable a judge to practically move a case in the right direction that they see fit.
    Crucially, domestic abuse authorities have been given powers to share important information with the family courts, meaning victim-survivors do not have to tell their story multiple times to various different authorities.
    The aim of Pathfinder has been to centralise children’s voices in the family court process.

    The major changes have been that the court does not immediately list a court hearing in standard children matters. Instead, they require Cafcass to speak to both parents and carry out detailed investigations and welfare checks before the case goes in front of a judge. The child/children speak to a Cafcass officer where appropriate, and are able to express their wishes and feelings.
    Read more about the Pathfinder pilot.
    New figures released have highlighted the success of Pathfinder so far, with around 11 weeks being saved in total to reach a conclusion in children matters, and a 50% reduction in case backlog in Dorset and North Wales.

    What does this mean for parents going through the system?

    Less adversarial process of making child arrangements
    Improved support for victims of domestic abuse
    Increased communication between services to reduce the pressure on parents
    Focus on the needs and wellbeing of child/children
    Quicker resolution of matters

    Stowe guide: Proceedings for child arrangements in courts running the Pathfinder pilot.
    Partner Ashley Le-Core says of the funding boost and expansion:
    “Recent news of a £12.5m funding boost coming to the family court system has highlighted the success of the Pathfinder pilot. Whilst it has not reached all areas of the country yet, the latest expansion has brough the pilot to West Yorkshire, and to all Welsh courts in addition to the initial areas. Many family lawyers will not yet be used to the change, but I am hopeful that this funding will enable a full national rollout in due course, providing the scheme sees continued success in both new and old areas.
    Where I have been privy to the Pathfinder process, I have experienced a more streamlined case that is primarily focused on getting the best outcome for all concerned.
    It has also been successful in getting other agencies involved at an early stage in children matters, including social services, and the police if necessary. This has helped to progress cases more efficiently and effectively, as the relevant information is gathered prior to any court hearings. This is a practical solution, and a step in the right direction.
    Unfortunately, one of the biggest issues faced by family lawyers currently is delays within the court system. The system is still catching up on the backlog caused by the pandemic. However, in the pilot areas, the new process in children matters has saved around 11 weeks, which is significant, particularly where children are involved.
    Whilst clients may not physically see a judge at the beginning of cases, there is a practical and logical reason for this. The process of information gathered enables judges to proactively move the case forward before they ask the parties to physically attend court. Clients should be reassured that urgent matters are still being listed before a judge for immediate determination, but where this is not necessary, the Pathfinder system is a safe and productive way of managing cases.
    Extra funding for this process, and indeed the mediation voucher scheme, to again reduce the adversarial nature of family law cases, can only be positive, and I am completely on board with these changes in the family justice system.”
    Useful Links
    How to support children through divorce
    Stowe guide: How to get a child arrangements order

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      in Family Law

      Family Law in 2024

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      As we come to the end of another year, our lawyers reflect on some of the changes (or lack of!) in family law in 2024, and the impact on people going through family law issues.
      Julian Hawkhead, Senior Partner
      Can it really be a year since I last wrote an introduction to the Stowe Family Law end of year blog? In many respects, time has flown by so quickly, but sadly, as my colleagues discuss in the following articles, where the need for reform in key areas of family law is concerned, progress is not as fast.
      Firstly a few words about Stowe Family Law. It has been quite a year for the firm as we continue increase our capability to support more people as they require family law services increasing the number of specialist lawyers across more locations nationwide. Throughout 2024 we opened more offices taking our total number of locations to 94 and we now have 205 specialist family lawyers. We also said goodbye to Livingbridge as our former partners with whom we have achieved so much over the last 7 years and we welcomed our new partners Investcorp to support us through the next exciting chapter. We have some really exciting plans so watch this space!
      With a new Labour Government in place, now is the time to prioritise a legal system that is there to protect the vulnerable and is readily accessible to those in need. It is an essential foundation for a stable and safe society.
      In other areas of the family law world, we have seen an increased impetus to keep couples out of the court system and encourage them to adopt alternative routes to reaching a resolution whether that is mediation or other forms of dispute resolution. The rules that have been introduced feel more stick (through costs sanctions) than carrot but there is no doubt that a resolution reached consensually is longer lasting and less damaging to all parties.
      The need for rights for couples living together without a legal marriage or civil partnership continues to be an area of focus for family law professionals, although there seems to be diminishing hope that the Government will prioritise reform here. A clear legal framework is necessary to define what happens when cohabiting relationships end is much needed.
      I hope you enjoy reading these short articles written by my colleagues and may I take this opportunity to wish you a very happy Christmas season and a healthy and prosperous 2025.
      Tamara Adams on development in fertility law
      This year has not seen as much progress in fertility law as we, as family law professionals, would have hoped. However, some steps have been taken with the amendment to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 1990. Previously female same-sex couples had to undergo screening for infectious diseases such as hepatitis B, C and rubella which could cost up to £1000 and was prohibitive for many. As of November this year, the screening requirements for same-sex couples are on par with those for heterosexual couples as these requirements have been relaxed. In addition, same-sex couples where one or both partners have an undetectable viral load for HIV will be allowed to pursue IVF treatment.
      The ONS reported that women had an average of 1.44 children between 2022-23, the lowest recorded birth rates. Several reasons have been touted for this drop, including the impact of Covid-19, and social changes with women delaying having children to pursue a career. In this context, there is a need for change in fertility laws to make various methods of alternative journeys to parenthood more accessible and the legal process frictionless.
      Unfortunately, we are still awaiting key changes in surrogacy laws which many family law professionals hope to see. The complexities of legal parenthood being assigned to the birth mother, rather than the intended parents, followed by a lengthy process of transferring parenthood, is complicated, costly and stressful, and can be a deterrent. Recently, Baroness Meron met with the Law Commission to discuss the recommendations made in the Commission’s report which was released in March 2023. It is hoped that the Government will release a response soon, putting surrogacy on the agenda.
      I hope to see more change in 2025, particularly in surrogacy, to protect intended parents and make their journey to parenthood a joyful one.

      Ciara Pugh on the need for cohabitation rights
      Taking the media by storm this year was the fall in marriage rates, as reported by ONS, with rates falling to 49.4%, the first time they have dropped below 50%. Although same-sex marriages increased, and there were an estimated 167,000 people in same-sex marriages in 2022, overall marriage seems to be being replaced by couples choosing to live together as cohabitees.
      The fall in marriage rates reflects a changing society, and the need for the law to maintain pace with shifting priorities and family structures. There are a variety of reasons that could be attributed to the decline. For example, these ONS figures are from 2022, where the impact of the Covid pandemic was still being felt on the wedding industry. Nevertheless, the way we view marriage and relationships is constantly changing, and couples are either delaying or rejecting marriage entirely.
      What this does mean is more people are choosing to live together as cohabitees rather than getting married. Although cohabitation is the fastest growing family type in the UK, as it stands there is little to no financial protection for cohabitees should the couple break up or one party die without leaving a Will. This is the case regardless of length of time living together, or if the couple shares children (though there are some financial claims that can be brought for the benefit of children).
      Family lawyers have been campaigning for cohabitation reform for years. In October 2023, a glimmer of hope appeared in the form of Labour MP Emily Thornberry’s promise to make cohabitation a priority should the Labour Party take hold of Government. Disappointingly, such a reform has failed to land on the Government’s agenda as yet, leaving many individuals vulnerable should their relationship end.
      However, the fall in marriage rates has renewed calls for cohabitation reform. I hope that in the not-too-distant future, there will be financial protection for cohabitees. This could be in the form of an opt-in or opt-out system where couples choose whether they wish to have rights. These are unlikely to be the same as those afforded to married couples, but financial protection is needed to protect vulnerable individuals. Our new Labour Government is confronted with an exciting opportunity to finally reform this highly problematic area of family law and let’s hope we see some change!

      Rachael Lodge on the drive to avoid court
      The Family Justice System has been working hard over the past few years to reduce acrimony in divorce and family proceedings, and to ensure families going through relationship breakdowns have the best chance at setting themselves up for a more positive future. This is all within the context of a struggling court system which is underfunded and over-stretched.
      As such, one of the most significant changes in 2024 was an update to the Family Procedure Rules. These are a set of rules followed by courts nationwide which govern practice and standardise court procedures. In April of this year, the rules were updated to place a greater focus on reaching amicable agreements, using non-court dispute resolutions (NCDR) such as mediation, collaborative family law and arbitration.
      The main changes are a wider definition of what NCDR means, broadening the scope beyond just mediation, and including methods such as arbitration, collaborative divorce and private financial dispute resolution hearings.
      Divorcing couples will now need to actively engage in NCDR, or provide a valid reason why this is not possible by laying out their views in open correspondence. Parties now have to express why NCDR is inappropriate in their case using the new FM5 form (for example, due to safeguarding concerns), where before this was simply a tick box exercise. The exemptions for not taking part in NCDR are more limited, and failure to engage may result in cost sanctions. We have already seen this acted on by Judges in several cases in the latter half of the year.
      Although courts could previously adjourn proceedings where Judges felt NCDR would be appropriate, they can now do this without the agreement of the parties.

      The hope is that moving forward, parties family law issues will be able to find constructive ways to resolve differences instead of using the courts. This will not only give the family courts more breathing room but will mean families can build a better post-separation future. The Ministry of Justice is undertaking a wider push to support families by ensuring they are aware of all the options available to them and supported throughout.
      Emily Davies on the Pathfinder Pilot
      The Pathfinder Pilot was initially introduced in March 2022, launched in a small number of family courts, to trial improved information sharing between services like local authorities with the courts. The pilot was a response to a review into the Family Justice System that highlighted how the adversarial nature of family courts and the system itself worsened conflict and further traumatised domestic abuse victims and children. Almost three years later, now is a great opportunity to reflect on the change and development in the pilot itself, and the impact it has had on families.
      The pilot model requires detailed investigations to be conducted by Cafcass – the independent body advising family courts what is safe for, and in the best interests of, the children. Cafcass will prepare a Child Impact report, where they have an opportunity to hear from the child/children before the first hearing to better understand their worries, wishes and feelings, and to evaluate the potential impact of the ongoing family law proceedings, on the child/children involved. Cafcass also investigates any welfare issues, allegations of domestic abuse, and identifies whether non-court dispute resolution would be appropriate. The pilot aims to ensure that children of separating parents are listened to throughout the process, and are given more opportunities to express themselves, as well as improve the experience of survivors of domestic abuse.
      Furthermore, the Pathfinder scheme is working to minimise the trauma domestic abuse victims (and their children) experience going through the justice system when separating from their abusive partner. The improved information sharing through the holistic multi-agency approach and early onset information gathering, means victims do not have to be re-traumatised by telling their story multiple times.
      February 2024 saw the end of the initial phase of the pilot, and it was then rolled out to two further locations, Birmingham, and South-East Wales, ahead of a planned national rollout. Although the national rollout has yet to be confirmed, the progress made by the initial phases of the pilot have been positive. The change in process is being carefully monitored by legal professionals, as well as policymakers and Cafcass.
      At present, it is apparent that a national rollout is not yet on the cards. However, I hope a review into the pilot will be produced in 2025, looking ahead to a nationwide implementation as the family justice system moves towards less adversarial, non-court-based approaches.
      Read more about the Pathfinder Pilot.
       Jake Mitchell on AI and Family Law
      Technology is evolving, and in 2024 we have felt its impact in the legal world. Some of the fastest moving tech is the use of Artificial Intelligent (AI) and its usage in family law.
      AI is not robots, but computer simulation. In law, language models like ChatGPT have an enormous amount of data, phrases and sentences plugged in to predict “what comes next?” in a sentence, forming complex answers. AI can answer questions, but you should take care it is not always accurate. You may have noticed Google’s new AI Overview, which takes a question you’ve searched, and pulls information from various top performing sites to give you a quick answer without needing to click on a particular website. This is helpful to an extent but should not be taken as ‘gospel’ as if the source AI takes from is wrong, so is the answer.
      In family law, AI can be used to make our processes more efficient, saving the lawyer time and saving client money. AI can answer questions outside of office hours, check your documentation for spelling/grammar errors, summarise documents and even take a first-draft note of meetings. It can summarise long documents and organise your thoughts and papers. AI can also help with legal research, but beware, in the US there have been instances of AI entirely inventing cases.
      This is likely only the beginning of some more impressive changes. However, as the technology grows we need to be ever more mindful of the pitfalls. Errors are common, answers not always correct, and oversight of activity is very important. AI won’t replace everything your lawyer can do, and family law involves supporting people going through deeply personal, emotional issues, where empathy and understanding is required. AI cannot replace this, but it can be part of the team.
      Sarah Scriven on Domestic Abuse Protection Notice Pilot
      On 27th November 2024, domestic abuse protection notices (DAPN) and domestic abuse protection orders (DAPO) were introduced by way of a pilot scheme, expected to last one year. It is hoped that these measures will provide better protection to victims of domestic abuse.
      The pilot is taking place in certain areas: London boroughs of Croydon, Sutton and Bromley and Greater Manchester. The perpetrator must live in one of these areas.  The British Transport Police are also able to apply for DAPOs.
      A Domestic Abuse Protection Notice (DAPN) is issued by police to a perpetrator to provide immediate protection for victims of all forms of domestic abuse, even where there is not enough evidence for a criminal charge. The perpetrator and victim must be personally connected. The police must consider that there are reasonable grounds to believe that a person has been abusive to the other person. The DAPN contains specific instructions to the perpetrator, for example not to attend the victim’s home. If the instructions aren’t followed, the perpetrator could be arrested. If the police issue a DAPN, they will also apply for a DAPO.
      A DAPO can also be made by the court to protect victims from all forms of domestic abuse. This order may be made by the court during ongoing criminal family or civil proceedings.  Applications may be made by the police, a victim or by someone not directly involved known as a third party, for example a friend, family member or social workers. Breaching a DAPO is a criminal offence.
      Prior to the pilot, the police could issue domestic violence protection orders, but these only last for 48 hours. A victim could make an application to the family court for a non-molestation and/or occupation order and in the criminal court, a restraining order could be made.
      The introduction of the DAPN and DAPO give victims, but also organisations such as the police and social workers and third parties such as a friend and family an avenue to use to seek protection and it will no longer be down to the victim to make the relevant application themselves.
      A DAPO has no maximum duration, and the court will consider how long it needs to last to protect the victim. A non-molestation will usually last for between 6 to 12 months but can last longer in exceptional circumstances.
      If the pilot is successful, DAPNs and DAPOs are expected to replace domestic violence protection orders. It is hoped they will give police a tool that is more effective and provides longer term protection to victims.
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      Final Word
      I hope you have found this wide array of topics interesting and should you want to find out more about any of the topics we have covered here or any other family law issues please do not hesitate to get in touch.
      With best wishes for the festive season,
      Julian Hawkhead More

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      in Children

      Cuffing Season – Should I have a post-divorce festive fling?

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      In the era of social media, and the Tik Tok generation, a lot of interesting terminology has come to the fore, particularly around relationships. ‘Cuffing Season’ gained traction in the mid-2010s and is coming back into use.
      The term is related to being ‘cuffed’ or tied down. It refers to the autumn and winter seasons where single people choose to have a short fling so they can have companionship for the colder months. Once 15th February (the day after Valentine’s Day) rolls around, it’s time to move on and the brief relationship comes to an end. If you’re divorced, this might seem tempting, but there are some things to be aware of before you get whisked away.
      We’ve all seen the movies where the single asks their best friend (or a complete stranger!) to pretend to be their partner for Christmas, or Valentine’s Day. Hollywood would have us believe that it is inevitable that the protagonist and their ‘holi-date’ fall in love. However, this is not always reality, and cuffing season can have its downsides, especially when you’ve been through divorce or a breakup.
      The Emotional Side
      If you have recently gone through divorce or a breakup of a relationship, you’re likely to be feeling a range of different emotions. Loneliness and fear of being alone after an important relationship can be a motivation for seeking out a short-term relationship and someone to spend the colder months with. There is a romanticism attached to the winter and festive season, and if you’re recently single you may feel this all the more strongly.
      However, a relationship purely for the sake of it is unlikely to make you happy in the long run.
      Dating after divorce can be a great way to move forward with your life and rebuild your self-confidence. There might even be a sense of control over the experience as you know there is a definite end point, and you don’t have to get too serious!
      But it can also be problematic. Even though it can be fun, you might still experience anxiety about a fling or get more invested than you planned to. You might end up feeling more pressure and stress than you did in being single and wanting a relationship.
      A divorce coach can help you navigate the emotional complexities of a breakup, with a view for the future and potentially dating again. We have a number of partner divorce coaches who will help you build your goals and plan what you want out of the next stage of your life. If you want to start dating again, but don’t know where to begin, a dating coach is a great place to start.

      The Legal Side
      Finances
      If you are divorced, and you’ve received your final order, you are legally no longer tied to your ex-spouse. You are free to date whoever you want, and to get married again if you wish. If you are going through the divorce process but have not yet been granted your final order, you cannot legally remarry, but you can date.
      However, if you have not got a financial consent order which legally severs your financial ties with your ex, you may need to be more careful. Even if you are divorced, your ex can still bring financial claims if you do not have a financial consent order granted by the court. This means if you receive any significant gifts, finances, or even move in with a new partner, your partner could ask you for a share.
      Equally, if you are in the midst of negotiating your financial settlement, moving in with a new partner may mean that their finances and assets are taken into account in your settlement. This can make you artificially wealthier than you are in reality, and you may end up paying more to your ex.
      Living with a new partner can cause complexities when it comes to the laws around cohabitation. Cohabitees are not viewed in the same way as married couples under English and Welsh law, and you have very few rights if you break up.
      Children
      Children are often at the heart of divorce disputes. Where parents can agree amicably, an informal parenting plan can be put in place, agreed together. If this is not possible, the court may make a legally binding child arrangements order which parents must abide by.
      In many such agreements, whether formal or informal, there can be an arrangement on introducing children to new partners. This may be that you have to wait a certain amount of time after you first start dating, or your new partner must be introduced to your ex before they meet your children.
      If you get into a short-term relationship, especially if you know there is an end date already in place, this can be difficult to navigate where children are concerned. Introducing a new partner for a brief amount of time can be confusing and upsetting for children and it is important that you manage the situation carefully. You may find it easier to not bring the new partner into their lives at all!
      How can a lawyer help?
      An expert family lawyer can advise you on the ins and outs of a new partner. If you are negotiating your financial settlement, they can give guidance on what to do to ensure the settlement is correct and fair. They can advise on best practise when it comes to child arrangements, too.
      Family lawyers are there to facilitate mediation or other non-court dispute resolution methods, so you can work matters out smoothly with your ex. Some of our lawyers at Stowe are also trained mediators.
      Seek expert advice if you’re unsure on the legalities of a new relationship, particularly if you decide to move in with a new partner as there are a number of considerations to be aware of with cohabitation.
      Useful Links
      Dealing with divorce regret
      Blended families and stepparents: A beginners guide

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      in Family Law

      AI relationships: Can I marry my AI girlfriend?

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      Relationships are rarely always easy. They take work and they can be a bit of a rollercoaster.
      This might be one of the main drivers behind the rising trend of AI relationships, which are becoming hugely popular in a society that relies so heavily on technology. Statistics from whatsthebigdata.com revealed that 47% of users of one of the most popular AI dating sites would have an AI girlfriend for a long-term partnership, and there are 12 AI girlfriend apps, with over 1 million monthly users.
      Another trend is working in parallel; dating apps like Tinder are using AI to help users tailor their profile and create the perfect messages to send to potential matches. There is also a new service offering a chatbot version of the user themselves who messages the potential match on their behalf to see if they would make a good fit, before they connect as real humans.
      But what are the laws around AI girlfriends, and how is the trend impacting modern day relationships?
      Why would you have an AI girlfriend?
      Lots of people are choosing to have an AI girlfriend to combat what is being termed the ‘loneliness epidemic’. AI partners are there for a conversation whenever you need them, whether at home, on the commute to work, or at the gym. This can help users feel less lonely and almost as though there is a real listening ear.
      The chatbots are clever – the more you talk, the better it gets to know you and learns how to tailor responses to things you would like to hear, and your unique interests. For some people, this removes the stress and anxiety around the unknown of a human partner who has their own mind.
      It can also be helpful for those who struggle with social interaction as it builds confidence in communicating.

      What are the cons of an AI girlfriend?
      Psychologists and other experts have argued that AI partners are gradually removing genuine interaction – something we need as humans to function. There are plenty of worrying tales, and social isolation has a huge impact on mental and physical wellbeing. Some consider AI relationships to be toxic, in the way that they can completely take over the user’s life, and the AI bot almost ‘love-bombs‘ the user.
      There is a danger that in using AI to create the perfect partner, expectations of real relationships become skewed, and disappointment in real people leads to a cycle of continuing with the AI relationship, and lack of human interaction.
      Is it legal?
      AI girlfriends, and other AI partners, are legal if you meet the minimum age requirement for the app or website. Most of these sites require you to be 18 because they collect personal data.
      But what happens if the ‘relationship’ is successful. Can you marry an AI partner?
      Put simply, no. In UK law, you cannot marry an inanimate object, or a robot. However, there are several grey areas in English law, including consent. Both parties have to consent to the marriage and also must have the capacity to consent.
      Does AI have the capacity to consent? As they are only ever exposed to the user, there is potentially not enough remit for them to consent to marriage as they have not experienced enough of the world to make a genuine choice about their marriage partner.
      Nevertheless, you can have a symbolic marriage, which is not recognised as a valid marriage, but may be meaningful.
      Modern relationships
      Although marriage with robots, and inanimate objects, has long been in discussion, there has never been a clear answer. Many anticipated that eventually, technology would become smart enough to hold real relationships, and we see it in the movies all the time.
      Trends are changing, and whether this is good or bad is still to be discovered. Relationships are kept on a pedestal, with many people wanting to find a perfect partner and perfect relationship that does not exist… except when it is tailored exactly to our wishes.
      Will we see AI marriage in the future? And what will this mean for divorce? Are there any assets to divide? Will the laws have to change to keep up with the shifting relationship landscape? More

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      in Children

      Navigating the Conversation: Telling Your Children About Your New Partner After Divorce

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      Chloe O., one of our partner divorce coaches, discusses how to tell your children about your new partner after divorce.
      Divorce can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience for parents and children alike. Amidst the changes and transitions, one delicate conversation arises: how to tell your children that you have met someone new. This pivotal discussion requires sensitivity, honesty, and a deep understanding of your children’s emotions. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this conversation with care.
      Don’t rush it
      Avoid introducing your new partner to your children right away. Remember that your children have already experienced a lot of changes in their family setup and stability is very important for them. Take time to build a strong foundation in your relationship before involving the children. It may be very exciting at first to have met someone new, but your children might still be adapting to their post-divorce family life and may require more time. If this is truly someone you intend to stay with, then waiting a few more months before introducing them won’t make a big difference. Once you do decide to take that step, respect your children’s pace in accepting your new partner. Understand that they may need time to process the news and adjust to the changes.
      Similarly, the first introduction should be kept short and informal. Take your time in expanding the amount of time the children spend with your new partner. Instead, try to use the time when they are with their other parent to focus on your love life and keep your parenting time to concentrate on the children. Steps such as your partner staying overnight when the children are at your house or going away on holidays together will need to be carefully considered and introduced only when the children have fully adapted to the new situation.
      Plan it properly
      Make sure you do things in the right order. If you are able to, the best approach would always be to speak to your ex first to align on the best approach for breaking the news. Discuss whether they want to be present when you tell the children. One of the pieces of advice I give to my clients as part of the divorce process is to establish some ground rules with regards to how new partners will be introduced. Must the relationship be of a certain duration? Does your ex get to meet the person first? How soon after the introduction will your new partner spend the night at your house or go on holidays with you and your children? If these are areas for concern, establishing a reciprocal code of conduct for these matters can help avoid conflict later on.
      As with any important conversation, you will want to make sure you consider the best time for it. This is both the best time of day/week and the best time in your child’s life. If they are going through a hard time at school for example, it may be worth waiting a few more weeks before speaking to them. In general, it is good advice to avoid discussing these topics during or immediately after significant events such holidays or birthdays. Ensure that everyone is in a calm and relaxed state of mind, free from distractions and interruptions.
      The place where you choose to have this conversation and who will be present are also important factors to consider when planning for this announcement. In general, it is best to try to keep things informal rather than set up a special occasion for the big reveal.
      Last but definitely not least, you’ll want to spend some time thinking through what exactly you want to say. Practicing with a friend can be helpful. As a Divorce Coach, I often practice role playing with clients to help them prepare answers to various possible questions or reactions from the children. In defining the words you want to use, you’ll want to consider various factors such as the children’s age, how they were affected by the divorce, how long you have been separated from their other parent, etc.

      Be honest and direct
      When discussing your new relationship, honesty is paramount. Be upfront with your children about your feelings and intentions. Use age-appropriate language and avoid hiding or sugar-coating the truth. However, refrain from divulging unnecessary details that may overwhelm or confuse them. Once again, making sure your message is fully thought through will really matter. If there is a very large age gap between you children, you may want to speak to them separately, albeit as close to each other as possible, to be able to address the specific concerns they have at their various ages.
      In the preparation phase, you will have prepared possible answers to questions and concerns your children might raise. It is absolutely acceptable to not have the answers to all their questions, and to say so! Being truthful and open is what matters most as it will make them feel comfortable with revisiting the subject later and sharing their feelings. Remember, though that you are not asking your children for permission here, you are informing them of a new situation. They will need to understand that the new relationship is a choice you have made and that it remains entirely your choice.
      Validate their feelings and reassure them
      As with the announcement of the divorce itself, your main objective is to make your children feel safe in light of this new change to their life. No matter how they react, acknowledge and validate your children’s emotions. Understand that they may experience a range of feelings, including confusion, anger, sadness, or even excitement. Encourage open communication and assure them that their feelings are valid and respected. Create a supportive environment where your children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and asking questions. Be receptive to their feedback. Address any concerns or apprehensions they may have with empathy and understanding.
      Keep in mind that a moment that you may have spent several months planning for might end up feeling anti-climactic. You may have had months to process this latest change to your family life, but your children are only at the beginning of that journey. There is a strong chance they might not say much at first and may need some time to process before they ask any questions. Once you have explained the situation to them, whether they choose to discuss it further or not, make sure you leave the door open for questions later, when they feel ready.
      Through the words you choose and the way you position the new person, focus on reassuring your children that your love for them remains unchanged. Emphasise that your new relationship does not diminish the love and bond you share with them. Offer reassurance that they will always be a priority in your life.
      Avoid pushing your new partner onto them
      One last piece of advice: try to avoid setting up your new partner as someone they are going to love. While you clearly love that person, your child may initially reject them. Avoid phrases that suggest that they are expected to love this person the same way you do. Even if you really want them to like them, you are trying to avoid placing undue pressure on your children to feel attachment to a new parental figure. They will already instinctively know that you care for this person and that you ideally want them to have a good relationship, there is no need to point it out.
      Finally, it is always recommended to be careful with your words and actions so that your children don’t feel like your new partner is in any way replacing their other parent. Stay away from terminologies such as “step-father” or “step-mother” until the children choose to use them, and no matter how serious the relationship gets, don’t make them call your new partner “Mum” or “Dad”. The objective here is to avoid pressuring them to embrace your relationship and to allow them to express their thoughts and concerns openly.
      Conclusion
      Telling your children about your new partner after divorce is a significant milestone in your journey as a family. Approach the conversation with sensitivity, honesty, and empathy. Validate your children’s feelings, reassure them of your love, and respect their pace in accepting the changes. By fostering open communication and creating a supportive environment, you can navigate this transition with care and compassion, strengthening the bond within your family along the way.
      More about Chloe
      Chloe O is a Certified Divorce Coach and conflict resolution specialist. She works with her clients to support them through the ups and downs of divorce, helping them to part ways more peacefully in order to preserve their children’s and their own wellbeing. Chloe offers a free discovery call for new clients, so don’t hesitate to get in touch if you want to discuss your specific situation and challenges.
      Useful Links
      More by Chloe O.
      Starting your divorce with the right negotiation mindset
      What to avoid doing on social media during your divorce

      Other Links
      Can my ex stop me moving away with the children?
      Separated parents choosing schools
      How to support teenagers through divorce
      Blended families and step-parents – a beginners guide

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      in Family Law

      Changes to Family Procedure Rules

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      From 29th April 2024 there will be changes to the Family Procedure Rules (FPR). The current rules have been in place since 2010 and are being updated to place greater expectation on courts, family practitioners and families going through breakdown to use non-court-based methods to resolve financial and children matters.
      What are the FPR?
      The Family Procedure rules govern the process and procedures used in the family court system in England and Wales. They are governed by a committee, the Family Procedure Rule Committee.
      The Rules provide practice directions – essentially how the family courts should run, the powers the Judge has, forms, documentation, etc. They standardise court procedures and practice across England and Wales.
      What are the changes?
      The FPR are being updated to include a new, wider definition of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR). Previously, this has focused on mediation, but will be extended to encompass methods such as collaborative divorce, arbitration, and private financial dispute resolutions.
      The main thing divorcing couples will need to be aware of is that they will now need to set out their views on NCDR in open correspondence, alongside a signed statement of truth. They will be asked to genuinely consider out-of-court methods.
      A failure to engage with NCDR without good reason (for example, the case involves domestic abuse), will likely have cost sanctions, and may affect who pays the litigation fees in financial dispute cases.
      Circumstances that qualified for mediation exemption will also be narrowed.
      Courts will also have the power to adjourn proceedings if the Judge feels that NCDR would be appropriate, allowing time for the couple to engage in a form of NCDR. This can now happen whether the couple agrees to it or not.
      These changes will mean a considerable cultural shift, helping couples explore ways of resolving their disputes without going to court.
      The aims are:

      Support amicable dispute resolution
      Support the wellbeing of children by keeping matters out of court
      To relieve pressure on the courts

      What options are there for non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)?
      Divorce is rarely straightforward, and no two cases are the same. Your solicitor will be able to explore your options of NCDR with you at your first consultation to see which, if any, will be appropriate in your unique case.
      Some examples of NCDR include:

      What does this mean for me going through a divorce?
      The key thing to be aware of is that you will no longer be able to simply tick a box to say that mediation is not appropriate for your case. Where NCDR is not possible, you will need to explain to the court why this is.
      Failure to engage in NCDR without a valid reason will likely come with cost sanctions.
      This is part of a wider drive by the Ministry of Justice to support families going through relationship breakdown by ensuring they are fully informed of the options available to them and supported throughout the process.
      Useful Links
      Court Fees Rising May 2024
      A Guide to Financial Dispute Resolution More

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      in Family Law

      Family Court Fees to Rise

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      The Family Court fees are expected to rise soon, as a result of the Government’s proposal that court fees should increase by up to 10% in 2024. It is anticipated that these changes will happen in April 2024.
      The Ministry of Justice has stated that ‘implementing increases to court and tribunal fees is vital to our ongoing work to protect access to the courts for all those who seek justice.’
      The aim is to ensure that the courts can be properly resourced, as the increases will generate between £34 million and £42 million a year.
      Court fees have not increased since 2021, and the incoming change is to ensure that the courts can keep pace with increased costs, as well as improving service and reduce the taxpayer’s costs. The increased income will also support in subsidising the cost of the free services offered by the family courts.
      Prospective changes will include changes to the cost of getting a divorce or civil partnership dissolution, as well as price increases for child arrangements orders, financial orders that are not by consent, and applications for parental orders.
      Below we break down the changes.
      When the changes come in, the cost of a divorce/civil partnership dissolution application is set to rise from £593 to £652.
      Child arrangements orders will also see an increase in cost, rising from £232 to £255. Child arrangements orders are put in place by the court to set out responsibilities regarding children, including their living arrangements and their contact with both parents.
      Other children issues will also see the same cost increase, including orders such as Specific Issue Orders, Prohibited Steps Orders and Special Guardianship Orders, as well as applications for parental orders.
      The cost of an application for adoption, or permission to apply for adoption will rise from £183 to £201.
      A financial order application, not by consent, will see a cost rise from £275 to £303.
      In addition, financial consent orders are set to rise from £53 to £58.
      The Government website has a full breakdown of all the fee changes. More

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      A Guide to Prohibited Steps Orders

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      The breakup of a family can be a time of heightened emotions and in some cases, it may be necessary for the family court to enforce legal structures to prevent problems in relation to child arrangements.
      One example of this is a Prohibited Steps Order (PSO), which is sometimes used in acrimonious cases where the welfare of the separated couple’s child may be at risk.
      Stowe Family Law Paralegal, Becka Headley explores what they are, how they work, and how best to navigate them.
      What is a Prohibited Steps Order?
      A Prohibited Steps Order is a legally binding order that prohibits someone from exercising some elements of their parental responsibility. Where a Prohibited Steps Order has been put in place, the person against whom the order has been made must have the court’s permission before doing something set out in the order that would usually be done by a parent.
      They are usually used in cases where parents have separated, although the order does not have to be made against a parent, just someone with parental responsibility.
      Who can apply for a PSO?
      The following people have an automatic right to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order in relation to a child:

      Any parent, guardian or special guardian of the child
      Anyone who is named in a Child Arrangements Order which is in force in respect to that child, which states that the child is to live with them
      Anyone else who holds parental responsibility for the child.

      Any other party who wishes to apply for a Prohibited Steps Order will firstly need to apply for permission from the court before doing so.
      How can I apply for a PSO?
      You can make an application to the court for a Prohibited Steps Order by completing Form C100 and submitting this to the Family Court local to where the child lives. There is a fee of £232 for submitting this application to the court. Your application will then be issued by the court and listed for a hearing to consider application.
      If you do not have automatic permission to apply for the Prohibited Steps Order, you will firstly need to make an application for permission. This can be done on Form C100 also, with a cost of £232, to the Family Court local to where the child lives. A hearing may be required for the court to determine if permission is granted. If and when the court grant you permission to apply for the order, you can then proceed to apply for the Prohibited Steps Order as above.
      It is possible to apply for an Emergency PSO. These are often made in a ‘without notice’ hearing, where the other party is not aware of the application. There does need to be evidence that an emergency order is needed and that the welfare of the child is at risk.
      What can a Prohibited Steps Order cover?
      Prohibited Steps Orders can cover a wide range of prohibited actions, which prevents someone from carrying out an action which they would usually be allowed to do as a parent. For example:

      Changing or removing the child from school
      Changing the child’s surname
      Changing the child’s GP
      Consenting to the child undergoing a medical treatment
      Relocating a child within the UK or overseas
      Prohibiting the child from seeing a specific person

      The time for which the Prohibited Steps Order lasts can vary from case to case. It will usually remain in force until further notice, although it will automatically end on the child’s 18th birthday.  The court will impose a duration which they feel is in the best interests of the child, which can range from one month to several years.
      Can a Prohibited Steps Order be overturned or lifted?
      A Prohibited Steps Order can be over-turned; however the court will not do so if removing the order may negatively effect the child. The court’s first priority is the wellbeing of the child.
      A Prohibited Steps Order can be lifted if the parties reach an agreement that it should be. In these circumstances, the person who initially made the application for the Prohibited Steps Order can request that the court lift the order. Before lifting the order, the court will consider whether this is in the child’s best interests.
      What happens if a Prohibited Steps Order is breached?
      A Prohibited Steps Order is a legally binding and enforceable court order. Therefore, if a person breaks the order, they will be in contempt of court. This offence is punishable by imprisonment, fines and/or unpaid work.
      If breach of the order is found to be justified as it was in the best interests of the child, the court may reduce the penalty for the breach, or there may be no penalty at all.
      Useful Links
      What the family court expects from parents
      Can my ex stop me moving away with the children?
      My ex and I can’t agree on our child’s school
      Supporting children through divorce: Listen on Spotify
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      in Children

      What do you say to a friend whose marriage is ending?

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      Sometimes, when people admit that their marriage is unsustainable, for whatever reason, the reaction of family, friends, even strangers on the internet can be judgmental or pitying. However, what someone in this situation needs are words and actions of support and comfort, as well as professional and legal guidance.
      We are joined on the blog by Divorce Coach Rebecca Spittles, who explores her own experience of the initial stages of separation, and what to say to a friend whose marriage is ending.
      ‘“It’s a shame you couldn’t have just tried a bit harder…”
      Nothing hits harder when you have made the decision to leave. When will people understand that getting divorced is an absolute last resort?
      Contrary to popular belief, and in my experience both personally and professionally, no one actually wants to get divorced. Reaching the point of separation, especially when there are children in the mix, is the most gut wrenching, stomach turning, vomit-inducing feeling you could ever imagine if you’ve not been there.
      I don’t wish divorce on anyone. When I took my vows I took them for life, like my parents, my grandparents and all that surrounded me. I wanted that security and comfort that everyone seeks from marriage. Even simple things I was excited about, for example to have the same surname as my husband and then of my child. It was so, so important.
      Just imagine how it felt when I knew that no matter how hard I tried, the union I was in was not meant to be?
      My parents were amazing. On several occasions I came close to uttering the words separation and every time they would come up with some kind words and injected a bit more strength into me to keep going. Marriage isn’t easy.
      My sister was the best. Constantly encouraging me, being a sounding board but never once suggesting being apart was an option.
      The toughest part of my situation was that, in order for our relationship to be harmonious, one or both of us had to completely stifle their key personality traits. Not sustainable.
      Our opinions on every single little thing were different and it ended with one or both of us feeling sad or resentful or angry as there wasn’t space for compromise.
      Compromise. The word bandied around all the time when it comes to being in a relationship. What if compromise actually meant giving in? Taking on the view of the other person so that life could just about be normal? What if compromise was only one sided and the only way for the other person to ever be happy was to always do what they wanted?
      I made several huge changes. Gave up my brilliant job so I could be at home. Gave up financial independence and poured every penny into the joint account. I started asking to do things and to buy things and slowly I disappeared. But still there was no happiness.
      After 2 long years following the birth of our daughter I asked for a separation. The answer was ‘No’. Clearly, I ‘didn’t care about my marriage’. I did. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything in my life to work but I was empty. Nothing left.
      In the end, two days after New Years Eve, I left after a huge row (something I learned is never the best way to leave).
      I picked up our daughter and stepped out of the front door and I will always remember the feeling of this being ‘it’. We were completely over. I drove to my parents with a sleeping toddler, arrived and cried. I cried and cried.
      Eventually he moved out to his Mum’s temporarily so that I could come home with our daughter and work, and she could have contact with her Dad.
      I am writing this so that next time someone utters the words ‘I want to leave my husband/wife’ just listen. Ask why, not so you can tell her why they should stay but so that you can understand quite how far they have come to be able to say this out loud.
      If you’ve been through it, please, please offer comfort, what they don’t need is the gore of your breakup or divorce. There is plenty of time for that later!
      Share your emotion and empathise because you more than many truly know where they are at.
      Finally, for all of us sat with the friend who says their relationship is over, just help. They will be a wreck for a while to come, from being so strong to being a crying mess on the floor. An angry confused teenager-esque stage will rear its ugly head at some point along with bitterness and probably a fair bit of drunkenness.
      Just be there for them. They will come out the other side. They will never be the same again, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.’
      Rebecca Spittles is a Divorce Coach providing personalised emotional and practical support and coaching to help individuals navigate their divorce or separation.
       You can find out more about Rebecca on her website or via her LinkedIn. 
      Useful links
      My partner’s a good person but I’m not happy
      When ‘I do’ becomes ‘I don’t’: Navigating the path to divorce and what to do next
      What to do if you think your marriage is over

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