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      I’m not the ‘breadwinner’ in my divorce

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      ‘Breadwinner’ is a term often thrown about with little consideration for its meaning. Traditionally, the ‘breadwinner’ in a relationship was the man as it was assumed that whilst the husband went out to work, the woman would keep house and raise the children.
      However, as society has moved on and gender roles changed, the breadwinner could be either party, or there may not be one at all. It may also be that most of the money in the relationship has come from one partner, for example from inheritance or the result of house sales or a business.
      So, what happens if you are the lower earner in your relationship? Money worries may be at the forefront of your mind when considering divorce or separation. Questions like ‘Can I afford to live by myself?’, ‘How will I afford divorce?’, ‘What will happen to the house?’ and many more may be concerning you.
      However, if you are not the ‘breadwinner’ in your relationship, you still have a safety net in divorce.
      In divorce, the Court will work from the starting point of a 50/50 split of finances and assets. A financial settlement is an agreement which will iron out financial issues and fairly separate the assets once a marriage has ended.
      In brief, a Court will look at the future income and earning capacity as well as the needs of each party going forward. If you are not the breadwinner i.e. you’re the lower earner or have no income, this will be taken into consideration in the financial settlement.
      However, it is also important to remember that spouses are not automatically entitled to an equal share of their partner’s income.
      Who pays the legal fees?
      One of the first concerns may be about who pays the legal fees in divorce. The general rule is that each partner will pay their own legal costs. The cost of divorce includes the court fee of £593, plus any solicitors’ fees should they be instructed.
      The person applying for the divorce – known as the applicant – will pay the court fee. If the application is a joint one, applicant 1 will pay the fee.
      You can find out more about who pays the legal fees in divorce here.
      Financial Disclosure and Spousal Maintenance
      Financial disclosure happens early on in divorce proceedings, usually through the completion of a Form E, and should be an honest setting out of the finances and assets of the marriage. Once the forms have been filled in, there is time for the ex-spouses and the solicitors to ask questions.
      Providing everything has been disclosed properly, an agreement can then be made on the future needs of each spouse.
      The court will then review the agreement and decide whether it is fair.
      In situations where one spouse has a much higher income than the other, there is likely to be an extended period of financial support, known as Spousal Maintenance. This can be decided between you and your partner, or the court can order the financially stronger party to pay the other a monthly income. It is expected that both parties should have a similar standard of living after the divorce that they did prior to divorce.
      Spousal maintenance is only available for couples who were married and tends to be more common for divorcees who were married for a long time.
      Spousal maintenance is available for both men and women, as it depends on who was the breadwinner in the marriage. Traditionally, men paid women spousal and/or child maintenance. However, social changes and modern-day working lives mean that either the husband or the wife in heterosexual marriages can pay maintenance costs.
      In same-sex marriages, the same applies in that either party can be the breadwinner and will therefore be required to pay the financially weaker party some form of ongoing income.
      Some couples opt for a ‘clean break’, wanting to cut all financial ties with their partner as soon as possible. To obtain a clean break, you must have a financial order approved by the Court, which also prevents your partner making any financial claims against you in the future.
      Pensions
      Pensions are often ignored in divorce proceedings, especially when the individual has sought no legal advice. However, they are one of the most important aspects in the financial part of divorces but can be complicated.
      As with divorce generally, one party is not automatically entitled to an equal share of their partner’s pension.
      Pensions are complicated, particularly so in divorce, so it is important to seek legal advice, especially if you are the lower earner.
      What’s the best option?
      What’s ‘best’ is unique to the individual and their circumstances. The most helpful thing to do is to seek advice from a family lawyer who will be able to guide you through the options and help make that decision.
      The most important thing to remember is even if you are not the breadwinner in your relationship, financial settlements and the court will take this into account.
      If you are separating, but not divorcing, because you and your partner never married, a Separation Agreement is likely to be an option for you. This document, whilst not legally binding, can be used to formally document the division of assets and finances, including pensions as well as child arrangements and other considerations. More

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      in Family Law

      October Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs from Stowe
      What is financial wellbeing?
      World Mental Health Day: wellbeing during divorce
      Labour announce commitment to cohabitation reform
      Adopting a stepchild
      World Menopause Day
      Islamic divorce in the UK
      What happens if I’m separated but not divorced?
      What to do if you think your marriage is over
      Book your free webinar place
      Cardiff Break Up Club – Surviving Christmas after separation
      Stowe Talks – How to build a happy blended family with Nichole Farrow
      Watch recent webinars
      Stowe Talks – Creating financial wellbeing following divorce or separation
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast will be launched soon.
      In the mean time, you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Children

      Separating after the summer holidays

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      The long six weeks summer holiday are finally coming to an end. The uniform has been bought, school shoes polished, new bags lined up in the hallway.
      September is a time for new beginnings, as the school year starts and children go into new classes, or even new schools.
      The start of the school year can be a turning point in relationships, as many who have put up with their spouse throughout the long holidays reach the end of their tether and start to investigate divorce proceedings.
      As divorce lawyers, we often see a rise in people enquiring about divorcing their partner as soon as the kids return to school.
      Looking at these in relation to the summer months, there is a lull as couples and families go on holiday and try to enjoy the (hopefully) nicer weather. August tends to be a quieter month for family lawyers.
      After the summer holidays, money troubles can raise their heads – and this is especially poignant in the difficult economic climate. Not only this, but spending extended periods of time together can expose the cracks in the relationship. Just think back to the surge in divorces after the pandemic lockdowns!
      So, if you are thinking about separating after the summer holidays, what are the next steps?
      Getting a divorce
      Although much of the initial divorce process can be completed online, it is important to seek specialist legal advice, particularly when it comes to your finances.
      The first stage of the divorce process is to complete a divorce application by filling in a Form D8 online or by post. Following this, you will have a 20-week cooling off period before you can apply for the conditional order.
      After another 6 weeks, you can apply to have the final order granted, legally dissolving your marriage. However, this does not automatically break the financial ties you and your ex-spouse had within your marriage.
      Financial settlements
      Money and assets must be dealt with in their own right during the divorce process, otherwise you can remain financially tied to your ex-spouse as financial obligations are not automatically ended when you get divorced. A consent order must be in place to ensure the settlement is final and enforceable.
      Financial settlements can get complicated, which is why we have a network of Financial Advisers, pension, property and budget experts and accountants on hand to support you.
      What about the children?
      The divorce process can be a huge upheaval for children. School and other regular activities provide routine and a sense of security, so keeping this as central is vital for mitigating feelings of displacement and anxiety.
      A poorly managed divorce can have long-term impacts on children, potentially causing separation anxiety in younger children, or resentment and distancing for older children.
      There is professional and legal support available for parents dealing with children, whether infants or teens, and for the children themselves. Information on how to manage children during a divorce can be found here.
      Divorce coaches are very helpful when it comes to dealing with emotional and practical decisions, and expert legal advice should be sought when thinking about child arrangement orders.
      Divorce can be scary, so we have specialist lawyers and professionals to help you every step of the way. Please seek help to support you through this journey.
      Useful links
      Watch Stowe talks – Beginners guide to divorce
      Financial Settlement FAQs
      Avoiding Financial Mistakes
      Helping your children understand your divorce
      Impact of conflict during divorce on children More

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      in Children

      August Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs:
      Economic abuse in financial remedy proceedings
      Tips for healing after divorce
      Britney, divorce and renegotiating prenups
      How to successfully co-parent
      Why is September a popular month for divorce?
      Book your free webinar place
      Stowe talks – Finding the unexpected joy of heartbreak with Rosie Wilby
      Stowe talks – Creating financial wellbeing following separation with Jodie Phelps
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify:
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast will be launched soon.
      But you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!
      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Children

      Why is September a popular month for divorce?

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      The impact of the summer holidays 
      September is usually a busy month for family lawyers, as it is a popular month for divorce. There tends to be an increase in divorce enquiries, particularly in comparison to August, which is quieter as families enjoy the long summer holidays.
      In fact, the summer break is sometimes seen as a reason for the rise in divorce enquiries in September. Families commonly spend more time together, and this can expose cracks in the relationship that may not otherwise have come to the surface.
      A similar phenomenon happens every January, termed by the media as ‘Divorce Day’. Divorce Day is the first working Monday of the year and has historically been the busiest day of the year for divorce enquiries, as the impact of a stressful Christmas and New Year takes its toll on relationships.
      For struggling couples, the summer holidays can bring deep-rooted issues out into the open. More time spent together, the need to provide entertainment for children, the financial demands of a holiday, and the pressure of having to be seen to have fun and be a happy family, can push relationships to the limit. 
      One of the key issues we as family lawyers see in September is how money worries surface after increased spending over the holidays. 
      Mortgage rates and economic uncertainty 
      Financial issues often play a significant role in relationship breakdown. They have been cited as the cause for a relationship breakdown in record numbers at Stowe over the past 18 months.
      Money can be a sensitive topic for even the strongest of couples. For those already struggling in their relationship, it can prove to be the final straw.
      Increasing mortgage rates are having a considerable impact on couples in the UK, potentially leading to consideration of divorce.
      Some couples are starting to see old deals (some as low as 2%) expire and new five-year fixed rates reach 6%, potentially more in coming months.
      Here at Stowe, we conducted a survey of 600 people across the UK on how mortgage rates are affecting families and relationships.
      The survey revealed that 82% of respondents have been or will be financially impacted by the inflation of mortgage rates.
      Almost a quarter (23%) responded they can no longer afford to pay their mortgage. Over half of the respondents said they were experiencing friction within their marriage or relationship because of this issue. 
      Over the cost-of-living crisis, divorce enquiries have risen to record highs, with financial issues regularly cited as a primary reason. 
      The economic climate, coupled with the pressure of the summer holidays, could prove too much for more couples, leading to them looking into divorce in September. 
      Financial problems and domestic abuse
      However, even accounting for the ongoing economic uncertainty and the rise in mortgage rates, the rise in September for divorce enquiries may not be as significant as has been seen in previous years.
      Recently, there has been a rise in the number of people who are unable to leave their marriage or relationship due to financial problems. 
      This is all the more concerning for people who are trapped in abusive relationships who are unable to leave their partner because they cannot support themselves financially on their own. 
      Victims of domestic abuse have been hit hard by the cost-of-living crisis. This is because financial hardship is connected to increasing physical, emotional and financial abuse. 
      Furthermore, inflation, and now mortgage rises, may mean more people cannot afford to divorce or separate from their partner, particularly if the abuser is using money as a means to control their partner.
      Will September 2023 be a popular month for divorce?
      For couples wanting to start the divorce process, money will certainly play a role in the decision. However, it will be interesting to see whether the economic environment will swing matters towards the usual September increase in enquiries or whether there will be a drop in couples wanting to start divorce proceedings.
      For those who choose to end their relationship, getting the right support and legal advice is crucial. Anyone suffering abuse who finds themselves in  immediate danger, please call the police. For advice on domestic abuse please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
      Useful links
      Mortgage after divorce
      How much does divorce cost?
      Effects of divorce on children
      Economic abuse
      Holidays with children after divorce
      Legal help for domestic abuse victims More

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      in Family Law

      Economic abuse in financial remedy proceedings

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      As family lawyers, many of us will have acted for clients who can tell you little to nothing about their finances. Some know nothing other than the allowance they’re given by their spouse.
      Clients in this position are often embarrassed and self-critical for finding themselves in this situation but rarely is this by choice and as professionals we must be watchful for any signs that indicate economic abuse.
      What is the legal definition of economic abuse?
      Additional provisions came into force as part of the Domestic Abuse Act 2021  and for the first time economic abuse was included within the definition of domestic abuse.
      The report states that “economic abuse” means any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on another person’s ability to:

      acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or
      obtain goods or services

      Economic abuse can take a variety of forms, including restricting a party’s access to financial information and controlling how those financial resources are utilised.
      In some cases, the alarm bells may ring early, particularly in the cases mentioned above in which a party has no knowledge of the financial resources and whose spouse has unilaterally controlled their financial resources for the majority of their marriage.
      In other cases, concerns may not arise until the financial disclosure becomes available.
      How does economic abuse impact divorce?
      Where economic abuse is a factor, getting full and frank financial disclosure from the opposing party may prove to be a battle where, after withholding financial details from their spouse for many years, they may continue to attempt to conceal and control assets.
      There are some legal tools to challenge inadequate disclosure, for example by raising a questionnaire, a schedule of deficiencies and in some cases obtaining a third-party disclosure order. There may also be a need to invite the court to draw negative inferences where the disclosure remains incomplete or questionable.
      After the expense and effort of obtaining as clear and complete a picture of the parties’ respective financial positions as possible, to what extent will the abusive behaviour impact on the outcome at a Final Hearing?
      Mostyn J outlines the four scenarios in which conduct may be considered in financial remedy cases in his judgment in OG v AG (Financial Remedies: Conduct) [2020] EWFC 52 as follows:

      Gross and obvious personal misconduct but only where there is a financial consequence. This will include economic misconduct provided the high evidential threshold is met;
      Add-back arguments where one party has ‘wantonly and recklessly dissipated assets’;
      Litigation misconduct which should be penalised in costs rather than affecting the substantive disposition;
      Drawing inferences over the extent of the asset base following a party’s failure to give full and frank disclosure.

      Mostyn J adds that ‘Conduct should be taken into account not only where it is inequitable to disregard but only where its impact is financially measurable’.
      Notable cases involving economic abuse
      DP v EP (Conduct; Economic Abuse; Needs) [2023]
      The recently reported case of DP v EP (conduct: economic abuse: needs) [2023] EWFC 6 appears to be the first case where economic abuse has been found to be conduct as defined by the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973.
      An important factor in the case was that the husband (H) was functionally illiterate and had for the entirety of the lengthy marriage depended on the wife (W) to manage their financial resources for their joint benefit.
      The husband’s position was that the wife had exploited his illiteracy by siphoning off joint funds which had in part funded assets which were then concealed from him, and the court. The husband invited the judge:

      To add back certain items that he alleged the wife had misappropriated on the basis that she had either recklessly or deliberately dissipated them from the parties’ resources;
      To draw negative inferences against the wife and to find that she had undisclosed assets which derived from the funds she had misappropriated during the marriage;
      To find that the wife’s conduct amounted to economic abuse under s 1(4) DAA 2021 and that it would be inequitable to disregard her conduct under s 25(2)(g) MCA 1973.

      By comparison, the wife’s position was that there should be broad equality although she conceded that she should be solely liable for certain debts in her name.
      It was held that the wife’s conduct fulfilled the definition of economic abuse under DAA 2021.  The judge found that the wife held undisclosed assets and also ‘added back’ an additional sum in respect of misappropriated rental income from a jointly owned property.
      Notwithstanding the observation by Mostyn J in OG v AG, that in order to impact on the ultimate distribution conduct must have ‘financially measurable’ consequences, the judge also made a small departure from equality to reflect the wife’s poor conduct.
      The husband was awarded 53% of the total assets (as adjusted). The wife was also ordered to make a significant contribution towards the husband’s legal costs. In her judgement, Honour Judge Reardon states:
      ‘In my view, W’s conduct falls within the definition of economic abuse contained in DAA 2021. In the longer term, if not on a day to day basis, W’s conduct has had a substantial adverse effect on H’s ability to access and use his own money […] I appreciate that there are some forms of economic abuse, for example those that involve the coercive restriction of the other party’s day-to-day expenditure, that may be more familiar, and therefore more easily recognised as abusive. However, W’s conduct in this case involved the exploitation of a dominant position, which is the essence of all forms of abusive behaviour; and the fact that H was unaware of W’s behaviour at the time, and that it did not directly impact on his daily life during the marriage, has only made his subsequent discovery of it more shocking. I am in no doubt that H feels a profound sense of betrayal, and that the harm caused by W’s actions has extended well beyond the financial detriment they have caused.’
      Traharne v Limb [2022]
      The case of Traharne v Limb [2022] EWFC 27 addressed the closely linked issue of coercive and controlling behaviour as conduct. The case involved a post-nuptial agreement and the wife sought to argue that she was subjected to coercive and controlling behaviour and had not freely entered into the agreement.
      The judge ultimately awarded the wife additional provision but her conduct arguments against the husband were unsuccessful. The wife was criticised for the time and costs spent on the conduct issue which was found to be ‘entirely unnecessary’. Consequently, the wife did not recover her legal costs in full. Whilst not persuaded that coercive and controlling behaviour was a factor in this particular case, Sir Jonathan Cohen was clear in his judgment that it may be a relevant factor in other cases.
      ‘In my judgment, Ormrod LJ’s words are as relevant now as they were when uttered over 40 years ago. They stand the test of time. Coercive and controlling behaviour would plainly be an example of undue pressure, exploitation of a dominant position of relevant conduct. It would be part of all the circumstances as they affect the two parties in “the complex relationship of marriage”. If Ormrod LJ were writing his judgment today, he might have employed words such as “coercive and controlling behaviour”.’
      In summary, the inclusion of economic abuse within DAA 2021 and the decision in DP v EP has broadened the definition of conduct within financial remedy proceedings but the evidential threshold, in order to succeed with conduct arguments, remains high. The potential cost consequences of running an unsuccessful conduct argument must be borne in mind as is highlighted in the case of Traharne v Limb.
      Related links
      Stowe Guide – What is economic abuse?
      The cost of financial uncertainty on relationships

      The cost-of-living in an abusive relationship More

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      in Children

      July Stowe Support roundup

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      Stowe Support is a dedicated home for Stowe’s free resources designed to help inform and support anyone with family law concerns.
      With new blogs, guides, podcasts, videos and events shared each month, here’s a handy Stowe Support roundup from the past month in case you missed anything.
      Here’s your monthly roundup of Stowe Support resources in case you missed anything.
      Latest blogs:
      The role of a divorce coach
      What is parental responsibility?
      Can I afford to divorce my partner?
      Who gets the mortgage? The new divorce battleground
      The rise in birdnesting after divorce
      Why Barbie and Ken need a cohabitation agreement
       Watch July’s Stowe talks webinar:
      Stowe talks webinar – Understanding and dealing with coercive control with Dr Emma Katz
      Listen to Stowe talks podcasts on Spotify:
      Our next series of Stowe talks podcast which will be launched soon.
      But you can click to catch up on previous episodes and follow us!

      Stowe Support
      To explore our full range of resources dedicated to helping people with family law matters, visit Stowe Support.
      Here you’ll find a wealth of helpful guides, videos and blogs on divorce and separation, finances, children, domestic abuse, cohabitation, alternative parenting, mediation, as well as support with relationships and wellness. More

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      in Children

      The rise in birdnesting after divorce

      by

      Amid the cost-of-living crisis divorcing parents are looking at new ways to co-parent and manage finances. A growing number of separated couples are choosing to take turns living in the family home to co-parent their children, in an arrangement known as ‘birdnesting’.
      What is birdnesting?
      While the children continue to live in the family home full time, the divorced parents split their time there on rotation, sharing childcare as well as the costs of running the home.
      Typically couples who are birdnesting alternate between the family home and a second lower-cost home, or even staying with friends or family. In some cases, the second home is also shared by the divorced couple.
      What’s behind the increase?
      Birdnesting’s appeal is largely due to its financial advantages. Firstly, birdnesting avoids the immediate need to sell the family home or buy out their ex-partner. This prevents conflict over who should get to keep the mortgage. In addition, separated couples can reduce their housing and living costs by continuing to share responsibility for them.
      As divorcing couples navigate high mortgage rates and the ongoing cost-of-living crisis at this crucial financial juncture in their lives, concerns about funding two homes from the same financial resources that previously funded one are common.
      That we’re seeing a rise in birdnesting during the current economic climate is no coincidence.
      Other key benefits of birdnesting include consistency and stability for children who continue to live full time in the familiar surroundings of the family home.
      In birdnesting, children also don’t have to regularly move between two homes, and they don’t have to move away from close friends and family, both typical in traditional post-separation living arrangements.
      By maintaining some of the existing structure in their lives, parents can potentially limit the impact of divorce on their children’s wellbeing.
      Those in favour of birdnesting say that it allows parents to absorb the biggest changes brought about by divorce, so the children don’t have to. But critics argue that it can be confusing for children and create a sense of limbo.
      Potential downsides
      Despite its clear benefits birdnesting isn’t always plain sailing.
      Challenges can include handling shared finances post-separation, and practical matters like the day-to-day running and upkeep of the home.
      Although aimed at providing consistency to support children through divorce and beyond, birdnesting can be confusing for some children.
      And while you and your ex have chosen to go your separate ways, birdnesting might prevent emotional closure or the freedom you need to move forward.
      Birdnesting FAQs
      Stowe Partner, Bristol-based Joanna Newton, has answered a range of FAQs about birdnesting, to help separating and divorcing parents.
      Why is birdnesting a good idea for some families? 
      Birdnesting works well for families with limited financial resources that will not cover maintaining two family homes that meet the needs of them and their children.
      However, it is a complicated process with lots of moving parts, so is better suited to couples where there is good communication, mutual respect, an equal balance of power, particularly around parenting decisions and clear boundaries.
      What are the benefits of birdnesting? 
      Birdnesting offers children stability in what can otherwise be an unsettling time for them. By keeping the children based solely at the family home, they maintain a consistent routine and structure, and do not have to be uprooted or frequently packing and travelling between two houses.
      Financially, maintaining the family home and finding a secondary, cheaper accommodation option, for example a small rental flat or staying with friends or family, reduces the pressure to cover the cost of running two homes suitable for the family.
      It also allows couples to keep the family home as an asset and build upon any equity in the property. Although, this does mean the couple remain financially tied for longer.
      Why are we seeing an increase in birdnesting as a way to share care of children? 
      As the cost of living crisis deepens, particularly spiralling interest rates and mortgage costs, taking the income used to cover one household and having to stretch to cover two households is becoming increasingly challenging for families.
      Birdnesting removes the need to source two properties suitable to meet both parents and the children’s needs – including staying close to work, nurseries and schools – helping reduce the financial implications of a separation.
      There is the option for couples to remain in the family home together just until they can generate more income or mortgage rates level out and living costs drop. However, this can be challenging and parents must consider the impact of tension and an unhappy home environment on the children.
      What are the legal considerations and implications? 
      Birdnesting does not require any legal involvement. However, there are implications to consider, including financial arrangements and finalising the care of the children.
      Even if both parties agree to birdnesting, they also need to agree on a schedule. When will the child or children will be in their care? Parents can draw up a parenting plan, or in some cases a formal child arrangements order approved by the court.
      There are also various financial implications to consider:

      How will the family home be paid for?
      Who will pay what?
      How will the additional homes and their running costs be covered?
      How long should the property be used for birdnesting?
      How will any equity be split when you eventually sell the house?

      To ensure success, it is important that you consider all matters and agreed from the beginning.
      Birdnesting can also mean that couples remain financially tied together, potentially for a long time, and prevent them from achieving a ‘clean break’.
      What does the family court think of birdnesting as an option? 
      There is limited information about how the family court views birdnesting.
      However, the main consideration of the court will be the children’s best interests and welfare, and whether birdnesting could potentially cause them to be exposed to a risk of harm.
      If you have two parents who are amicable, can work together, and co-parent for the benefit of their children, then the court will consider birdnesting a viable option.
      When does birdnesting not work?
      Birdnesting success relies on a healthy and amicable relationship between two parents.
      If it was an acrimonious split or the relationship involved domestic abuse, then birdnesting is not suitable. In these cases, birdnesting would be harmful and detrimental to the wellbeing of the children and the survivor of abuse.
      It may also cause confusion for the children, as they may question whether their parents have split or provide false hope that parents will get back together.
      Financially, it keeps a couple tied together far longer than they normally would be after divorce.
      Finally, birdnesting can appear straightforward, but the reality is it can be a relatively complicated arrangement that will require careful negotiation, and equal motivation to make it work in practical terms.
      What can help birdnesting work? 
      The success of birdnesting lies with the parents of the children working together and putting in clear and consistent boundaries on a wide range of issues, from parenting and finances, to running and maintaining the home.
      Drawing up a birdnesting agreement that sets out a parenting plan, how financial commitments will be shared, who will be responsible for what in the home, the additional shared accommodation, and what will happen to assets and equity once the house is sold, will all help.
      While not legally binding, it will create clear boundaries and a set of ground rules for both parents to stick to.
      As with any mutual agreement about children and finances after divorce, legal advice is always advisable.
      Useful links
      Can I afford to divorce my partner?
      Mortgages after divorce
      Property and divorce – what happens to the family home? More