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      in Children

      Chaos at home and infants’ play: Your baby may be more adaptable than you think

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      Chaos in the home is bad for child development. Homes are chaotic if they are disorganized, unpredictable, and unstable. This could mean they are noisy, are crowded, have many people coming and going, or lack routines. The adverse effects of chaos at home on early cognitive and social-emotional development are well documented. Long-term exposure to chaos interferes with the development of important skills like self-regulation and cognition. But how can we interpret this research in a global pandemic? For many people, home life has become more chaotic since March. Daily routines have been disrupted and replaced. Busy parents are juggling work from home. And many parents are wondering: Should we be worried for our kids?
      How do young children respond to chaos in the home? Before the pandemic, we visited parents with infants (1-2 years old) while they played at home. With parents’ permission, we video recorded all the rooms in their house, getting an unprecedented look into their natural home settings. From the videos, we coded physical features of the homes that might reflect chaos, including the number of toys on the floor, items on the counters, unwashed dishes, piles of laundry, and scattered papers. We also analyzed infants’ play behaviors (e.g., the length of play and the objects selected for play) because play is an important way babies learn about their worlds. And the quality of infants’ play predicts cognitive and language skills. Based on research on chaos, we predicted that infants in highly cluttered, physically chaotic homes might experience disrupted play.
      Our preliminary findings surprised us: We found no evidence that any of the physical manifestations of chaos at home mattered for babies’ play. In fact, infants didn’t discriminate — they played with whatever objects were available to them, whether the objects were in bins or on the floor, and regardless of whether they were designed for play. They banged on pots and pans like a drum set, made a tower out of Tupperware, and played hide and seek in a pile of laundry. In other words, infants happily played and explored their environments, regardless of the state of their home.
      Any scientist or statistician will tell you that the absence of evidence is not the same as evidence in support of the counterhypothesis. In other words, we can’t conclude for sure that chaos at home doesn’t matter for infants’ play. Also, our study represents only physical manifestations of chaos. Children certainly need routines and structures to thrive. But when it comes to the state of your house? You can probably relax. And if your budget is tight lately, you can rest, knowing your baby is likely just as happy playing with Tupperware as with expensive gadgets. In coming studies, we plan to ask a different question. Rather than asking how chaos at home affects infants’ play, we want to know how infants learn to adapt to chaotic environments and play using whatever materials are available to them.
      The bottom line for parents is this: You’re probably doing a better job than you think. Your baby doesn’t care how organized your home is during the pandemic. Prolonged exposure to chaos is still not good for your child, but infants may be more resilient to mess than we previously thought. And their ability to adapt and even thrive amidst the chaos may actually surprise you.
      Header photo: Nenad Stojkovic. Creative Commons. More

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      in Children

      The evolved nest approach fosters children’s well-being

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      New parents today often are given conflicting information about how to raise their children. This was not always the case. Millions of years ago, our species established childraising practices that shaped children to be cooperative and intelligent. These practices were passed from one generation to another through children’s observation and practice before they became parents. With civilization, industrialization, and other historical trends, these practices have diminished and sometimes have been replaced by practices that have outcomes opposite to the original ones.

      “Millions of years ago, our species established childraising practices that shaped children to be cooperative and intelligent. It is time to remember them.”

      We call these practices the evolved nest. What are those long-established practices?
      1. Soothing perinatal experiences where mothers are highly supported during pregnancy and follow natural biological rhythms during childbirth, and where neither mother nor child are traumatized during childbirth or separated afterward
      2. Several years of on-request breastfeeding and frequent suckling that shape not only the jaw and skull, but also the brain and body, with the thousands of ingredients in breast milk, including ingredients that protect babies from infectious agents
      Babies who aren’t breastfed have less brain myelination at three months (myelination is associated with intelligence) and biological consequences related to obesity, asthma, and allergies.
      3. Nearly constant affectionate touch in the first years and no negative touch to shape multiple systems like the stress response, the vagus nerve (which interrelates with all major body organs), and the oxytocin hormone system
      4. Responsive, companionable care from mother and others that reassures the baby, keeping him or her optimally aroused during rapid neuronal growth, and keeping the child feeling supported and connected throughout life
      5. A social climate that welcomes children at every stage, keeping them in the middle of community activities
      6. Self-directed free play with playmates of different ages that builds executive functions (e.g., redirecting actions and plans, empathy, and control of aggression) and leadership skills
      7. Immersion in nature and ecological attachment so children feel like members of the earth community with responsibilities to non-human members
      We know that each evolved nest practice shapes the neurobiological structures of children’s brains and bodies to work optimally, affecting everything about the child, including personality, sociality, and morality. In my lab, we study these components and their relation to well-being, self-control, sociality, and morality.
      Babies are so immature at birth, looking like fetuses of other animals, that to grow well they need nearly constant touch. In a recent article, parents who endorsed providing greater affectionate touch and less corporal punishment, than parents with the opposite pattern, reported that their preschool-aged children had less psychopathology and greater sociomoral capacities, like empathy and cooperation. In another study, of mothers from at-risk situations, children who received more positive touch and less negative touch over the first years of life had better self-regulation and cooperation than children who received less positive touch and more negative touch.
      In a recent study, colleagues and I asked parents in the China, Switzerland, and the United States to report on their preschool children’s evolved nest experience, specifically, experiences of affection, corporal punishment, indoor and outdoor self-directed free play, and family togetherness inside and outside the home. In every country, children whose parents practiced more evolved nesting in the prior week were more likely to be thriving socially and mentally.
      In a survey study of 383 mothers of three-year-olds in China, we collected information on children’s behavior and attitude as they related to components of the evolved nest. Mothers also completed standardized measures of their children’s behavior regulation, empathy, and conscience. We found significant effects for most caregiving practices and attitudes on children’s outcomes after controlling for maternal income and education, and most effects remained significant after controlling for responsive, companionable care.
      In another study (Narvaez, Wang & Cheng, 2016), adults reported on their childhood experiences, as well as their mental and social health. Childhood experience more consistent with the evolved nest predicted ethical orientations of social engagement via a pathway through secure attachment, mental health, and perspective taking. In addition, experiences that lacked components of the evolved nest through low levels of secure attachment and less optimal mental health predicted social opposition through low perspective taking and social withdrawal through personal distress.
      The evolved nest provides concrete ways for parents to be responsive to the needs of their children to foster optimal neurobiology, as well as psychological and social development.
      Header photo: Proggie. Creative Commons.  More

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      in Parenting

      Read This When Times Get Tough

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      When times get tough, it can be hard to keep going. Here are some motivational tips to help you get through the tough times and help you keep on going till you thrive again.  I will also share my favorite inspirational quotes for tough times. Breathe, read this, and take things one day at a time.
      When Times Get Tough
      When you’re up against what feels like insurmountable circumstances it can be tempting to toss your sneakers in your gym bag and walk off the field.
      Giving up is easy. Life isn’t.
      But you’re smart. You’re hard working. Your friends, spouse and kids respect you. And everything you have, you achieved because you’re a determined, bright and confident person.
      You knew that, though, and it’s still not any easier to cope with what you’re up against. Maybe you lost your job, someone close to you fell ill, or it’s just one of those weeks—or months—when the little things keep piling up until the proverbial camel’s back is dangerously close to snapping.
      If telling yourself that this, too, shall pass isn’t enough to shake the negativity, you need to take some action. Here’s how.
      5 Motivational Tips For Going Through Tough Times

      Take care of yourself
      Not even Michael Phelps can tread water forever, and trying to keep your head above the surface while life keeps tossing waves at you can get you feeling like a pretty terrible swimmer.
      In fact, it can convince you you’re just a downright terrible person.
      When things get hard, you get depressed. That’s natural. And when you’re depressed, it’s a lot more difficult to find the motivation to do even the simplest things like cook a healthy meal, style your hair, or change into something that can’t double as pajamas.
      But do them anyway- walk, run, exercise, go for a bike ride, lose weight if you need to, get out there and experience life. Nutritional expert Isabel De Los Rios has countless stories of mothers who felt like the world was crashing down on them, only to turn it all around through putting themselves (and their health) first.
      Eat. Get some sleep. Take pride in your appearance. Maybe it sounds like added stress, but it’s the physical and emotional boost you need to stay afloat through this. So first and foremost, take care of yourself!

      Count your blessings
      Literally. Gratitude is powerful. Make a list of everything good in your life—the big stuff, the little stuff, the silly stuff. If it makes you happy, put it on your list. Your kids, spouse and home are probably no-brainers. Your dog? Cat? Iguana? Throw him on there, too.
      And don’t forget your grandma’s amazing lemon icebox recipe; your wedding photos; the way your daughter’s head smelled when she was six months old.
      Anything that has brought you joy, anything that you’re grateful for, put it down on paper. Don’t be afraid to get crafty and glue some photos or trinkets on there, too. Then, hang it somewhere—like the fridge, or your office—so you can glance at it now and then and remind yourself that life is wonderful no matter how awful it may be right now. 
      There is always something to be grateful for and sometimes it is easiest to focus on the small details.  The cool pattern the walls of the tent make, the way the sun pokes around the clouds, the pretty color green of new buds.  Those type of details sometimes pull me into the present moment when I am getting lost in the past.
      Gratitude can also help place things into perspective. Whatever is tough for you right now may be small in comparison to all the good you have in your life or how much it will really matter in a year’s time.
      Relax. Now!
      The worst thing to do to yourself when you’re overwhelmed is add weight to an already unbearable pile. Most of us think that staying busy is the best way to distract from whatever obstacle we’re up against, but knowing when to hang up your cape and let someone else fight the battles is a really crucial skill to overcoming adversity.
      If you don’t power yourself back up with ten minutes of deep breathing a day, you’ll lose your mind. No matter what you’re facing, there’s always time to give your mind and body a few minutes of peace. So take a walk, a bath soak, a nap or meditate. 
      I particularly find the below Wayne Dyer meditation music helpful for relaxing. It helps me recenter.
      [embedded content]
      Take out the trash
      On the opposite side of that same coin, find a constructive way to handle all your negative energy. Maybe your finances are a puzzle you can’t seem to solve, or your marriage is in a rut. Or maybe your son just brought home a bad report card. Whatever’s filling you with angst, find a useful way to drain it.
      My suggestion? Declutter your room. Or your garage. Your basement, storage shed, or under the guest room bed. Wherever unwanted crap piles up in your home, attack it.
      This constructive use of excess energy will keep your mind off whatever issue happens to be monopolizing your mental energy, allowing you to revisit it later on with a fresh set of eyes.
      Plus, getting rid of some of the crap in your life is always uplifting.
      Practice some altruism
      Whether you offer to babysit the neighbor’s kids while they’re at a movie, or offer up your time at a soup kitchen, find a way to help other people out with absolutely no gain for yourself.
      Look, when things feel too big to manage, a new perspective can shrink them back down to size. If you feel like you can’t fix whatever’s beating you down, fix something else. Reminding yourself that you’re a competent, compassionate person might be the jumpstart you need to get out of whatever rut you’re broken down in.
      One bonus tip?
      Look in the mirror and smile. Smiling can actually trick your brain into happiness!  Besides, you don’t want to forget how to smile.
      I am also going to share a few of my favorite when times are tough quotes to help inspire you to to, “just keep swimming.”
      Inspirational Quotes For Tough Times

      “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” -Mary Anne Radmacher
      “Believe in yourself, trust your gut, surround yourself with resilient people who inspire you to be better and work hard.” -Monique Hicks
      “Conflict is growth trying to happen.” -Harville Hendrix
      “When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” -Alexander Graham Bell
      “Tough times don’t last, tough people do.” -Robert Schuller
      “You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” -Shaun Hick
      Conclusion
      I hope you found these motivational tips helpful for getting through hard times.  They come to us all and you just have to keep going. I sometimes picture Atreyu struggling to get through the Swamp of Sadness in the Never Ending Story. It feels like that sometimes but you don’t want to let yourself be swallowed up like Artax. You have to keep going.  You’ll get through it and you’ll be stronger.  Of my favorite when times are tough quotes that I shared above, my absolute favorite is the one from Mary Anne Radmacher. Tomorrow is a whole new day! 
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      Jaclyn Stapp Shares “Motherhood Is Not Short On Challenges”
      What To Do When Feeling Overwhelmed More

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      in Children

      Children flourish in new forms of family, but some still suffer outsiders’ stigmatization

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      People concerned about children growing up in new forms of families (e.g., LBGTQ families, families created by donor eggs) have worried unnecessarily. In the face of dire warnings about such families, studies consistently show that their children turn out just as well as – and sometimes better than – kids from traditional families with two heterosexual parents. Findings have been remarkably similar, whether studies have focused on families with lesbian mothers, gay fathers, transgender parents, or single mothers by choice. Findings on families created by donations of eggs, sperm, or embryos, as well as by surrogacy, reflect the same pattern.
      In studies of all these new forms of family, we, along with other research teams, have found that the quality of family relationships matters for children’s welfare far more than the number, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, or biological relatedness of the parents.
      It has taken nearly 50 years of studies, many following children across decades, to establish the empirical evidence. And there has been plenty of heartache along the way, starting with lesbian mothers who lost custody of their children back in the 1970s. In the half century since then, public and expert fears about new forms of family have underpinned various legal barriers to parenthood, discriminatory practices, and widespread stigmatization.

      “My brother and I knew people in our school that had gay and lesbian parents and that did get bullied quite a lot, and that scared us from telling people.”

      More new forms of family coming
      However, even though research on children’s outcomes is clear, the story does not end there, for two reasons. First, the diversity of new family forms seems likely only to expand as science advances and people seek new paths to parenthood. Artificial wombs, eggs, and sperm are just over the horizon. At the University of Cambridge Centre for Family Research, we are already examining children’s outcomes in co-parenting families in which couples are not romantically involved, children are parented by single fathers by choice, and transgender people give birth after they have transitioned.
      These developments pose fresh challenges to what has long been seen as the norm for children to flourish. Let’s hope people avoid repeating over-hasty judgments. We should await the evidence and be calmed by encouraging outcomes from other new forms of family.
      Children are asking for change
      Second, and perhaps more important, there is much more to say about children in these new forms of family, beyond simply logging their long-term outcomes. What is it like for them to grow up in such families? We should listen to their voices, and hear their thoughts and feelings. To that end, our team has conducted many studies gathering children’s stories.
      Through our work, we have found that schools, parents, and the wider society still have much to learn about supporting children in non-traditional families through their experiences, which can be upsetting. The distress is not related to the type of family children have, but because of stigmatization, inadequate communication, and lack of understanding, mainly from those on the periphery of home.
      So, for example, many children with LGBTQ parents have been stigmatized in school, by society, and sometimes by wider family. When we interviewed children of lesbian mothers born in the mid-1960s when they were young adults, almost half reported being teased or bullied as teenagers.
      Stigmatization burdens children
      “I wasn’t allowed to go to my friend’s house anymore,” said Anna. “Her mum and dad forbade me from going anywhere near, and that hurt me because she had been my best friend for a long, long time. I lost that friend. And then, of course, there was a chain reaction. Everybody found out. They said, ‘Don’t go near her, she’ll turn out like her mum.’”
      John was bullied when schoolmates found out about his lesbian mom. “School was one big nightmare really, because I got picked on so much,” he explained. “I had cigarettes stubbed out on the back of my neck, and high-heeled shoes thrown at me, and a bit of hair cut off, and my head chucked down the loo, and that sort of thing.”
      Children have felt the need to clam up about their families because of widespread prejudice. Stacey explained: “My brother and I knew some people in our school that had gay and lesbian parents and that did get bullied quite a lot, and that scared us from telling people. So, we never told anyone. It was hard keeping secrets.”

      “Schools, parents, and wider society still have a lot to learn about supporting children through their experiences.”

      Effective school challenges to prejudice
      Schools must create a positive, supportive environment for such children. It pays off. Carol, 14, highlighted helpful action by her school: “Basically, they spread the word how it’s not very good to say, ‘Oh this is so gay’ or ‘that’s so gay,’ even though it’s used as a different meaning. They tell them that’s wrong and why you shouldn’t say that.” Mike, 17, recalled how a new English teacher, who was gay, made a difference: “He has one of the Stonewall ‘Some People Are Gay, Get Over It’ posters in his classroom. Just seeing the poster in his room is really cool.” As part of our research project, the UK campaign for equality of LGBTQ people, Stonewall, published 10 recommendations from children on how schools can support them and their same-sex parents.
      Children of transgender parents have been bullied and teased in similar ways, and inclusive attitudes by schools can help them. Wendy explained: “I put my hand up and said, ‘I don’t have a dad because my dad’s transgender,’ and I got an award for it ‘cos it was actually really brave of me to say.”
      Tell children what’s happening
      Parents also should consider being more open about what is happening in their families. “It would have helped if he had explained things a bit better,” said Henry, 18, reflecting on when his father transitioned to being a woman. “It wasn’t so much him wearing dresses, but more him being a bit manic and doing strange things.” Chris, 18, advised other children in a similar situation: “Try to get them to communicate with you as much as possible because it’s worse if things are happening and you don’t know why.”
      Children tend to accept, in a matter of fact way, their father’s or mother’s change of gender if it happened while they were little or a long time ago. “Chloe’s always been Chloe,” said Susanna, 14, who was a toddler when her father transitioned. “I don’t remember when it actually happened, so it’s basically been for as long as I remember.”
      Experiencing transition can worry them
       But some children find it difficult when they experience a parent’s transition. They can have fears of loss, which typically pass, but which can be very real during gender transition. Jade, who was six when her father transitioned, was upset about losing her dad: “When she transitioned, I felt like there was a hole in my heart because I missed my dad and every time somebody talked about their dad, I got really upset.” But she grew more accepting. At age nine, Jade reflected: “When she transitioned, it made her a lot happier ‘cos, when she was a boy, she was really unhappy. Ever since she’s transitioned, she’s come home from work, hugged us, and been really happy. It’s changed a lot since she transitioned.”
      Another upset can be rejection of parents by their wider family, so children lose contact with some relatives. Theresa, whose father transitioned when she was six, explained: “People on my mum’s side of the family really struggle with it. Her parents and brothers, and basically everyone over there, cut us off. It made me sad and kind of angry because it’s really no reason to be horrible.”

      “When children found out later, as teenagers or adults, they felt more negatively about how they were conceived and their relationship with their parents.”

      Children should not have to explain their families
      Children may also feel responsible for explaining to the outside world issues such as gender transition. “My problem,” explained Susanna, “has been having to explain to other people constantly because no one really understands.” Josh reported: “Sometimes, random people ask me questions and I have to explain to them. That gets tiring for me.”
      Our research has highlighted issues for children born through assisted reproductive technologies, such as egg, sperm, and embryo donation, or surrogacy. Some children as young as two or three years might ask of a single mother by choice: “Do I have a daddy? Where is he?” Some – but by no means all – especially as they get into their teens, are eager to fill a gap in knowledge about themselves by finding out more about their donor, surrogate, and any half-siblings born to the same donor or surrogate.
      “It’s important to me now . . . I’m always thinking about what she looks like,” explained Sarah, 14, who was born through egg donation. Alex, 14, conceived by sperm donation, said: “I would like to know who he is . . . quite a lot . . . Recently a lot more than I used to.”
      Tell children early about their origins
      We have found that it is generally better to start talking to children early about how they were conceived and born. Children who find out later, as teenagers or adults, tend to feel more negatively about how they were conceived and in their relationships with their parents than children who have had the conversation about their beginnings early. Many parents hold off telling their children, fearing that the children will love them less. However, these fears are unfounded because children who are told early tend to be very accepting, often not particularly interested, and unshocked by learning more as they grow older.
      The risks of not disclosing this information to children have grown with the advent of ancestry sites offering DNA tests, which can suddenly lead unsuspecting children to discover half-siblings and relatives of whom they had no inkling. Children may find their identities destabilized, and learning about their beginnings in this way can undermine their trust in their parents.
      The story of new forms of family is largely good news, of children flourishing, much as we might expect them to do in traditional families, and sometimes doing even better. The composition of their family does not upset them. It is other factors, such as people’s reactions to their family or the lack of information about their origins, that cause them distress. The solutions lie in better understanding, greater societal acceptance of diverse families, swift challenges to prejudice, and openness within families about where their much-wanted children came from. More

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      in Parenting

      Making Career Exploration For Elementary Students Fun

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      Planning a career isn’t high on most children’s priority list. Still, most children dream of an exciting future. As parents we get the chance to plant and nurture the seeds of ambition that can help big childhood dreams blossom into lifelong passions. Career exploration for elementary students shouldn’t be a chore. Use these simple tactics for harnessing the power of a child’s imagination and making career exploration activities fun. This should be about kids being exposed to lots of good career options so that they can naturally be drawn to the one that is right for them. Here are five fun ideas for career exploration for elementary students.
      It is important to recognize that it is ok for children to change their minds frequently about what they want to be when they grow up. My daughter wanted to be an artist, a fire fighter, a paleontologist, a rocket scientist, a statistician, and now she wants to be an engineer. My son wanted to be a trash man, a football player, and now he wants to be a video game designer.
      Inspire Your Child Through Career Exploration For Elementary Students

      1. Career Exploration Games For Elementary Students
      Play Games That Role Play Careers. Young kids love role play games like doctor or veterinarian or cops or restaurant or court of law. These games are fun for kids and these role play games show that they are starting to thinking about what various jobs do.
      Try Video Games. It’s no secret that casual video gaming can become addictive – so why not let kids learn while they play? Whether a child dreams of becoming a pilot, a fashion designer or a world-class chef, there’s a game that’ll teach the basics. And thanks to the widespread success of the “freemium” business model, most of these games are free to try – making it easy for young dabblers to explore all sorts of topics to their hearts’ content. In fact, even a passion for video games themselves can lead to a well-paying career.
      Board Games. There are so many board games and they can provide exposure to all sorts of careers. CLUE may give your child an idea of what a detective does. Madame President may help your child understand what a politician does. Monopoly helps kids see what a real estate baron does. There is even a board game called Careers.
      Games can serve as excellent indicators of where a kid’s heart is.
      2. Provide Real Heroes
      Comic-book superheroes are more popular than ever before, but the pages of science and art books are filled with their own inspiring tales of real-life crusaders. Helping a child relate his or her personal quirks to, say, young Picasso’s struggles against the artistic establishment, or to Bill Gates’ high-school obsession with computer tinkering, doesn’t only set the bar high; it serves as a reminder that it’s OK to stand out from the crowd. Real life role models or heroes show that hard work and persistence can turn even the wildest dreams into realistic plans of action.
      One way to provide real heroes like these is to discuss the ones you hear about in the news. Another is to read biographies about famous people written for children. Kids love reading together and it will be fun to see what parts interest them the most.

      I think this was when my daughter first decided she wanted to be a fire fighter when she grew up!
      3. Encourage Career Investigation
      At some point, every parent gets tired of answering that endless barrage of “what?” “how?” and “why?”. That’s why it’s crucial to give kids the tools they’ll need to investigate their questions on their own – from basic search-engine savvy to critical and lateral thinking skills. Not only will these problem-solving tactics prove useful for school research projects; they’ll foster an inquisitive mindset that’ll naturally draw kids toward fields that interest them. What’s more, a nose for investigation comes in handy in any career, from corporate accounting to nuclear physics.
      4. Join a Group
      No matter what a child’s passion is, there’s bound to be a group of other kids interested in the same topic. Beyond school clubs, organizations like the National Association for Gifted Children and Boys and Girls Clubs of America offer seminars and field trips for curious youngsters. And there’s nothing stopping high-schoolers from signing up for local meetups of creative writers or computer programmers or trail hikers. Don’t worry too much if a group isn’t explicitly career-oriented – hanging out with like-minded hobbyists will still help boost a kid’s confidence and skill. Besides, a little networking practice never hurts! Skill focused summer camps are also a great idea.

      5. Integrate Work and Play
      As the old saying goes, “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” In other words, work feels like play when it’s fueled by a genuine desire – to achieve a milestone, to express an idea, or to understand the world more fully. World-class athletes, artists and scientists succeed because their work is an integral part of their day-to-day life; left to their own devices, they’d still be doing what they do best. Bring this attitude into a child’s life, and all the other pieces will fall into place naturally. Help kids to see what careers match their natural talents and interests.
      If they like dinosaurs talk them about what a paleontologist does. If they like animals, talk to them about what a vet does. Read books together about the things that interest them.
      Conclusion
      Career exploration for elementary students is just about showing them different career options. You are showing them that there are lots of doors available so that they can open one of those doors someday. As a child, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as an engineer so I didn’t even know that was a career choice. This phase of career exploration is just about opening their mind to possibilities. As your child begins to chose a career that interest them, don’t forget to encourage your child to dream big and work to reach their goals!
      What are some of your favorite career exploration tips for kids?
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      10 Qualities of a Role Model More

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      in Children

      How parents can support children’s learning at home

      by

      With no advance notice, children and teachers were thrust into using online learning during the COVID-19 pandemic, a crisis that is far from over. Those who are self-isolating face the prospect of distance learning for the foreseeable future; for others, positive COVID-19 test results or COVID-19 symptoms combined with the absence of testing will mean significant periods of time away from school. And as we face a second wave of the disease, many schools could close for long periods yet again.
      What do child development scientists have to say to parents who are tackling the issue of learning at home? We asked members of the Scientists’ Alliance for Communicating Child Development Knowledge, who provided a wealth of insights.
      Parents are the main influence on learning, but the pressures are great
      Parents are the main influence on learning, writes Jennifer Lansford on the Child & Family Blog. “Demonstrate to your children the value of education – that’s one of the most important ways a parent can encourage their learning.” But, as Suniya Luthar writes on our blog, the pressures on children at home are great. “In our research, by far the most important factor predicting anxiety and depression in children was low quality of relationship with parents. Following this was lack of structure to the day (separating time for leisure or fun), and high levels of distraction or inability to focus on schoolwork.”
      Photo: ADR. Creative Commons.

      Children learn through play and curiosity: an opportunity for parents
      During the COVID-19 pandemic, parents may feel pressure to teach children in traditional school-based ways. Yet there is nothing wrong with learning in playful ways that keep children’s interest and invite them to have fun at the same time. Numerous studies suggest that learning is a fundamental part of what occurs during play: Playing and learning are inextricably linked. For children, playing with adults is likely to be even more enriching.
      Play helps children explore a wide variety of emotions, and not just pleasant ones like excitement and joy. These experiences help children grow emotionally and cognitively. What’s more, children are aware that they are learning through play, and a study of 400 children showed that many of them thought the worlds of play and learning overlap in many ways.
      Lockdown learning through play can help build on children’s natural ways of learning by building on their curiosity and self-direction. Play with family members could also be essential for mitigating the loss of learning related to the pandemic, particularly for disadvantaged children.
      At the same time, playing with children is important for reducing stress and improving mental health among parents and caregivers.
      Photo: Unsplash.

      Top tips for parents on home learning
      The Internet features great material advising parents what to do. Below is a guide to it all. Another good place to start is asking children what was good and bad about the lockdown from March to June because, as Roberta Golinkoff and Marcia Halperin explain, children have insights on the benefits and challenges of remote learning: Just ask them.
      One of our favorite resources is Jelena Obradović’s tip sheet for parents supporting online learning at home. The sheet covers the themes of learning spaces, daily schedules, routines, goals and progress, as well as managing frustrations and ensuring closeness and connection. We have reproduced this sheet here:

      Learning Space
      Find a space in your home that can be used every day for distance learning.
      If the space is shared, create a cardboard or cloth separation to minimize noise and distractions.
      Offer your child the chance to decorate this space to feel welcoming (draw a sign, bring a favorite pillow, etc.).
      Make sure the space includes essential learning materials. Ask teachers for help.
      Daily Schedule
      Understand what teachers expect from your child. Email, call, or text to clarify.
      Write a simple list of activities that your child needs to complete each day.
      Include breaks for snacks, physical activity, wiggles or stretches, and free choice time. Younger children will need more breaks.
      Encourage your child to decorate the schedule and post it in their space.
      Revise to fit your family’s needs. Be flexible.
      Predictable Routine
      Start early when your child is rested.
      Review the daily schedule and make sure your child understands it (e.g., first you will…, then you can…).
      Help your child build independence (e.g., learn to prepare their own snack, troubleshoot computer problems).
      Let your child know when and how they can ask for help.
      Keep regular sleep times.
      Goals & Progress
      Together with your child, set behavioral expectations and review them daily.
      Set goals and timelines that your child can complete. It’s about progress, not perfection.
      Teach your child to use a timer to stay focused for a period of time. Start small!
      Mark daily progress (even on not-so-good days) with stickers, pennies, pebbles, etc.
      Use your child’s favorite activities as rewards for showing effort and progress.
      Managing Frustrations
      Use simple calming strategies: counting to 10, taking deep breaths, a short break.
      Help your child describe the problem and express their feelings (I feel…, when…).
      Together, come up with a potential solution and connect it to previously set expectations.
      Explain how the child’s behavior is linked to consequences. Set gentle and firm limits.
      Assume that everyone is trying their best. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with others.
      Ask teachers and others for help.
      Closeness & Connection
      Start each day with a brief joyful experience: a fun greeting, song, dance.
      Create opportunities for your child to be helpful (e.g., household chores, cooking prep, reading to siblings).
      Each day, try to connect with your child without any distractions. Highlight positive experiences. If you have time, do a fun activity together that the child selects.
      Create opportunities for your child to share their worries, and provide reassurance.

      You can download the tip sheet in English, Arabic, Cantonese, Filipino, Mandarin, Portuguese, Spanish, Urdu, and Vietnamese here.
      Photo: David Brookes. Creative Commons.

       
      We found more tips from other researchers.
      Learning space 
      If possible, dedicate a specific device to learning. (NPR, How to turn your home into a school without losing your sanity)
      Schedule and routine
      Plan the day together, including when to do activities. Engaging children in creating a schedule helps build their self-awareness and motivation. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Have a good shake at the end of the day! (NPR, How To Turn Your Home Into A School Without Losing Your Sanity)
      Be a good role model: Parents should stick to their own routine, too! (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Managing frustrations 
      When children aren’t motivated to learn, parents and caregivers can make it more fun by incorporating documentaries, or changing the topic and giving children the choice to return to the work later. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      It is important for parents to manage their own emotions because children can’t learn in high-stress environments. In doing this, adults provide the conditions necessary to learn. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Working with teachers
      Schedule time with teachers, both to clarify what is expected of your child and to make use of available teaching resources. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Consider if your child can join meetings with the teacher. This can help children feel more motivated and closer to the teacher. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Be specific with questions when meeting with teachers. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Doing things with your child
      Break down tasks into bite-sized pieces. (APA, Recommendations on starting school during the COVID-19 pandemic)
      Friends and family can help with teaching, especially if parents don’t feel comfortable with certain topics. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      When parents aren’t sure about something, they can model problem solving with their children. By working out something together, they help improve children’s practical problem-solving skills, which shapes the way they approach future challenges. (Cathie Tamis-Lemonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Make learning meaningful. If children don’t understand why they’re learning something or why it’s important or useful, they can easily disengage from the material. Other ways to make information applicable to students’ lives are to include material relevant to students’ race, culture, and ethnicity. (APA, Recommendations on Starting School during the COVID-19 pandemic)
      Learning style
      Allow children to use a variety of approaches for completing tasks and solving problems. The strategies they have been taught may not be the only or best ways to answer a specific question or solve a particular problem. (APA, Recommendations on starting school during the COVID-19 pandemic)
      By asking your child to teach you the content he or she has just learned, it will be easier to identify gaps. Parents can then work with teachers on these gaps. (Cathie Tamis-LeMonda & Erin Bogan, The science of learning and teaching at home during Covid-19)
      Photo: Unsplash.

      Header photo: Nenad Stojkovic. Creative Commons.  More

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      in Parenting

      Sports For Kids And How To Encourage Your Young Athlete

      by

      Sports for kids are an important part of growing up.  Young athletes are learning more than just good exercise behaviors.  Here’s why sports are good for kids and how to encourage sports in youth. Don’t worry, there are lots of sports for kids to get involved in so there is a sport for every child.

      Sports For Kids
      Fall Sports include: Football, Golf, Cross Country, Rifle, Cheer, Crew
      Winter Sports include: Basketball, Swimming & Diving, Wrestling, Hockey, Skiing, Ice Skating, and Bowling
      Spring Sports include: Crew, Lacrosse, Baseball, Soccer, Track & Field, Tennis, Shotgun 
      Summer Sports include: Beach Volleyball, Frisbee Golf, Surfing, Skateboarding, and Biking
      And you can probably still think of more sports for kids which are hard to break down by season such as gymnastics and dance. The point is there are so many ways to get your child active and involved in a team.  See what they gravitate towards. They might need to try several option before they find where their natural talent and interests lie.

      Kids First Sports
      Some of the most popular options for kids first sports are tee ball, flag football, soccer, and basketball.  My son and daughter both started with tee ball and soccer.  Then my son progressed to flag football, basketball, cross country, and track.
      Why Sports Are Good For Kids:
      Sports are a great way to get physical exercise for children and according to Kids Health that is so important to building strong bones and muscles. Because sports are fun, they make exercise fun and ensure that it happens. Besides building strength, endurance, and flexibility, kids will be getting aerobic activity which is great for their heart and lungs.
      Sports for kids offer so much more than just physical fitness benefits though. Kids will also be working in groups, developing social skills and a concept of being part of a team. They will be learning how to be lead and what makes good role models. Sports for kids help them build self-confidence and find a tribe where they belong. They will learn what defeat feels like and what winning feels like. Kids will learn that winning takes effort and practice. That is just a few of the reasons why sports should be encouraged. There are so many benefits of team sports!
      How To Encourage Sports In Youth:
      Even with all these reasons why sports are good for kids, you may still have a child who can’t seem to find their niche or just doesn’t feel athletic. Here is how to encourage a child in sports.
      As a parent, sometimes we want our kids to be the best and well, he just isn’t. That is OK. They don’t need to be the most athletic child on the team to still be benefiting from the sport. Your child needs your support and encouragement to succeed.
      That kids who seems like a natural probably has had a lot of encouragement for a long time. I mean both in terms of the parent actively practicing with the child and showing approval and pride in their efforts. Here’s how you can do that too.
      Do you understand how your young athlete receives love and encouragement? In 2007, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages.  His premise is that every person has one love language that speaks more loudly and deeply to him or her.  The love languages are: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, giving and receiving gifts, and acts of service. To your child, one of those speaks of your love more clearly than the others. Determining which love language, will help you communicate encouragement to your child in a way he truly hears. It will allow you to effectively communicate your support for your young athlete in a way that will make him feel proud and inspire him to keep improving.

      PHYSICAL TOUCH
      Some athletes respond to a hug of excitement after a good game or a hug of consolation after a bad one. Do you know if your child is one of those?  Mine weren’t. Hugging was the last thing they wanted from me after a game. My job was not to take that personally and to find out what they did want from me.  If your child is a hugger, then by all means, hug them before, after games, and often in between.
      WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
      Maybe your athlete only needs to hear he did a good job. He worked hard. He is improving. He’s a leader on the field. If words of affirmation are his love language, then be frequent with your encouragement, avoiding fluffy flattery and focusing on words that are sincere and heartfelt.
      QUALITY TIME
      Some kids just want your undivided attention. They want you to play catch with them, shoot baskets with them, take them to the batting cages, and of course, come to their games. Spending quality time with them is enough to fill their love tanks.
      GIVING & RECEIVING GIFTS
      Parents are tempted to speak this language almost exclusively because it’s easy. But the fact is, some kids do not feel loved by the gifts showered on them. Although gift giving is not the love language of all kids, for some it speaks loudly of love.  A new bat, sports bag, glove, basketball. A volleyball net in the back yard. Or think outside the norm and hide small gifts in their lunch or sports bag. When a youth athlete knows his needs are met above and beyond, he feels loved.
      ACT OF SERVICE
      As our kids grow, we strive to teach them independence. They learn to wash their own clothes, help with chores, make their own lunches, clean out the car.  This is as it should be.  When we know that our child’s love language is acts of service, we should’t feel we are robbing them of their chance to learn independence when we serve them. When we do acts of service as an expression of love with a caring attitude, rather than a duty, we are communicating love.  Go ahead, wash her uniform for her while she does her homework. Clean her room while she’s away on a team trip. Make her lunch when she’s had a rough night of practice. Not all the time of course.  Acts of service are gifts and we don’t have to give gifts all the time.
      Our young athletes need to receive love in all five languages, but focusing on the primary love language of your child will fill his love tank much quicker and more effectively. This means your encouragement will really sink in.
      Conclusion
      There are so many sports for kids to become involved in. Try a few different ones to help your child find one they enjoy. There are so many reasons why sports are good for kids and it worth the effort to get them involved. Make sure to practice with your child when possible. Encourage youth in sports to help them reach their potential.
      Related Posts:
      Win Or Loss: How To Talk to Your Child After A Sports Game
      Sports: An Activity The Whole Family Can Enjoy
      Three Great Lessons from the Olympics More

    • 188 Shares139 Views

      in Children

      Parents are the greatest influence on children’s learning, but how can this influence be harnessed?

      by

      Demonstrate to your children the value of education – that’s one of the most important ways a parent can encourage their learning. This is true the world over, although parents have various ways to highlight this value. If parents succeed in convincing their children of the importance of education and can mobilize the resources to provide support, children typically stay in school and do well.
      Many of the important contributions from parents do not require money or qualifications. Support can begin with a simple question: “What are you learning about at school?” Parents can bring an extra perspective to what children are studying: “I don’t know if you have heard about this…?” can open a discussion. For example, parents might mention climate change and ask how it fits in with, say, science at school. They can extend what the child is doing in class and bring it home: “What do you think we can do? Can we recycle?” These conversations express that parents value education and support their children.

      “Parental involvement in children’s education is important in every country. However, the way that involvement takes place varies greatly.”

      Parents also set an example. They can let children see them reading for themselves, so parents are not always on their phones and do not leave a television on constantly in the background. Reading with children, especially in the early years, is highly beneficial. But if parents have low literacy skills, just talking with children and telling them stories, even if not from a book, help build language skills.
      Parental involvement varies globally
      Parental involvement in children’s education is important in every country. However, the way that involvement takes place varies greatly. In some low-income countries, where even low school fees for uniforms, books, or transport can break the family budget, parents show their commitment to their children’s learning by making considerable sacrifices to meet the costs. Sometimes, they manage it only for some members of the family: Perhaps the younger siblings are sent to school while the older ones work to pay the expenses. In Kenya, the best schools tend to be boarding, with children living away from home for many months. If they can, parents show how they value education by paying the fees even though that means losing out on face-to-face childrearing.
      In the United States, one of the most important parental contributions to children’s learning is choosing where the family lives. There are thousands of individual school systems, with different books, curricula, and pedagogical strategies; Americans with financial resources often decide where to make their homes based on the school system they want for their children. The location of a school matters much less in China, where schools are more standardized, and where there is a national curriculum and national pedagogical strategies and textbooks. Parents in China and other Asian countries such as the Philippines and Thailand tend to focus more on home support, helping with homework and making sure that children have a designated time and place to study.
      Photo: Pass the Torch. Creative Commons.

      Mobilizing parents’ educational input
      How can formal education use parents effectively – harness their social capital – for learning? Cultural norms vary. In some places, such as the United States, parents are  expected to volunteer in their children’s classrooms, work at book fairs or other events, or help with fundraising. Jordan has mandatory parents’ councils, which involve parents directly with administrators and teachers. Many countries have variations of this concept. Sometimes the goal is for teachers to communicate what is happening in the classroom and guide parents on how they can support their children’s learning. These initiatives generally work better if they are universally available and non-stigmatizing, rather than focusing solely on parents of children who are struggling. However, some countries (e.g., China) have eschewed these models and generally, parents are not seen in classrooms or at schools there.
      Few models harness the support fathers can bring to their children’s education – in fact, much of the research and practice related to parental involvement focuses on mothers. But some countries have recognized the potential of involving fathers. In Jordan, when organizers of a parenting program saw that success mainly involved mothers, imams were recruited to spread messages about parenting to dads at Friday prayers.
      The greatest influence is at home 
      Home is typically where parents make the most difference in their children’s education. Parents often ask how much help they should give with homework. It is good to lend a hand if children are struggling at school, with the parent acting like a tutor to help children understand or practice reading with text support. But some parents go too far and take over, making children feel that they cannot do it on their own. Children need to feel efficacious.
      School learning systems can clash with family and cultural systems. This is true where schools adopt, for example, English or French as the language of instruction, when children are fluent in different mother tongues and much less able to communicate in these other languages. In the Philippines, for example, new laws require instruction during primary school in mother tongue languages because many parents were uncomfortable with the main languages being English or Filipino, which prevented them from being involved in their children’s education. In many countries, language policy has disconnected learning at school from interactions at home and hindered parents’ ability to be involved in their children’s education.

      “A major issue in education – which parents can influence considerably – is maintaining children’s mental health and well-being.”

      Parents can support mental health
      A major issue in education – which parents can influence considerably – is maintaining children’s mental health and well-being. Placing a high emphasis on academic achievement can lead to anxiety and symptoms of depression in children. This often occurs where high-stakes examinations provide a narrow gateway to further opportunities, perhaps because a country has limited resources for funding education or elite institutions cherry-pick students.
      High-stakes testing, particularly in Asian countries, fosters concerns that academic success is achieved at the expense of children’s mental health. Sweden offers a contrasting example, thanks partly to its wealth, with a good intersection between family values and the school system: Both support students having varied paths of study that reflect their individual interests. And Sweden does not have the barriers to higher education found in some countries, which generate so much examination anxiety.
      It is much easier to highlight parental practices – such as physical punishment – that are universally bad for children than it is to identify evidence on which practices are universally good. But the level of variation suggests that parents and education systems should look elsewhere and ask: “Should we try that here?”
      Header photo: Nenad Stojkovic. Creative Commons. More