Evelyn Reynolds

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    in Parenting

    How To Increase Breast Milk Naturally At Home

    Breastfeeding mamas often place a lot of emphasis on how much milk they are producing and tend to worry about whether it is enough for their baby. Keeping track of nursing sessions or pumped bottles can be stressful! However, it’s helpful to consider the quality of your milk in addition to your breast milk production quantity. In most cases, your body does a fantastic job of including all the nutrients your little one needs. This is assuming you are taking good care of your own health and body. Here are five suggestions for how to increase breast milk naturally at home.

    These breastfeeding tips from one mom to another are meant to help your body perform its best. However, this article is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It is important to speak a qualified doctor if you have any concerns about yourself or your baby’s health or weight. Furthermore, you may also find a professional lactation consultant helpful.

    5 Breastfeeding Tips For Producing More Milk For Your Baby

    We’ve rounded up a few helpful tips on how to produce more breast milk—hopefully putting your mind at ease and assisting you in having a long, successful breastfeeding journey! 

    If you have a breastfed baby, fed either by nursing or pumping, milk production is probably at the forefront of your mind. These easy-to-incorporate tips should help with both breastmilk amount and composition. It is a common concern for a new mom to worry about low milk supply. The good news is that there are natural ways to boost production of breast milk.

    1. Increase Milk Removal.

    The number one solution for how to produce more breast milk is increased milk removal. More milk removal can be done by nursing more often or pumping more often. Pumping can refer to an electric breast pump or a hand held breast pump.

    Milk production is based on supply and demand. If you skip a pumping or nursing session and milk isn’t removed from your breasts, it signals to your body that it doesn’t need to produce as much. Similarly, your body is signaled to produce more if you increase removal! The key is to remember to achieve a “let down” with each removal. A letdown is the trigger your body needs to maintain or increase its supply.

    Try offering a nursing session more often, or adding additional pumping sessions. You can find out more about how often you should nurse or pump for your child’s specific age by talking with baby’s doctor or lactation expert, and reviewing these guidelines.  

    2. Consider Power Pumping.

    If your baby isn’t interested in breastfeeding more, you can always power pump or pump in between sessions. Power pumping typically follows a set of guidelines. They are: pump 20 minutes, rest for 10, pump 10 minutes, rest for 10, pump 10 mins. You may want to consider adding in a pumping session if you still feel like you have milk leftover after nursing, you miss a feeding, or you simply want to boost your supply. 

    Power pumping essentially fools your body into thinking that the breasts are being drained of milk quickly and often, telling it to make more milk ASAP! Emptying the breast to get that rich hindmilk helps to produce high-fat content bottles as well.  

    3. Focus On A Healthy Diet.

    One of the most important breastfeeding tips for producing more milk is that a well balanced diet is best. Carefully considering your diet can not only help with production but in making your milk fattier too. For mothers wondering how to make breastmilk fattier, think about a typical day of eating. Calorie-rich breastmilk is supported by healthy dietary fats like avocado, salmon, seeds, and eggs.

    You should absolutely be staying hydrated. It is a good idea to have a water bottle handy at all times to ensure you are getting enough fluids.

    You could also consider adding lactogenic foods, lactation treats, drinks, or breastfeeding supplements to increase milk supply. There are various galactagoguesnursing mothers can use, from lactation cookies to lactation teas. Some may be more successful for you than others.  

    Popular dietary additions include: 

    A bowl of oatmealFenugreek seedsFennel seedsGingerBrewer’s yeastAshwagandhaAlfalfaGarlicSpirulinaCumin seedsRaspberry leaf tea

    Safety Notes:

    Blessed thistle and milk thistle are thought to be a good way to boost milk production, however, they are likely unsafe while pregnant. Be sure to check with your obstetrician or pediatrician before ingesting anything if you are pregnant or your baby will be consuming your breastmilk. Also, it is best to try home remedies that you are familiar with first. For example, if a simple bowl of oatmeal might help, then you can avoid trying herbal supplements that you are unfamiliar with. You don’t want to risk an allergic reaction. Therefore, stick to things you know your body does well with.

    Photo Credit: Katie Emslie

    4. Nurse From Both Breasts.

    This tip can be a bit “hit-or-miss,” but it works for some mothers. Generally, you want to drain a breast for your baby to receive the rich, fatty hindmilk. However, if your baby only takes one side at each feeding, your overall supply might be lower. 

    Instead, you can try waiting until your baby naturally slows or stops during a feeding and then offer your second breast. Stimulating both breasts each session should boost your supply. Using an electric double pump can be worthwhile if you pump your breast milk. Simultaneously removing milk from your breasts has effectively increased milk production for some women. 

    5. Get Hands-On.

    If you’re having trouble achieving a letdown while nursing or pumping, you could be failing to remove milk from your breasts effectively. Breast massage and warmth might be able to help! An easy way to do this is with your hands. 

    You can use your hands while you pump with an electric pump. Nursing mothers can use a breastfeeding support pillow to help free up their hands. Then, gently massage your breasts with warm hands. This can help trigger a letdown sooner and relax your body, letting the milk flow. Consider using a warm washcloth or compress on your breasts just before nursing or pumping if this is too tricky. 

    I personally had problems with getting enough milk when I was pumping. Skin contact with my baby was helpful if baby was nearby. When apart, I found that warmth on my nipples before pumping helped a lot. In addition having a photo of my baby close by was the best way to stimulate the let down or even to picture baby in my mind and imagine she was breastfeeding.

    A Bountiful & Beautiful Breastfeeding Journey

    We hope these tips have been helpful in how to increase breast milk naturally at home and improve its quality too. New mothers should also remember to relax as stress is detrimental to milk supply. We know it’s not always easy, but hopefully, your breastfeeding journey will become smoother and less worrisome by implementing some or all of these tips. Know that any amount of breastmilk for any length of time is beneficial. You’re doing fantastic, breastfeeding mama! 

    I wish you a healthy supply of breast milk! Have you tried any of these breastfeeding tips for producing more milk? Which ones work well for you?

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    Importance Of Breastfeeding For Health And Development

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    in Parenting

    Breaking Barriers In Honor of International Women’s Day

    Every year, March 8th is set aside to honor women, girls, and their limitless potential on International Women’s Day. This global day of celebration has been in existence since the early 20th century. It seeks to bring awareness to various causes related to gender equality and women’s rights. International Womens Day is a great way to honor women who have broken bias and allowed us all to have more freedom. It is also a great way to empower young girls and inspire them in breaking barriers to their own success.

    Today I am excited to have Ramita Anand share a guest post with us for International Women’s Day. She is the founder of the educational mentorship program Elevate.RA. She is also the author a new book, Girl Elevated, (my affiliate link is below). This book is the culmination of more than 15 years of work in education and special learning support. She aims to break the cycle of self-doubt and insecurity that hinders girls both personally and academically.

    What Does International Womens Day Mean To You?

    by Ramita Anand

    For the first several decades of its existence, International Women’s Day was celebrated differently in many countries. In 1977, the United Nations adopted it to help turn it into a mainstream global holiday. For the last several years, the organizers have created a yearly theme to help focus advocacy, policy, and charity work. This theme helps create a shared focus or topic that celebrants can rally behind. This is essential since the lives and experiences of women and girls are so different depending on where they live in the world. 

    #BreakTheBias

    This year, the theme of International Women’s Day is breaking biases, and imagining a gender-equal world free of stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination. For many girls, these biases come into their consciousness when they’re young and color their behavior for the rest of their life. Research has shown that many of our most influential biases are already in place before elementary school. Fortunately, they can be unlearned.  

    Helping Our Daughters Unlearn Gender Bias

    In honor of this year’s International Women’s Day, let’s talk about the biases that most affect our daughters. Let’s take a look at how we can empower them to fight against the stereotypes and labels that so often get in the way of their success. 

    One of the biases that I’m so passionate about overturning is that a learning difference or challenge means that a girl cannot succeed in formal education. Even though girls are equally likely to be diagnosed with a learning disability like ADHD or dyslexia, they are less likely to receive specialized treatment under the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA). It was recently revealed that 18% of male students received special services under IDEA. However, only 10% of female students receive the same.  

    As a parent, you can be your daughter’s advocate to help her get the services she needs. Additionally, there are many programs and tools designed to help girls access their strengths and navigate any anxieties they have around their education. 

    4 Ways to Help Empower Young Girls To Break The Barriers

    There are lots of forces out there in the world trying to tell our daughters that they are less intelligent and less capable than their peers, especially if those peers are male. 

    Many parents struggle to understand how to empower young girls to break down barriers and stereotypes that are unjust. Today, I’ll share some of my best suggestions for ways to empower your daughter and help her thrive, especially if she’s dealing with a learning difference. 

    Be an advocate 

    Many times, girls with learning disabilities don’t find out until later in life because the diagnosing criteria are based on more noticeable symptoms exhibited by boys. If you suspect that your child is having a difficult time and may be struggling with a learning disability, be their advocate until they can get the appropriate help.    

    Involve your child in decision-making as early as possible 

    A great way to help your daughter feel more empowered to tackle her studies despite her learning difference is to get her involved in the decision-making process as early as possible. Explain to her the benefits of specific actions, and show her how they can help. This will help her feel more in control of her own academic future. 

    Keep lines of communication open 

    Encouraging your daughter to share her thoughts and feelings with you on a regular basis will help her develop much-needed emotional intelligence. As you learn more about her day-to-day life and how she is handling her learning disability, it will help you better advocate for their needs. 

    Be positive

    Our kids take many of their cues from us, especially in the early years. If they can see you being positive and forward-thinking instead of giving in to frustration, it will help them model these behaviors in their own life. 

    This International Women’s Day, take the time to reflect on how you can embody the themes of this year. Use them to help your daughter embrace her power.  

    Thanks again to Ramita Anand, founder of Elevate.RA, an educational mentoring service. I hope you found her message to be an inspiration. It is so important to support girls in breaking barriers that are unfair and hinder their success. Low self-esteem and a lack of confidence disproportionately affect our girls. Therefore, I really appreciate her tips for fighting against this common problem.

    I am thankful for all the women who fought to the break the barriers that stood in our way and provide women with equal rights. What does international women’s day mean to you?

    Related Posts:

    Using Stories to Teach Lessons and Inspire Your Children

    Empowering Quotes for Women

    A Look at Gender Specific Parenting vs. Gender Neutral Parenting More

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    in Children

    The best books to help children understand divorce

    It is regularly quoted that close to 50% of marriages end in divorce, but for the families behind the statistics it is incredibly new and unsettling. For children, it can be an especially confusing and worrying time. Reading books about divorce and separation with your child is a helpful way to support them through divorce, explain what’s happening now and prepare for the future.
    By exploring the themes through the eyes of other children in age appropriate books they can better understand their circumstances and emotions, and feel reassured that they are not alone, it’s not that fault and that change can be for the better.
    I have seen the positive impact reading can have on children dealing with the divorce process. Here is a list of books that I have used when working with clients and their children:
    Books for older children (recommended 9+)
    The Suitcase Kid by Jacqueline Wilson
    When my parents split up they didn’t know what to do with me . . . My family always lived at Mulberry Cottage. Mum, Dad, me – and Radish, my Sylvanian rabbit. But now Mum lives with Bill the Baboon and his three kids. Dad lives with Carrie and her twins. And where do I live? I live out of a suitcase. One week with Mum’s new family, one week with Dad’s.
    Deals with: having two homes, blended families
    Goggle Eyes by Anne Fine
    Kitty Killin is not only a good storyteller but also the World’s Greatest Expert when it comes to mothers having new and unwanted boyfriends. Particularly when there’s a danger they might turn into new and unwanted stepfathers…
    Deals with: new partners, step-parents
    Mum, Dad Can You Hear Me? By Despina Mavridou
    Irene, is a 10-year-old girl whose parents are getting a divorce. In the midst of her confusion and helplessness, Irene turns to her diary to express her feelings and better process her parents’ divorce. With the help of her grandmother and her teddy bear she finds a way to make her parents listen to her.
    Deals with: expressing emotions
    Clean Break by Jacqueline Wilson
    Em adores her funny, glamorous dad – who cares if he’s not her real father? He’s wonderful to her, and to her little brother Maxie and sister Vita. True to form at Christmas, Dad gives them fantastic presents, including a real emerald ring for his little Princess Em.
    Unfortunately, he’s got another surprise in store – he’s leaving them. Will Dad’s well-meaning but chaotic attempts to keep seeing Em and the other children help the family come to terms with this new crisis? Or would they be better off with a clean break – just like Em’s arm?
    Deals with: rejection, absence, step-parents
    It’s not the end of the world by Judy Blume
    Karen’s parents have always argued, and lately, they’ve been getting worse. But when her father announces that they’re going to get divorced, it seems as if Karen’s whole world will fall apart. Her brother, Jeff, blames their mum. Her kid sister, Amy, asks impossible questions and is scared that everyone she loves is going to leave. Karen just wants her parents to get back together. Gradually, she learns that this isn’t going to happen – and realizes that divorce is not the end of the world.
    Deals with: family conflict and separation
    Books for younger children (recommended 3-8 yrs)
    Mum and Dad Glue by Kes Gray
    A little boy tries to find a pot of parent glue to stick his mum and dad back together. His parents have come undone and he wants to mend their marriage, stick their smiles back on and make them better. This rhyming story is brilliantly told with a powerful message that even though his parents may be broken, their love for him is not.
    Deals with: coming to terms with parents’ separation
    Where Did You Go Today? By Jenny Duke
    A little girl goes to the park with her dad and has a fantastic time climbing, swinging and sliding: the play transports her to imaginary locations, like sliding down a snowy mountain, sailing on a roundabout ship out to sea and racing on a camel in the desert while bouncing on her ride-on playground animal. Finally, it’s time for dad to take her home and say a cheerful goodbye to her and mum.
    Deals with: paternal separation
    The Family Fairies by Rosemary Lucas
    Rosemary’s primary aim was to provide the foundations for other adoptive families to help explain their own remarkable journeys… storytelling to help children understand that families come together in different ways.
    Deals with: the adoption process

    The Invisible String offers a very simple and reassuring approach to overcoming loneliness, separation, or loss with an imaginative twist that children easily understand.
    Deals with: separation anxiety, reassurance
    Two Homes by Claire Masurel
    In this award-winning picture book classic about divorce, Alex has two homes – a home where Daddy lives and a home where Mummy lives. Alex has two front doors, two bedrooms and two very different favourite chairs. He has a toothbrush at Mummy’s and a toothbrush at Daddy’s. But whether Alex is with Mummy or Daddy, one thing stays the same: Alex is loved by them both – always. This gently reassuring story focuses on what is gained rather than what is lost when parents divorce, while the sensitive illustrations, depicting two unique homes in all their small details, firmly establish Alex’s place in both of them. Two Homes will help children – and parents – embrace even the most difficult of changes with an open and optimistic heart.
    Deals with: parents’ separation, moving between two homes
    The Great Big Book of Families by Mary Hoffman
    What is a family? Once, it was said to be a father, mother, boy, girl, cat and dog living in a house with a garden. But as times have changed, families have changed too, and now there are almost as many kinds of families as colours of the rainbow – from a mum and dad or single parent to two mums or two dads, from a mixed-race family to children with different mums and dads, to families with a disabled member. This is a fresh, optimistic look through children’s eyes at today’s wide variety of family life: from homes, food, ways of celebrating, schools and holidays to getting around, jobs and housework, from extended families, languages and hobbies to pets and family trees.
    Deals with: change in family dynamics, non-traditional families

    Mum and Dad don’t live together any more. so sometimes this little girl lives with her mum and her cat. and sometimes she lives with her dad. She has two bedrooms and two sets of toys. but she takes her favourite toys with her wherever she goes.
    Deals with: parents’ separation, moving between two homes
    Books for very young children (2+)
    I’ll never let you go by Smriti Prasadam-Halls
    When you aren’t sure, you’ll feel me near,When you are scared, I will be here.When you are high, when you are low,I’ll be holding your hand and I’ll never let go.
    A tender and heartfelt picture book. With reassuring words offering a message of unconditional love, and illustrations bursting with exuberance, warmth and humour.
    Deals with: comfort and reassurance
    Living with mum and living with dad: my two homes
    Mum and Dad don’t live together any more, so sometimes this little girl lives with her mum and her cat, and sometimes she lives with her dad. She has two bedrooms and two sets of toys, but she takes her favourite toys with her wherever she goes. This simple, warm, lift-the-flap book with bold and colourful illustrations is a reassuring representation of separation for the youngest children. Melanie Walsh is sympathetically alive to the changes in routine that are familiar to many children who live with separate parents and are loved by both.
    Deals with: moving between homes, changes to routine
    The Family Book by Todd Parr
    Some families have two moms or two dads. Some families have one parent instead of two. Some families live in a house by themselves. Some families share a house with other families. All families can help each other be strong!
    The Family Book celebrates families and all the different varieties they come in. Whether they’re big or small, look alike or different, have a single parent or two, Todd Parr assures readers that every family is special in its own unique way.
    Deals with: looking at different kinds of families
    Guess how much I love you by Sam McBratney
    Sometimes, when you love someone very, very much, you want to find a way of describing how much you treasure them. But, as Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare discover, love is not always an easy thing to measure. The story of Little and Big Nutbrown Hares’ efforts to express their love for each other.
    Deals with: comfort and reassurance
    Useful links:
    The Book Trust: Best children’s books to help talk about divorce and separation
    Get in touch
    If you need support and advice on getting a divorce, please do get in touch with our Client Care Team at the details below or make an online enquiry More

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    in Parenting

    Parent Chat Videos: Online Parenting Classes For Elevated Results

    So often I have heard people say, too bad parenting doesn’t come with a handbook. While that is true, there are lots of great resources to help you wade through the sometimes murky waters of parenting. I have recently found one such positive parenting resource that really stands out, the sponsor of this post- Parent Chat Videos. If reading is not your thing or you just want to learn more, you will love these wonderful parenting videos that promote Mindful Parenting. The online parenting classes all feature Celeste Gonsalves. She is very personable and has a wonderful way of helping parents connect with children and improve relationships with her elevated parenting tips.

    About Parent Chat Videos

    Parent Chat Videos is a library of online parenting courses created by Celeste Gonsalves. She is a Hawaii native with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Family Resources. She also has a Master of Science Degree in Organizational Leadership.

    Celeste Gonsalves created Parent Chat Videos as a way of sharing positive parenting classes. She is a mother and the author of Teen Wise, a book set that helps guide pre-teens and teenagers to make wise choices. She is an expert on ideas and solutions for mindful parenting that offer better experiences for adults, children and teens.

    Parenting Mindset Shift

    You may have stumbled across this humorous statement before, “If parenthood came with a GPS, it would mostly say ‘recalculating.’”

    Well, that is the idea here. Parent Chat Videos will help you with recalculating by creating a mindset shift so you can employ parenting methods that will produce better results for you and your children. We are talking about making simple changes to achieve new elevated outcomes. 

    Whether you want to call it respectful parenting, elevated parenting, mindful parenting, or positive parenting, you will love her online classes. All of her parenting concepts, approaches, and goals will help you connect and improve communication with your child for better results.

    Parent Chat Videos contains 13 courses covering a variety of topics, along with practical tips in each video that you can implement immediately! Sign up for your free 10 day trial (no credit card needed) at parentchatvideos.podia.com

    Mindful Online Parenting Classes

    Parent Chat Videos currently offers 13 Parenting Courses with 39 video parenting classes and fresh content is added on a regular basis. From baby focused parenting courses to teen focused parenting classes, there are lots of resources for all stages of parenting. She can help you harness the power of positive parenting for children of all ages.

    Celeste Gonsalves believes that we can all make small changes to modify our parenting. She helps you understand your child’s point of view so you can make decisions to better protecting the integrity of your relationships. She helps you understand where they are and how to reach them. Her proven techniques will help you avoid frustrations and reach your desired outcome.

    The online parenting classes cover many different parenting topics. What I really love about these parenting videos is that Celeste Gonsalves is really great about having a clear actionable focus for each video. So she is not talking about esoteric ideas and principles of parenting. She is providing parenting solutions for real problems we all face as parents. She also shares her own real life examples so you can see how these mindful parenting approaches actually work as well as when and how to use them.

    After just one short video, you will probably find yourself a more confident parent already. It is nice to have someone in your corner helping you build effective parenting skills.

    Parenting Goals

    I love how each Parent Chat video has a clear parenting goal. Each online parent class is designed so you can improve parenting situations and fix problems.

    One of my favorite parent classes “Get Your Child or Teen to Talk.” These are both such prevalent problems that almost all parents encounter. Celeste she does such a fantastic job sharing a story and illustrating practical solutions.

    Personal Experience

    Both of my children are teens. I feel myself groping around for questions that will get them to talk. I want them to really open up and share stories and feelings, instead of one word answers. In “Get Your Child or Teen to Talk”, Celeste reminded me of my child’s point of view upon getting in the car after a long day at school. She also clearly understood my point of view as the parent. I appreciated that she knows our battery of questions is our attempt to connect. I also appreciated the reminder that the kiddos may be tired and feel overwhelmed by too many questions, too fast.

    This weekend we did some fun crafting as the video suggested. She had pointed out in the video that if you can get your child engaged in a creative activity, they can relax and open up to listening and sharing more easily. She also suggested opening up and sharing a story to get the ball rolling. Naturally, my kids responded to my story sharing their opinions and questions on the situation. And pretty soon they were sharing their own stories. I found it be much easier to get them chatting about things that were going on at school and books that they were reading with this method. It is so nice to hear their opinions on things. I also know it is an important way to maintain positive relationship where information flows freely.

    Parenting Goal- Connect With Kids While Crafting. My teenage daughter with her battery powered pipe cleaner glow rings!

    A few more examples of online parenting classes I loved:

    Teen’s First Love AND HeartbreakB.O.U.N.C.E coping skill to deal with negative influencesInstant Happy ChildManaging Screen Time

    Parenting Support Group

    Another cool part about Parent Chat Videos besides the videos themselves is that there is a community. This means you have access to online chats for open discussions. You can ask your own parenting questions and get specific help. It is like having a parenting support group that will help you along.

    You will also be able to join the fun of entering the weekly Video Scavenger Hunt contest. All prizes are created and/or designed by authentic Hawaii Entrepreneurs and are worth at least $200.00!

    Sign Up Now For A Free Trial

    Visit Parent Chat Videos and sign up for a FREE 10-Day Trial and get instant access (don’t worry, no credit card is required). 

    Become a Parent Chat Vidoes member and use Coupon Code: FFB20  to get $20.00* off the PCV Monthly Membership Fee!

    Whether you are a married couple or a single parent, we all have busy schedules. Each online course can be completed at your own pace. New parents and experienced parents alike will find this parent education for creating healthy relationships. You can be a peaceful parent and with happy kids and still use positive discipline in an effective way.

    Surprise your children with this unconventional, mindful parenting approach that fosters mutual respect and reduces power struggles. It will help you with personal growth and improve family relationships. You’ll be amazed with the positive outcomes.

    Would you like to be a better parent? Are you looking for home parenting solutions? I think this positive parenting system can help. I hope you enjoy the Parent Chat Videos online parenting classes as much as I do! Let me know some of your favorites! More

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    in Family Law

    Keith Nelson Talks Courtroom Frustrations in Divorce Cases with D Magazine

    ONDA partner Keith Nelson is extensively quoted in this year’s Family Law issue of D Magazine. In “Mediate or Litigate?” he discusses factors that may convince spouses to steer their divorce away from the courtroom.
    “An increasing concern in family law courts is the strict time limits imposed by some judges,” Keith said. “Many have a template where each side may only be allowed 20 minutes at a temporary hearing to prove a major issue, like why our client should be awarded custody. We may have mental health professionals, special facts witnesses, and the parents themselves ready to testify, but there is no way to adequately present all of this to a judge in such a short time. Then, in some courts, even in complex family law litigation, each side may only be allowed two to three hours to present their case during final trial. This can be very challenging, and often impossible, in high-conflict cases that have a lot special issues to consider. The result is often that the court’s ruling doesn’t mirror the facts.”
    Later, Keith cautions that there remain issues which can hinder a successful mediation:
    “While the vast majority of family law cases ultimately settle at mediation, the timing of mediation can be a critical factor in whether the case settles or not,” Keith said. “If a case is mediated too quickly before the facts are sufficiently developed, then one side or the other may feel they have an edge. Conversely, if a case is sent to mediation too late, such as on the eve of trial, one or both parties may feel they have invested so much time and money by that point that they become entrenched and decide they might as well go to court. Both of those scenarios can increase the odds for a failed mediation.”
    Despite these issues, however, Keith says circumstances are such that many prefer going the mediation route and resolving their divorce as quickly as possible.
    “Some divorcing couples with complex issues that require the court’s attention are throwing up their hands in frustration because it can be too difficult to move the ball and get a case to court. Mediation is an increasingly popular choice for couples who want a more expedient path to final resolution.”
    The Family Law issue of D Magazine is on sale and can be purchased now. More

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    in Children

    Making arrangements for children during Christmas

    Child arrangements during Christmas
    After the past two years, time with loved ones has never felt so important, but for separated parents Christmas can be a time of tension, as plans need to be agreed about where and how children will spend the festive season. So how do you agree on arrangements for children during Christmas?
    We asked our Regional Director for Yorkshire, Rachel Roberts, to share her advice on child arrangements during Christmas.
    Child arrangements and Christmas
    As we approach Christmas, we see a flurry of clients getting in touch for help to try and resolve arrangements for the festive season. 
    Before I turn to my tips on how best to manage arrangements, there are a couple of key points from the Government and family law sector that are certainly at the forefront of my mind when advising clients.
    Last year, a leading family judge made it clear that parties should only be bringing disputes over children to court where absolutely necessary. The judge went on to criticise parents for asking the court to micro-manage children arrangements. The view from the court is clear – where possible you should be sorting these things out yourself.
    The Government have said that further lockdowns are unlikely and have been clear that restrictions do not prevent children from moving between separated parents, provided they are not self-isolating. 
    It seems unlikely that this will change, and CAFCASS (the government body that advises the court on children disputes) has stressed the need for children to maintain their usual routine.
    All that said, it is naive to think that difficulties will not arise, and the following guidance may help avoid unhappiness at Christmas.
    Tips for making child arrangements during Christmas 
    Preparation is key
    With the added uncertainty of another Christmas during the pandemic, trying to put in place arrangements for Christmas in advance is tricky.
    If you do not have plans in place, now is the time to start. Talk to your ex-partner and agree on arrangements that work for you all.
    Some clients I have worked with agreed that the children would spend Christmas Eve at one home and then return to the other for lunch on Christmas Day.
    Other clients decided that they would spend the whole festive period with one parent and the next year spend it with the other, alternating between the two.
    It is a personal choice based on what works for your family, but also the age of the children, location and how amicable you are.
    Be prepared to be flexible as plans may need to change. 
    Focus on the children 
    First and foremost, put the children at the heart of the plans you make. A different type of Christmas can still be a good Christmas. Talk about the positive: two Christmas Days, two sets of presents etc.
    Make sure you share your plans with the children. Depending on the age of the children, ask them what they would like? Older children need to feel they have a voice. 
    Once in place, sharing plans with the children means they know where they will be throughout the holiday, and the routine will make them feel safe and secure.
    Creating a visual plan can help as dates can be difficult for a child to understand. One client created a Christmas themed wall planner for their younger children. A tech-savvy teenager may prefer a joint Google calendar.
    Be fair to the other parent
    If this is your first year as a separated parent, this will all feel very raw and difficult. It is likely that you will both be dreading not spending Christmas entirely with your children. 
    Even though it can be difficult, try to think about the impact of any plans on your former partner. Ask yourself if you would be happy with the proposed arrangements next year? If the answer is no, then maybe they should be reconsidered. 
    Stick to the plan
    This year may require a certain level of flexibility, but where possible, it is important that, whatever arrangements you come to, you both stick to the plan. 
    Last-minute changes can cause feelings of disruption and uncertainty for children. And, whilst flexibility is an essential part of positive child arrangements, it is important to maintain consistency and provide stability.
    Get advice early, if needed
    Christmas is chaotic and organising a co-parenting schedule on top of everything else is never going to be easy, especially if communication between you and your ex-partner is difficult. 
    If you are struggling this year, take advice from a family lawyer who can try to assist in negotiating an agreement. 
    If you cannot reach an agreement, mediation can help as the presence of a 3rd party often eases tensions and result in finding common ground. 
    Mediation is still taking place via video conferencing, and many of our clients have reported that it is easier than being in the same room as their former partner.
    Court proceedings are possible but should be used as a last resort, and, due to the current strain on courts from the pandemic, it is highly unlikely that you have any prospect of a contested hearing before Christmas. 
    Hopefully, these tips, combined with some careful planning, compromise and putting the children first,  will help you and your ex-partner move forward towards a harmonious Christmas.
    Get in touch 
    If you would like any advice on child arrangements during Christmas, or other family law issues, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist divorce lawyers here. 
    This article was first published in 2018 and has since been updated.  More

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    in Parenting

    Parenting Teen Boys- 10 Things You Should Know

    The teen years can be a bit challenging for any parent. There is always a push and pull as your child is starting to assert their independence, sometimes through inappropriate, dangerous ways. While teenage boys still very much need your attention, parenting advice and rules, they probably won’t act like they want it. Parenting teen boys has its own special set of challenges.

    As teenagers, boys often start to close up and stop talking to you the way they used to. They are testing things out to see how they work and the response they get. Teens can sometimes be in a rush to try and do new things. They’re starting to find their way in the world and naturally, they will often mimic behaviors they have seen. Some of this exploration is great and some of it may not be so great. The lessons they are learning will help shape them into the good men they will one day be, even if they don’t quite know what that means yet.

    Parents are often left trying to figure out what they need to do to reach their teen sons. Teen Boys need to given an outlet to explore and grow in healthy ways. They should also be encouraged to get plenty of healthy exercise as a way to release stress and handle the extra testosterone that their teen bodies are not entirely used to yet. It is important for teenage boys to have clear boundaries. They also need to know they can come to you to talk about important issues or questions without being shamed.

    These tips for parenting teen boys will help you stay close to them even as they start to become independent.

    10 Tips For Raising A Teenage Son

    Provide Action Oriented Feedback

    According to Dr. Robin Alter, when parenting boys, “we must be more action oriented and less verbal.” He argues that boys tend to respect action more than just words. As parents, we can keep this in mind by demonstrating our own positive examples of the behavior we wish to see.

    We can also use a more action oriented approach­ in asking for the behaviors we want that will demonstrate the quality we wish to see. For example, “Show me by your actions that you are sorry,” instead of a critical, “You are so irresponsible” without instructions for action to achieve being responsible.

    In general, while parenting teen boys, remember you are trying to build them up. You want to show teens the ideals they should aspire to achieve. Don’t shout at, nag, or shame teenage boys. Instead, set clear expectations and offer encouragement. Have rules and do enforce the rules with reasonable consequences. Help them realize they can do better and they can show you that with how they handle the same situation next time.

    Remove Entitlement

    We often give our kids things because we think it’ll make them happy and make them love us more. In reality, it just creates a sense of entitlement and sometimes it even results in low self-esteem because they aren’t working to achieve things themselves. Instead, set boundaries for teens and make them work for what they want. Encourage them to get a part-time job to help pay for the car they want. They should do chores to help out around the house and be part of your family “team.” Working to earn money or even privileges teaches teenagers to have respect and responsibility for what they have.

    Teach Empathy

    Empathy is one of the core values that seems to be in short supply in our world these days. Teach teen boys that they don’t need to experience someone else’s pain in order to relate and understand. Discuss current events and local news stories. Ask them how these stories make them feel. Model good behavior and explain your feelings towards these same situations. Notice when they do nice things like pick up trash they didn’t drop or hold the door open. Commend them when they do things right so they know that their actions are noticed and appreciated. Tell them when they do a good job.

    Don’t Look for Instant Compliance

    Your teenage son is starting to have a life of his own and do things that are just as important to him as your activities are to you. It’s okay to ask him to do something for you, but don’t get upset when he doesn’t drop what he’s doing to comply instantly. Respect the fact that he needs a minute or two to finish what he’s doing. You can say something like, “when you finish texting your friend, please take the trash out.” Showing respect for them will help them to show more respect for you and others.

    Be Flexible

    It may be hard to accept, but your way may not always be the best way, and it is certainly not the only way. Shocking, I know! Sometimes, you have to let your child learn things for themselves. They may end up choosing your way as the best way in the end. However, let them try and fail and figure things out for themselves on small things. Learning that it is ok to fail and to always try again is an important life lesson. Be open to looking at things from a different viewpoint, hearing what your teenage son has to say, and trying to see their point of view. They might even have a better way, on occasion!

    Coping With Emotions And Aggressive Behavior

    All teenagers can be subject to mood swings as they are experiencing new feelings and subject to new hormonal levels. Boys in particular are experiencing higher levels of the testosterone hormone. While this is great for their physical changes it can cause behavioral differences.

    Studies show that “During human puberty, there is an approximate 30-fold increase in testosterone production in boys. This increase is often linked to changes in mood and behavior in adolescence such as aggression, an increase in risk taking, and depression.” It is important to know this is going on and is normal. However, that does not mean that negative behaviors (especially aggressive behaviors) should be overlooked. In fact, it means that we should take extra care to help boys express their emotions find healthy ways of coping with these emotions.

    Stanford research shows that “The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so.” Teens tend to process information in the amygdala with more emotional playing into their decisions. Parents ,as authority figures, are the most important role models in a child’s life. They can help by encouraging them and showing them how to think things through in a rational way. Stanford suggests, “Remind your teens that they’re resilient and competent. Because they’re so focused in the moment, adolescents have trouble seeing they can play a part in changing bad situations. It can help to remind them of times in the past they thought would be devastating, but turned out for the best.”

    Talk About The Pitfalls Before They Happen

    We all know that the teenage years have typical pitfalls such as peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, or running with the wrong crowds. It is important to talk about these things before they come up. They should know your expectations and have clear rules. They should understand the possible consequences of risky behaviors and poor decisions. There should be a clear understanding that you will take away privileges if they break rules.

    Talk To Them About Girls

    Adolescence is a time of change and undoubtedly, they will begin to pay more attention to girls than ever before. They need to understand how to treat teenage girls like ladies. They should understand the basics of behaving like a gentleman. Parents also need to have a dating and sex talk with their boys. Do not assume your teenage boys know everything until you tell them. Help them learn what healthy relationships look like. Talk about your expectations, discuss dangers of getting swept away, set limits, and answer their questions.

    Help Them Plan, But Don’t Do It For Them

    When parenting teen boys, it can seem like you need to run the show to make sure the right things happen. If your son seems lazy to you, remember that they are going through a lot of change. They need to be empowered to believe in themselves. Clinical psychologist Adam Price is the author of a helpful book that provides great strategies to reduce your involvement while encouraging theirs.

    Yes, this is a big time for teenage boys. The high school years are important years and they will begin to think about colleges and career paths. Help them with this process BUT respect that they need to be in charge. This is your son’s life and they need to be able to be an active participant, not just sitting in the passenger seat. As they become young adults, you need to be handing over the reins and watching to make sure they know how to use them!

    Just Listen and Notice Changes In Behavior

    Your son probably already knows many of your opinions on the world. Teens already know that you want them to pick up their dirty socks, and what’s expected of them in school. What they really need from you is someone that will just listen. Make time for them, whether it’s early in the morning as you’re having breakfast together, or late at night when the rest of the house is asleep. Take time to ask about them. Ask teen boys what they think about things, what they want for themselves, what might be upsetting them or making them happy. Create a safe space for them to feel heard and understood.

    And while you are listening you are making them feel heard and important. You are showing them you care. You are teaching them how to be good listeners. Furthermore, you are also creating a good baseline on their feeling and way of communicating. If there are sudden changes in behavior, you are more likely to notice them. You can ask about how things are going and make sure they know they can talk to you about anything.

    Parenting Tips For Teenage Boys Conclusion

    My best advice is to make sure you are spending quality time with your teen boys. This sets the stage for close relationships with open discussion. These are your last years with your son in your house. Cherish them. Take the opportunity to impart important life lessons as they come up. This is a good time for parents of teens to stay involved in their son’s everyday life. Yes, they are forming their own identity but they still need your guidance and support during this often stressful time.

    Parenting teen boys can be a challenge. However if you keep the lines of communication open and you show them the same respect you want them to show you, it will become easier on both of you. They need to be encouraged not discouraged. It will make for a better relationship and the entire family will stay stronger and more resilient.

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    10 Signs Your Son Is Growing Up Too Fast! More

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    in Children

    5 Tips for Parallel Parenting

    Parallel parenting is a method used by divorced or separated parents who wish to continue to parent their children in parallel, whilst agreeing to limit contact and interaction with each other. This technique is particularly helpful in divorces that involve domestic abuse, high-conflict, or where communication is extremely difficult.
    Luisa Williams from My Family Psychologist explains more.
    5 Tips for Parallel Parenting

    Rebuilding your life when a relationship ends and healing from any emotional trauma you’ve experienced is difficult enough. Even when you’re ex was abusive, sometimes it’s impossible to cut ties for the sake of your child.  
    What is parallel parenting?
    Whilst co-parenting works by cooperation and continued communication, for some it gives your ex-partner the opportunity to continue to mistreat you. Instead, parallel parenting increases safety in challenging relationships by deliberately keeping communication to a bare minimum. 
    While major decisions can be agreed upon together, each parent adapts their parenting method when the child is in their care. It allows you to distance yourself from your ex without depriving your child of a parent and sets clear boundaries that prevent further abuse or conflict.
    The aim is to facilitate emotional healing from the relationship while prioritising your child’s needs and protecting them from conflict.  
    To give you the best start after divorce, here’s 5 tips for parallel parenting. 
    1. Create a parenting plan  
    It’s best to plan ahead to avoid disagreements. The more prepared you are and the more detailed the plan is, the less you’re likely to argue with your ex and the more minimal the contact is. Minimise stress for your child and ensure your safety by agreeing as much as you can in advance, including: 

    Agreeing timing of visits, including dates and start and end times, in writing.
    Establish how to handle cancellations, and when and how they should be communicated.
    Consider how often the child will see each parent?
    Who will attend your child’s functions or doctor visits?
    Agree who will drop them off and pick them up?
    Plan ahead to decide where your child will spend their holidays and birthdays?
    Choose a neutral location or even ask a family member or a trusted friend to pick your child for you.
    Set out financial responsibilities, and dos and don’ts.
    You can figure out logistics using email or another form of communication that doesn’t involve meeting face to face.  

     2. Let yourself heal
    Ideally, after separating from an abusive ex-partner, you’d cut contact and never see them again.  But when there are children involved, this is not always possible to eliminate them from your life completely. When some form of contact must remain, prioritise fulfilling your needs as well as supporting your child. Incorporate self-care into your routine to reduce stress and reconnect with your self. The best way to deal with the situation is by moving forward, so when you’re ready to, concentrate on your long-term goals. Focus on building resilience and reintroducing happiness to your life.  
     3. Accept the current situation
    Parallel parenting, and maintaining some contact with an abusive or difficult ex-partner after you’ve chosen to divorce, can be very challenging. It’s natural to struggle with negative emotions such as guilt, regret, shame and anger, and feeling as though things aren’t fair. You may find it hard to accept that your ex is still a parent to your child. Try to practice acceptance. Things are the way they are and all you can do is make the best out of the situation. Focus your energy on parenting your child and providing them with all the love and support they need. 
    4. Keep communication to the minimum
    Only communicate with your ex when it’s necessary. Agree to contact them via email or use a parenting app, and document every interaction. Keep your communication impersonal and matter of fact, discussing only topics that relate to your child and sharing no personal information or detail. Try not to let your ex provoke you or use your child as a messenger. It can be difficult not to ruminate on the relationship whenever an email pops up or whenever your child is spending time with them. Try to distance yourself and treat interaction with your ex as a business that’s necessary to keep your child happy.  
     5. Appoint a mediator
    If there’s a lot of resentment between you and your ex, or your safety might be compromised, it’s a good idea to appoint a professional mediator. Mediation helps divorced parents to align their intentions and focus on their shared priority, the child. With the help of mediation, divorced parents can make well-informed decisions, reduce conflict, and set out an effective and mutually beneficial plan for all members of the family.
    Parallel parenting can be challenging and confusing, and the details of an arrangement will depend on the individual situation. Consider getting advice from a professional.
    If you need help and support with parallel parenting you can contact My Family Psychologist, who offer specialised counselling services for adults, couples, and children as well as mediation services.
    Family Law Advice
    If you are in an abusive or high-conflict relationship and would like advice on your legal situation, please do contact our Client Care Team to speak to one of our specialist lawyers. More